AIBU to think drinking every day is normal?

[BitBehind]

Just that really.

I grew up in a household where both parents drank every night. Always wine with dinner and then sometimes gin or whisky afterwards.

They were never smashed. But they definitely drank every day without fail and often a little wobbly before bed. I didn't think much of it.

Now I always have wine in the evening. Soon as the kids (toddlers) are in bed it's my routine to come down and have a glass of white wine in the quiet at last. And then maybe one more with dinner. And maybe one more after dinner. Small glass. 3 max. I never go out drinking anymore so that's it. I'm never drunk but also would find it hard to not have that glass at the end of the day

Is this normal? My partner says it's definitely not.

It's not just that it's too much, though this is a problem because volume leads to toleration and physical addiction, and all the physical problems associated with alcohol including liver damage, cancer, diabetes, and lots more issues.

It's the fact that you associate drinking with relaxation, and you can't imagine winding down without a glass of wine.

You need to find a better way to deal with the stress of your job and your children.

I notice it's you coming downstairs after the bedtime routine. Could your H start getting more involved in this, or could he be busy cleaning the kitchen thoroughly or preparing bags for the DCs to take to CM or nursery or wherever they go all day? Could he pick up the sitting room, tidy away toys? Does he get dinner together for you and him?
Ignore if he's already doing all of this...

Have you ever tried meditation? There are lots of meditation apps.

Or replacing wine with fizzy water or a smoothie..

I guess that's why I used the word normal. Wine to me is part of my life, like enjoying good food or watching a film.

Do you watch a film and have good food every night?

I love a good red wine, and enjoy a nice white on a warm evening but I see it as a bit of a treat so have it usually once or twice a week. Usually when we have cooked a nicer meal or I just fancy a glass after dinner. But I don't crave it or miss it on the days I don't have it.

Do be careful with this. A 13 year old here has lost his lovely mum she drank wine everyday it sadly no doubt contributed to the type of vicious cancer she developed. Extremely sad. I love my wine but we don’t drink Mon thurs. Fizzy water (got a soda stream) is a good week night substitute

Jesus. That’s a serious alcohol problem. Has he ever tried to get help? I really hope you don’t have children with him.

I think people believe that drinking wine is more acceptable than drinking any other alcohol for some odd reason.

I think wine is viewed as a much more middle class drink than beer or cider, and is less obviously damaging than spirits. I know several people whose drinking is problematic who think it doesn't count because they're drinking wine. Thing is, modern wine is fairly strong, certainly stronger than it used to be. And ultimately, whilst less strong alcohol is less bad, for your liver, having alcohol every day is still damaging, whether it's gut rot cider, single malt, or a nice Beaujolais. Can be hard to convince people who are in denial though.

“Only” 1-2 glasses a day as you’re breast-feeding? Bloody hell - how many units a week do you have when you’re not breast-feeding?!

No this isn’t normal and is above the weekly recommended. One glass with dinner is over the recommended allowance if you did it every day and you’re having three a night!! Maybe try and cut it down gradually and see how you get on. I know people who do the same but it isn’t the norm!

The range of normal is huge but that’s a lot more than health guidelines if that’s what you care about.

however the not normal/concerning bit is that you say you would struggle to go a day without drinking. That’s dependency and something totally different.

It's the fact that you associate drinking with relaxation, and you can't imagine winding down without a glass of wine

I think this is the most important part, are able to miss a night easily or would you panic, for example, if you ran out of wine?

Last night DS2 (18 months) woke up at 1.30am and I couldn't settle him until close to 3am (he often wakes once but usually only for 15 mins). He then woke at 6am to start the day.

I have such a busy day at work. I am drinking a very strong coffee wondering if this would feel slightly easier if I hadn't consumed nearly 2 bottles of wine this weekend.

DH drink diet coke with everything. Yuk. Not good either. But I will pick up some fizzy water on way home and won't have wine tonight.

Thank you for all your comments. Even the harsh ones. I'm really going to try to not drink this week and see what happens.

Good luck @BitBehind

No. I don’t know anyone who drinks every single evening. I don’t drink at all now and am glad I dont, but I have friends who enjoy a drink at home and they limit it to the weekend. Another friend gets hammered every weekend in the pub, and another only drinks very occasionally but goes mad when she does. We are mid 40’s

Good luck @BitBehind ! I don’t like fizzy drinks or squash, but I love to drink sparkling water with slices of cucumber/grapefruit/lemon/whatever. Makes it feel a bit ‘special’.

