Would you be put off by a man who doesn't drive?

[ItDoesMyHeadIn]

I was. Cancelled the date. I'm being too fussy apparently. To be fair my friend is married to a man who doesn't drive and he's amazing. Neither of my parents drive. The guy I was going to date could afford it, he just can't be arsed. He is happy to walk everywhere or use public transport. Up to him. But I would want to be with someone who can literally take the wheel sometimes. Like fuck do I want to be the one driving 8 hours up to Scotland for a holiday, or being the one to always collect the takeaway etc. I'm pretty traditional and sometimes I admit I would want my man to pick me up and take me out for dinner etc (fuck off crazy feminists, yes I can take myself out for dinner). I didn't actually realise how much of a deal breaker this was until it was put in front of me! Interested in opinions...

I’m a feminist. It’s a deal breaker for me. I don’t want to be the only driver in a partnership. It gets boring always being the adult. It’s not agout being chauffeured around it’s about sharing it out.
what if you needed to go to hospital asap ?? You getting in the bus

And this is unprecedented. The cost of motoring hasn't risen much in comparison with public transport fares in the last 2 decades because fuel prices hasn't risen much. This is going to change. We are in unchartered waters

No, it hasn’t risen much in comparison with public transport fares through deliberate government decisions influenced by the motoring lobby. Such as not applying fuel duty increases. The cost of fuel and high voltage power have the same impact on bus and local rail services as they do on cars.

Areas of low car ownership correlate with areas of deprivation. People in deprived areas are, on average, more reliant on public transport, walking and cycling than those in less deprived areas. This isn’t about rich people living 5 minutes from tube stations, this is about properly funding buses, properly funding cycling and walking infrastructure. But this isn’t what happens, because as a nation we prioritise the motorist and look down on those who can’t or won’t drive. While attitudes like those displayed in this thread continue, that’s never going to change.

It would put me right off.
Dated someone who couldn't drive - ended up feeling like his Mum.

And I think most feminists would agree everyone should take their turn at doing the driving 🙄

In the last few posts - adults who can’t drive are incompetent. People who can’t drive aren’t real adults.

These attitudes are pathetic and so incredibly small minded. You should be grateful that there other people out there choosing not to pollute yours and your children’s lungs and using public transport so that there might be some semblance of a network there when you find yourself unable to drive any longer.

No. not move to the town. My cleaner lives in zone 5 in harrow, so further out than me ( I live in zone 3). Her child gets free bus fares; in london that is the case. But she takes the tube to camden and then the bus to moorgate to save on commuting fares. She says her rent plus her commute from zone 5 cost much less than when she lived in kent even though her flat is smaller and her rent is more expensive. But at least she can do her job and afford the transport there. There are hospitals accessible by public transport in harrow. As for relatives, well there are trains and if it was a choice between living near relatives and being able to make a living, i think most people would choose the latter.

But yes I think its why crime rates are higher in the inner cities and in some non leafy outer suburbs of cities. Its because if you do the math, it is cheaper to live in such places so it attracts people from more deprived backgrounds. Its also why even expensive places like Islington (where Boris and the founder of mumsnet lived) also has a lot of poorer residents; the secretary in my office also lived there and she could walk to work! It also votes for Corbyn cos there are a lot of council residents there. There is a reason why they don't move out even though its pretty much a million pound neighbourhood- their rent is either housing association or covered by housing benefit; public transport is cheap(zone 2 to zone 1) or they can walk to many jobs or they can bike, they have access to aldi and lidl (which costs the same everywhere). Council tax is cheaper in London. Heating is cheaper (smaller homes). Most london catchment areas are really small (0.5 miles) so your kids' school would be walkable! i did the math before and it is cheaper even for me to live in London even as a home owner as my basic costs are very low esp without a car, all my money is able to go into overpaying my mortgage with an extra £1000 every month, which is a better use than spending it on fuel or car insurance as I can get it back when I sell my flat one day...For someone who is trying to make ends meet, I suppose it makes even more sense.

I wouldn’t want a partner who couldn’t drive. I will also make sure my children learn to drive. They don’t have to own a car or want to drive but having the skill is important.

Me and my husband both drive. We also use public transport and walk a lot.

I am friends with a couple and neither of them drive. I find it strange. They can’t even rent a car to go on holidays neither of them has ever even tried to learn , I’m sure they’d be capable. And money isn’t an issue for them. I just see how restricted their lives are and I wouldn’t ever want that. They are limited with jobs, where they can live, the schools their children can attend.. everything.

@Mol1628

I wouldn’t want a partner who couldn’t drive. I will also make sure my children learn to drive. They don’t have to own a car or want to drive but having the skill is important.

I agree. My DS had his first driving lesson on his 17th birthday and passed his test a few months later. He doesn't have his own car, he drives ours when he needs to drive anywhere. Still uses local buses between his Uni and his student flat (because there ARE good bus services along the main arterial route and he purposely rented a flat on the route so he could use the bus). Whether he buys a car when he graduates & gets a job depends entirely on where he works - if he gets a job in a city with good public transport, he has no intention of buying one, but otherwise he will. It's the flexibility and options that are important to him, as is the ability to rent a car when on holiday, or rent a van to help him move, etc.

