AIBU to think drinking every day is normal?

[BitBehind]

Just that really.

I grew up in a household where both parents drank every night. Always wine with dinner and then sometimes gin or whisky afterwards.

They were never smashed. But they definitely drank every day without fail and often a little wobbly before bed. I didn't think much of it.

Now I always have wine in the evening. Soon as the kids (toddlers) are in bed it's my routine to come down and have a glass of white wine in the quiet at last. And then maybe one more with dinner. And maybe one more after dinner. Small glass. 3 max. I never go out drinking anymore so that's it. I'm never drunk but also would find it hard to not have that glass at the end of the day

Is this normal? My partner says it's definitely not.

If you struggle not to have a drink in the evening then you already have a dependency on alcohol which is worrying.
You should look at trying to do something else in the evening and break the cycle.
Drinking every night is not good for your health. The recommended weekly unit consumption for women is 14units. One glass a night would be about over 16units if you have two glasses 32 units!
This rate of drinking will have long term effects on your health.
Seek some support and help for your sake and your DC, your DH is right to be concerned.

Totally normal to have wine with meals. It isn't an issue to do that, it's the norm in most civilised countries.

Adding "civilised" sounds like desperation to justify your own habits while denigrating those who don't follow your mantra.

I'm sure you know that it's not normal in the majority of the world.

To answer your question about why I wouldn't drink wine regularly:

1. I don't particularly like the taste of it. As a drink (alcohol or not), I prefer elderflower cordial and fizzy water. I don't dislike wine, but wouldn't choose it over other options.

1. It just isn't part of our routine. It would never ever occur to me to open a bottle of wine to have with dinner. It barely occurs to me to offer it at social occasions eg if we had a dinner party or BBQ.

1. Although I do like a couple of drinks when out with friends (maybe once every couple of months), I just don't like the feeling of it on a normal night. I wouldn't want to feel tipsy on an evening at home. I also wouldn't want a hangover or to feel even a bit rough from alcohol overnight or on a morning for no reason (like a special occasion). I do feel sick quite easily from alcohol, and 3 glasses ever, let alone 3 glasses every night, would just make me feel like shit. Thinking about it, I don't think I've ever drunk that much for more than 2 days in a row. Ever! Even on holidays or over Xmas.

1. It's expensive and full of calories. I'd much rather get my calories from delicious food and feel like it's a waste when drinking them.

1. Health reasons. I'm not a health nut, but don't think the benefits outweigh the risks to me.

1. I just simply don't feel the need to get tipsy on an evening at home (which I would after 3 glasses). I just really don't see the appeal.

@Eddiesferret location and earning amount are just splitting hairs. It makes no difference if north east and high income or south east and low income

No is it nornal in my house that’s for sure.

iI don’t know anyone who drinks daily, Me and my husband are almost teetotal, We might have a drink maybe once every 3 years. But I couldn’t do that, My liver couldn’t hack it.

why do you drink every night? Do you like the taste? The feeling?

And the reason I’m teetotal as is my husband is the same as @RebeccaCloud9

we’re long distance runners and the calories plus it’s going against what I want to do which is an ultra marathon. Plus I don’t really care for alcohol.

@BitBehind I think it’s a drink problem. The way you talk/think about drinking isn’t the norm (and I grew up in a home with extensive cellars). The easiest thing would be just to stop for six months and then limit yourself to one or two drinks a week. You are playing with fire. You have children who need you to change.

Oh Geneva. How beautiful!

m can I ask why you moved there? (Off topic and if you’d like to PM me the answer. That’s ok. Totally ok if you wanna tell me to piss of and mind me own!)

Many unhealthy habits are normalised, such as having crips on a daily basis, having takeaways on a weekly basis, weaning babies on ultra processed food, the snaking in adult women, having a crap drawer in the kitchen with crap food, eating in front of tv, eating all day long, having food in your handbag or car....
Drinking is just one of them.

You don't need to be drunk to be an alcoholic. If you can't go a day without a drink, you are an alcoholic . If you struggle when you can't have a drink you are an alcoholic . If you find yourself thinking " I can't wait for that glass of wine" or " I need wine" and similar thoughts. There are different types of alcoholics but all have a dependency on that glass.

