Would you be put off by a man who doesn't drive?

[ItDoesMyHeadIn]

I was. Cancelled the date. I'm being too fussy apparently. To be fair my friend is married to a man who doesn't drive and he's amazing. Neither of my parents drive. The guy I was going to date could afford it, he just can't be arsed. He is happy to walk everywhere or use public transport. Up to him. But I would want to be with someone who can literally take the wheel sometimes. Like fuck do I want to be the one driving 8 hours up to Scotland for a holiday, or being the one to always collect the takeaway etc. I'm pretty traditional and sometimes I admit I would want my man to pick me up and take me out for dinner etc (fuck off crazy feminists, yes I can take myself out for dinner). I didn't actually realise how much of a deal breaker this was until it was put in front of me! Interested in opinions...

@BobbinHood exactly

My partner and I are both in the can’t be arsed to learn category. I don’t really care if that boils anyone’s piss.
Driving wouldn’t make our commutes more pleasant. It wouldn’t change how we do school runs, or shopping, or visiting friends/family, or our hobbies, or day trips, or holidays. It would be extremely expensive and we’d end up less fit and a lot more stressed.
A car dependent lifestyle also puts you in a very vulnerable position financially and medically, which I’d hate.

Yes, again, i agree. I'm quite determined not to be car-dependent. I don't see owning a car as freedom, quite the opposit, but i get that a car gives some people freedom. It's really strange reading the boils my piss types of comments 😐

Sometimes, depending on where you live you have no choice but to be car dependent so there's nothing wrong with being prepared for all eventualities. It certainly feels like a freedom to me.

But with driving lessons/taking the tests and running a car being ££££s currently it's not a cheap freedom.

It's always more liberating to have an extra option.

Agree. I’m sure there are others who aren’t like this at all but I must have met up with 4 guys in a really short space of time who were all of this ilk, one of them implied that as I had confessed to having a few extra lbs at the time I should be grateful to drive him around in exchange for having a man!

Sheesh. How did that conversation go?

It's you, not her, PBW. You have been really nasty on this thread. It's weird.

And this is the third thread in as many months slagging off non-drivers. It's kind of weird. Just stop slagging off non drivers. You'd swear these people (not all, the ones with the boiled piss🤣) hadn't heard of global warming. We need fewer cars on the rd, not more. Im not looking for any kind of medal for not having a car but non drivers do not deserve to be slagged off so relentlessly on mumsnet. I never lecture 2xcar owners or people who live near public transport but never use it about the environment as i wouldnt want to make friends feel bad.

I couldn't live with myself if everything fell on my DH's shoulders tbh.

But driving isn't 'everything', is it? It's one thing. Unless you know the balance if chores, responsibilities etc in someone's relationship, and their own situation in terns of location, travel needs etc, you can't really assume that 'everything' falls on one partner's shoulders, can you? Not everybody needs to be able to drive. Sometimes neither partner drives.

You know that you can go away for a weekend without any driving being necessary?

As a non-driver I’d find it intolerable to spend 80-90% of all long journeys being driven about by my husband, personally. But it takes all sorts! Isn’t it good we’re all different and can sort out our own relationships and holidays the way that suits us?

As a non-driver I’d find it intolerable to spend 80-90% of all long journeys being driven about by my husband, personally.

What would be so intolerable about it?

It would put me off as all the responsibility would be on me and when you live alone it's like that anyway - all the time. The carefree feeling (if he is a good, safe driver obvs) of being a passenger is something I miss.

I don’t like feeling that I’m the more dependent, less active one in my relationship. It’s just my own personal preference; I wouldn’t judge anyone who didn’t feel that way about it.

Yes it’s so weird, and not reflective of the real world where (where I live at least) people drive or don’t drive to suit their own lifestyles and no one is having their piss boiled by strangers. Although some drivers do seem incredibly angry sometimes - if there’s a link there then I'm glad I don’t drive and my DH only drives when he absolutely has to, because we just don’t need that kind of angst in our lives.

Yes - I may have missed it earlier in the thread but I haven't seen this mentioned before now; there is no way as a seventeen year old I could have afforded to learn to drive even if I'd wanted to, and I think it's telling the number of posters who take for granted that it's an option for everyone to accept or decline?

I'll freely admit that I have no idea at all what driving lessons/tests, fuel, road tax or even cars themselves cost, but surely posters must be able to see that they're in a position of not inconsiderable privilege to be even able to think about driving and running a car as a choice in the first place?

👏👏 well said.

Yep, deal breaker for me. I don't live in a city with good public transport, so a car is really a necessity. I had my first driving lesson on my 17th birthday as I was already fed up of relying on "Dad's taxi" to get around. My first serious boyfriend didn't drive (too lazy/mean to learn), and expected me to drive him everywhere, drop off/pick up from work, if we weren't going anywhere, drive him home after a night in/out - one of life's "takers". There was no reason why he couldn't learn, he just couldn't be bothered and didn't want to spend the money - he never even offered me petrol money. After a few months, I was thoroughly fed up of it and dumped him. My next boyfriend (now my DH of 25 years) had a car and we did a lot more equally which was a breath of fresh air as we'd take turns going out and then share driving on long trips - much more equitable.

That's fine if the non-driver is happy using their feet and public transport and DOESN'T expect the driver to be their personal chauffeur.

Unfortunately, there are a lot of virtue-signallers who don't drive, but expect their friends/family/partners to drive them about when they don't want to walk or use a bus! It's the hypocracy that people complain about.

There are loads of threads at the moment on mumsnet bashing non-drivers. I really don't understand why all the judgement. Different strokes for different folks and all that.

As a non-driver, I appreciate there are occasions where a car is necessary (eg: living in a rural area, for work, etc), and that it does offer freedom having your own transport. However, people should be free of all this judgement who don't drive by choice. Unless of course, a non-driver is expecting lifts here, there and everywhere by their family and friends then it has no effect whatsoever whether someone drives or not.

Op, to address your question, personally I feel if a guy was great in every way and the ONLY thing was he doesn't drive, then it'd be ridiculous to dump him solely over that. However, if it is something you feel strongly about, then that's your choice as it is you who is in the relationship and holds these views. You have the same right to choose not to date a non-driver as the guy you met has the right to choose not to drive.

I have 2 friends with none driving husbands, who also have never been interested in learning. We also live in area of crappy public transport.

First one manages but friend does a lot of long distance driving on holidays. Quite often she’s had to drive when quite ill to pick up kids or just after she had a baby. There’s no fall back for her.
The second one is a ridiculous man baby. Meant he never did anything with his children as he was always waiting for his wife to drive them places. Won’t organise anything as he can’t get there or even tries to get there.

Oh the irony 🤦

It'd be great if fewer parents clogged the roads outside of schools, walked their kids and then walked or took public transport to work.

Given the escalating cost of driving, being a non driver makes a lot of sense.

Given the escalating cost of driving, being a non driver makes a lot of sense

Except if the only way to get to your workplace is by car.

I’m a bloke
having had a non driving partner I wouldn’t do that again, so yeah. If I’m looking to date and she doesn’t drive then I’m not interested