AIBU to think drinking every day is normal?

[BitBehind]

Just that really.

I grew up in a household where both parents drank every night. Always wine with dinner and then sometimes gin or whisky afterwards.

They were never smashed. But they definitely drank every day without fail and often a little wobbly before bed. I didn't think much of it.

Now I always have wine in the evening. Soon as the kids (toddlers) are in bed it's my routine to come down and have a glass of white wine in the quiet at last. And then maybe one more with dinner. And maybe one more after dinner. Small glass. 3 max. I never go out drinking anymore so that's it. I'm never drunk but also would find it hard to not have that glass at the end of the day

Is this normal? My partner says it's definitely not.

once I have the first sip I just lie on the sofa and channel hop until bedtime

This, with bells on. I have so much more time on my hands now I don't drink! I do other stuff in the evenings (mainly yoga and reading) but also admin stuff, washing, sorting lunchboxes etc. Makes mornings less stressful too, as my evenings are useful now rather than just lost time.

I used to drink every day when cooking.. so nice.!
Ive started having alchol free gin, its smells and tastes th same. I realise its the sipping and relaxing I like .. i now drink much less.. hope that helps you 🙂

@TheBlessedCheesemaker

Thank you,I'm keen to try one but it's a lot of money if it doesn't taste gin like.

My in-laws are like this. They want everyone around them to do it as well so they can feel comfortable with it. It’s an addiction obviously but they absolutely refuse to see it like that.

Hi, there’s no such thing as normal really. There’s recommended and not recommended, but I think this depends more on whether you feel that you have a problem developing. I don’t necessarily think it’s as shocking as some posters are saying. I could easily have a couple of drinks every night, I also have quite a high tolerance. My days can be stressful (two jobs, two kids, a mum with health problems, and life in general) and by the time I’m cooking dining I tend to have a glass of wine. I might have another, or I might not, but then I can go weeks without drinking. I find I would drink more in the summer if we might eat out in the garden and then sit out there for a while. So in short, I can have a couple of drinks every night for weeks at a time, and other weeks I can have nothing at all, and I don’t feel like I have a problem at all. If you are genuinely concerned then maybe try and do every other evening and see how you feel. That might help you decide whether it’s becoming a problem or not x

Well done for taking a step back last night OP. Glad to see you're open to all of the comments and criticism and that you're being proactive in managing your relationship with alcohol. I heard a radio interview with someone who used to drink a lot as part of her job (I think she worked in PR or something) and then found it was getting out of control. I can't remember the name of the author or the book title but maybe someone else knows it.

Thanks, really! On someone's recommendation I've downloaded the Dry January app - having registered for that I would just say to be a bit careful as it suggests going cold turkey can be dangerous for your health if you have any dependence on alcohol..I only mention this as others have said give up for a month and see how you feel. I would never class myself as dependant on alcohol but am really reassessing this now after realising how our drinking has crept up. I would think my dad only drank the same few drinks of an evening in his 40s but that grew to a bottle to two a night, reading all the comments here this seems to be how things go.

I would say good luck to both of us but not sure it's luck we need!

My mother was exactly like this. She spent years & years passing off her daily drinking as "just a glass of wine or two to relax in the evening", but her dependence on it was incredibly obvious to me as a child (the rattyness if she had to go without even for a few days). It eventually spiralled out of control & she actually died in an alcohol related accident in her late forties. That's an extreme outcome I know, but the normalisation of fairly heavy daily drinking scares the hell out of me. Even without the dependence risk it costs a bomb and is crap for your health.

He might have noticed and said nothing, because 1 day is nothing to him. He might have not noticed because he just expects you to drink.

Keep going quietly.

Alcohol is a thief of joy when it's used like you've used it. It's become a big relient routine which you've decided is lovely and relaxing, but is actually stopping you achieving anything really joyful or enjoying other stuff. You are starting to see that now.

(the rattyness if she had to go without even for a few days).

Oh god yes, that. Somewhere around 11am, if we were out for the day and not near a pub, my dad would get grumpier and grumpier. But of course, even if we were near a pub, he couldn't go in one until lunch time, because that's what alcoholics do, and he wasn't an alcoholic. My mum started to take beer along with us 'for a picnic' so when the grumpiness started he could have that. The alcoholism was his fault, but her enabling wasn't great either.

