Can you tell someone is an only child?

[AllAloneInThisHouse]

I’ve had few times people say to me ”Oh, that males sense!” after they found oit I’m an only child.
What does that mean?

Also, why is there stereotype that only children are selfish and don’t care about others?
I’ve never seen correlation between selfishness and being an only child.
Plenty of people that have siblings has been selfish.

While j wouldn’t say only children are selfish it’s been proven scientifically that birth order etc affects personality.

A scientist once studied a room full of people interacting and then guessed their birth order getting 80-90 % correct. So yes if you know what to look for it can be obvious if your an only child / middle child etc.

Im not sure I would find this offensive, I find it really interesting and fascinating.

It's not really analogous to star signs because star signs are unscientific bs whereas birth order has been shown scientifically to have effects - of course it's not as simple and deterministic as only child = x, oldest child = y etc., rather it's only children are on average more x. Parenting style, sibling ages and sexes and the differences in the way parents treat different siblings as well as outside influences and the child's genetics all add up to create the individual and can either reinforce that e.g. the only child is more x, or counteract it.

Meeting the family of a child or adult - with everything that encompasses in showing the family relationships/ dynamics can definitely be enlightening in understanding an individual though. And people probably just simplify that to focus on that one element, even though in reality it could mean any number of things depending on those other factors.

People just like to make sweeping assumptions and think they’re right. My husband is an only child and is the least selfish person I’ve ever met. But he’s had comments about his ‘only’ status many a time.

I find that the people who say things like that are the same sort of people who would tell me “oh it’s DEFINITELY a boy! I can tell by the way you’re carrying” when I was pregnant. Which was absolute bollocks, because I was pregnant with girls. Every time. They never had much to say after the actual births, when they were proved wrong 😁

Some people just feel the need to comment on every aspect of other peoples lives, even when their comments are ignorant or complete bullshit. I find it best to just smile and ignore.

A few different childcare settings people had commented my DD being an only child, but she's got a younger brother. It was because she played happily by herself and often took herself off. She's 13 now and in the process of assessment for autism, so things slipping into place

The only, only child in our neighbourhood is constantly at our house ...so yes I can tell as he craves company.

It's rude, offensive and in my opinion/experience is an inaccurate generalisation when selfishness is implied. I do however think that the childhood experience of an only can be very different from that of someone growing up as a sibling.

My DH is effectively an only and yes it does show in many respects.

This.

I’m sure it’s very possible to tell if someone has siblings or not, but not for any of the offensive reasons usually given (and probably not by the people who usually say this sort of shit). I see my children play together (and fight together) every day and it’s clear to me that it will have so much impact on who they are as people and their personality. Their interaction is an enormous part of their life and their development. The lack of it would also be/would change their personal dynamic. The same as I’m sure when my 3rd is here it will shape and mould my 2nd to be someone else than he would have been had he remained the youngest. It’s the same as being in a single parent family (which I was) making a difference. I don’t think any of the above is remotely offensive.

the selfish comments etc are obviously stupid and offensive.

Only child of a single parent ? What about that then.

My nephew aged 11 is an only and he’s the kindest boy. He’s not a fan of sharing but he is thoughtful of others before himself.

Absolutely nothing.
It was just random chit-chat and she was talking about her sibling and then asked was ’it like that with my siblings’ and once I told I’m an only child she just went something like ’should have guest you don’t have siblings, makes sense now’.

And other time, I was actually handing over a granola bar to someone, and just randomly she how terrible only children are with sharing.
😵‍💫
Yes, in the moment I was sharing, I was told how terrible only child’s are with sharing.
And no, she didn’t say it in a jokey kind of way, her tone was serious.

I think occasionally you can tell, but it is occasionally.

I was at a family Christening, hundreds of miles from where most of the family live and my cousin's little boy was obviously confused by the presents. He just had not been anywhere with presents that were not for him.

He was only about 3 or maybe 4 and the only 'little one' in the family until the new baby arrived.

That sounds completely different from stereotypes and sweeping assumptions though. My dd is an only. She is kind and caring of her friends, shares her things and would have greatly benefited from having a sibling as she doesn’t like to spend time alone. Partly genetics come into play and partly socialisation. I tried hard to give her a lot of time with her peers, which resulted in her having a semi sibling relationship with another child as a tot. As a result, she is a lot better socialised than I ever was and I have a golden child older sibling.

