Would you be put off by a man who doesn't drive?

[ItDoesMyHeadIn]

I was. Cancelled the date. I'm being too fussy apparently. To be fair my friend is married to a man who doesn't drive and he's amazing. Neither of my parents drive. The guy I was going to date could afford it, he just can't be arsed. He is happy to walk everywhere or use public transport. Up to him. But I would want to be with someone who can literally take the wheel sometimes. Like fuck do I want to be the one driving 8 hours up to Scotland for a holiday, or being the one to always collect the takeaway etc. I'm pretty traditional and sometimes I admit I would want my man to pick me up and take me out for dinner etc (fuck off crazy feminists, yes I can take myself out for dinner). I didn't actually realise how much of a deal breaker this was until it was put in front of me! Interested in opinions...

Very few people are in a position where driving is the only way to get to work. I'd imagine the youth of today will be a bit more resourceful, imaginative or choose work where a car isn't essential. Good for them too God help the increasing number of people who need or will be needing care. I go to different care homes, many of which are out in the sticks. Then there's domicillary care, driving is usually a stated requirement for these jobs as you go from home to home caring for people. Nothing to do with not being resourceful or imaginative.

@onthefencesitter

My MIL is a short bus ride away actually. DH and i work in the City , it costs £15 congestion charge per day and there isn't parking! My parents are in Asia, try driving there :) All our other relatives are abroad too.

I have never come across a job that required me to drive. All of them were accessible by public transport or mostly in v central london. 25% of graduate jobs are in London, thats just the reality. Many young people generally start their careers in cities like Manchester or London where there is public transport. Due to the housing crisis, many young people end up living for years in flat shares and even people like me who are home owners buy in urban areas because of work.

I WFH 2 days a week but I still need to be able to get to my central london workplace by public transport so i need to live in a place with public transport. In fact, the first question at a job interview is 'where do you live'? Fine if its london or a commuter town, big no if its v faraway and not accessible by public transport. And then when I say its my zone 3 north london suburb, they go 'oh its easy for you then, just go down the northern line!'. No mention of cars!

The phrase 'I'm all right Jack, pull up the ladder' springs to mind.

I must have missed this post where the first quote is from, bloody hell, they got the ick because their ex was in the passenger seat of a car and not the driving seat!!!! 😬That alone has just given me the ick!

Exactly this. ^ The amount of ignorance and sheer narrow-mindedness of some non-drivers on here, is mind boggling. As I say, you can tell which posters on here have children and relatives who need care, from those who don't!!!

And as for 'I live in the city, I can walk everywhere, or just hop on a bus and be at my job/destination in 15 minutes!!! Bloody bully for you. Meanwhile, it's quite different, in the REAL world, for many MANY other people......................

Exactly this. ^ The amount of ignorance and sheer narrow-mindedness of some non-drivers on here, is mind boggling. As I say, you can tell which posters on here have children and relatives who need care, from those who don't!!!

I don't drive. Should I not have had a child?

Do I not live in the real world cos i live a 10 minute walk from a tube station and a 2 minute walk from a bus stop? Tube trains come every 2 minutes!

yes same

I don't drive, my bofriend does. I would never dream of suggesting we drive up to London (ie hire a car as we don't have one being london based) and make him drive. I look for options that we can train to for holidays and breaks.

(i also own an xbox! i just spent the morning playing on it before starting my masters study for the day - shoot me now!)

@FrazzledMummy123 I agree wholeheartedly with your comment. I tend to use my car for journeys I could walk/ cycle/ use public transport for and am trying to reduce this, in large part inspired my non-driving husband who is absolutely not a CF and manages to get around remarkably well.

You live in "your" real world where it sounds like YOU don't need a car.

However, most people don't live with 10 mins from the tube and 2 mins from a bus stop. So THEIR real world (the majority of people) is completely different to yours, and lots of them DO need a car to do pretty basic/simple normal tasks that you take for granted can be done by public transport.

@onthefencesitter

Do I not live in the real world cos i live a 10 minute walk from a tube station and a 2 minute walk from a bus stop? Tube trains come every 2 minutes!

Dear God. I give up! 😖

Why is my life which involves full time work, a young child and ageing parents who need support, not the real world? It’s not in London, either, I’ve never lived there.

@Badbadbunny

You live in "your" real world where it sounds like YOU don't need a car. However, most people don't live with 10 mins from the tube and 2 mins from a bus stop. So THEIR real world (the majority of people) is completely different to yours, and lots of them DO need a car to do pretty basic/simple normal tasks that you take for granted can be done by public transport.

