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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want to enjoy my garden!

486 replies

FunLovinGal · 12/06/2022 10:37

DP and I have spent a large amount of money and effort building a tikki bar, built in BBQ and hot tub in our garden (it’s a proper one - not inflatable).

As the weather was so nice yesterday and DP’s kids were at their mums we decided to have a garden party/BBQ and invited a few of our friends round early evening.

It was so great to try out the new BBQ, hot tub, and the bar is fab - really fun and quirky decor, inspired by our holidays. Made everyone cocktails!

Only thing is, we’ve put in a new sound system, so wanted to test it. But before you criticise me, it’s not like we expect to be able to play loud music all of the time - only thinking in the afternoons and perhaps a couple of hours on Friday or Saturday nights when kids aren’t staying with us.

Anyway, at 10.30 (so not exactly middle of the night!) our neighbour came and screamed at us over the fence to turn off the music and to stop talking. We weren’t even playing it that loud at that point as had turned it down - so we could all hear each other talk over it without shouting.

She said if we don’t shut up she will call the police! FFS! We’ve only just put it in so of course we wanted to enjoy it.

I’m so angry! We’ve spent thousands and fully intend to enjoy our new outdoor space. We would not play music to the early hours but it really wasn’t that late.

AIBU to just keep using it and make sure music is off before 11? The thought of not being able to enjoy our lovely garden is heartbreaking!

OP posts:
2reefsin30knots · 12/06/2022 11:20

We weren’t even playing it that loud at that point as had turned it down - so we could all hear each other talk over it without shouting.

So prior to turning it down, it was so loud you would have had to shout to hear one another? That is anti-social at any time of day.

NeedAHoliday2021 · 12/06/2022 11:21

Nobody wants to live next door to someone with a garden sound system as you’d assume it’s not a one off and they plan to be inconsiderate dicks all summer long.

NotTheWomanIWas · 12/06/2022 11:21

Adamantspants · 12/06/2022 11:16

A sound system, 8 drunken arseholes sitting in a bath in the garden next door at 10.30 on a Sat night, I'd hop the fence and drown the lot of you. Absolute gimps.

🤣🤣🤣

Original poster
FunLovinGal · 12/06/2022 11:22

Wombat27A · 12/06/2022 11:17

Thing is you know (think) you're going to behave reasonably. However, your neighbours see all this "investment" & think you'll be using it all the time.

You can choose when you make noise or want quiet time. They will have no clue when your noise might occur, so the thought of it will send them screwy.

They might be on edge after months of this being built? That would have been noisy.

Yes I guess so - i see your point. I suppose they won’t know we aren’t planning on blasting them with dance music every night!

I will go round with a bottle of wine in a bit to apologise and reassure her.

I am willing to turn the music off earlier if so many people think it’s a problem but DP will be gutted not to get full use of his new toy!

OP posts:
dreamingbohemian · 12/06/2022 11:22

I expected some negativity about the music but WTF is wrong with a hot tub?! Every one has one these days

Oh come on, no one is this clueless surely

Whooshaagh · 12/06/2022 11:24

Communication is the key OP.
If you’re going to have music put a note through all nearby neighbours doors the day before stating start and finish time.
Your neighbours didn’t know you were going to turn off the music at 11.

Theluggage15 · 12/06/2022 11:24

Sounds completely naff. Sound really carries at night, you’re being very unreasonable. And no, not everyone has a hot tub, what a daft comment.

Lagertha6 · 12/06/2022 11:25

FunLovinGal · 12/06/2022 10:37

DP and I have spent a large amount of money and effort building a tikki bar, built in BBQ and hot tub in our garden (it’s a proper one - not inflatable).

As the weather was so nice yesterday and DP’s kids were at their mums we decided to have a garden party/BBQ and invited a few of our friends round early evening.

It was so great to try out the new BBQ, hot tub, and the bar is fab - really fun and quirky decor, inspired by our holidays. Made everyone cocktails!

Only thing is, we’ve put in a new sound system, so wanted to test it. But before you criticise me, it’s not like we expect to be able to play loud music all of the time - only thinking in the afternoons and perhaps a couple of hours on Friday or Saturday nights when kids aren’t staying with us.

Anyway, at 10.30 (so not exactly middle of the night!) our neighbour came and screamed at us over the fence to turn off the music and to stop talking. We weren’t even playing it that loud at that point as had turned it down - so we could all hear each other talk over it without shouting.

She said if we don’t shut up she will call the police! FFS! We’ve only just put it in so of course we wanted to enjoy it.

I’m so angry! We’ve spent thousands and fully intend to enjoy our new outdoor space. We would not play music to the early hours but it really wasn’t that late.

AIBU to just keep using it and make sure music is off before 11? The thought of not being able to enjoy our lovely garden is heartbreaking!

You're being unreasonable. Your neighbours might have been having a godawful day and just needed peace and quiet. 10:30 at night is really late.

Our neighbour works away an when he comes home Fri afternoon he does his DIY in the front drive til 11pm then starts again at 7am right through til 11pm. We can't even have our windows open as our lounge is in the front so can't even enjoy a film.

Plus my DP is a PO so when he's on nights it's so out of order.

lobsterkiller · 12/06/2022 11:25

Lol, don't believe you.

