AIBU to think drinking every day is normal?

[BitBehind]

Just that really.

I grew up in a household where both parents drank every night. Always wine with dinner and then sometimes gin or whisky afterwards.

They were never smashed. But they definitely drank every day without fail and often a little wobbly before bed. I didn't think much of it.

Now I always have wine in the evening. Soon as the kids (toddlers) are in bed it's my routine to come down and have a glass of white wine in the quiet at last. And then maybe one more with dinner. And maybe one more after dinner. Small glass. 3 max. I never go out drinking anymore so that's it. I'm never drunk but also would find it hard to not have that glass at the end of the day

Is this normal? My partner says it's definitely not.

My DB was an alcoholic who died of liver damage aged 40. He was rarely noticeabley drunk and because his body was 'used to it' he rarely had a major hangover. It was the regular drinking of a few glasses of wine/ spirits and using it as the only way he felt able to cope with the stresses of life coupled with his inability to stop even when he knew the damage it was doing which killed him.

No, I would say this is excessive. I grew up in a house where my mother would drink 2-3 bottles of wine a night, then go to work in the morning. DH and I may share a bottle of wine on a Saturday night, but it's rare and we will have a few drinks maybe once or twice a month. I'd feel rough dropping our toddlers off and going to work at 7.30 the next day, if I was having 3 glasses of wine a night.

If its 3 small glasses , does that add up to about 1/2 a bottle of wine? I wouldn't say that was an abnormal amount . A lot drink more.
I drink 6 days per week, and have one day a week off. On the other days I might have 1 can of beer or half a bottle of wine. A bit more if its a Friday or meeting friends.
Sometimes I think I should cut down (mainly to help with weightloss) but overall I rarely feel rough on it, so carry on.

Not on Mumsnet! But in real life, yes, lots of people do this.

Yes absolutely normal in my family but then both my parents died of cancer in their 60s. Alcohol consumption - even moderate - contributes to a huge number of cancers, not just the obvious ones like liver cancer. I consciously have 4 alcohol free days a week purely for health reasons.

I enjoy wine, I enjoy beer. I could happily drink one or two every night but I don't as I know it is not healthy but also I don't miss it if I don't. If I don't drink I in no way miss it.

I rarely drink in the house, I don’t drink wine so vodka is a bit much in an evening with dinner occasionally a fruity cider in the garden but otherwise I just don’t, must be expensive too op. I think you’ll feel much better if you cut down and it’s good you’ve recognised you might drink too much.

Completely agree with your partner. Your parents set an unhealthy example to you and now you risk passing this on to your own children.

You are drinking more than twice what the NHS recommends is the maximum to avoid health problems.

People saying it’s fine, I do the same, doesn’t make it ok. It just means they are drinking too much as well.

I don't know anyone who drinks every day, and definitely not 3 glasses of wine a day.

exactly
it is also a very middle class problem, and easily deniable.

Dunno about normal, but it's definitely common!

Dp and I drink (2 or 3 bottles of lager each) every night, but I can't remember last time I got drunk, at least a year ago. Some people drink once a month but more than I do in two weeks 🤷🏻‍♀️I'm fine with it. Not very healthy, but could be a lot worse.

My DH did this for about a year during the pandemic to deal with the stress of it. Similar amounts to you, 2/3 glasses a night. During a routine checkup he discovered his liver was struggling (even though he had no symptoms). Now he has to stop drinking and get bloods done again in a years’ time.

The doctor said each one of us will react differently to the same amounts of alcohol. It might be a good idea to check your liver function to see how your body is reacting to it, then you’ll know if it’s too much.

I should add, I'm not a classic MN drinking who has half a sherry once a year. I definitely binge drink by the NHS guidelines if I do go out and drink, it's just that that's maybe once every couple of months. I don't know anyone for whom drinking daily and in the home is normalised - maybe a couple of nights a week, but not every day.

It being "normal" doesn't mean you're not an alcoholic.

Its a bit like the threads on here where people clamour to say being size 16+ is fine because it's "average".

I'm intrigued by the people who only drink occasionally (like only on special occasions or holiday etc) - do you just not like wine very much or do you have iron strong discipline. Cooking a nice dinner with a glass of good wine is a real pleasure to me and I can't imagine doing it only at Christmas.

