Would you be put off by a man who doesn't drive?

[ItDoesMyHeadIn]

I was. Cancelled the date. I'm being too fussy apparently. To be fair my friend is married to a man who doesn't drive and he's amazing. Neither of my parents drive. The guy I was going to date could afford it, he just can't be arsed. He is happy to walk everywhere or use public transport. Up to him. But I would want to be with someone who can literally take the wheel sometimes. Like fuck do I want to be the one driving 8 hours up to Scotland for a holiday, or being the one to always collect the takeaway etc. I'm pretty traditional and sometimes I admit I would want my man to pick me up and take me out for dinner etc (fuck off crazy feminists, yes I can take myself out for dinner). I didn't actually realise how much of a deal breaker this was until it was put in front of me! Interested in opinions...

It would probably put me off someone a bit. My friends husband doesn't drive and she is very resentful of doing all the driving for the family - hospital, kids to activities and sports fixtures, to see parents and family. They have had a lot of health challenges as a family (DC and ageing parents) and it's just another thing that has been loaded on her and is now impacting her health.

But if I was young

Totally agree. I don't think I'd want a partner who saw a car as a necessity, as it would be too much at odds with my own values (neither my partner or I drive; we live in a city with good public transport links and walk most places locally).

Mumsnet in general appears weirdly obsessed with driving as a "life skill". It's really not.

Yep that would put me off too. When I met dh he had a nice car as well! Didn't drive then .passed at 32 used nice car to practice. Tbh if you were in London fair enough .anywhere else n

I would think a man who wouldn’t learn to drive was a bit childish if I’m honest. I’d feel more like a parent being asked for lifts here and there.

You asked a question, you have been given a range of answers. We all have our standards.

Do what makes you happy and keeps you safe.

It would put me off, yes.

For the vast majority of people, it's part of being a grown-up. It seems particularly mimsy if someone can't drive.

I wouldn’t date a man who didn’t drive. It’s just a personal preference.

I know plenty of people who never passed their driving test even after multiple attempts and so much money spent, so don’t drive, their life doesn’t seem to be affected, there are people who just can’t drive, I don’t judge them 🤷🏻‍♀️

I passed my test but don’t actually drive, causes me massive anxiety which could put me and others in danger so I don’t, my DH doesn’t seem phased 🤷🏻‍♀️

"I judge anyone over the age of 20 who can't drive and see them as a bit pathetic tbh." Hahahaha
Well there's us told

DH doesn't drive so obviously not a deal breaker for me but I will admit at times it does get tedious. Had to call my mum to collect us after I gave birth for example. He learned and passed his test but when we met he was out of practice, living in the city with no car and over the years it has become my thing. I always say he is an excellent "co-pilot/navigator" on long journeys though.

I wish DH drove more but he is a wonderful man and pulls his weight in other ways so its not enough to be a deal breaker for me. I think YANBU though as it is entirely subjective and a reasonable dealbreaker imo

My DP of 14 years doesn’t drive. No big deal. The only time he ever asks for a lift is the odd occasion the train is cancelled and he needs to get to work on time, and even then, he only asks when it’s cancelled too last minute for him to catch the bus.
Honestly, I’d be put off any man who like his car/driving too much.

we also have an Xbox - which I play as much as him - and split things 50/50 so we’re clearly terrible. 😉

@LorW Sorry that you went to all that expense, stress and difficulty of having driving lessons, honestly every single woman I have ever talked to about that has said the same thing about driving instructors! What a nightmare.

It would put me off because DH can't drive due to a medical condition and it's a pain. I wouldn't be impressed with someone who could learn to drive if they wanted to, but instead just let other people do all the driving. It's easy as a single person to say that you never ask anyone to drive you anywhere, but once you have kids, it means the parent who can drive is lumbered with a lot of ferrying about. It doesn't bother me with DH, I know he'd drive if he could as he hates not being able to, but I would really mind someone who was happy to sit at home while I did it all.

It would definitely be in the “cons” list, but wouldn’t be a dealbreaker on its own.

These threads always get very heated. I think people who choose not to drive are the most controversial topic on MN.

So so true 👍

Yes deal breaker for me!!!

Well lets hope you aren't in a position in the future where you can't drive hey.

No I wouldn't and was saying to my DD to not date a man who can't drive, she agreed 😀

I did it once. Never again. Day out to the coast meant always me driving. Day out to the countryside meant always me driving. Day out anywhere meant always me driving. Weekend away meant etc etc. Sometimes I like to be driven. Became massive deal breaker for me.

No. I don't drive, and it would be hypocritical of me to turn down someone on that basis.

@onthefencesitter are you from Singapore?

I don't think I have ever dated someone who couldn't drive (post secondary school). Not having a car and not being able to drive are very different things. People that live in large cities do not always need a car. I didn't until I moved to the countryside. It would have just sat there public transport was easier to use. But where I live now I am 5km from the nearest bus stop, the bus comes once on week days. If DH couldn't drive it would be a complete pain everything would be up to me. But like for the trip to Scotland lets say, even if he didn't have a car you could insure him on yours and still share. I think it would put me off. Also ppl who can't drive never contribute towards diesel (ime)

In my late teens, I was slightly put off if a guy I was considering dating did not drive for selfish reasons. I started driving in my early 20's and from then on really did not care as I had my independence.

I see driving as a life skill like swimming, cooking etc and am rather taken aback when I come across men who do not have a licence. I understand if a man does not currently drive due to circumstances- finance, health reasons etc. But not having the ability to drive is a different ball game.

I also am taken aback when I meet women who cannot drive.

Unsure what this says about me........

He could’ve been put off by you holidaying in Scotland.

Stereotype ahoy on here. Typical OTT comments.

People who don't drive aren't 'childish' or 'lazy.'

In fact one person I know who doesn't successfully runs a business and recently has been awarded an MBE.

Making silly comments about people is ridiculous.