To expect people to be able to control their children on planes?

[Ace56]

I recently returned from a long haul trip with connecting flights, so was on 5 planes altogether.

On 4 of these flights I was around children who’s parents just seemed to pussyfoot around them and seemed unable to control them.

Flight 1 - mum and 2 kids in the row in front of me. Dad across the aisle, plonks himself down on his laptop for the entire flight. Little boy (around 2-3) EXTREMELY loud, continuous shrieking, disrupting his sister. They had brought nothing for him to do - no iPad/colouring/books, so no wonder he was bored. Just shrieked constantly to get mum’s attention. Dad did absolutely nothing to help, didn’t offer to take him. Neither took him for a walk down the aisle or anything - he literally was in his seat the entire flight, absolutely bored shitless and disturbing everyone around him.

Flight 2 - girl of about 3 sitting behind me, next to mum. Dad across the aisle. Was fine during the flight but kept switching between mum and dad, and taking it in turns to sit on their lap watching her iPad. When it came to landing, she still wanted to switch every few mins. Air hostess politely told them a few times that she needs to be seated now for landing. Parents meekly tried to make her sit still with one of them but eventually gave up, so for the actual landing she ended up in the aisle (very dangerous) with mum holding onto her T-shirt. Air hostesses were seated at this point so couldn’t do anything/didn’t notice.

Flight 3 - boy of about 5 in front of me, standing up in his seat, leaning back into the seat, generally jumping around. Mum apologised but made no real attempt to stop him.

Flight 4 - large extended family sitting in various places around the plane. Children allowed to shout at each other across rows and over people’s heads, not told to stop once.

AIBU to despair at parenting these days if this is the norm? Have other people come across situations like this or was I just very unlucky?!

I agree people should use headphones I'm surprised the airlines don't have a stash of them
Pepper pig on loop must have been painful!

@Liorae how on earth did you infer that from my post? 😆

@Ace56 I bet you aren’t a parent.

I'm a parent and I judge parents who make no effort to get their children to behave on public transport.
I totally understand that small children can't sit still for long and there are children (and adults) who struggle due to autism or other conditions. But it is when the parent makes no effort that annoys me.

Not sure whether this has been answered but you can take your own snacks but no drinks obviously as no/limited liquids in hand luggage. I usually take my DC's empty water bottle and ask them to fill it up in a cafe/restaurant the other side of security. But be careful with fruit/dairy/animal products (so if you've taken a banana, apple or sandwich that hasn't been eaten) as there may be restrictions on bringing things into the country which you're visiting.

I usually take a piece of fruit, some carrot sticks, a couple of lollipops for take-off, some dried cereal in a little pot, a babybel with crackers or one of those little lunchable packs, some mini cookies and a small bag of haribo and try to 'stage' the snacks out during the flight. We do the same for train trips and my DC is usually very excited about his 'snack stash' and I bring out a new snack whenever boredom sets in 😄.

I'm flying with my two children on Monday, just me as OH has to stay home and work, and I'm started to dread it now. My oldest is no problem but my youngest is 4 and hasn't been on a plane since he was a baby, and its an early morning flight so we'll be getting up around 4am just in case its very busy in the airport (start of the summer holidays here so there's a good chance it will be extra congested, yesterday was the busiest in its history) so he'll be exhausted by the time we get on the plane. He's a generally well-behaved child, the worst thing he might do is try to tell a stranger his life story, but if he's overtired there's always the risk of tantrums and tears. And no idea how he'll react to the air pressure changes, DD at this age found it so painful she screamed non-stop for the last half hour of the flight.

Most of the time flying with DD went fine, even the time there was a long delay in a tiny airport where we were all kept crammed in a small room sitting on the floor for hours, so I'm keeping my fingers crossed it'll be fine with DS too and hopefully no delays!

YANBU. I brought up 2 children, mainly on my own, and we did quite a bit of travelling. They never behaved like this, as I brought plenty of things for them to do,and brought them up properly so they knew how to behave in public. Some parents are too bloody lax. Were they older or younger parents?

I think some parents seem to actively encourage bad behaviour on a flight; I was on a four hour flight last year and the man in front kept play fighting with his boys for the whole flight. The boys were probably around 4 and 7 and so screeched and were would up the whole time. Ridiculous! Who the fuck does play fighting with their kids on a plane?!

YANBU. I used to make wee activity packs for my kids for the plane, and there was no iPad then either! I'm far from the perfect mum, so if I can do it ...

I was on a long haul of 12 hours last week and despaired when I saw a single mum with a 9 month old and a 3 year old in the business cabin. The baby was already fussing and I thought oh god, this was going to be a long flight.

Nope, that woman was ON IT. She soothed the baby repeatedly, cuddled it, brought quiet toys for the baby and the toddler and interacted with them at all times. Had the toddler watch the entertainment and got him down for bed. Did they fuss on occasion? Sure, but the fact that she was prepared and managing her kids made it less irritating than it could have been. And that wasn't her first long haul that day either - she had come up from Sydney earlier and was en route to Dublin, doing it alone and doing it well through proper preparations. So yes, it IS possible and YANBU to expect parents to actually parent their kids on a plane.

