Would you be put off by a man who doesn't drive?

[ItDoesMyHeadIn]

I was. Cancelled the date. I'm being too fussy apparently. To be fair my friend is married to a man who doesn't drive and he's amazing. Neither of my parents drive. The guy I was going to date could afford it, he just can't be arsed. He is happy to walk everywhere or use public transport. Up to him. But I would want to be with someone who can literally take the wheel sometimes. Like fuck do I want to be the one driving 8 hours up to Scotland for a holiday, or being the one to always collect the takeaway etc. I'm pretty traditional and sometimes I admit I would want my man to pick me up and take me out for dinner etc (fuck off crazy feminists, yes I can take myself out for dinner). I didn't actually realise how much of a deal breaker this was until it was put in front of me! Interested in opinions...

Would he have learned to drive if it had advanced his chosen field the way moving countries and learning new languages did?

I get the impression that you find his being trilingual impressive, which it certainly is. But again, if you can do something that impressive for your children's benefit, it's hard to see why you wouldn't do something else that most people would find easier to do and would open up yet more options.

I have thrown thousands at learning to drive, it didn't happen because I can't reach the level required, no amount of shouting from the rooftops about essential life skills is going to change the mind of the examiners who have decided that.
I can do things other people can't, I don't dismiss them as useless or incompetent because I posses a skill they don't.

I decided to not keep banging my head against a rather expensive brick wall and just get on with my life, to not keep on throwing money at it and getting the same result, when I could use that (limited) money to arrange my life and make choices that take into account my lack of driving by choosing to live somewhere with decent transport links and access to amenities, and just get on with it.
I'm not sure I'd value a relationship or friendship with someone who didn't value me being able to do that tbh, and only saw that I lacked something rather than I have other skills that are valuable.

I still couldn't be a rural vet if I had a driving license because I'm not clever enough.
I still couldn't live in a lovely little isolated village if I had a driving license because I can't afford to.
I can't attend the party at an obscure venue if I'm at work, even if I could drive there.
I'm as much if not more restricted by other areas of my life than the lack of driving license.
I live within those restrictions the same way I do with not driving.

Not having a driving license isn't the end of the world unless you're so narrow minded and blinkered that you can't possibly realise there's other ways to live your life other than relying on a car.
A license isn't forever and automatic, it comes with conditions attached that are sometimes beyond a person's control - surely a valuable life skill is being able to still be independent without driving, than blindly relying on it?

surely a valuable life skill is being able to still be independent without driving, than blindly relying on it?

Another either/or. So many of them.

I don't know anyone who is capable of driving who isn't also capable of using public transport and taxis.

Not really, as where I’m from speaking more than one language is both common and normal, I’m trilingual and I’m fairly proficient in BSL. Lots
of places (including where I’m from) being at least bilingual is the norm, so it would take more than three languages to impress me, unless it was something really hard learned as an adult, like Finnish.

Driving wouldn’t open any options for him, it would just drain his bank account by £50 for every lesson, thats if he could find a local instructor with an adapted car, if not he would either have to find a specialist instructor, or buy, insure, tax and adapt a cheap car to learn in.

We've got several posters talking about the skills they find, and I quote, "far more impressive" than driving. They're missing the point.

I don't think drivers generally consider ordinary everyday driving to be "impressive". Quite the opposite: for most of us, it's a pretty mundane thing that I think most adults can do. But it also opens up a lot of choices that you wouldn't otherwise have.

That's why it's hard to see why you wouldn't do it if you could. Precisely because it's very useful, and doesn't require an impressive amount of skill or talent.

But is only applies if you live in a situation where there is driving to be done?

I don't drive and nor does my partner (although he does have a licence, which I found out accidentally when it came up briefly in conversation a few years ago) and it's never entered my head before or since because there is no situation we're ever in where it would be necessary for any 'ferrying around' or 'picking up and dropping off'.

Like a PP, I live two minutes from my nearest tube station, five minutes from three more and within ten minutes of more still plus four mainline stations. There is a bus stop practically across the road, a bank of Santander bikes on the corner and even escooters just over from them. I'm not suggesting that this applies to many people, but just that it is not a given that everybody has to travel by car at some point in their day/week/year or miss out on something. They don't.

But is only applies if you live in a situation where there is driving to be done?

Being able to drive gives you the option of living in a situation where there is driving to be done. It doesn't compel you to do it, it just means you don't have to rule it out at any point.

It gives you more choices.

To those saying people who don't drive lack skills and ambition, and tend to not do much with their lives, then please do explain to me the following non-drivers....

Nicola Sturgeon, First Minister of Scotland (For the record, I am no fan of her but you can't say she hasn't mounted to anything).
Robbie Williams.
Barbara Streisand
Noel Gallagher
Albert Einstein
Ricky Gervais

All these 'failures' who don't drive eh... 🙄

I've already lived in that situation - I grew up in a dump of a village where there was nothing to do (and which still has problems with drugs and alcohol amongst young people who are stuck there) and few prospects of that changing, just because my parents decided that moving outside a city was 'better for children'. What absolute bollocks.

