DH gone camping

[campingwidow]

AIBU?

I have an 8 week old and a 2 year old with DH. Baby had her first lot of immunisations yesterday, was understandably v clingy and upset.

DH came through from doing toddler bedtime and goes "I'm off camping, I'll be back tomorrow" and off he went in our (only) car. No idea where he's gone or when he'll be back

AIBU for being a bit annoyed?

Jesus, a hotel break and spa, couldn't think of anything more tedious. I'd rather borrow his tent and camping gear. 😑

Apparently it "didn't affect me at all in anyway"

Apparently fatherhood hasn’t affected him in any way.

Perfect illustration of the different effects on women and men on becoming parents.

Did he want children ?

When will you be getting your child free break ?

Why didn't you bring it up with him before he said "I'm off camping" ? You were obviously aware of his plan as you've mentioned all the equipment he'd been packing into the car .

Oh fuck that shit.

We have a campervan and I regularly feel like walking out and driving off for the night alone, leaving all the chaos at home behind, but I don't because I have responsibilities and all that.

Fine if you've arranged and agreed beforehand. Not fine just to bugger off, no matter how appealing it may be!

Do you mind me asking how you get on with your MiL @campingwidow ? Is there a MiL that is approachable on the scenes? Is there an older brother perhaps? Could you contact them and get them on side? Then when your 'D' H gets back, they can be the ones to bring him to task!

If my DH had done that when I had two very little children, I would have made sure that on his return, he could remain sleeping in his tent...in the driveway! He'd have to do a lot of deep thinking about how he just abandoned his wife, 8 week old and 2 year old because "he wanted to go camping" all of a sudden.

Fuck that for a game of soldiers. I wouldn't be having any of it and I'd be making it very clear that if he even considered doing it again (leaving with no discussion/short notice and taking the only car as well) I'd be considering making it his last time and he'd know how seriously I was taking it.

She wasn’t aware he’d go at 5 minutes’ notice. She was aware he might, at some unspecified point, go camping, and not unreasonable assumed he’d discuss the where, when and for how long with her in advance. Why are you putting his shitty behaviour back on the OP?

I think OP can.

Take the baby, book into a hotel, ask for a port-a-crib (or whatever it's called in the UK. Spend the afternoon and evening lounging in bed with baby. Get room service. Yes, there are still the night feeds but it would be a break from 'toddler duties' (and DH) which should at least be a little relaxing. And DH can find out what it's like to be on his own with a 2 year old.

@campingwidow

Think about my suggestion.

Going camping = not a problem
Going camping and taking child with him = wonderful
Going camping with zero notice and leaving you with kids = fucking appalling

He just assumed that you would be the default parent without asking.

this is something I had many arguments with DH about in the early days. I finally convinced him that if it wasn’t ok for me to pop out without making sure he was prepared to be solely in charge of dc during my absence, even if it was 15 minutes, then it wasn’t ok for him to do it either.

He never pulled something like this and just went out for a whole night without asking. We had a pretty high needs child, I would not have reacted well.

You reminded me that when our sons were small DH took them camping for Father's Day. They'd leave Friday and be home Sunday around 3pm. I got DH's fav Chinese takeaway and we had a nice meal whilst the DC relived their 'adventures in the wild'.

The best part of it was that I had Friday afternoon and all Saturday to myself.

Did he take the tent?

You know you can just read the OP's posts (that will answer that question for you) by clicking on the link under the opening post to the thread that says "See All" or "See Next".

Saves posting questions that have already been answered by the OP.

Didn't see him pack the car. He only had one bag, lightweight tent sleeping bag etc. when I saw him packing it I thought he was putting it up in the loft!

Good relationship with Mil. Visiting her next weekend, will try and bring it up!

Most people spend at least a couple of hours preparing for a simple camping trip. Did he prep in secret?

Sorry, should have read the thread first!

Ive done this before, although we only have 1 child. I needed some space so after he'd gone to bed one night I drove up to our caravan which is stored in a nearby town for the night to have some time to myself. Thought I knew DH would be home as he was wanting to watch the football so I thought to hell with it. Promised I'd be back in the morning once I'd had a big sleep.

Mind I wouldn't have done this if DS was ill or anything and I know DH doesn't have a problem with this.

@campingwidow - don't 'try' to bring it up. Bring it up. Say "Hey, Jenny, do you know what your delightful son did to me last weekend. He only uped and left 'to go camping' leaving me with Jane and John to look after. I was shocked to say the least...I mean Jane is only 8 weeks old and I had no car to go anywhere in case I needed to. What are your thoughts on that?" (or something along those lines, and clearly the names are not those of your relatives as I haven't a clue who you are 😄)

So does he still not accept he was unreasonable?

You're NBU but don't do this, it's just stirring and getting others involved. Plus what would you do on the off chance she says "well you'd had a row so he was sensible and gave you both some space"?

Are you sure he isn’t getting you used to the idea he is going camping and this time and the next few times he will do but then you are so used to him going you don’t blink when he says he is going camping but actually he is somewhere else with someone else.

Pretty positive. It's a genuine interest and he's spent £££ on kit.