Test yourself OP, a week, without a drop. Easy peasy, you don't have an alcohol problem. Not easy, can't make it the week @BitBehind go here www.mumsnet.com/talk/alcohol_support

2 bottle per night.

meow. I bet you couldn’t even tell either right? Or can you tell she’s drunk 2 bottles every night
HUGS. Same for me and my father. Though he can stop for months on end. It’s weird

No. A lot of people are just totally delusional about their alcohol intake.

Wine with dinner every day and then more booze is exceeding the weekly recommended limit by quite a lot. It's so much stress on your liver and if it's every single day, it's never getting a chance to rest, essentially. Medical professionals recommend at least 2-3 days a week with no alcohol at all.

I do like a glass of two of wine at home with some cheese or olives, but it's a weekend treat, not a daily thing. If I open a bottle and drink it over two nights that feels like a lot to me. Now I'm going out and about more once we're not locked down and restricted so much, it also feels like a bit of a waste of my alcohol 'allowance' to drink at home alone (I never go over the weekly limits). I'd rather have a couple of pints at a Meetup group or a cocktail or two with a friend after work.

I found during lockdown I was reaching for the wine more often that I'd like, to watch Netflix or Bake Off or whatever. I've tried to replace that with non-alcoholic drinks. Now I have a nice sparkling water with lime or a decaf latte with a couple of fancy biscuits.

I actually regret that I started drinking at all. I very rarely drank until I was about 22, even at uni. My mental health was better, I liked being sober and lucid all the time, I did useful stuff with my evenings like language learning and climbing. I felt much safer getting home on public transport late at night if I was totally alert and hadn't drunk at all. I think I'm going to go back to that lifestyle. Maybe not give up booze altogether, but keep it to special occasions and nights out.

Of course it's not normal. It's not in line with NHS health guidelines and there isn't a need for it. I'm not anti-alcohol but this is just excessive consumption - the same as if you had asked if it was normal to eat McDonald's every day for dinner.

I don’t think having it every day is normal, no.

I rarely drink during the week though, and not always at weekends. I wouldn’t like to think of it as my every day, it’s more of a treat thing for me.

I like wine, though I can't drink red anymore, and that's my favourite, so I haven't bothered in a long time. Even when I drank red I didnt want to drink it daily.

You've had the general consensus already, so I won't really add much. But I don't know anyone in my peer group who (openly, at least) drinks every day. My father used to, but it wasn't a healthy relationship with alcohol. He's not with us anymore, died of a huge heart attack.

I drink if I go out so nights out. Meals out I usually have one and then swap to water
Don't really drink at home, occasionally in summer I go and get a cider for in the garden much like I think "oh wouldn't an ice cream be nice" type thought
But day to day it doesn't enter my head, I drink water/squash/tea. Not had alcohol for about 18 months now

As most have said, it isn't normal.
It's a bad habit you've picked up from your parents. Are they still alive?

Maybe you can copy what your DH does. What does he drink with dinner?
What else do you drink after work? Water? Tea? Juice?

Add up how much is spent on alcohol each week and total for the month and year. How does that look to you?

In NHS terms, you'd be categorised as alcoholic with that level of alcohol intake. It is a lot!

I don’t think it’s normal. none of my friends drink every night. But I only have a handful of friends.

my dm drank every night and I hated it. Sometimes it changed her behavior and not for the better. I vowed never to drink like that. Now I only drink if I go out with friends. I find drinking at home rather boring unless people are over but I don’t drink wine, can’t stand it. But I think people believe that drinking wine is more acceptable than drinking any other alcohol for some odd reason.

I'd say it seems ok, if your not getting hammered, I'm tea total but around a cuppa every 30-40 min s in the evenings

I think that it is normal in certain sections of society but completely not normal in others,

I used to watch Dh do exactly what you do op. Now I leave him to it. Sat on the sofa watching tv with a glass of wine in his hand.
He never wants to go out anywhere or do anything because over the years the wine has made him tired and if we ask him to go anywhere he needs weeks of notice and he plans his life around tv and alcohol.

