To ask if Co-Ed is better than single sex..

[CHiSOCG]

For girls? My DH is keen on Co-Ed. Most of my friends are looking at local single sex grammar or independent. Of course most will go co-ed comprehensive if they don’t pass the 11+ for the grammar.

I went to single sex and thought I hated it. However, I think it was really my home life that was shit. It was a single sex comp. Compared to my bestie in a co-Ed, I was very sheltered. Sexual assaults were rife, pressure to have early sex, and good old sexism. I was in a culture where “strong girls” would be asked to move furniture, and where maths, science etc were free from domineering males. My kids all go to single sex schools. I think (personally) it's better that way 11-16, then co-ed 6th form when everyones a bit more mature.

My 2 children are in very different schools. I have a DD in a single sex school and a DS in a co -ed school. My Ds is very flamboyant and in primary he had no male friends so it was unfair to put him in the equivalent boys school. His school is rated good by OFSTED not outstanding like his sisters single sex school. It is in quite a rough area but he is thriving their and has loads of friends.

DD's single sex school is OFSTED outstanding and very academically pressured. There is alot of bitchiness and in a very affulent area and you have lots of very rich girls who flaunt their wealth and instagram stories of their frequent Gucci/chanel purchases.

At my DS's school there is alot of poverty and alot of kids who parent themselves - there is quite a bit of disruption and fights usually caused by the boys.

In reality I actually prefer the ethos of the Co ed school. I don't think the girls would behave like this in a co ed environment . Saying that the academic results in the girls school blow the co ed school out the water.

My nephew goes to the boys single sex school and is thriving also but it is a very macho environment and he is a typical lad who loves footie and his x box. She doesn't wants her DD to be in a girl only bubble of bitchiness and wealth so she is going to the co ed school that my son is at.

I live in a grammar area where we have a choice of 6 single sex schools. We are very lucky some areas don't have this option.

I found coed. Better for boys and single sex for girls. Results seem to support this generally but obviously some schools buck the trend and some individuals do better in certain settings.

We did it the opposite way round to conventional wisdom – DS went single sex and DD2 went co-ed.

I do think a lot of it is down to the individual DC rather than some generalisations about girls not being able to do science or boys not being able to do drama at co-ed. I mean, if we're just quoting personal anecdotes my DD2 has 6 STEM GCSEs, 3 STEM A levels and (now) 2 STEM degrees. She also represented her school in 8 or 9 different sports so I'm not seeing lots of evidence that she was held back by the boys…

But she's very strong-minded and fiercely independent (her health issues have forced her to be), so I guess maybe she is just a strong enough character to not put up with too much shit.

I went to single sex and enjoyed it. I would tend towards coed (as I found it a little difficult interacting with boys at uni), but the reports of the sexual harassment and disruption in class are making me think twice. Though in reality we only have coed in the area

Kids aren't bloody mmeant to be segregated from each other! Fuck's sake

Or a change in bra! If you wear a black or white bra under any white shirt it will show through. You need a nude/beige tshirt bra (and then you’ll get a loud debate about whether you are or are not wearing a bra).

DD is at single sex, it’s been very good for her as she prefers STEM subjects so hasn’t had to face the hurdle of boys dominating those subjects (as I faced at my co-ed). She’s going on to study maths and computer science at A Level. There is a lot of female-positive role modelling at the school. She has a brother, male relatives and friends, so she’s not totally isolated from the male population. And a lot of teenage boys just don’t treat girls well so it’s better to be away from that.

I am also pleased she never had to deal with the issue of sharing toilets or changing rooms with boys.

The downsides are all the dramas! She now tries to stay out of it as much as possible but it was quite difficult for a while, until she learnt to avoid the girls that were always creating a problem about everything, and found a better friendship group.

I’m not sure of the answer in todays world. I went to both. First SS then co-ed, co-ed was more fun but I definitely noticed the prioritising of boys by everyone, teachers and other students. I think single sex for girls is probably best, gives them breathing space away from male dominated spaces helps them build up a strong core of self confidence.

