To expect people to be able to control their children on planes?

[Ace56]

I recently returned from a long haul trip with connecting flights, so was on 5 planes altogether.

On 4 of these flights I was around children who’s parents just seemed to pussyfoot around them and seemed unable to control them.

Flight 1 - mum and 2 kids in the row in front of me. Dad across the aisle, plonks himself down on his laptop for the entire flight. Little boy (around 2-3) EXTREMELY loud, continuous shrieking, disrupting his sister. They had brought nothing for him to do - no iPad/colouring/books, so no wonder he was bored. Just shrieked constantly to get mum’s attention. Dad did absolutely nothing to help, didn’t offer to take him. Neither took him for a walk down the aisle or anything - he literally was in his seat the entire flight, absolutely bored shitless and disturbing everyone around him.

Flight 2 - girl of about 3 sitting behind me, next to mum. Dad across the aisle. Was fine during the flight but kept switching between mum and dad, and taking it in turns to sit on their lap watching her iPad. When it came to landing, she still wanted to switch every few mins. Air hostess politely told them a few times that she needs to be seated now for landing. Parents meekly tried to make her sit still with one of them but eventually gave up, so for the actual landing she ended up in the aisle (very dangerous) with mum holding onto her T-shirt. Air hostesses were seated at this point so couldn’t do anything/didn’t notice.

Flight 3 - boy of about 5 in front of me, standing up in his seat, leaning back into the seat, generally jumping around. Mum apologised but made no real attempt to stop him.

Flight 4 - large extended family sitting in various places around the plane. Children allowed to shout at each other across rows and over people’s heads, not told to stop once.

AIBU to despair at parenting these days if this is the norm? Have other people come across situations like this or was I just very unlucky?!

Out of curiosity if you don’t know how your toddler will be on a plane, how come you decided on a long flight as their first one?

@CurlyhairedAssassin

Couple of reasons - DP has fixed dates of summer leave with work so we had to go with a set week in August and there were limited options for what we wanted. And affordability- believe it or not an equivalent package holiday to mainland Spain or the Balearics on the specific dates we wanted was up to 1k more expensive than the Canaries! No idea why as it's further away, but there you go.

I'm sure she will be fine, anyway. I'm not letting this thread ruin my excitement for our little one's first holiday 😁

@ChocolateHippo yes I have accidentally illegally smuggled a left over sandwich once or twice 😳

Ah yes, you do get more for your money in the Canaries.

just be prepared with all the items that people have mentioned. And just put the effort in, that’s all people want to see. If people see you doing your best the nice ones are more inclined to offer help and/or sympathy.

i used to find that my kids were generally ok if they understood the reason for me saying no to something. Rather than just barking “stop it!” or “no!” Or “put that back” Etc on repeat but basically letting it carry on. When they’re very little they are just acting on impulse or out of curiosity and don’t realise the effect their actions have on others unless it’s explained to them

. Obviously it takes more effort to explain to kids and to be firm about your expectations of them and I guess some parents just can’t be bothered putting the extra effort in. So the kicking on the back of the chair in front thing, they probably don’t know the effect it has the other side of the seat (that the person sitting there can feel it). you just say “ah I know your legs are a bit fed up having to sit still for so long, mine are too, but the lady in front can feel you kicking her chair and it hurts her/she is trying to sleep so you absolutely are not allowed to do that. you would not like it if someone was hurting you by kicking your chair, would you? We can either look at this book together instead or we can get up and go and see the back of the plane and maybe go to the toilet, which one would you like to do?”

mine used to like those picture books where you have to spot particular objects. You can get themed ones. I remember they had a holiday one Which obviously is good for on a plane journey to a holiday. Keeps them occupied for ages, if you look at it both together and chat about it. It just takes a bit of thought, advance planning and effort. you’ll be fine.

oh and if there’s any sign of any ear issues or cold or blocked nose or anything, give calpol half an hour before take off (and insist on GP seeing them if you think there is sign of an ear infection.). My son had swimmers ear and was on antibiotics on his flight home once. The doctor had warned us it could be very painful because of the pressure changes and advised calopol and nurofen which we gave him. He was fine.

Search and find books, I mean.

also spot the difference type books

And “Look Inside an Airport” type of book.