We had bigger problems with the middle aged men loudly eating crisps at 3am than we did with her kids.

Years ago not sure how DH and I were travelling without kids but we were. A woman behind us had a baby on her lap and a 2/3yo and was struggling. We helped where we could, putting luggage in the overhead locker etc. At one point DH who was in the aisle seat asked if she wanted him to take the baby for a walk so she could help the other child with food and she grateful said yes. When we landed we helped her with her bags, as we got off the plane a guy who had been sitting two rows in front in an aisle seat reading his book the entire flight was waiting for her, it was her husband!

When we landed we helped her with her bags, as we got off the plane a guy who had been sitting two rows in front in an aisle seat reading his book the entire flight was waiting for her, it was her husband!

I have seen this happen more than once - husband either ignores children or snaps at wife to control them if they are acting up. I have also seen a man walk straight off the plane with his bag, leaving his wife to carry their baby in a sling, her bag and all the baby's things (including one of those small travel buggies) down the steep airplane steps. Other passengers rushed to help her as it actually wasn't safe. She gave him a real earful in the bus on the way to the terminal, not holding back, which I certainly enjoyed and I think the other passengers did too. Apparently, he just 'forgot' she might need help🙄.

Those saying "if the parents are trying it's fine", - how do you what and how they are trying?
On a plane with a 16 month old crying for example, you'd head that several seats back and you wouldn't know what the parents are actively doing or trying as you can't possibly see them from where you're sitting. I'd bet you'd still roll your eyes at the crying infant though?

That's what I'm worrying about. All this judgement. You can bet your arse I'll be trying none stop (or between 3 of us we will anyway) to keep her happy and content for the almost 5 hour flight. Not just for the sake of other passengers but obviously because we want our little one to be content and not upset.

But my point is that you just don't know when and how a parent is "trying", if you're not close enough to witness it.

*hear that several seats back

I'm just hoping for the more sympathetic "I've been there" type passengers to be nearby to us if we are struggling to keep her happy!

Those saying "if the parents are trying it's fine", - how do you what and how they are trying?

You wouldn't know if you weren't near them, I agree. But if you are sitting next to a parent who is clearly ignoring their child kicking the back of the seat in front for example, then it is extremely irritating.

Babies cry for all sorts of reasons, so I would never judge the parents of a crying baby, but I would judge the parent of a toddler or older child who is clearly ignoring their child's bad behaviour.

I'm just hoping for the more sympathetic "I've been there" type passengers to be nearby to us if we are struggling to keep her happy!

You would get that from me TBH.

Hopefully you will. On the flight where my daughter screamed the whole last half hour because of her ears everyone sat around me were very sympathetic and the flight attendant brought over cups with a ball of cotton wool soaked in hot water to cup over her ears as that supposedly helps (didn't help, or then she was just too upset at that point to notice it helping) but was very kind of him.

I actually used that phrase myself a number of times when witnessing clearly embarrassed parents trying to get control of a tantrum in public. I once had to carry my then 3 year old out of Primark kicking and screaming because I wouldn't buy her a specific set of pyjamas (which were incidentally 3 sizes too big for her). I told her to put them back and all hell broke loose, so I physically picked her up and carried her down several escalators whilst other shoppers looked on, some in apparent judgement, some in amusement, others in sympathy. Whenever I witness similar I always comment to the parent when they smile apologetically (or verbally apologise), that "hey I've been there, I get it, it's hard, don't worry" etc.

Please, please let there be someone like me sitting near me on the plane 🤣

Any chance you're flying Edinburgh to Lanzarote in August time? 🤣

@Natsku

Bless her, old was she? That flight attendant sounds like lovely, bless him 🥰

@ChocolateHippo

Thank you for the suggestions, very helpful!

She was 3. She hadn't completely recovered from her ear infection like we thought she had (the doctor had said she had but wrong) so it made it much worse. Straight after we got off the plane she asked to go back on again though!

Just putting this here. My older Ds suffers terribly with ears on flights (and has sensory issues which means he cannot handle discomfort very well at all).

www.earplanes.com/

These have made an incredible difference for us. I bought mine off amazon but they can be bought at some pharmacies.

First post

TeaWithFlorence · Yesterday 17:10

Do you have children?

I don’t really care what they are trying or how they are trying. I just want them to actually try.

Unfortunately, I have seen many parents, on planes and off them, who are disinterested in their children, who ignore them, and who just don’t engage with them.

And you are right that I may not see everything parents are trying to do with their child if I am seated further away.

But I can see parents who get up with the children to walk around, either to interest their children in something or to give neighbouring passengers a break. I may also hear parents talking to their child or disciplining their child. I can also hear the breaks in the child’s cry when they receive the attention they need.

And I get up and walk around the cabin too so I see the engagement or lack of it then too.