I think a lot depends on the child and the school.

I went to a single sex school, it was the wrong school for me but others loved it.

My dd goes to a single sex comp. She really likes it and enjoys the freedom to speak up more in class, and the fact that nothing is seen as “for girls” or “for boys” as everything is for everyone.

She goes to a youth club with lots of boys (mainly from her primary) and has another hobby that’s mixed and very social. So not missing out on male company.

Will probably send ds co Ed if possible. He has lots of female friends and I don’t think would thrive in an all male school.

Single sex was the worst thing for me. The bitchiness was insane, girls are vile to each other, even more so when there are no boys around. Bullying was far more rife than at co-eds that family members at the time went to. I also don't think it is a good idea to spend so many of your formative years away from the opposite sex. I was lucky, outside of school my friends were mainly male so I didn't go crazy like most of the girls in my year did when they met boys!
The competitiveness at the school was off the scale, about everything, not just academically or sport related, but appearance, clothing (despite uniform), hairstyles, literally everything. It was a hideously toxic environment and needless to say my DC went co-ed!

Totally depends on the school (and specifically the HT) and the child imo.

Round here I wouldn’t send my girls single sex if you paid me. Single sex is statistically better for girls, but that one has a HT who states that bullying “never” happens in her school. Yet it’s reputation for bitchiness, bullying and the likes is rife. The school roll (and Ofsted grading) is dropping bit by bit.

The co-Ed has a HT who ruffled a lot of feathers when she arrived. Particularly with her zero tolerance approach to low-level sexual assault or comments. The number of boys who were put in isolation in her first month were sky high. It’s had a very positive effect on the school overall though - she’s doing a great job.

Op, get your husband to look up how many girls are raped or sexually assaulted in co-ed schools, how many girls have been filmed/photographed without their knowledge, and then look up how many boys are expelled and/or jailed for committing sexual assault. I'm guessing he doesn't know just how badly girls are being let down by mixed sex schooling, and with unisex toilets and changing facilities the problem is just getting worse.

We couldn't get our only child into a co-ed so had to scramble for a place at the remaining single-sex schools.

DD's school promotes a feminist ethos. It's a STEM school, and encourages girls to pursue careers in areas not traditionally populated by women. The school pushes the girls very hard to achieve. Obviously boys aren't distracting my DD's learning. The sports programme is wide and varied. If she stays onto sixth form, then it's mixed with the boys from the nearby boys school. But Y7-11 is girls only.

So her friendship group is only girls. Her experience of boys has only been in primary school and the occasional friends' boyfriend who tags along to social occasions (and of whom my daughter has labelled "very disappointing" with their attitude towards girls). She hasn't got any male friends and of the boys she does meet outside school she says "they only want one thing". I wonder if she had gone to a co-ed she might have made at least one male friend and had a different take but I will never know.

I just don't see how the answer to the #metoo problem is for girls and women to withdraw into a single sex environment. Look at the other spheres in which women are harassed - do we tell women who are catcalled on the street that they should walk down special women only streets instead, or actors who are coerced into sex by bullying directors that they should make women only movies? There would be an outcry. Surely the answer to sexism in schools has to be to refuse to tolerate it, not run away from it?

Also, I actually find the discourse around sexuality pretty old fashioned. There seems to be an idea that boys are all potential rapists with one thing on their minds, while girls are all potential victims who need to be tucked away chastely to preserve their innocence. I don't know about you, but I seem to rember having one thing on my mind too when I was 15! Girls need to learn to be powerful agents who control their own sex lives, choosing how much sex they want to have when and with whom, rather than pretending that it's boys who are interested in sex not girls, and that girls need to be removed to shield them in a sexless environment. That surely just perpetuates the idea that men are the desirers of sex and women are the gatekeepers - it's almost a throwback to the idea that boys who have a few sexual partners are studs while girls who do the same are sluts.