Remember, if you’re struggling take a peek at the AA website. The key to whether or not you really have an issue is if you can stop or not. If you can’t then perhaps you need some more structured support.

Hapoy hydrating! X

I don't think it is normal. You are drinking more than the recommended amount if you drink 3 glasses of wine a day.

Personally, I have a couple of glasses of wine approximately once a month.

Haha OP you shouldn’t have posted on Mumsnet where a thimbleful of wine a month is the norm and people clutch their pearls at anything more!

Yes what you drink is more than the recommended amount and it’s more than average, but an average is just that - some people drink more, some drink less. I don’t think what you drink is outrageous.

We try to only drink 3 times a week but sometimes that turns into 5 and it’s 7 on holiday, and we’d drink 2/3 of a bottle at a time. Hey ho. It’s my only vice. I don’t smoke or do drugs and I eat reasonably healthily, I just like wine. I’m willing to take the slightly reduced life expectancy, because who wants to live for years in a nursing home with not much life anyway? Cheers OP!

M&S grapefruit tonic water is nice - agree don’t like the sweetness of most non alcoholic drinks

gingerbeer is a great alternative to alcohol

Good luck @BitBehind and keep us updated!

This weekend I was drinking tonic water with lots of ice and fresh lime/ lemon, really hit the spot.

I’m always surprised at how many people ARE drinking every day and the really quite spiteful undertones in their attitudes to those that don’t. It’s unsettling not because the characterisation is so school playground mean girls. It really just makes me think they can’t stop and so must aggressively minimise what’s going on to make the story they are telling themselves believable. It isn’t cool to drink wine instead of juice or water or vice versa it’s a drink. Any of us can go to the shop and buy what we want and consume it.

Haha OP you shouldn’t have posted on Mumsnet where a thimbleful of wine a month is the norm and people clutch their pearls at anything more!

Somebody always writes a comment this on a Mumsnet thread about alcohol🙄

While I agree there is a snobbery there and I'm sure it guilty of it. I'm not sure the "mean girls" stuff is coming from the drinkers to the non-drinkers.

People on this thread have asked if I "have special needs" "are you being serious" and lots of posts about being irresponsible, an alcoholic, early death, lying to myself, setting bad example etc. I'm sure some it is true and I'm thick skinned but I don't see a lot of evidence of drinkers being like "mean girls" on this thread. The consensus here is that people who drink every day need to sort themselves out and the non/occasional drinkers are not shy in calling me/us out.

I drink most days. I'm not proud of that

I'd prefer to keep alcohol for special occasions, as I used to. And hats off to those of you who already do that

This thread has been a bit of a wake up call for me, to realise I'm probably drinking more than I realised / more than other people

I've experimented with several AF wines. This is one of the best for me, as it's not too sweet www.tesco.com/groceries/en-GB/products/295188435

It's very normal but not necessarily healthy either. Not the end of the world though. Maybe have a couple of days off a week. A cup of tea cuts it for me most days when the kids are asleep but obviously sometimes I need more!

@BitBehind I was really responding to Lalliela’s post a couple above mine which very much positioned a cool set and an up tight set.

I know it’s really hard to hear OP and your head will be constantly arguing and justifying why your alcohol intake is ok but it really isn’t.🙁.

Honestly I wish I could give you a hug, it’s a horrible thing to have to face up to. I think very fixable and can be dealt with by you without too much fuss. Chin up, there are amazingly brave a determined people everywhere just doing the harder thing.

Well done OP for realising this is not on. Alcohol unless in moderate consumption will gradually pollute your body until the consequences will start to show up. It's linked with so many illnesses and disorders.

It sounds like you drink in the evenings as a reward for a long tough days. That's totally understandable. If you want to give it up or reduce, you'll need to think of another reward to replace otherwise, you won't last long. Or maybe agree on either one glass with food, or one afterwards, but agree on one and one only.

Giving up alcohol will make you fell SO SO much better. You'll find you sleep better, have more mental and physical energy. You'll likely also find that the wine is not half as enjoyable when you do have the odd one.