At seventeen I left and moved to a nearish town which is known for being deprived and currently has one of the lowest average wages in the country, but it being a shithole meant I could afford to get started there. Nobody I knew there drove or owned a car, and the idea that they should because how else would their children get to their ballet and violin lessons would be nothing short of bizarre.

Having built up my business travelling back and forth from London for twelve years or so, I moved here as soon as I could afford it, and I can confidently say I would rather sleep under Waterloo Bridge than ever live in a place like that again. I would rather be dead.

Well, I'm glad you're living the life you want.

I do agree it's not an either/or, but that actually works both ways though, which I get is disappointing for people who have decided the virtues and values of every non driver for them.

People who are capable of driving are capable of using taxi's. People who are not capable of driving are capable of actually taking that into account in their life choices and arranging accordingly. Just like a driver can.

The driving license doesn't suddenly give you the ability to arrange your life according to your circumstances, anyone can do that.
Shocking I know, but there you are 🤷🏼‍♀️

Well, I'm glad you're living the life you want.

And so am I! It took long enough (and that wasn't meant to be as ranty as it sounded; I promise I am not turning into Ragey Butterfly or whoever the fuck it was 🤣).

The driving license doesn't suddenly give you the ability to arrange your life according to your circumstances

Well, it can do. There are some situations where it makes the difference between living in the best place or getting the best job or having the option you require. My career breakthrough job required a licence, though not a car. I could have chosen a different career, obviously, but it was good to have the choice.

Like I said, it just opens up options that are not otherwise available.

Well you see, some of us just don't have that unimpressive, mundane skill, it's not there, despite trying to cultivate it. A few driving examiners have confirmed this, and actually because they confirmed it, more than once, is the reason I chose to just get on with life and live rather than beat myself up over something so mundane and unimpressive.
Apart from the fact there's apparently plenty of people already so angry and offended with me because of that and not shy to share their angst about my life that affects them in no way - so don't worry I know my place, there's nothing really productive to be gained by continuing to spend money on something that just isn't happening. Rather spend it on stuff that makes my life more fulfilling tbh, and I do.

Do I realise that had I had the ability to master this skill I would have some advantages? Yes, but then I'm willing to accept it and work around it, rather than curl up in a ball and decide I can never live properly despite so many others apparently thinking that's what I should or do do, regards of the actual reality.

Well you see, some of us just don't have that unimpressive, mundane skill, it's not there, despite trying to cultivate it.

Yes, I know that.

I was trying to explain to other posters who were telling us about other skills that they find more impressive that this isn't the point. Most people who find driving desirable don't feel that way because the skill level astounds them, that's all.

I can confidently say I would rather sleep under Waterloo Bridge than ever live in a place like that again. I would rather be dead.

Ha! I'll join you.

It seems the underlying insight to this discussion is that we are not all the same.

@PurpleButterflyWings
I don't believe for a SECOND that anyone with children can give them a good, decent, full childhood right up to (and including) the university years WITHOUT A CAR. There's no way that every single activity or hobby or sport or pastime, that they are involved in (for the 13-14 years of school and college life,) is within 10 minutes walk or a short 10-15 minute jaunt on the bus.

Ridiculous comment. Hypocritical too given you called the poster narrow minded at the start of the post.

I can only surmise that your child(ren) have very limited lives with very few things going on in them. That must be the case, because regarding what a pp said, the only children I ever knew who had parents without a car, had very dull and mundane existences, did fuck-all outside of school, and went on to do very little with their lives, because of the lack of opportunities when they were children, because the parents could rarely get to them anything, because they couldn't drive.

That is just nasty!

Anyone else getting ads on this thread inviting them to become driving instructors?

Maybe it's a cunning plan to drum up business: "Get a driving license and instantly become sexier!"

Can’t believe this is still going but just for the record the people I know that drive actually take their kids less places, my sister barely takes her son anywhere as she “doesn’t like driving” she doesn’t see public transports as an option though but doesn’t like to drive anywhere far 🤦🏻

Indeed, @BiscoffSundae. I find a lot of driver/car owners seem incapable of understanding how trains, buses, trams and coaches work. I used to love a nice train journey with the kids and a picnic.

I find a lot of people who live in big cities with plenty of public transport options seem incapable of understanding what it's like in smaller cities, towns, villages, etc with poor/expensive public transport.

Was born and brought up in a village.

Wouldn't go back.

I find a lot of driver/car owners seem incapable of understanding how trains, buses, trams and coaches work.

I've never, ever seen this, even among the slowest, dappiest people I've known. Not once.

Are you sure?