Would you be put off by a man who doesn't drive?

[ItDoesMyHeadIn]

I was. Cancelled the date. I'm being too fussy apparently. To be fair my friend is married to a man who doesn't drive and he's amazing. Neither of my parents drive. The guy I was going to date could afford it, he just can't be arsed. He is happy to walk everywhere or use public transport. Up to him. But I would want to be with someone who can literally take the wheel sometimes. Like fuck do I want to be the one driving 8 hours up to Scotland for a holiday, or being the one to always collect the takeaway etc. I'm pretty traditional and sometimes I admit I would want my man to pick me up and take me out for dinner etc (fuck off crazy feminists, yes I can take myself out for dinner). I didn't actually realise how much of a deal breaker this was until it was put in front of me! Interested in opinions...

I’m laughing at the not being able to access clubs idea, my kids have done lots, karate, climbing, brownies, various music lessons, riding lesson, swimming, 2 different types of ballet and when I was on maternity I did baby massage and two group like stay and play or tumble tots. My kids love going to the park and use their bike everyday. I can guarantee they’re healthier and have more interests than their classmates

Where I live you're screwed if you don't drive, and I wouldn't want to be the only driver in a relationship.

I’m laughing at the not being able to access clubs idea

Depends what clubs they want to do. Mine did football and it involved multiple trips every weekend to faraway places in the middle of nowhere and the reality is that without a car that would not have been possible. That's just the truth.

Had they wanted to do Gymnastics or any of the groups at the local leisure centre they could have walked there-but they didn't.

I did give a chance to a non driver, he was lazy, didn't like getting the train because it was expensive and wanted me to give him lifts. Couldn't progress our relationship to living together because I didn't live near a train station and moaned he wouldn't be able to get to work easily.
He was a twat anyway, didn't generally have ambitions in life, and just couldn't be bothered to do much, but it's really put me off anyone that doesn't drive in future.

I think we should feel sorry for @PurpleButterflyWings . She lives in an area with bad public transport and can't afford to experience any urban areas in any meaningful way. It's a symbol of the inequality in the UK that I can save thousands over the years in London which has enabled me to buy property with my husband in our 20s while my friend in Yorkshire has to run 2 cars even when between jobs (and is still renting at 37 even though a house there costs 25% of my flat!). Her outgoings are basically equal to mine due to the two cars even though we earn 4X of what she does. I was aghast because those cars are basically a tax on the poor.

It's why it's hard to explain to her. It's hard to explain to Americans who have never left America that everyone here can access healthcare. It's hard to explain to people who have always lived in a third world country that there is a pension system and you don't need to pay bribes to a government official..it's hard to believe the UK is so so unequal but there are parts of the UK poorert han Bulgaria.

I married one that didn't and wouldn't learn. Never again. I thought it would be ok. It really wasn't.

It is limiting in every way. Where we lived had to be near bus or train or I would be hauling him everywhere. Yes, he also claimed he just walked or public transport everywhere. By the end, I felt like a taxi service.

Every holiday, I had to drive. Shopping, doctor, everything, I always had to drive.
Just once it would have been nice to have someone go out and get me some cold medicine or a nice takeaway when unwell.

But even if the parents have a car (I do but partner doesn't drive) that doesn't mean the kids can't get the bus to their hobbies.

My eldest gets the bus to training twice a week due to the time it starts. There is no way I could get home and then to the town his training is in due to work. And even if his dad did drive, training starts about 15 minutes after he gets home.

We stay rurally so not a fabulous bus service but the timings work for us. It's actually fostered a great sense of independence as he doesn't rely on me for lifts. Whereas a lot of his friends just wouldn't go somewhere if they can't get a lift.

How is that limiting a child's opportunities ? You can move houses/cities/countries to give your kids more opportunities if needs be . Parental diving licence or the lack of it is not what limits kids opportunities in life.

Economic hubs don't tend to be where there is bad public transport. In this day and age, where a solo FTB has to have a 70k deposit (circa 2022) and this is the whole of the uk, not just London, I might even argue that not living within commuting distance of an economic hub would severely limit your kids' opportunities; it may be the difference between them spending 50% of their salary on rent/ owning thier home if you don't have 70k to gift to them. DH and I saved 70k by living in London with his mum who had the foresight to buy and live in London (and she never had a car in her life). But it would v v unreasonable to start a thread saying people who move to the countryside and have no deposit to gift to their children are limiting their kids' opportunities.

But this would be the true divide in this country- those with secure housing and those without. Not those with cars and those without. You can't exactly get a job if you don't have a roof over your head,there are many jobs in many areas of the country which don't require a car; and in London, it is impossible to drive to the City anyway.

You can move houses/cities/countries to give your kids more opportunities if needs be .

Assuming it's possible, it's hard to see why you'd be prepared to move countries for your kids but not to learn to drive.

