AIBU to think drinking every day is normal?

[BitBehind]

Just that really.

I grew up in a household where both parents drank every night. Always wine with dinner and then sometimes gin or whisky afterwards.

They were never smashed. But they definitely drank every day without fail and often a little wobbly before bed. I didn't think much of it.

Now I always have wine in the evening. Soon as the kids (toddlers) are in bed it's my routine to come down and have a glass of white wine in the quiet at last. And then maybe one more with dinner. And maybe one more after dinner. Small glass. 3 max. I never go out drinking anymore so that's it. I'm never drunk but also would find it hard to not have that glass at the end of the day

Is this normal? My partner says it's definitely not.

I think drinking 3 glasses of wine each day or not being able to go a day without booze is only normal for alcoholics, I say that having lived with one. 3 glasses is more than half a bottle.

I'd only drink every day over Christmas possibly. Normally only 2 nights a week for us.

There is absolutely huge variation about what is 'normal'. Many non-Conformist churches are anti-alcohol because they saw the huge problems caused by alcohol in terms of drinking away wages, domestic violence, child neglect.

In many other religions alcohol is either not drunk at all. Or is it's not part of household life. I suppose in the UK it used to be about going to the pub. Then supermarkets and off-licenses were easier to access and it was all about drinking at home, behind closed doors.

I think it's good not to be imprisoned by 'normal'. To think you can change and do things differently - especially if there are potential health risks.

I don't think it's normal but I would say most people I know do think it's normal.

Not normal to anyone I know except my dad and aunt and they are both self admitted alcoholics.

My mum has a glass with her dinner but not every day.

Definitely not normal. My DH grew up like this. Ended up borderline alcohol dependent and had to massively reassess his lifestyle and habits and what he wanted to pass onto his own children. He has at least 3-4 alcohol free days a week now and has cut back hugely even on the days he does have a drink. If you “need” a drink, that’s concerning and you should consider some help to cut down.

Non alcoholic drinks with dinner is normal.

Not being able to go an evening without several "small" glasses of wine may be normal to you but it isnt healthy at all.

Dont get me wrong, I love a glass (or 3) of wine, but I have made a decision to only drink at weekends and not during the week. I have alcohol free wine and beer if I get the urge for a glass midweek.

I drank every day for a while and it wasn't until I calculated the units I realised how much I was drinking. It's not normal or healthy. I still drink fairly heavily but only on weekends and an occasional glass of wine on a weekday with dinner.

I'm French and even there it's not normal 😂

Personally I don’t think it’s normal. My parents drank quite heavily on Friday and Saturdays to decompress after a week at work…I hated it and subsequently grew up as someone who rarely drinks. But daily consumption of up to 3 glasses of wine is not healthy.

This is MN, a thimble of sherry at Xmas is the norm.

Drinking every day was modelled as 'normal' (usual, typical,expected) to you by your parents. This does not make it normal per se.

Having had that behaviour modelled to you, you have grown up to do the same. I doubt you will have given it any thought as you entered adulthood. Some of your peers will have begun smoking on the same basis.

"I'm never drunk but also would find it hard to not have that glass at the end of the day"
This is the bit you need to give some thought to. Why would you find it hard? What does it mean to you? I suspect it's a lot like for a smoker, who maybe always has a cigarette with their morning coffee - if they have a morning coffee they reach for the cigarette automatically, it's part of the morning coffee 'ritual'. Is the wine part of your kid-to-bed ritual/routine? Part of your dinner ritual/routine? Would it feel odd to have a mug of tea instead? Are you drinking the wine automatically, rather than because you think, in the moment, that you actually fancy a glass of wine with this particular meal? (Whilst I will have wine with many meals, I would balk at it with bangers and mash, say.)