Thank you! FFS, I feel like I'm going mad reading this thread, with the amount of ignorant narrow minded bullshit on it from SOME non-drivers. 'Oh but I live 5 minutes walk from the bus stop and 10 minutes walk from the tube, therefore everyone should get rid of their car!!!' Utterly bizarre! There's no getting through to these people. Batshit!

Hope it works well for you! My DH did the same when we got together (I’m the non-driver, he was far too reliant on the car) and he saved loads of money as a result as well as avoiding a lot of traffic jam/parking type stress.

I wish people would consider how the sort of views and statements expressed here affect those who can't drive for medical reasons.

My husband can't drive due to epilepsy, his diagnosis as a teenager closed off a lot of avenues to him and it wasn't an easy time for him. A couple of decades on and he's mostly made peace with it. But people have come out with all sorts of shit in front of him and no matter of "oh we don't mean you" or him having to justify that he gets a 'pass' for medical reasons makes him feel better about it.

The big decisions in this country are made by people who live 2 minutes from a bus stop and 10 minutes from a tube station. Boris has always been able to cycle to work.

So if a tank of petrol reaches £200-300 (currently £100), it does not affect them. Yes they could afford the cost of petrol (whatever it is) but equally the 'poorer' people who they would interact with the most i.e. junior staff at downing street would also live near public transport networks. The people they do know who live in the countryside are likely to be the type with a Georgian pile or £2 million house in Beaconsfield. So they would have limited sympathy for anyone who cannot afford an electric car or who cannot afford £400 per tank of petrol because in our London centric world, anyone who is poor or middle income has no business owning a car if they can't afford it. It is a luxury on par with going out to eat at a restaurant in inner London. The government has no money to subsidize fuel.

which is why poorer motorists are pretty much screwed and so poorer people should really consider moving more centrally...And as the GBP drops and the war in ukraine rages on, it does stand to reason that the cost of fuel would be sky high and there is nothing much we can do about that!

which is why poorer motorists are pretty much screwed and so poorer people should really consider moving more centrally...And as the GBP drops and the war in ukraine rages on, it does stand to reason that the cost of fuel would be sky high and there is nothing much we can do about that!

Increased urbanisation leads to reducing standards of living and higher levels of inequality. Just getting everyone to move into a city won't do anything to help, only aggressive and thorough wealth redistribution can hope to sort out the mess we are in but there's zero chance of that happening. Rumour has it Boris is planning to offer free fiddle lessons as his next big idea to "build back better"

How come the cost of motoring has not risen anywhere near as fast as the cost of public transport (outside London)? The MPs you’re talking about represent seats in leafy shires where everyone wants to drive their SUV 4 minutes down the road. The motoring lobby is unbelievably powerful in this country.

Dangerous question on MN! I was told on another thread that I shouldnt have had a child because I rent.

Well the people in wealthy leafy shire areas will be able to buy electric cars or to buy petrol. Also my colleagues who do live in leafy shires only use their cars on the weekend despite them loving their cars. They work in london and so they have to take the train and even when they WFH, they are not using the car.

And this is unprecedented. The cost of motoring hasn't risen much in comparison with public transport fares in the last 2 decades because fuel prices hasn't risen much. This is going to change. We are in unchartered waters

I don't disagree with that, but people will not have much choice in this matter. I mean, would you rather live without a car in Manchester/London or in Shropshire? If you are an essential worker in London, you can get night buses or the tube. You might not earn much more than you do in Shropshire but in Shropshire, if you can't afford to run a car, you are stuck on UC. And that is not fun even if your housing costs are lower.

@onthefencesitter

....which is why poorer motorists are pretty much screwed and so poorer people should really consider moving more centrally...!

This is actually off-the-charts batshit. I don't even know where to begin with this one! I have not seen such an ignorant, ill-informed post on here in a LONG time.

Poor are you? Can't afford petrol, or to run a car? Just move into the city or town where you can walk to your job and your childrens school and the hospital, and all your relatives, (because of course, they will ALL be in the same place!) What a lovely little bubble you live in. What's the weather like there?

Strike that. I don't believe you're being serious. I don't know a SOUL in real life who would make such batshit, ignorant, daft, farcical comments. You HAVE to be taking the piss.

Agree with you OP. Driving is something able bodied adults of sound minds should be able to do. It’s part of being a competent adult.

Yep I agree, had to read that comment a couple of times to make sure I was reading it properly and there weren't typos etc.
As you say, absolute batshit.

Deal breaker for me too !

i mean i CAN drive. i passed my test when i was 18 or so. Not driven since. But i could take refresher lessons if i wanted to.

but i choose to live in big cities and places where i can commute to work. Its not something i have ever thought about in a partner?