It wouldn't occur to me to judge someone on whether they drive or don't drive. I know plenty of women who don't drive and their husbands don't seem to mind.

It wouldn't bother me to be the main/only driver.

If in the future it becomes really necessary, he could always learn.

I can drive but I'm really not a fan and I live somewhere with rubbish public transport, my Husband loves to drive. If I was single and met someone who didn't drive it would put me off. Not because I feel like it is a 'basic life skill' but because it would be impractical. If I lived in a city or somewhere with decent public transport it would be different

If it became really hard to live in London without a car, I would consider moving back to Singapore where the certificate to own a car can be the equivalent of £70k. It would never be necessary to own a car there, the government has promised that 90% of the population would live within 0.5 miles of a metro station...

That's why when I hear the junior minister of transport talk about how private cars are outdated, I kinda get where she is coming from. I grew up in a rich country where it certainly wasn't available to the masses. My dad's car cost the equivalent of £200k, certificate inclusive and also additional taxes! Why should we assume car ownership is always available to the masses ? Like buying a house with garde in zone 3 London (or even certain parts of the home counties), it may just not be available to the masses anyway

Some people can live in London. I can't. I lived there for 2 years and was desperate to get out, too crowded, too many people, I just felt surrounded. The only bit I liked was the City Square Mile on a Sunday when there were basically no people - so there's no way I could happily live in London. DH's job literally doesn't exist in London so we're compatible there fortunately.

So many activities don't require transport to start but then become more involved - football starts with local then you get after school matches and tournaments early on a Sunday when public transport hasn't started yet. Or the kids get to a higher level and start being expected to travel to competitions which are generally at obscure (because cheap) sports halls in random suburbs. Yes you can get lifts with other parents but lack of reciprocation tends to breed resentment (unless of course the school/club does the transport).

I don't include London in places where not driving would be a problem, but anyone wedded to London would not be someone I could be in a long term relationship with because I didn't like London as a place to live.

I would see it more as enabling them to live near decent jobs, where they wouldn't be forced to part with many hundreds of £££ a month just to run a car to get to work, as well as being close to amenities and services.

I mean, what's even the insurance on a car for 20-somethings these days?

Shed loads of ppl in central London don't drive.

I think there are two separate things here: being able to drive, and actually driving. I personally would agree with the former being a life skill. However in my opinion being reliant on cars is not a desirable situation. We as a family avoid car ownership and invest some of the money saved into alternative setups such living close to public transport, local school, deliveries, rail, sometimes car hire.

The majority of the population don't live in London!

But having a licence doesn't "force" them to do anything or close off any options. It just opens up other ones. If they can't afford or don't want to run a car, they still have the option to live close to work, services and amenities. If they don't drive, they don't have the option to live elsewhere.

Besides, hiring a car is always a possibility if it's not worth owning one. That's not much as a one off here and there. Lots of jobs require a licence but not a car. My career breakthrough job did. I drove the company car when necessary.

Freedom and liberation means having choices. If you drive, you have more choices.

Its not hard at all to assume you might have to move a house to be closer or in a catchment area for a better secondary school/college for example? Or leave a rural area or even country to get a better job elsewhere so your kids can have more opportunities? I believe to be able to speak 3 languages, as an example, is far more impressive as a life skill, than to be able to drive or to have a car. Therefore I think this OP's post is unreasonable.

What I'm saying is that it's hard to see why you'd go as far as moving countries to gain opportunities for your kids, learn new languages etc, but you won't drive. Assuming it's possible for you to learn, of course, but I hope that's an obvious given.

There do seem to be a lot of people on the thread who think there are loads of either/or choices related to driving.

What I'm saying is that it's hard to see why you'd go as far as moving countries to gain opportunities for your kids, learn new languages etc, but you won't drive. Assuming it's possible for you to learn, of course, but I hope that's an obvious given.

My husband is trilingual, he has moved countries for better opportunites in his chosen field, he hasn’t learned to drive because he doesn’t need to.

Well, because is not an essential skill for me, my work and my lifestyle at the moment. I always aimed to live in a city with a decent transport, all the necessities around me and I love walking. Whenever I have some additional money, I choose to spend it on what to me and my children are more valuable things in life such as experiences, education and other languages/travel. Not a car. To me OP's posts almost claim that this guy is somehow limited as a person because he doesn't drive, her examples given that he wouldn't be able to pick her up for a date when she got her tan spray on and got her hair done (her words not mine) nor would he pick up a local take away. To me this is a more limiting mentality in general because ones ability to drive doesn't necessarily mean you are more open to the world or more prepared to drive kids to all kinds of activities. What am I even saying, not driving doesn't say anything about a person at all. Simply that he doesn't drive. It somehow says more about OP that she is so fixated about those things.

If you are dating someone who doesn't drive it gets old quickly. I did this and you the expectation of driving everywhere and picking up dropping off is exhausting
@ItDoesMyHeadIn there was divorce not for that specific reason but it didn't help !