AIBU to think drinking every day is normal?

[BitBehind]

Just that really.

I grew up in a household where both parents drank every night. Always wine with dinner and then sometimes gin or whisky afterwards.

They were never smashed. But they definitely drank every day without fail and often a little wobbly before bed. I didn't think much of it.

Now I always have wine in the evening. Soon as the kids (toddlers) are in bed it's my routine to come down and have a glass of white wine in the quiet at last. And then maybe one more with dinner. And maybe one more after dinner. Small glass. 3 max. I never go out drinking anymore so that's it. I'm never drunk but also would find it hard to not have that glass at the end of the day

Is this normal? My partner says it's definitely not.

Drinking squash or coke with dinner.. Why is that weird? We have a jug of squash on the table with dinner.
The volume of wine is a bit worrying. But it sounds like it's your normal.

Why don't you stop it for 2 weeks. If you can't go 2 weeks or are counting down the days until the 2 weeks are up then you might have a problem.

If you don't feel that you have a problem after the 2 weeks why not cut down to just with your meals at the weekend? Your liver and kidneys will thank you.

I wouldnt say that is normal. I have a glass of wine or a gin on a Friday if I feel like a treat, or maybe if we have a curry one night in the week I may have a beer. I'll have a few if we go to the pub or are out with friends. More than a few then tbh, a night out I'll have a LOT, like 7 drinks. I drink a red wine with a sunday roast.

To me a drink is like a big slab of chocolate I suppose. Its nice to have but it would be wrong to have 3 family size bars of chocolate every night. Maybe I'll have one for a treat on a Friday, maybe out with friends ill have a few

@BitBehind

I'm intrigued by the people who only drink occasionally (like only on special occasions or holiday etc) - do you just not like wine very much or do you have iron strong discipline. Cooking a nice dinner with a glass of good wine is a real pleasure to me and I can't imagine doing it only at Christmas.

I think the fact you have at least some dependency means you're not thinking about alcohol in the same way as people without any dependency think.

It's not necessary to have "iron strong discipline" to not have a drink if it doesn't enter your head in the first place.

A lot of people only drink when they go out, for example. Or only when something makes them think to have a drink (if that makes sense).

I rarely drink. I don't particularly like the taste of most alcohol. I definitely don't like wine. I love a fruity cider but only ever if I'm out and even then not all the time.
I'm probably abnormal compared to most of my friends/ family who do like to drink. But none of them (as far as I'm aware) are drinking every single night.
I could quite easily be tee total for the rest of my life and it wouldn't affect me in any way.

My parents were always the same and to an extent still are, although I'd say drink less now than they did when they were younger. I always thought it was "normal" as well, but realised as I got older it's not really! Ive never seen my parents drunk in all my life (mid 30s) so I don't think they were ever drinking excessive amounts.

Day to day I don't drink. I'll have a glass of 2 of something around the Christmas period or a family get together/wedding, a nice meal on holiday or something like that. I love wine and enjoy drinking it, especially good quality, but definitely don't feel the need or want to drink everyday.

Very normal, but unfortunately not very good for you. Lots of people do it , IMHO. it has become normalised in society,this country’s economy seems to rely on people drinking too much.

I'm intrigued by the people who only drink occasionally (like only on special occasions or holiday etc) - do you just not like wine very much or do you have iron strong discipline.

I love wine and would happily drink every night, but sooner or later excessive drinking will catch up with you, whether you start drinking more and more or the hangovers get worse or it affects your mental health etc etc. I just trained myself into a new habit, so my default now is not to have a glass of wine, rather than my old habit of pouting a glass every night as I made dinner. Got a new habit (lime and soda) and broke the association between the evening starting and having a drink.

I'm never drunk but also would find it hard to not have that glass at the end of the day

It's not one glass. It's 3. And no, it's not normal.

Pretty normal for me op. I probably have on average one night off a week - if I'm driving on an evening/doing something that doesn't allow me to drink/eating something that I don't feel wine would go well with (curry, fish and chips for example).

But normally I really really like a glass or two of wine with my evening meal. It makes it more of an occasion and probably makes me eat more healthily. If I thought I couldn't have that, I probably would just have some soup or toast. This evening I've had a homemade quiche with a beautiful array of fresh veg and herbs (some grown myself) - and 2 glasses of red wine.

I know how much comes out of a bottle and reckon my 2 glasses equate to 1/3 each day. That's 2 bottles a week or 20 units a week. Above the recommended limit for women. But guess what - I just don't care. I'm retired and my dcs are grown up. I'm more interested in enjoying life than having a long life.

I was doing this a year ago and struggling with pressure/ anxiety . I came home to pour a large glass of wine every evening, but put on weight, going to bed early as ‘sleepy’ and being a big groggy in the morning.
I cut down, I enjoy drinking alcohol and still have a drink 5 out of 7 days but it’s more like 12 -15 units a week now. I feel better for it.

There are plenty of people like you and me but I think you know you need to cut down a bit too OP.

I'm intrigued by the people who only drink occasionally (like only on special occasions or holiday etc) - do you just not like wine very much or do you have iron strong discipline

The latter, until I broke the back of it and just didn’t really want to drink anymore. I really enjoyed alcohol and I didn’t actually drink that much, definitely below 14 units a week. But if I had a drink say Thursday, Friday and Saturday night I’d be thinking about alcohol and wanting alcohol into the next week, which didn’t sit right with me. I’m not teetotal but we don’t keep it in the house now and, also owning a toddler, we don’t go out much, so I barely drink. At first it was a bit difficult but now it’s just the norm. I also have parents who used to drink every night and it really skewed my idea about what is normal with alcohol to be honest.