On a separate note, if the current trends around gender fluidity continue rather than being a blip, then I don't think SS schools will be sustainable as a concept anyway. Schools (and local authorities) are already struggling with how to approach issues around admissions policies, uniforms, toilets, subject choices, segregated boarding houses etc. If this continues, then I suspect the only feasible answer wil be to make schools as gender neutral as possible,.

This resonated with me. I went to a single sex school. Whilst I loved it, I did have an unhealthy attitude to men and sex at university and for a while afterwards. In addition I now think growing up with teenage boys may have helped me deal with some of the men I have been unlucky enough to work with.

However, just like this PP, I've visited the co-ed comps and the single sex grammar near us and the grammar blew me away. The aspiration, the choices far exceeded the comp. I know that's a grammar vs comp thing, but the choice aligns with this debate.

Interestingly, DD who is in Year 5 said last night that even if she gets a place at the grammar, she may go to the comp because of having boys there.

It's such a hard choice and we'll never know how the other option would have turned out.

Single sex is better for academic girls from personal experience. In co-ed they take the conscientious girls and use them as pacifiers for the more feral boys.

I was the conscientious girl for years and my son in year 7 has been allocated one as well. She is lovely and reminds him when he has an exam, gives him stationery as he's always losing his and tells me what he's up to on parents evening as he has no idea. He does not consider her his friend and she has never visited our house.
All great for the boys but straight away socialises the girls to not think of themselves first.

Wtf? That sounds like a school problem not a coed problem. Have you told the school that it is not appropriate for them to 'allocate' your son a girl to look after him, and you are opting out of this particular arrangement?

I made the further maths / drama point based on looking around secondary schools for my dd this year, and asking questions about numbers in A level classes. At the mixed ones, no girls did further maths and no boys did drama.

So locally, it’s quite clear that co-Ed schools in effect have single sex classes in some subjects at A level, based on stereotypes about girly and boyish subjects. May not be true everywhere, I wouldn’t know where to find that data. And I agree that exceptionally tough and determined DC can buck that trend. But I don’t want my dds to have to be exceptionally tough and determined, but to feel all subjects are equally available to them.

my DD went to a single sex grammar, and it’s mixed at 6th form where she is now. It’s been brilliant. No school is perfect of course, but 100% single sex for girls all the way. Let’s them develop their personality and strengths, allows a redress of the inherent sexism in society between the school walls and leaves them confident and articulate in my experience. Of course they see boys outside of school, so it’s hardly segregation like a OP suggested.

Off topic but I’m a teacher in a mainstream coed secondary. I’m going to do some research into how many girls identify as trans or non binary in single sex compared to coed schools. I think it will be very interesting.

Wow. That would be very interesting to see the results!

As a mother of boys I find this thread too much about female children and the pros for them, most anecdotes about girls etc

Please can we hear more balanced accounts from mothers of sons in single sex schools, less distractions from girls who have all been painted here as vulnerable, studious types who have finally been allowed to get on with their work without the 'distraction from boys',

but what about the quiet, academic boys who develop deeper friendships with their peers, feel less pressure to attract girls at school, try traditionally female subjects such as cooking, textiles, English or coding etc rather than constantly told that sport is the way to go

My DS will be going to a religious single sex school which is also very academic, and many leave the school going to Oxford and Cambridge, so surely it can't be that without a co Ed environment boys will not thrive at all

Adding to this not all young boys are sexual predators, waiting to pounce on your daughters, most are good lads like mine who is into Pokémon at 11yrs old, playing with his friends, loves maths and IT etc and also wants to learn

It's not just this school. He has had 3 different female helpers? personal assistants? across three different primary schools and now has someone similar at secondary school. It's a common primary school thing to pair boys with attention/behaviour issues with calm (bossy) girls to take some load off the staff. I did it when I was younger for praise and because I was socialised that it was right to help. I'm guessing that still works.