My neighbours on each side have loud outside gatherings, not often though. They start mid-afternoon and finish about 9pm. I'm chuffed to bits with that, it's really considerate of them

Peoniesandcream · 12/06/2022 11:25

I don't particularly care how much money you choose to spend on your garden. Playing music during the afternoon/ early evening is fine but my Toddler is usually asleep by 8pm as are a lot of young children and I'd be pissed off if I was being kept awake at 10:30 pm! Some people work weekends.

Lagertha6 · 12/06/2022 11:26

FunLovinGal · 12/06/2022 10:37

DP and I have spent a large amount of money and effort building a tikki bar, built in BBQ and hot tub in our garden (it’s a proper one - not inflatable).

As the weather was so nice yesterday and DP’s kids were at their mums we decided to have a garden party/BBQ and invited a few of our friends round early evening.

It was so great to try out the new BBQ, hot tub, and the bar is fab - really fun and quirky decor, inspired by our holidays. Made everyone cocktails!

Only thing is, we’ve put in a new sound system, so wanted to test it. But before you criticise me, it’s not like we expect to be able to play loud music all of the time - only thinking in the afternoons and perhaps a couple of hours on Friday or Saturday nights when kids aren’t staying with us.

Anyway, at 10.30 (so not exactly middle of the night!) our neighbour came and screamed at us over the fence to turn off the music and to stop talking. We weren’t even playing it that loud at that point as had turned it down - so we could all hear each other talk over it without shouting.

She said if we don’t shut up she will call the police! FFS! We’ve only just put it in so of course we wanted to enjoy it.

I’m so angry! We’ve spent thousands and fully intend to enjoy our new outdoor space. We would not play music to the early hours but it really wasn’t that late.

AIBU to just keep using it and make sure music is off before 11? The thought of not being able to enjoy our lovely garden is heartbreaking!

Also your sense of entitlement is massive.

pinkyredrose · 12/06/2022 11:26

but DP will be gutted not to get full use of his new toy!

Oh dear, what a shame.

Lagertha6 · 12/06/2022 11:26

Peoniesandcream · 12/06/2022 11:25

I don't particularly care how much money you choose to spend on your garden. Playing music during the afternoon/ early evening is fine but my Toddler is usually asleep by 8pm as are a lot of young children and I'd be pissed off if I was being kept awake at 10:30 pm! Some people work weekends.

Exactly. My DP does.

firefly123 · 12/06/2022 11:27

It might have been good in the first instance to let your neighbour know and that your music would be turned off at 11pm. She had no way of knowing it wouldn't go on all night.

viques · 12/06/2022 11:27

BlanketsBanned · 12/06/2022 10:51

A trampoline and a couple of barking dogs would be great too

Show quote history

I was thinking an outdoor cinema, be amazing if they could link up to the sound system to get the proper Dolby surround sound cinema experience. ……….

Moodycow78 · 12/06/2022 11:28

As a mum to two toddlers I'd hate to be your neighbour and would be moving asap.

AllFreeOwls · 12/06/2022 11:28

You say you only plan to use it on evenings your children are away... Which comes across as you don't want to disturb your own children but are quite happy to disturb other people's.

We moved house over our neighbours garden/stereo. As soon as there was any nice weather they were out there, music blaring, meaning we couldn't use our own garden. You might not mind outdoor music but not everyone is the same and some people find it upsetting... especially at night (you don't seem to believe hat some people go to bed early, but some people do, some people also have work early on Sunday morning).

EL8888 · 12/06/2022 11:29

1030 isn’t that late?! Turning down the noise after 11 or midnight is acceptable in my book. Your neighbour should be lucky they don’t live at my old house, parties would go on after 1am.

Due to the way they asked they l wouldn’t apologise. Seems like an over reaction for the first time

BlanketsBanned · 12/06/2022 11:29

Dp will have to buy himself some bluetooth headphones then he can dance around all night and not disturb anyone

Ohhelpicantthinkofaname · 12/06/2022 11:30

Mumsnet tends to hate people who make an sort of noise in their garden day or night.

that said, if you’re in a built up area I would turn the music off at 10. People often want to sleep with their windows open at this time of year. I think 10pm is a reasonable compromise. You should still be able to enjoy yourselves without pissing off your neighbours too much.

TrashyPanda · 12/06/2022 11:31

It’s always anti social to play music outside so loud others can hear it.

usually it prevents your neighbours from enjoying their garden.

you will have pissed off everyone around you, not just one neighbour.

UnshakenNeedsStirring · 12/06/2022 11:31

Enjoy your garden quietly. You sound like a selfish prick

Mellowyellow222 · 12/06/2022 11:31

I moved house away from neighbours like you!

outdoor sound systems are horrific.

why should your neighbours have to listen to your music???

if I listen to music in the garden I use headphones.

EgonSpengler2020 · 12/06/2022 11:31

FunLovinGal · 12/06/2022 11:13

Thank you! Exactly - who goes to bed at 9pm?! It’s not like we’re having a rave FFS

Show quote history

I was in bed at 9pm yesterday, as I stated work at 7pm this morning.

Remember all those 'key workers' you ridiculously enthusiastically clapped your pans for two years ago, well many of them will have been in work early this morning, and trying to sleep early last night. So don't be dick, and show some respect now in a way that actually matters.

CamsPaisleyCuffs · 12/06/2022 11:32

@FunLovinGal But before you criticise me, it’s not like we expect to be able to play loud music all of the time - only thinking in the afternoons and perhaps a couple of hours on Friday or Saturday nights when kids aren’t staying with us.

It's unacceptable to play loud music at any time if you've got neighbours, just part and parcel of being a considerate human.