Surely a man who doesn't drive is no issue unless -

(1) You have or want a lifestyle that involves driving, and you can't drive yourself.
(2) You have or want a lifestyle that involves driving, but you want the burden of driving shared.
(3) He wants a lifestyle that involves driving and demands his partner be the one who gives him that lifestyle.

It sounds like (1) and (3) don't apply in this case, but (2) does. So don't date him, he can't give you the lifestyle you want.

only 13% of residents in the City of London own a car. Only 37% of the residents in Kensington and Chelsea own a car. I really doubt these people are too poor to own a car. I was talking earlier about areas of deprivation in the inner cities but the City of London/Kensington represent a different type of non-driver.

Can I ask what you would do if your children were to not want to drive, or tried it and hated it? Would you force it on them just because you think they should?

As for your friends, why does it bother you so much that they don't drive? Do your friends know you hold these views and are judging them? Their lives might be restricted in certain ways which I am sure they are very aware of, but it is ultimately their choice and their lives, not yours.

I am friends with a couple and neither of them drive. I find it strange. They can’t even rent a car to go on holidays neither of them has ever even tried to learn , I’m sure they’d be capable. And money isn’t an issue for them. I just see how restricted their lives are and I wouldn’t ever want that. They are limited with jobs, where they can live, the schools their children can attend.. everything

But like you say - they would be capable of learning if they wanted to. And they don’t want to. So clearly these restrictions don’t bother them as much as they would bother you.

You live life the way you like it, they live life the way they like it, and nobody has to be baffled by other people not being exactly like them?

I assume i could walk to the hospital or uber/taxi if needed. I can't imagine most people drive to hospitals if ill. (or actually we are saying you MUST have a partner AND then must be able to drive.

referring to the OP, no way would i want a man to come and collect me in a car for a first date. thats just asking for trouble!

www.tbsnews.net/world/uk-plans-end-private-car-ownership-349717

'Transport Minister of the United Kingdom Government, Trudy Harrison recently stressed the necessity to ditch the "20th-century thinking centred around private vehicle ownership and towards greater flexibility, with personal choice and low carbon shared transport."
She said this while addressing the future of personal mobility at a mobility conference, reported Microsoft.

The minister praised public transportation also even bike-sharing services, e-scooters, and ride-sharing platforms at the conference.

Harrison asserted that all of these should reduce carbon emissions into UK's atmosphere. However, the choices do not come without costs, particularly for those living in rural areas.'

Whats the bet those in rural areas get forgotten just like how the north east got forgotten? its the tories, remember! They are not great at nuanced thoughtful inclusive approachs. Its generally blanket approach and if you are too poor to keep up, screw you!

The UK has more urban areas than the USA and the people in rural areas tend to vote for a monkey with a blue ribbon anyway so I actually think that it can be done without much costs to the electorate. I mean, the car owners in the leafy shires will be protected, they will switch to Teslas and will feel incredibly happy driving them but the people who can't afford electric cars, well thats too bad then.

Why are some people so angry and offended by the idea that non drivers can make choices around their circumstances to limit the impact of something they either can't do for various reasons or simply don't want to?

If it's important to you and a deal breaker in a relationship then fair enough, that's down to individual choice and preferences, the same as not wanting to date someone who smokes for example. Each to their own.

And it's quite laughable to be someone who walks about 3 feet to their car to go places, to consider someone who navigates timetables, walks to/from stations and stops or destinations, as lazy.

What's hilarious though is the drivers getting het up at non drivers saying they are narrow minded and ignorant because they don't understand that other people have different lives - when the whole thread (and others) is full of drivers saying how as they can't imagine living without their car, then no one else possibly could. Priceless irony.

🤣🤣🤣

This.

I've heard it all now, making driving a feminist issue.

I'd imagine if you were desperate to get to hospital, for some random reason, you could call an ambulance or taxi.

I certainly wouldn't want to be in control of a car if I were so unwell that I needed a hospital asap.

Not really, but I live in London. It would be nice to be with someone who drives, as it would make holidays so much nicer being able to rent a car and go wherever, but it's not an essential. I don't drive myself because ADHD makes it unsafe. I've been working hard on coping mechanisms and having lessons with an instructor trained in neurodiversity but it's probably safer all around not to drive if I can help it.

Jesus christ, this place is mental

Spot on!! 👏👏

Absolute deal breaker for me. I have been in a situation before where I had to cool things off because the lack of driving just massively limited options. It is certainly a turn off I’m afraid.

I do not understand the number of people asking "but what if you need to go to hospital???!!!!"

1)Even if I could drive we couldn't afford to run two cars so I'd be mostly carless anyway

2. I have friends and neighbours who would drive me

3. Taxis/ubers exist

4)Ambulances are a thing.

If you were that ill you needed to get to hispital asap, you certainly shouldn't be behind the wheel of a car.

I presume they meant getting your partner/spouse to drive you to hospital, which isn't easy if they don't drive!

(4) Citation needed.

Because people spend all day every day with their partners