Would you be put off by a man who doesn't drive?

[ItDoesMyHeadIn]

I was. Cancelled the date. I'm being too fussy apparently. To be fair my friend is married to a man who doesn't drive and he's amazing. Neither of my parents drive. The guy I was going to date could afford it, he just can't be arsed. He is happy to walk everywhere or use public transport. Up to him. But I would want to be with someone who can literally take the wheel sometimes. Like fuck do I want to be the one driving 8 hours up to Scotland for a holiday, or being the one to always collect the takeaway etc. I'm pretty traditional and sometimes I admit I would want my man to pick me up and take me out for dinner etc (fuck off crazy feminists, yes I can take myself out for dinner). I didn't actually realise how much of a deal breaker this was until it was put in front of me! Interested in opinions...

@burnoutbabe

I assume i could walk to the hospital or uber/taxi if needed.

City-centric thinking again. Walking to the hospital only works if you live in a city with a few city centre hospitals - not much use if your nearest hospital is several miles away!

Only the larger cities have Ubers.

Taxis are hard to find these days in smaller towns, villages, etc. Lots of taxi drivers have given up due to lack of support during covid and more recently the prices of fuel, used car price rises, etc - many have moved to driving vans doing deliveries for Amazon and supermarkets instead due to regular incomes.

I presume they meant getting your partner/spouse to drive you to hospital, which isn't easy if they don't drive!

But people without a car at their disposal do manage to get themselves to hospital all the time?

I’m never going to be able to drive, so as an adult I dealt with this by living a life where I could get to places without needing a car. I didn’t go “oh no, I do hope Prince Charming rocks up with a Vauxhall Corsa and marries me one day, or I’ll be fucked if I ever break an ankle.”

right but the amount of people who live in large cities is probably the same as one's who do not? its not a minority thing.

And no one can drive THEMSELVES to a hospital if ill can they? so if i was single it would not matter what my driving status was, i'd have to have another way to get to a hospital if sick.

So really, if you live in rural areas, yes driving is probably a needed thing. But if you live in London, its probably not.

Also, do so many people really not have anyone in their lives who would drive them to hospital if needed?

This would really annoy me.

Yes.

So if you need a partner to be able to drive in case you need to go to the hospital, being single is a dangerous condition is it?

Last time I visited the hospital for DC I took a taxi. It was cheaper than hospital parking would have been anyway and less hassle. There was a woman in the waiting room with us who needed to put extra time on the car, couldn’t leave her DC alone in waiting room and it was all proving a bit of a nightmare for her.

Quote of the day 💯

Having a car and the ability to drive is crucial for some useful professions (vet, district nurses, domiciliary care, OOH GPs, social workers, health visitors).

Ok vets could be small animal vets in the city without a car but there is literally no way a farm vet could work without a decent sized vehicle.

Some of these professionals need to be available in rural/suburban areas too, meaning that their partners probably also need to be able to drive to get a job.

There are areas of the UK with decent transport links, these a generally more expensive than comparable areas without good transport links.

Driving gives a wider choice of jobs. Even within well connected semi urban areas transport to industrial sites can be limited - or have useless start and finish times...

If you are established in your life and a car isn't necessary, great. If you're not settled into a career/place of living then having a car leaves more options open.

If either DH or I couldn't drive we'd have to make massive changes to our life. He'd lose his job (if he was the one not driving) and I'd be massively limited in the hours I could work. The children would also have to drop after school activities. Which would be tough as they need the exercise...

Well yes, I could have moved my entire family, sell a house I love, move my childrens schools, lives, pay stamp duty and legal fees, because DH didn’t fancy learning to drive?

And as to whether I hate him. Well, I was disabled, but I’d have continued to drive 3 children to school, him to work and collect him everyday as well as do my own job, had i not been physically unable to care for a grown man unwilling to do the same for me.

Did you not consider moving to somewhere more practical?

So not only do we have to move ourselves, we also have to move our respective parents who are only "independent" because we do a lot for them, take their shopping, take them to medical appointments, do all kinds of admin for them as neither can do their own banking or bill paying anymore, sort out their house repairs/maintenance, etc. If we beggared off to a city and left them behind, they'd need a hell of a lot of external support or would have to go into homes.

Likewise, perhaps we should uproot our children to different school hundreds of miles away, make them leave behind their friends, other family, etc.

