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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DH gone camping

149 replies

campingwidow · 11/06/2022 10:23

AIBU?

I have an 8 week old and a 2 year old with DH. Baby had her first lot of immunisations yesterday, was understandably v clingy and upset.

DH came through from doing toddler bedtime and goes "I'm off camping, I'll be back tomorrow" and off he went in our (only) car. No idea where he's gone or when he'll be back

AIBU for being a bit annoyed?

OP posts:
SkirridHill · 11/06/2022 11:41

My ex used to do this. Emphasis on the ex. Wouldn't see him for dust most weekends - something like the Jubilee, for example, he would leave on the Thursday and wouldn't be back until late Sunday evening.

OP, you know he's a selfish prick and he's very unlikely to change. I realise I say this often because I have zero tolerance now but, LTB.

TheMarmaladeYears · 11/06/2022 11:46

PS. YANBU. 'A bit annoyed' goes nowhere near describing what I'd feel. Fucking livid would be a starter.

Quartz2208 · 11/06/2022 11:47

Yes for only being a bit annoyed!

He has left with the car with no notice at all

Bornin1989 · 11/06/2022 11:48

My partner has form for disappearing outside for long periods of time whilst I'm inside parenting our 8 month old DD, (mostly) he's doing things that need doing, sometimes he's outside having a beer and vaping, it's always annoying when he doesn't communicate his plans - it can leave me feeling abandoned.

However, just saying "see ya" and going off "camping" is a whole other level of unreasonable, shitty behavior. I would take my DD and go and stay with family until I'd found somewhere else to live so he came back to an empty house.

YetAnotherNameChange111 · 11/06/2022 11:49

"AIBU for being a bit annoyed?" Yes

Welshrarebit75 · 11/06/2022 11:49

Big hugs.

Hope the babies feeling a bit better.

Do you know when he’s planning on coming back? I would lock all the doors and keep the keys in the keyhole so he can’t just let himself in. The either let him camp in the garden (I’m a petty bitch) or only let him in if he’s agreed to have a conversation about WTF happened and why he thinks it was ok to behave this way.

skybluee · 11/06/2022 11:50

Leave the children with him and take the car when he comes back.

NeverHadANickname · 11/06/2022 11:52

What did you say to him when he said that?

Evilstepmother99 · 11/06/2022 11:55

I wouldn't be a bit annoyed I'd be furious and very upset. Not normal behaviour, such a selfish unkind and just plain weird thing to do. I wouldn't stay with a man that treated me like this, you and your children don't deserve this crap.

Irishfarmer · 11/06/2022 11:57

Is he joking!?! Just out of no where with a new baby and a toddler he has decided to go camping what?!

GreenCard · 11/06/2022 12:01

Is he ok?
in my marriage that would have me thinking he’s having a mental health crisis and considering phoning the police as so so so out of character. But if he was different I would think he was having an affair, or if he was usually an arse this would be the moment I thought I wanted a divorce if he thought this was acceptable to do to me with a new born.

So it really really depends on what he and your marriage is like usually.

jacks11 · 11/06/2022 12:06

Is this kind of behaviour usual for him? I ask because, whilst YANBU to be annoyed, if it is out of character for him (I.e. he is usually a considerate spouse and an involved parent) then I think I would be more concerned about my DH, rather than annoyed.

if it is out of character, I think there must be something going on that I’d want to get to the bottom of- is it work/home stress, is he unwell? people don’t usually do something out of character for no reason, though I think whatever his reason it would be fair enough to let him know that you were angry/upset/worried about what he did and don’t expect it to happen again.

if this is the kind of thing that he usually does, then I would be very annoyed. We would also be having a very serious discussion about things going forward and leave him in no doubt that things needed to change in order for the relationship to continue. And I’d mean it.

Artichokeleaves · 11/06/2022 12:08

Is he the 'wild camping' type who regularly goes out late, throws up a bivouac and is back shortly after dawn?

Even so, to expect you to just do the night shift without warning and cope is seriously off! When do you get your turn to just hand him the kids and vanish until you feel better?

Easilystartled · 11/06/2022 12:08

You are absolutely not being unreasonable. That is very bizarre behaviour. Even my DH, who is, to put it mildly, not the most considerate of blokes, wouldn’t do this…….even now, with teens!

carolineshaw · 11/06/2022 12:12

No, I'd be annoyed.

I'm also puzzled why anyone would want to go camping. I tried it once. Never again.

Topseyt123 · 11/06/2022 12:12

Yes, you are unreasonable for just being "a bit annoyed" here. You should be beyond furious with this fuckwit, as most of us would be.

He has basically just walked out, gone off on his own and left you with a toddler and a cranky baby. Who knows whether he has gone camping or to something else?!

Get some family support if you can. Consider not letting him back in when he does deign to reappear, though get the car keys back first.

OutwiththeOutCrowd · 11/06/2022 12:14

My reaction would depend on his demeanour as he left.

If he seemed upset, as if he couldn't cope a moment longer with the stress of two small children being demanding, then I'd be concerned for him.

If he left in a good mood, as if oblivious to his responsibilities and how difficult it was going to be for you, I'd be annoyed!

PrinnyPree · 11/06/2022 12:14

I'd hit the fucking roof OP and thats with just a 2 year old never mind an 8 week old. I hope you have some RL support, that is incredibly selfish and shitty behaviour. Who the hell goes camping with zero notice, who's he going with, where's he camping. WTAF?! Flowers

AcrossthePond55 · 11/06/2022 12:19

Camping? Really? My DH is a 'camper' and he can't just 'walk out the house' like that. If he goes 'car camping' at the very minimum it involves a tent, pad to sleep on, sleeping bag, camp stove, an ice chest & something to cook in and eat off of.

Unless his version of 'camping' is pulling over and sleeping in the car or your car is a camper van, I'd be a bit suspicious. Not necessarily that he's cheating, but that he's shirking his share of parenting.

HollowTalk · 11/06/2022 12:22

I would take "camping" with a huge pinch of salt, but in any case, even if he's in a field all alone, he's completely unreasonable. He's not part of your family, really, is he?

stepuporshutup · 11/06/2022 12:23

Oh yes you are right to be annoyed.
You should remind him that he is not single and he does not get to act like it.
I would seriously consider going out as soon as he gets back, go out for a meal or the cinema then book into a hotel for the night.

Show the bastard you can also act like a single person.
He is more than capable of looking after the dc
Have fun on your away time

TheThreadisMildlyAmusing · 11/06/2022 12:25

Well, this all sounds very odd. Is he back now Op?

OhWhatFuckeryIsThisNow · 11/06/2022 12:25

Fuck that shite. My babies are grown ups now, but being adults ourselves when they were tiny or ill we talked to each other like grown ups when we wanted to do something that impacted the family. Your husband is a selfish tool.

MalbecandToast · 11/06/2022 12:28

What?! More context needed here- does he regularly camp or has this come out of the blue?!

RhiRhi1996 · 11/06/2022 12:30

WTF?? This is the first time he mentioned it ?

No way that is wrong on so many levels. Even WITHOUT kids I'd be a bit pissed that my partner didn't give me some notice but maybe thats just me, but WITH young kids??? That's so bad.

Does he do stuff like this before?