One flight (overnight long haul) I think the parents were worse than the kids! A toddler of about 2 was stomp-stomp-stomping up the aisles. She was given a phone with MUSIC blasting and walking up and down the aisles except as well as the stomping, there was now music. Parents couldn't care less and were too busy snaffling as much free red wine as they could. Then when the lights dimmed for nighttime, they decided that was the time for group photos with flash on!! Constantly for what seemed like forever. Noone was in their seat, they were all sat in the aisle having a picnic. Airstaff were beyond useless and would just step around them (seatbelt signs were on). Very LOUD voices and laughing.
I would have happily done time if I had the opportunity to whack that bloody phone over the useless parents heads

As others have said, I agree that it’s the parents who don’t try or who make stupid decisions (like letting their child be in the aisle when the plane lands/not bringing anything for their 2 yr old to do on a long flight!) who are to blame, not the kids themselves. A crying baby I would have no problem with as no one can help that!
In all the cases I witnessed the adults should definitely have behaved differently.

God we stuck to Devon or the Gower with babies and toddlers not worth the stress and just childcare when you get there what’s the point?

I never understand why people take small children on long flights. They can't all be visiting granny they've not seen during covid.

The kids won't remember any of it anyway and are awkward baggage.

I do expect parents to be aware of the impact of travelling on their children and their fellow travelling inmates, and to try and mitigate the effects on both their children and fellow travellers so do I, but then you just get moaned at about how unfriendly British people are towards kids.

Absolutely. When we had a baby and a toddler we blew the holiday budget on 2 nights in posh local hotel with a pool and spa while babies were with granny. Felt more relaxed after that than lugging on toddlers on planes. Especially at the moment with the delays. Mad. And I love foreign travel.

I was in business on a flight back from Bermuda and it was full of children returning to boarding school, with their parents. Impeccable behaviour, like something out of the 1950s. Can be done. Totally parents' fault.

I'm hesitant to say ynbu because you haven't qualified if you have children or not. In my experience, people without children are harder on children's behaviour than people with children. I suspect you don't have children, or you would have mentioned it already. If the incidences you have retold are accurate then YNBU . I would not allow my children to behave like that. However, I've been on plenty of long haul flights and never seen children behave like this. I'm reluctant to believe you, if I'm honest.

I do expect parents to be aware of the impact of travelling on their children and their fellow travelling inmates, and to try and mitigate the effects on both their children and fellow travellers so do I, but then you just get moaned at about how unfriendly British people are towards kids.

Good news! I'm not British - so it's not just Brits who are unfriendly towards kids! (I'm the person who will shrivel you and your child with a stare if they do not cease and desist kicking my chair, but also the person who will happily play peekaboo with your toddler for an hour so that they don't cry and you can enjoy your cup of tea - people aren't black and white).

It happens on almost every flight! time and time again parents don’t bring anything for their kids to do, or if they do they seem unaware of fellow passengers - iPads blaring, stickers all over the plane and scribbling with felt tip all over a 70 million aircraft! It astounds me! I’ve lost count the times I’m asked for baby milk, baby food and nappies. I’m tutted at for insisting a child is strapped in for landing or take off and as for the child on your flight that was in the aisle just breathtakingly stupid. I now carry colour books pencils Little games and “great job” stickers for sitting nicely. Lots of parents of course do a great job and are well prepared and Families going on there summer break are my favourite customers but sadly passive parenting is becoming much more common

I'm hesitant to say ynbu because you haven't qualified if you have children or not. In my experience, people without children are harder on children's behaviour than people with children. I suspect you don't have children, or you would have mentioned it already. If the incidences you have retold are accurate then YNBU . I would not allow my children to behave like that. However, I've been on plenty of long haul flights and never seen children behave like this. I'm reluctant to believe you, if I'm honest.

I would say if you do not know the child or situation, you MIGHT be being unreasonable. In your cases, a better effort should have been made to provide entertainment for the children and the little girl moving between parents should have been forcibly held by parents during landing for safety reasons. That said, the children yelling between seats was better than them running between seats, and just because adults didn't scream in public doesn't mean they weren't quietly told to stop.

As to my comment about knowing the situation, I have a hyperactive, very defiant, very loud 5 year old ds on the very mild in of the autistic spectrum. He is naturally Lod and very friendly. Most people in a first, brief meeting wouldn't peg him as autistic. What that means is when he gets upset and starts screaming, especially when his Dad or I tell him no or to stop doing something he will have a meltdown and start screaming. He does this at school with teachers as well. Most people assume he is spoiled, he is not and is constantly told no, or behave, and why but will still meltdown. When flying he tries to be good, and we take lots of distractions, but as he gets older it gets harder. If you are dealing with a child like my ds, they are likely to get board and yell. This is despite the parents best efforts, and if you don't like the calm, quiet way I tell my child to behave, that's your problem. I will not be screaming at my child on an airplane, nor will I be using a tone of voice that upsets him, just to make sure other passengers know I am trying to deal with my son's behaviour. Be more accepting children, especially young children, get bored easily and don't like sitting for long periods of time. If that child has additional needs that is only exacerbated.

