To want to enjoy my garden!

[FunLovinGal]

DP and I have spent a large amount of money and effort building a tikki bar, built in BBQ and hot tub in our garden (it’s a proper one - not inflatable).

As the weather was so nice yesterday and DP’s kids were at their mums we decided to have a garden party/BBQ and invited a few of our friends round early evening.

It was so great to try out the new BBQ, hot tub, and the bar is fab - really fun and quirky decor, inspired by our holidays. Made everyone cocktails!

Only thing is, we’ve put in a new sound system, so wanted to test it. But before you criticise me, it’s not like we expect to be able to play loud music all of the time - only thinking in the afternoons and perhaps a couple of hours on Friday or Saturday nights when kids aren’t staying with us.

Anyway, at 10.30 (so not exactly middle of the night!) our neighbour came and screamed at us over the fence to turn off the music and to stop talking. We weren’t even playing it that loud at that point as had turned it down - so we could all hear each other talk over it without shouting.

She said if we don’t shut up she will call the police! FFS! We’ve only just put it in so of course we wanted to enjoy it.

I’m so angry! We’ve spent thousands and fully intend to enjoy our new outdoor space. We would not play music to the early hours but it really wasn’t that late.

AIBU to just keep using it and make sure music is off before 11? The thought of not being able to enjoy our lovely garden is heartbreaking!

This. When our noisy neighbours start we have no idea if it's going to be an hour or all night into the morning.
Also with the noise from the hot tub and stereo they have to talk loudly to be heard.
On top of that the base reverberates throughout our house.
I've spent lots of money making my garden lovely and when they are out I get to enjoy it in peace. I can hear the birds, my neighbours teen sons music on low, my other neighbours grand daughter laughing and shouting and someone else's lawn mower going.
When he's in however all I can hear is the beat of the music (why on earth he thinks the whole neighbourhood wants to hear his music) him yelling to be heard over it and it goes on and on. Can't open the windows on the back of the house cause it's too loud so my daughter and my husband and I swelter in our rooms. Often his also got his fire pit belching out smoke too which is fun.
Op if it's just music on quiet then go for it but if it's loud enough to be heard in all nearby gardens/houses then yabvu.

You seriously think having an outdoor sound system isn’t unreasonable when you have neighbours whose gardens are next to yours?

No wonder your neighbour lost it, no doubt this is the last straw!

You come across as horribly entitled and faux innocent. The comment about doing it when your children are away says it all really.

If you were my neighbour I would seriously hate you, especially if I had young children.
Frankly, I wouldn’t want your wine offering, I’d want you to shut off the outdoor festival by 8pm (9pm latest), so I didn’t have to sit in my house with all windows shut in hot weather.

What if others want to enjoy peace and quiet, birdsong for example..

So, I went round to try and smooth things over. I said I was sorry for the music but was surprised at how angry she was. She said she was sorry for overreacting but had seen the bar etc being built and was worried about what it was going to be like.

I explained that we would only be wanting to have the occasional ’party’ with loud music - and that normally we would have it nice and low so she won’t be too bothered by it. I said we’d give her a heads up next time it’s a party - next one of which will be my birthday in 2 weeks time.

She said she’d have to see what it’s like before being able to say if it was ok. But I feel worried that she will be bothered whatever we do! I’ll just have to enjoy the bar and hot tub for now and keep the music low until things settle down.

DP is upset about the sound system but he doesn’t want to fall out with the neighbours.

Im surprised at how many angry comments I got as so many people have outdoor living spaces these days - I thought it was quite normal.

This is only acceptable for the occasional party and when you have the manners to pre-warn the immediate neighbours and give them an end time.

Presumably you would be happy if your neighbours had done this and you were the one having to put up with the sound system and hot tub? No thought not.

While your neighbour didn't approach this in a pleasant way they had probably reached tipping point. I did this once after having put up with it for hours on a bloody Thursday night when I had to get up early for work the following day following several nights of disturbed sleep prior to it.

Sound carries further at night due to lack of ambient noise so you may want to check how far you can be heard. I bet you are not just disturbing your immediate neighbours but half your road.

You sound like awful neighbours, I’d hate to live next door to you.

they’ve had the noise of you building all this tacky crap and now you think it’s acceptable to blast music at 10.30pm. Of course they’re gonna assume you’ll be doing it all the time, you’ve given them no reason to think you’ll be at all considerate because so far you’ve been staggeringly selfish

Not its really not normal for the vast magority of people
Our neigbours neigbour said he was buiding a gym . She said please dont gardens aew gardens.