Our entire lives are based in our current area. Making massive life changes just for the sake of being able to drive less is crazy due to the disruption, costs, etc.

Anyway, isn't the standard excuse for people on benefits not moving out of cities to cheaper/rural areas because of their strong local/family ties in their city? Surely if it's too much uphievel for those on benefits to move to cheaper areas, then equally it's too much upheival for workers to move into cities. Or are double standards at play?

I've always lived in cities so have never felt the need to drive. DH, same. When we met both of us sort of thought we might learn one day, when we got around to it.

That was 20 years ago. We never did learn and now it's too late for me (I can't drive due to a medical condition). We can't afford for DH to learn or to buy a car.

I'm almost 50 and also have rheumatoid arthritis so my mobility can often be poor and I'm always in pain. I have to rely on public transport to get anywhere. Of course it's not door to door so I still have to lug shopping home. The bus services near me have gone to shit in the last couple of years - there used to be six buses an hour to my local hospital, now there's one an hour, which means I'm often ridiculously early for appointments (I often have several a month).

As far as leisure goes, our lives are very limited. As an example, a local touristy/beauty spot that takes about half an hour by car would take us four bus journeys there and back and would be a 4 hour round trip including waiting time. I can't walk far now which means we can't go on long walks like we used to. Consequently we don't really go anywhere.

We don't ask anyone for lifts - we've no friends or family to ask, and tbh even if we did we'd not impose.

Not being able to drive wouldn't (and didn't!) put me off a man when I was younger but I agree it's a life skill, and by God it's one I wish DH had now. It'd change our lives.

It seems like some of the people who don't live in big cities can't fathom what it's like to live in one.

The majority of people in London don't have a car. In many cases, they don't have anywhere to park one and even if they did, they wouldn't be using it enough to make it worthwhile. The only time I think 'ooh it would be handy to have a car' is when I want to go on a day trip or weekend away outside London. Is it really worth buying, taxing and insuring a car just for that?

The traffic is terrible where I live. You can be sitting in traffic for well over an hour to go a distance that would take ten minutes on the train. All the 'what if you needed to go to the hospital people'....it's the last way I'd want to get to a hospital round here. It would take forever.

Why hadn't he learned? Has he learned now?

The majority of people in London don't have a car.

Is this true? Are you including people outside of Zone 2?

It seems like some of the people who don't live in big cities can't fathom what it's like to live in one.

Equally, lots of people in cities can't fathom what it's like to live rurally.

And no one can drive THEMSELVES to a hospital if ill can they?

Twice I have driven myself to A&E after an accident.

Of course I wouldn’t force them but I would strongly encourage it. Just like I am encouraging them to do other things I think are important to learn in life.

Dont really care that my friends don’t drive just I really wouldnt want their lifestyle for myself!

I'm one of those City of London residents and I can confirm that you would have to have completely lost your mind to try and keep a car here 🤣

Yes. 0.3 cars per adult in London.

Our building is unusual as every flat has at least one parking space, virtually all are used to store a bicycle or two. We have a car and a camper, we’re selling our car as it hasn’t been used since October, well, apart from being a storage cupboard on wheels.

So driving is a requirement for some car jobs. So what? Given the poor wages and conditions involved, I don't think that many job seekers are missing out on much there.

The way the cost of petrol is going though, in many cases it will be more economical to send carers about by bicycle.

Funny how 85% of the population live in urban areas, and yet if you believed Mumsnet you'd think that 85% of the population really lived in the back end of Aberdeenshire.

So driving is a requirement for some car jobs. So what? Given the poor wages and conditions involved, I don't think that many job seekers are missing out on much there.

How patronising to people that are carers or nurses that go out into the Community.

The way the cost of petrol is going though, in many cases it will be more economical to send carers about by bicycle.

That will impact the distance they can cover and the number of clients they can see per day, as well as how much they can carry with them.

So driving is a requirement for some car jobs. So what? Given the poor wages and conditions involved...

That's rather a sweeping statement for every job that requires a driving licence.

Depends where you live. I had a date with a guy who didn't drive but lived and worked in a local town so didn't have any incentive. I live rurally with poor bus service. I could just see it would always be me working out travel. There were other factors that influenced my final decision but this was a significant one.