I am profoundly deaf so I do have the benefit of switching my hearing aids off and cutting the noise instantly. However, when you have a sensory loss, other senses make up for it - for me, I am more susceptible to vibration. If there is anything than raises my hackles - it is kids constantly kicking my seat behind me or slamming the tray up and down - THAT keeps me either annoyed or awake or both. I will feel your DC/toddler stomping up and down. At least the one benefit I have is that BA have my hearing disability down on my Executive Club details so they will probably move me to a quieter location if there is one available.

I'm hesitant to say ynbu because you haven't qualified if you have children or not. In my experience, people without children are harder on children's behaviour than people with children. I suspect you don't have children, or you would have mentioned it already. If the incidences you have retold are accurate then YNBU . I would not allow my children to behave like that. However, I've been on plenty of long haul flights and never seen children behave like this. I'm reluctant to believe you, if I'm honest.

YANBU that would really wind me up too. We took our eldest on a plane at 6 weeks and again a year later. It was hard work carrying all the small child paraphernalia and their lack of understandingwhat is going on, but we managed. We didn't fly again until our youngest was old enough to follow instructions and a bit more independent. Yes, kids get irritable on planes, but parents should at least attempt to keep them entertained and under control. Getting on a long haul flight having made no plans for how to entertain them is just irresponsible. It should be as much a part of the trip preparation as sorting out passports, visas and vaccinations.

I think the parents would also opt for child free flights. That is so hard and some kids when you discipline them they FREAK out and scream their arses off so you have to balance what you're doing with how you know their reaction will be for THAT flight. What you as a passerby are seeing is not the totality of their parenting, it's the parenting that is required for that flight to do whatever they can do help balance the experience for other people.

(Side note: some parents have to fly, it's not a choice and they're scared to death themselves of flying and are medicated and trying not to have a panic attack and have the plane have to land mid-flight...)

My kids are all different and also a 2 or 3 year old is WAY harder to control than a 6 or 7 year old .. so it really depends on the child and their age, in conjunction. Not so much the parenting, unfortunately.

So in my opinion because I have been on many flights with my children and having been EXTREMELY prepared and definitely judged for everything like by 100 people in a tight plane for hours.... It's WAY more difficult for the parent than you so I'd just chill and stop judging. Way easier to be you buddy.

Even though I am suspect I left to vibration due to my deafness - I have 3 nieces and nephews on the Autistic Spectrum. If your son is having a meltdown or even when he isn’t - maybe let the fellow passengers be aware of that there is someone on the spectrum then allowances can be made. I know from my brother that he often ‘loses the will to live’ when trying to get his 2 boys to bed. My 12 yo niece was diagnosed as being on the spectrum this year.
if you inform fellow passengers then you will find them more accommodating. My beef is with parents who don’t bother looking after their DC on the flight.

YANBU I get kids will be kids have the odd tantrum not realise the volume is getting higher and higher 😂 however, it’s the parents job to remind them. I’ve been on a flight before and the child behind me kicked my seat the fulllllllll way (it wasn’t too long a flight so I CBA risking making a scene by saying something) but you would have thought me turning around and glaring at the parents would have prompted some response to remind the child someone is in the seat in front …..but nooooo and it wasn’t a slight foot tap so there’s no way they weren’t aware 🫠😤 x

yanbu. My pet peeve is playing on iPad without headphones. I’m not that interested in Peppa pig!

I have travelled a fair bit with my two and it’s definitely about making the effort. My wee boy can be a little monkey at times but has never been an issue on a plane. He is told why he can’t do things and it seems to be one of the times he is willing to actually listen. We always have plenty of colouring and iPads fully charged.

I agree with others who say it is about trying and not just letting them run amok. My son will talk to just about anyone and usually makes friends everywhere and he usually has a kind adult or older child chatting to him for a bit of the flight but we always make sure he has not outstayed his welcome and ensure we are involved in the chat to read the social cues that he can’t. My daughter likes to keep her head down and ignore everyone else so is no trouble(7 going on 17).