Many see them as a place of tranquility in a hectic world.
Loss of that can feel very stressfull.

@Adamantspants 😂😂😂

I'll just have to enjoy the bar and hot tub for now and keep the music low until things settle down.

Forgive me for being blunt, but your music should always be on low in my view. I can't imagine playing loud music (other than perhaps once or twice a year for a party). I like my neighbours and don't want to spoil their time in the garden. You really don't need loud music to enjoy having a few friends outside.

People have outdoor living spaces when they live rurally and don't disturb other people! Not when they live with neighbours with gardens attached. Considerate people anyway. Honestly OP you're way out of line here. I feel for your neighbour.

I wish this country was like others where you're not allowed to disturb people living around you. Germany, isn't it?

Are you going to be seven? Why does your party have to have loud music? Is it so that you can play pass the parcel? FFS maybe grow up and think about the impact on other people as well as your own enjoyment? Have the music indoors and people who want to sing and dance can do that indoors and those who want to enjoy chatting in the sunshine can be outdoors.

I honestly hope it pisses down.

Maybe she doesnt want to be bothered by it at all, of course you keep the music low so she cannot hear it. 2 parties in 2 weeks is quite a disturbance.

You were wrong to build the hideous tiki bar in the first place. Wrong to install a sound system. It's not normal. It might be for you a select few of your mates, but to everybody else it's just rude.

Hire a venue for your parties in future.

Why on earth would you build a sound system, bar and hot tub in your garden when you have neighbours next door? Why should they put up with noisy parties every few weeks?

Its very anti social to play music at night, or talk loudly (especially when tipsy) if you have neigbours who have to suffer your noise. Garden parties are incredibly annoying.

Sure your kids aren’t there, but maybe they have kids they’re trying to get to sleep? Maybe they work shifts, or work from home in the evenings?

Unless you have a huge garden in a rural area I think you’re being very selfish. You’re creating a noise disturbance at night in a residential area. Why didn’t you think of this before you bought all the stuff??

You sound like a pretty selfish person.

you went round to apologise - but told her she had over reacted than told her you were doing it again in two weeks.

suret you understand that putting an outdoor sound system in is going to massively impact the neighbours??

I explained that we would only be wanting to have the occasional ’party’ with loud music - and that normally we would have it nice and low so she won’t be too bothered by it.

So you accept that they will be bothered by outside music but are ok with that and think that you not her are entitled to decide what is "too bothered".

@jamoncrumpets

how do you know it’s hideous?

have you seen it?

See if it was an inflatable hot tub I’d have said YABU but as it’s a proper one (not one of those cheap working class ones eh?) then YANBU.

Play the music as loud as you want, all night if you want. Who gives a crap about others as long as they are ok 😊

You sounds horrible. Can you not get your head around the fact that other people ALSO wish to enjoy their own garden?? That means you playing your music to the neighbourhood every afternoon and on Friday evening and the occasional party means all those normal times for them chill in their hammock in the back garden, quietly enjoy some gardening, sit out with their family for a chat - gets ruined by YOU. I have a neighbour with a similar party backyard set up and I am so done with having them forcing me inside with their shitty music. I am going to start playing my classical music/opera/whatever else I want at similar noise level at all hours of the day while I am just enjoying my garden. Surely they won't mind in the slightest right?

EVERYONE has a hot tub???? I don't know a single person with one, you and your husband are selfish fuckers, end of!

Only the occasional party… with the next one in two weeks.

Your poor, poor neighbours.

I live next door to an inconsiderate prick like you, it is hell. Regular loud music and garden parties are not ok, even in the afternoon or “before 9” - people work night shifts and sleep different hours, children nap and have early bed times. You’ve probably also reduced the value of their properties; if I saw a chavvy set up like that in next door’s garden I would never ever buy.

Unless you live in a large property and distant from neighbours, an outdoor sound system is extremely rude and antisocial, I think. It is selfish - you enjoy it, but it ruins everyone's else's enjoyment of their gardens. Would you really be happy about being blasted by the music of others at times you ate trying to relax or when your dc are trying to sleep?

Two parties in two weeks is far from occasional. I think you will end up a very unpopular person in your area at this rate.

They also have to look at all the tacky crap. A hot tub and a tiki bar in the garden really lower the tone, in all honesty.