I guess that's why I used the word normal. Wine to me is part of my life, like enjoying good food or watching a film. Something I enjoy that I find relaxing. I would never see it as Christmas pudding or birthday cake or any other occasional/rare treat like that. But im really hearing that I need to change and seriously reduce.

I can see how it becomes routine. I’d say it’s definitely better than binge drinking 2 nights a week but still not ideal.

if I was you I’d try to reduce to 2 glasses max on weekdays this week. Then next week one glass. The following week try to steer clear Monday and Wednesday completely.

if you can do that you’d be in a much better spot IMO without it being too drastic

I have the same habit op, but no I don’t think it’s great and I want to stop. I have gone for long periods without drinking before and have never drank during pregnancies. I know I’m able to have a break but I’m in a shitty headspace and can’t seem to take action right now.

I'm intrigued by the people who only drink occasionally (like only on special occasions or holiday etc) - do you just not like wine very much or do you have iron strong discipline. Cooking a nice dinner with a glass of good wine is a real pleasure to me and I can't imagine doing it only at Christmas..

I like wine. I also like cake. But I realise that having either on a daily or very regular basis is bad for me, so I restrict them to "treat" occasions.

Drinking alcohol has become really normalised in the UK. Substitute "cigarettes" for "wine" in your sentence and see if you feel differently - and yet 50/60 years ago smoking for pleasure all the time was a normal thing for many people.

I thought it was normal in the UK to drink everyday (for people who drink). i don't drink alcohol at all, not even at the office christmas party (and people ask me why I am not drinking). I don't enjoy alcohol at all.

My DH drinks but he has only had 1 beer this week (at a pub) and thats only because he is trying to cut down.

DH has recently stopped drinking Monday-Wednesday. Could you try that and see how it goes? Having a few days off a week makes a big difference for your liver.

Wow, I am really surprised at these responses. It is totally normally in our household. Enjoy!

Does seeing responses that run contrary to what you think ever give you pause for thought? I mean, do you ever think uh-oh, maybe this isn't as good as I thought? I remember before I was diagnosed with depression, reading people's accounts of how they had been diagnosed, and the symptoms they had and thinking 'no, you haven't got depression, that's just how people think.' Then when I was diagnosed a few months later, the penny dropped. How I felt was normal for me at that time, but it didn't make it healthy or right.

I do wish I could go back 20 years and tell my dad that his drinking patterns weren't healthy, back at a point when he could have changed it. I can't do that, obviously. But every so often I put the brakes on my drinking, just to check they still work.

My parents were exactly the same as yours, a bottle of wine between them every single night and then maybe a whiskey/martini later on.
I absolutely hated it, both were never “drunk” but they were different as the evening progressed. I cant explain it but as a child and teenager I hated them drinking.

It’s no surprise that both my sister and I only drink very rarely, and I have never in my life drank alcohol on my own. (I’m in my 50s).

I’m glad you started this thread and have realised your habits are not “normal”.

🙋‍♀️I drink wine every day. Presently only 1-2 glasses as I'm breastfeeding. Lots of eople do but that doesn't make it a great idea. I'm aware I shoukd cut down for my own health

BitBehind · Today 20:02

I'm intrigued by the people who only drink occasionally (like only on special occasions or holiday etc) - do you just not like wine very much or do you have iron strong discipline. Cooking a nice dinner with a glass of good wine is a real pleasure to me and I can't imagine doing it only at Christmas

I just don't feel any need to drink except if it is a special occasion. I like wine and I enjoy wine but I don't have any desire to have it every day.

The problem with drinking is that you get a big spoke in dopamine. And then your body brings you down so you are in homeostasis. Then when the alcohol effects wear out you end up in a lower mood than you were in before you drank. Then you want another drink but because you're starting from further down, you don't get the same hit. And then another. Like any drug. And then once your brain gets used to you having a dopamine hit at 7pm, it preempts it by lowering your mood (because it knows you're going to get a spike) and therefore you start wanting it and feeling anxious if you don't have it.

That means that your whole life revolves around that 20 min dopamine hit. Everything else in your life is discoloured and less pleasurable.

Try the alcohol experiment. Even if you don't want to give up alcohol, or only for 30 days, what you learn is eye opening. Really really good. And not judgy or anything. Very positive.

I guess that's why I used the word normal. Wine to me is part of my life, like enjoying good food or watching a film. Something I enjoy that I find relaxing. I would never see it as Christmas pudding or birthday cake or any other occasional/rare treat like that. But im really hearing that I need to change and seriously reduce

Substitute the word wine in that paragraph for any other addictive, harmful drug and read it back. Alcohol is heavily marketed as an acceptable, aspirational, middle class way to spend your time and money and it’s really, really hard to escape that rhetoric. Especially when the stuff does actually taste quite nice.

My habits became similar to yours when kids were younger and I hated the fact that I struggled to not have a glass of wine in the evening. And I mostly just had one while making dinner, no more. I didn't have a d running problem, but I did feel my drinking was problematic. I sub for bubbly water, sometimes with some nice cordial in the evening most weeknights now. It's not the same but I prefer to feel like I can control my drinking tbh.

Would you drink to that extent if you are looking after the children on your own?