Ffs - l much prefer to go on a small family holiday and l am the youngest of 2. People say such stupid things sometimes!

I agree with this, DH is far more possessive about “his” stuff than I am because his brother was always stealing it as a child. I have no siblings and am generally really relaxed about people using my things, because I have no sibling related trauma about it.

Lol being an introvert is an only child trait now? My mums one of 3 and hates large groups, my dads an only child and is extroverted. I’m an only child who’s introverted and dislikes groups. It has nothing to do with large families.

The only children I know as adults are lovely people. I would say that they are all had more mature interests from an earlier age and are all into music, culture and art to a higher degree than average. It could be by chance, but I have wondered if it is because they had more one to one adult conversation growing up and may have gone on more city break type holidays whereas larger families might be more likely to opt for children-orientated holidays more often. Also, perhaps on average, only children have older parents.

It's all guesswork obviously and I would never jump to these conclusions when meeting an only child!

Being an only child is a 'privilege' - there are studies to show only children do better academically, etc. I have three now but due to secondary infertility there is a big gap between one and two... the firstborn was very much the best at sharing and also playing with other children. Ultimately, if he wanted to play with others in the playground he had to seek them out and make friends, and this helped his confidence immensely.

People used to say this to me a lot. Of course, their psychic powers only worked up to a point. They “knew” I was an only child but they didn’t seem to “know” that my sibling had died when I was a child. 🤷‍♀️

I'm an only and find people are surprised when they find out. I am also the child of a struggling working single parent which meant time and money were short though, so perhaps that's what makes the difference? My DM wasn't in a position to overindulge me even if she wanted to. I'm sure those who know me best would see 'only child' traits in me though, and it certainly made me crap at both being a child and hanging out with children now (I was rarely around other children out of school). As a result, I am very happy in my own company and good at entertaining myself. I don't 'need' other people.

BUT, aren't we all products of our upbringing with both the positives and negatives attached to it? It isn't unique to onlys. DH for instance is 1 of 4, and still bolts his food down like it will be taken from him at any moment. If I open a packet of biscuits, I have to hide them as he'll return and eat the lot before you've finished your first. It is ingrained in him that you must eat things immediately or you get none, so he unthinkingly always gets in there first and quickly - it has caused many rows over the years! He is also weird about gifts. His upbringing was poor too, but whereas my DM would save for months for Xmas/bdays, his parents were really tight and didn't see the value in thoughtful gifts. DH is actually very generous with what he buys others, but for the first 10yrs of our relationship he found accepting gifts very difficult. He has slowly come round, but with still some way to go and he still isn't great with the 'buy well, buy once/buy the best you can afford' mentality I was bought up with. My SIL has totally taken on her parent's financial tightness, and has been known to give free samples of everyday supermarket items as presents to family. Their kids always have the cheapest of everything, despite the family being comfortable.

I'm struggling with a very complicated work relationship at the moment and the other person is the fifth of eight children. I wonder how many people would guess that one. People love to spot patterns and yes there probably are some but mostly it's just prejudice.

These stereotypes are really just that. I remember a work colleague trying to diss another to me by saying 'you can tell he's an only child' so I said so am I. He then said 'you can tell he's a forces brat' so I said so am I. Everybody but everybody is different.

This.

Say if there was a hypothetical meeting about who gets what share of something -

Some with close in age siblings would tend to come to the table already compromising, as they've always had to knowingly compromise/barter and it's 'just how it is' to them.

Onlies tend to come in high and with their expectations and can be unsure why others become disgruntled when the instinct isn't to share the wealth.

My older brother (Mums first marriage) was in his 20s when Mum had us so grew up an only. His wife is one of 3. He drives her potty because her upbringing taught her sibling relationship boundaries/unwritten rules etc, that a lot of people use in spousal relationships too.

If kids don't have super close cousins or best friends with close sibling like bonds, or parents that can be friends too growing up, then they just don't learn these more subtle behaviours.

My son will likely always be an only. And if he's not, then the age gap will be too big for this sort of thing to have much of an impact. It makes me sad sometimes, but then I remember I really dislike my siblings most of the time 😁

In some ways- I did think only children act differently- there's a confidence to them in some ways- they are used to adult interaction as that's all they have at home. I find sometimes m, because she is still growing up, my daughter and a few of her friends find not rule following difficult- as they are quite used to that, compromising as has to happen with siblings, not so much. But I also don't think it makes any difference once they've grown up.