AIBU to think drinking every day is normal?

[BitBehind]

Just that really.

I grew up in a household where both parents drank every night. Always wine with dinner and then sometimes gin or whisky afterwards.

They were never smashed. But they definitely drank every day without fail and often a little wobbly before bed. I didn't think much of it.

Now I always have wine in the evening. Soon as the kids (toddlers) are in bed it's my routine to come down and have a glass of white wine in the quiet at last. And then maybe one more with dinner. And maybe one more after dinner. Small glass. 3 max. I never go out drinking anymore so that's it. I'm never drunk but also would find it hard to not have that glass at the end of the day

Is this normal? My partner says it's definitely not.

I think it is quite normal personally, but alot won't admit it. I know many, many people personally who drink every night.

I think mumsnetters are a bit of a rare breed though. It's hardly representative of the British population.

I drink most nights but only a medium glass of wine perhaps, no more. I have days off and I'm trying to have more days off.

I'm intrigued by the people who only drink occasionally (like only on special occasions or holiday etc) - do you just not like wine very much or do you have iron strong discipline. Cooking a nice dinner with a glass of good wine is a real pleasure to me and I can't imagine doing it only at Christmas.

Neither for me, I very rarely drink now but I scared myself silly about 15 years ago by being in a very similar place to where you are now and it increasing as time went by as I built resistance so I needed a bit more and a bit more each time to reach the relaxed feeling I felt I could only get from having a drink.
I had other issues going on and used the alcohol as a self medication, and I ended up having a complete breakdown, the alcohol wasn't the cause, but it certainly didn't help, I hid behind it rather than dealing with the actual issues and then not only had them to deal with, but the developing dependence to deal with too.
I wasn't an alcoholic, I didn't need to be medicated or attend AA but I did struggle for a while with not drinking to block out the problems. I suppose I had a bit of 'iron will' then, because it was so, so tempting.
I like lager and I like wine, gin etc but no more or less than I like mango juice, diet coke and tea. I'm also quite sensitive to it now and suffer a bit the next day from drinking a large glass of wine, so unless I really fancy it, it's not worth feeling like that the next day, I don't sleep well and need to pee all night!
I got as used to feeling like that the next day as I did to feeling relaxed the night before when I drank regularly, so didn't realise the effects it was having.
I do think it can be useful to help someone relax and then move forward with whatever is troubling them, but as an isolated incident, not every day.

I couldn't tell you the last time I had alcohol - maybe a Baileys at Christmas?

Alcoholism was a real issue in my family - my lasting memories of dad's parents are them being so drunk they didn't know who I was or what day it was - the alcohol killed them both in the end.

I also had a client who was an alcoholic and it killed her too, so maybe I'm a bit more sensitive to it than most. All I saw was miserable people who drank themselves into oblivion.

Before anyone jumps on me, I know that most people that drink aren't alcoholics but I just can't break the connection in my head. DH drinks a few nights a week, my dad is (unsurprisingly) teetotal but mum has a few glasses a week.

It's not that I think alcohol is bad, it just doesn't appeal to me and having seen the damage it's done to so many people, I'd rather drink something else!

'normal' is an awkward word here as it implies a element of judgement. Guidance for safe/healthy alcohol consumption is 14 units per week maximum (for women) but there is recognition that it's a lot healthier to drink a little everyday rather than drinking all 14 units on a Saturday night as it were.

So drinking 'everyday' is not in itself a problem. But guidance to avoid binge drinking (again for women) is 2 to 3 units per day.

You may not know but the % value of the wine will tell you how many units there are in a litre of that alcoholic drink. A pretty average wine might be 12% so there would be 12 units in a litre or 3 units in 2 small glasses of 125ml each. So you're probably going above the 3 units per day advice once or twice a week if I'm correctly understanding you. But not, and this is somewhat significant probably not by much. This is clearly not ideal from a health pov but is certainly not extreme and I imagine many people do.

However this level of alcohol say an average of 3 units per day, 7 days a week would give a weekly consumption of 21 units at an absolute minimum which is dramatically and consistently over the 14 units advice.

Everybody probably has something that if they went to the doctor they'd be told "this isn't ideal, so work on that" so in that sense there's no judgement from me. But you're certainly drinking more than guidelines suggest is healthy.

Wine with beans on toast?

That's not a wine dinner. If you cant say no for one night then you have a problem.

What you're doing is problem drinking. Coming down from putting your toddlers to bed and immediately going for the wine? That is problem drinking. Needing another glass then another glass EVERY night? That is problem drinking.

If you need to drink every day then you're an alcoholic. A functioning alcoholic but an alcoholic all the same.

Alcoholics don't just get smashed all the time. They don't just neck booze all the time. They drink a few glasses every night because they cannot go without it.

You've said you cannot imagine going without it each night. That is a problem.