Not sure what there is to enjoy if it has become routine. Are you drinking for the sake of drinking because it is what you normally do.
I don’t understand doing something over. and over, It just becomes boring after a while no matter how exciting or pleasant it was initially

I wonder this. My husband pours his Carling beer into little tumbler glasses so I don’t know how many cans he gets through every night, but he has at least 4 glasses whilst I’m up with him. I don’t drink.

He starts drinking after 10pm every night, and never goes to bed before me, then I hear the crack of the ring-pull again when I go to bed.
Weekends which is Fri/Sat/Sun I swear he gets through a 15 can jumbo pack of beer.

I often wonder if he’s over the drink drive limit. He goes to bed at half two and is sometimes up and out driving by half nine.

He has a little beer belly now, so he must be quaffing a fair amount, who knows.

Hi OP we cut back on drinking recently and the whole wanting something non-sweet to drink really resonated.

We've found non-alcoholic beer really good. Non-alcoholic wine tends to be on the sweeter side, I've found, and if you like good wine, you probably won't be impressed. Non-alcoholic beer has improved a lot in recent years. There seem to be a number of craft breweries doing reasonable ales, and I find Becks 0% is an okay lager substitute in a pinch.

I've also found a number of mocktails that work for me. And have the bonus of being something you can "get into" in the same way you can "get into" wine and good food. I now spend time making syrups and shrubs and infusions at the weekends to perfect my mocktails for mid-week drinking. It can be a fun switch.

I know many parents like this and no I don’t think it is normal. Trying to justify your drinking habits definitely says to me that you are a problem drinker.

They were never smashed

Because they had built up/had a tolerance to it

I'm never drunk

Again I suspect due to having/having built a tolerance

I am from a family full of addicts mostly alcohol. I'm not and never have been a big drinker myself but I'm aware that I have a high tolerance it takes a LOT to get me drunk it's only happened maybe 2/3 times in my life and I'm nearly 50!

I also never get hangovers and the same is true for the addicts too

but also would find it hard to not have that glass at the end of the day

That is addiction talking

Early stages but it's there.

1/2 a bottle of uk wine now is approx 5 units, that means :

1 chances are most mornings you're over the drink drive limit depending on height weight etc but frankly you shouldn't be driving

2 you're consuming around 35 units a week with zero breaks that is way too much

3 if you were genuinely happy now you wouldn't need a alcohol crutch as you are doing

4 if you carry on chances are not only will you not live to see grandchildren grow up you may not see your own dc reach full adulthood - is that what you want?

5 you're teaching your dc this is ok and normal - just as your parents taught you - do you want this for your dc?

Ime partners/spouses rarely raise it until there is clearly a problem. It's awkward and they dread the way the addict may respond.

Also only you can know this but we don't know if it's really half a bottle or more cos addicts lie! To themselves to their loved ones and certainly online even when anon

Not our business you don't owe us the truth. You do owe it to yourself and your family.

Also ime the only way to successfully tackle it is to totally abstain and engage with a therapeutic programme of some kind. Those that don't do this, try to go it alone or "just cut down a bit" fail

The thought of abstaining clearly fills you with dread - which means you must

Harsh? Perhaps but necessary I feel. If it makes you get help, get healthy and have a happier healthier life with your family it's worth the flaming I may get

Addiction sneaks up on people op it doesn't happen overnight and I would say you are in early stages but best you tackle it now.

Ok it doesn't matter if the consensus on here is it's not.in your family it was.thats ok.i no a few families that are similar.and if think it too much.but it's not a crutch or a need or can't not do without it.do you come down for your beans on toast and wine because you need it to emotionally cope or feel better? That would make it an issue.if you can't think of how your cope without it.
But there's also a difference between not liking being without it(simply as it's a lovely routine for you) and not coping and depending on it.
And yes there might just be the health element to it.id say that's really the only thing you need to gauge your thoughts on here.as of course too much of anything could be damaging so you don't want that.
But what normal?unless your family were alcoholics.reacted awfully were dependant on drink then it's perfectly fine too( again caveat to health)
It's ok for you to drink differently to everyone else depending on the why.
You have used a few red flag words but still it could be fine.
So it's a little thinking time.but remeber no one on mn knows your life,nor your mental state.so this could be totally fine.