But I take all the points about health and the fact it can increase and increase.

Someone asked about my pregnancies - totally alcohol free from the moment I got the positive test. Did drink a little during breastfeeding. I've been drinking like this for 18 months

As I say I used to go get pissed at the weekends and I never do now so I've probs been justifying it

Oh also someone asked if I don't drive anywhere...with toddlers I have no social life and they're in bed by 7pm so not much evening driving

A (small) glass or two every night is normal in my household. It's routine, like waking up and making coffee.

I drink everyday and it's not a problem aslong as your not getting drunk everyday or putting vodka on your cornflakes I don't see the issue

My parents were the same, first thing they did when they got in - make a g&t, every night and a Sunday would be a drink with lunch then a few more.
I barely drink, it's not that I dislike it, but u don't need it and it sounds like you do need it.
As for normal.... actually I think its normal for more non drinking days now.
I think if you drink every day, especially 3 glasses of wine then you need to look at how many units that equals (and be honest) then to go onto NHS to see what that means.

It suonds like this is nagging you and you are looking either for reassurance to carry on as you are, or impetus to change.

As others have pointed out your drinking is far in excess of the recommended limits and you are already alcohol dependant in the sense that you are dependant on what drinking is doing for you - the routine, the comfort, ability to relax. It's easy to justify the amount you drink. I've been a heavy drinker and am now a light drinker so I know the difference it makes to your perspective. Last year I changed from a drinking habit similar to yours to around a bottle over the weekend plus ocasional nights out (I'm a single parent so these are infrequent). The benefits are enormous and pretty much immediate. I realised straight away that I was enjoying the non drinking days more than the drinking days. I'm less anxious, I sleep better, I'm reading more and watching better TV and film. I'm setting a better example to my kids who won't grow up thinking it's normal to drink wine most days. Best of all I don't have that black shadow in my mind when you know you're doing something wrong but don't know how to face it.

BTW "continental" drinking is often mentioned in the context of daily drinking, especially among people my age (50 something). My SIL is from Southern Europe and a "continental" drinker - dinner is generally (though not every day) accompanied by a small glass for wine and a large glass for water, and the bottle is put away after dinner - quite different from opening the bottle before cooking and refilling it until it's empty.

Your normal, but it's not healthy. I think you know that.

I agree that whether or not it is 'normal' is a moot point, I was raised to have a glass or two of wine with dinner most nights and I still do. So that is my 'normal' - doesn't mean it's good for me but that's not the original question. Certainly in my circle it is very normal to have wine with the evening meal.

However I would never go 'out drinking' which for some people is a normal thing to do for a celebratory night out.

I'm intrigued by the people who only drink occasionally (like only on special occasions or holiday etc) - do you just not like wine very much or do you have iron strong discipline.

I do like wine quite a lot, but I don’t need “iron strong discipline” in order to not drink, because I don’t crave it. It’s not something I have to actively stay away from. It’s just something I only do occasionally. Similar to how I like Christmas pudding, but it doesn’t take any willpower at all to abstain from it in July.

www.drinkaware.co.uk/research/research-and-evaluation-reports/alcohol-consumption-uk

Some interest figures here about “normal” drinking.

If you are drinking about 500ml of wine a day (3 smallish glasses) that’s 6.5 units or about 45 a week. Only 3% of women drink over 35 units a week so it’s definitely not a normal way to drink- you drink a lot more than the average person.

Obviously lots of people drink like you do- I used to myself. But it’s not how most people drink at all.

Coming back to add some advice given by my DH doctor. DH is a heavy drinker. In the face of him refusing to give up, the dr prioritised two consecutive alcohol free days over reducing daily intake. Does that make sense? So rather than going from 3 to 2 drinks a day, have two completely alcohol free days. But don’t up your intake on the drinking days. If you’re open to advice; just thought I’d share in case of interest.

I'm no saint when it comes to alcohol, I drink too much and definitely binge, so I'm not a MN stereotype.

I think one glass of wine a day with dinner, that's pretty normal even if it's not the healthiest habit, but 3 drinks a day is severely pushing it. At the very least, you almost certainly will have fatty liver by now.