And the mood swings and anxiety if he was away from home and not near somewhere he could get a drink were awful. Everything was geared around him and his drinking. But he wasn't an alcoholic, oh no. They drink gut rot cider and sit on park benches. Or start on the whisky at 8am. They're not nice middle class people who just like to drink wine every single fucking day.

And then when my parents moved to France it became 'but it's cheaper than fruit juice'. Well maybe dad, but I don't drink 2 litres of fruit juice a day, because that would be bad for me and a bit grim.

I’m so pleased you’ve done the first day. You sound so determined and I think you should be proud of yourself. Keep going quietly, change is hard but so satisfying when you win.

He already commented on your drinking when he mentioned it was too much and you didnt seem too happy about him doing that.

I'm guessing he doesn't want to

*doesn't want to have this conversation:

"Oh, you're not drinking tonight?"

"Well, you told me I drink too much so now I'm not and you're commenting on that too?"

Because that's the sort or snippy reply problem drinkers usually give family members who try to talk to them about it.

He might bring it up when he notices a pattern. Be open and honest with him about how you've realised you have a problem.

We like wine, but we don't drink it every day.

We consciously have at least 3 days a week where we don't drink.

However, I don't think having a couple of glasses a night is risking alcoholism unless you have no control over whether you have it or not. We refrain for health reasons as it is not good in excess and you gain weight.

I would describe drinking alcohol every day ASD 'functioning alcoholism'

It eventually spiralled out of control & she actually died in an alcohol related accident in her late forties.

Im sorry. I’m not sure if it is such an extreme outcome either. Dad lost his driving license for drink driving and thank goodness he did.

Urm. No, that's not true. I mean...I wouldn't snap at him like this. I started this thread to get people's views. it's something DH and I have talked about often...both in terms of how much I drink but also in terms of what is acceptable in families etc e.g. his parents think having a glass of wine is for christmas only and they don't really like the taste anyway, i grew up with a dad who thinks wine is a legitimate part of a daily routine, like having a morning coffee. I haven't snapped at anyone on here telling me how problematic my habits are...and I certainly wouldn't snap at my DH for being concerned. I think he didn't notice because he was looking at emails most of the night tbh. Ha ha.

Well done @BitBehind on not drinking last night. I was you for all my DCs childhoods. I recommend Gordon's 0%. Lots of ice and big fancy lemon slices. You won't know the difference. The only af wine I have found that tastes good is Asda Sparkling Sav Blanc.
Alcohol dependancy is hard to judge but drinking everyday is not good. Janey Lee Grace is the Journalist who went sober.

I too had a wine cellar, a champagne habit and embarrassed my family frequently. I am not proud of my past but I am proud of myself for recognising it was effecting my health. I am 11kgs lighter in 5 months with a clearer head and a new zest for life. Good luck.

I drink nearly every day but am never drunk and never ever have hangovers. My parents and grandparents used to as well, although my grandfather gave up towards the end of his life. He lived to be 78. My grandmother still did and she lived to be 96. I read that the Queen Mother did too, and she lived to be over 100.

I sometimes think you should do what you like . My mother smoked 40 a day and had a drink everyday. She died in her 70s from a totally unrelated illness( asbestos)

@Booksngin

doing what you like affects your child though!

I am a COA and I know what’s it like to have a parent doing what they like.

thankfully nowadays there are groups cropping up such as NACOA that recognise the child as more important than the alcohol dependent parent who always had a wealth of support available to them that they refuse to take up whereas the child was invisible.

Of course it's up to every individual whether to drink daily or never.
As long as our choices are not inconveniencing others, it's all good.

Well, arguably, long term excessive alcohol use inconveniences us all as we together pay for the statisically more likely medical and care costs. Also it's naive to think children are not impacted by alcohol dependency of their parents. One might suggest OP's own parents have shaped her own unhealthy attitudes to alcohol for example.

This sort of thing was totally normal in the circles I grew up in, a bottle a night between 2 was standard for my parents and most of their friends. I've seen the same in friends from similar backgrounds.

It's a really easy habit to slip in to but the good news is a dry month or so every so often seems to help kick the habit. I wouldn't be worried by someone having a little glass of wine a few times a week and a couple of glasses at the weekend, it's just moderation that's key.

Yup, but we all die. I need to dig out one of the largest studies done on drinking, involving civil servants of all available beasties.
The conclusion was that moderate drinkers lived the longest. Followed by non-drinkers and alcoholics coming third.
Getting plastered is neither fun nor healthy but couple of glasses of wine or gin and tonic really isn't that bad.