Not to pick up FIL father's day card?

[JulyDreams]

Am I nasty if I buy my own father a Father’s Day card at the shop today but don’t pick one up for father in law? Is that not my DP’s responsibility? My own dad has a very different relationship with me and DP.

Couple of background problems with me and DP’s family anyway (I have posted previously about MIL not really wanting a relationship with me but only happy that she still gets to see DP and doesn’t have to worry about me). Post was called MIL strange question.

I have also bought presents and cards for his side of the family so he doesn’t have to worry. There is a very good chance they wouldn’t know I hadn’t gone to the effort and just thanked DP when they saw him without me there.

I don’t want to come across as spiteful at all here just wanted a couple of opinions. Should I leave it?

It's Father's Day. FIL is not my father. Why on earth would I get him a card? What is the point of the card if the sender didn't choose it themselves? It becomes meaningless.

He's not your dad. Therefore don't buy him the card.

If the DH usually buys his father a Father's Day card, I don't see what the issue is here, he can just continue doing that. It makes sense really, the card is from him, he knows his father best, so can choose the best card. Then his father has received a card which the giver has put some thought into, which is surely the point of giving the card in the first place.

Sorry is there a reason why he can't remember his own children and grandchildren's birthdays? Is it your womanly brain that helps you remember these things? Is his brain too full of clever and important things to hold on to such trivial things?

I would, out of love for Dh, save him some time.

Father’s Day cards have been in the shops for ages.
mi cannot believe so many men have not stepped into a shop for months and not paed the Father’s Day cards so their wives ought to pick up the card for them as they’re getting their own Father’s Day cards.

i wouldn’t do it unless expressly requested. Not your dad, and they’re not even nice to you.

None of the above. My memory’s better than his. Simple as that. Nothing to do with my “womanly” brain.

I can't believe there are people out there buying these cards for their DH to give their FIL!

I can't believe there are people out there who are so spiteful to their life partner

You can’t believe everyone isn’t the same? You need to get out more.

Update: I didn't buy the card

Nope I wouldn't.
I got myself involved to begin with, father's Day, mother's Day etc , Xmas present, birthday and was still treated like crap.
Of course they didn't realise or perhaps put two and two together?
So I don't now and to be honest, standing back it feels ridiculous that I did so to begin with.

Google homes, smart phone, Alexia and on line calender all should make it very easy to remember all this stuff.

Normally I'd say not your dad bit your problem but if you always do it then yes you probably should have because you are spiting DH to get one up on FIL. Not helpful to your marriage. You could just have an adult conversation with DH if you are changing the rules which have always worked for your family.

It's not spitting on her dh at all!

Her dh needs to take responsibility for his own dad.

Op.well done

It is perfectly reasonable for you to buy for your dad and your partner to buy for his dad.

As you have previously bought presents and cards for his side of the family, I think it is unreasonable for you to stop doing this without letting him know, but you only have to do that once.

If Jesus Christ himself, got down off the cross and asked me to buy my FIL a Father's Day card, I would decline. And not politely.

I don't really have a FIL. He adopted my dh after his mother did, and then vanished when they divorced. The only communication I've ever had from him was when he popped up on my FB, INSISTING I was his estranged daughter. Repeatedly. And forgot he'd adopted my dh.

That said, I bought my MIL a Mother's Day card. Once. Like you, @JulyDreams I was in the store already, so I decided to save dh a trip (we'd been married a month). She complained it wasn't good enough, so I quit doing it. After that, she rarely got a card, if ever, b/c he never remembered.

The topper? DH had the kids make her birthday cards. I got an email saying that they should only be using wax crayons, they'd coloured outside the lines, and used the wrong colours for things. They were PRESCHOOLERS.

Dh never sent her the kids artwork again. If nothing is good enough, then nothing it is.

Let your dh handle it.

Not father's Day related as dh doesn't have a relationship with his Dad but I do get the mother's Day card... I can't stand my MIL, she is not a nice woman at all, has no interest in us or our family and never has had but quite frankly it's so much easier for me just to pick up when I'm getting one for my own Mum. My dh would spend a fortune on card and present etc because he will pick up the easiest thing regardless of price whereas if I do it I can be frugal about it. My rule is I refuse to get one that says "you are a great Mum, best Mum or similar because... Well she's absolutely not. Most basic generic card to tick a box and now have her bitching about us not getting a card.

Card Factory 50p and leave the sticker on (well there's no point in spending loads on a card , they just end up in recycle anyway)

I once queued 30 minutes in Card Factory to get my Dad a nice birthday card , then later thought "Damn, I didn't get one for Mum to give to Dad " (Mum is housebound) so as I didn't want annother queue , went to WHSmith and had to spend £4.
She didn't even bloody give it to him ! I found it still in the bag when we were emptying the house <sigh>

It's unbelievably spiteful and petty when you're in a long term relationship with someone not to do things for them which really isn't a big deal. I buy all the Birthday cards/occasion cards, and most of the presents. Not because DH isn't capable but because we both work very hard and if I'm going to buy one anyway, it's just as easy to get two!
DH does all the washing...imagine what an arsehole he'd be if he just did his own washing and none of mine! We both do lots of things to make each others lives easier.

I disagree. It was never a ‘thing’ for him to get cards, etc before we were married. So, the expectation that because he had a wife these would now become my domain (and meet an unspoken standard) was baffling to me. To be clear, my DH didn’t have that expectation, MIL did. She even tried to give me a list of names and addresses of extended family I’d never met, because keeping track of all birthdays and holidays was now my responsibility.

uh, no.

Gosh, it's as if diaries and calendars had never been invented.

Nobody has explained why all these men have managed not to step into a single shop for months. Given Father’s Day cards and associated tat have been on sale for ages, nobody can miss it when you go into shops or even the junk mail in email inboxes are full of Father’s Day gift suggestions.

Why is it only women who seem to notice it’s fathers day and therefore by default have to buy for their IL’s too as they’re the only ones in the shops buying a Father’s Day card?

how are all these men not entering shops or passing the cards at the till?

This is petty. Just get the card. If not for fil, then for your partner. It’s just a card!

Well done 👏🏻