Well I'm in the 10 % who think this is normal. I'm very similar to you by the sound of it and do have some nights where I don't have a drink possibly because I've gone out and driven or I've got distracted by something at home but it's part of my normal routine of an evening. I can't remember the last time I was drunk, I don't smoke and I haven't touched drugs since the mid 90's. My dad and my grandparents were the same and they all lived into their 80's and 90's but my tea total mum died in her 60's so I refuse to be put off the things I enjoy.....I'm also a big fan of full fat coke.

We like a couple of drinks, eat healthy and exercise so normal weight. We don't stick to the recommended units. We have been on an 8.5 mile walk today followed by a pub lunch with a few drinks.

3 glasses per night?! Bloody hell get a grip of yourself. No, it’s not normal.

We don’t drink every day in our house. DH might have a couple of beers once a week, then we might have a beer or a wine or a sherry on Sunday. That’s it. We’re mid 30s parents of a 3 year old, if that context is helpful.

Years ago upper/upper middle class people drank an aperitif then wine with dinner at home, then maybe brandy or whisky - working class people drank beer or shorts. At the pub- not at home. As you say, your parents did it so to you it seems normal- but you’re drinking to excess I’m afraid.

i think it’s really common. It is healthier than cramming all your units into 2 or 3 days.

I do sometimes think those that are drinking fizzy drinks each day is that better or worse than wine? Full of sugar and highly processed. How many have daily chocolate or biscuits. I have none of those.

I would cut down to a third of a bottle though in a night max. I’m aiming for a bottle over a week with 2/3 days off but I’m not drinking this month. I can stop when I stop I don’t fancy it. I like the first glass of wine nothing tastes better so I’m aiming if i drink to have just one glass.

The 14 units per week is not meant to be every week of the year I would say, though the research is limited still.

Normal to me implies a statistical analysis. Whether it is the norm or not. More than 50% in occurrence. I don't have the data but I'd guess it is not the norm to drink every day.

Yes, I like good wine or a g& t but I very very rarely have more than one drink and most definitely not half a bottle of wine every night.

My average week now is 2 - 3 drinks across the whole week. I have, until now, been tutoring some evenings so that's ruled it out and as I'm on SSRIs, I'm better off with less plus it does impact my sleep and my weight.

We like our wine but switched to weekends only feel so much better

Sherry in a Sunday 😂

I agree that it’s fine to drink a little every day (and IMO drinking coke or squash with a meal is a bit weird if you’re an adult, so I’m with you on that). But it does sound as if it’s adding up to a bit too much.
Personally I find it easier to have a few alcohol free days a week just to reduce the total. A small glass of wine every night is probably fine if that works for you. But 3 glasses a night is a bit much.

I know plenty of people of different walks of life who drink every day. A lot of people have wine with dinner every day. I am not sure whether some posters on here are in touch with reality tbh.

It's not good for your health to do it every day which is why I don't. You need to prioritise your health.

I'm intrigued by the people who only drink occasionally (like only on special occasions or holiday etc) - do you just not like wine very much or do you have iron strong discipline. Cooking a nice dinner with a glass of good wine is a real pleasure to me and I can't imagine doing it only at Christmas.
I very rarely drink at home, and I presume for most other people like this, it’s for the same reason. We see drinking alcohol as a social activity, so it’s just not something that crosses over into everyday life. My DP is the same. In our younger days we would go out and get drunk every weekend (typical binge drinkers), now we just reminisce about the states we got in and how we don’t miss the hangovers.
We will have a drink if we go out for a meal, or to a family get together etc, but that’s it for us now.
I do however have several friends who are now on at least a bottle of wine a night, every night. They are without a doubt dependent, and I really worry about them.

Why is having a soft drink with a meal weird?

The fact you feel you couldn't stop would be the concerning bit, it sounds like you use it as a bit of a crutch after a long day rather than just enjoying the taste or whatever. Personally I don't think it's normal as in don't think the majority of people do it.

It's really not normal, but you know that by now OP.
I love wine and used to drink fairly regularly (prob half a bottle of wine 3-4 nights a week) but now drink so rarely I'm practically teetotal. I think I've had two glasses of wine in the last three years.

At first it was willpower, but now I'm so out of the habit it's not an issue.
Not drinking has changed my life so much that I wouldn't want to go back, despite the fact that wine tastes so good.

I'm fitter, always clear headed, I sleep better, my skin is better and yes, I'm thinner too. Took a long time for all those benefits to kick in, but now I wouldn't want to reverse them.

I drink occasionally but wouldn't be arsed if someone said you can never drink again, no iron discipline needed.

The alcohol unit advice has no basis in science and appears to be just plucked out of the air. www.spectator.co.uk/article/the-great-alcohol-cover-up-how-public-health-hid-the-truth-about-drinking

@BitBehind I don't think it's normal, no. Or healthy.

Not normal.

Of course it’s not normal and you know this full well. I don’t understand why you are pretending you don’t and you lack the intelligence to make any decisions as an adult and have to copy your parents. Unless there is a drip feed coming and you have special needs? Otherwise, why pretend you need to do the same as your parents?

What are adults meant to drink with their meals?