Drinking thoughtlessly, routinely like this, seems a waste to me. It is no longer a pleasure or a treat, it is just ticking the box. I'd also point out that drinking every day is probably not the best for your liver. Alcohol is a poison that your liver can process, but your liver would appreciate at least a couple of day of not processing it. And - maybe you'd appreciate your wine more if you weren't just reaching for it through habit?

Depends how you grew up with. My family, my parents had one drink on a Friday - dad a beer and mum a shandy.
I don't drink and dh might have the odd beer on a Saturday where my friends drink every weekend as its part of their realtionship.

You are playing with fire. The nervous system adjusts to the regular presence of alcohol. That's how addiction gets started.

Molecular basis of alcoholism

3 small glasses leads to 3 big glasses = 1 bottle.

1 bottle leads to opening a second as your body has become used to the alcohol you are drinking and wants more to 'relax'

I speak as an alcoholic.

I wish they taught the above to kids rather than a spliff leads to heroin.

Nip it in the bud whilst you can.

Or at least give your liver a break and drink every other day, every 3rd day - whatever suits.

I’m a drinker, OP, and 3 glasses a night is too much. Sorry.

Every thread about drinking, someone comes up with this. It's not actually true. It's just to try to make MN seem unreasonable in promoting healthy drinking levels. Being unable to stop using any drug every day is an issue.

No I don't - but I think if your parents did then in your head it is normal.

I tend to binge drink - so nothing for a couple of weeks but then I'll get pissed & feel crap the next day. I think possibly your way is better in that your body is just used to it.

I think it’s completely normal - half a bottle of wine a night is fine

Haven’t rtft but my grandfather had a whisky (probably not a strong one) every night at 7pm before his dinner. It was absolutely normal in my grandparents social circle to have a nightly drink before dinner. I never once saw him drunk. He actually rarely drank more than his nightly whisky and maybe a small glass of wine (shock horror, sometimes with his lunch!) He lived a fit and healthy life until he was 96 and even then he didn’t die of old age. This nightly drinking culture has to some extent, been passed down through the family. My mother will have a drink at 7pm, but being more health conscious, she has at least a couple of alcohol-free nights a week. I will also enjoy a drink around 7pm, most, but not all nights. I know that’s quite common behaviour amongst her peers. Just one though. I can’t remember the last time I was drunk. My MIL is the same.

It sounds like something that has become a habit for you. It's not good for your health but you must realise that already.

It’s too much, but it’s my normal (ish).
It was my normal growing up, dad drank gin, mum drank scotch and dry, wine with a nice dinner.
Alcohol is my downfall. I love it but I should knock it on the head.

It's not uncommon, OP.

My family love a drink. We probably drink 3 nights a week. Probably totally more than you, so your 3 small glasses may be more often but less in total.

You'll probably find things lessen as the DC get older and need driving places in the evening.

Your DH's tee-total family will always make your evening glasses of wine stand out. Just be mindful not to increase
It and possibly swap in the odd wine-free evening.

@BitBehind - I’d cut back if I were you.I’m an “alcoholic” - I use inverted commas as that term is no longer used by addiction specialists - I am an alcohol abuser. I didn’t get this way overnight. Like you, I enjoyed my glass of wine in the evening- it progressed over the years to half a bottle, then a bottle, then I’d be opening the second bottle then I moved onto gin as wine wasn’t enough.

you are probably thinking “that won’t happen to me” but tolerance to alcohol is a physiological change that will happen to everyone who drinks on a daily basis - thus the amount you need to relax will increase with time. You are already saying you’d struggle without it - you are on the path to addiction.

I would hate for anybody to end up like me but as I say, my problem took probably a decade to take hold. Cut back now while you still can.

on a side note, you almost certainly will have a degree of fatty liver which has no symptoms but can lead to hepatitis and cirrhosis. It is reckoned that 100% of heavy drinkers will have fatty liver disease. And half a bottle of wine every day is heavy drinking, even if you are not getting drunk.

No, I don't think it's normal to drink 3 glasses of wine every night. I'd feel pretty unhealthy if I did.