DP going on holiday on my birthday!

[Putia]

DP and I have been together for 18 months, and so far, our relationship has been pretty flawless. We haven't had so much as a cross word. I have been in some pretty shitty relationships in the past, and as such, I have learnt to value my worth and be with a partner who appreciates and prioritises me. I don't mind being on my own, so I guess my standards are quite high. I really love DP, and up until now, I would have said we are perfect for each other.

My birthday is next month. His birthday was a few months ago and I made a huge fuss of him. I love spoiling my loved ones, taking care of them, making them feel special. In fairness, on my last birthday, he did the same. A few months ago, DP booked a 7 day holiday with friends for the week before my birthday. Half of the group are coming back on the dates preceding my birthday, the other half are staying for a few days extra and coming back after my birthday. DP assured me that he would be returning with the first half of the group and so would be back in time for my birthday, and I could go ahead and book some things in, so I booked us a spa and hotel break. He has now announced, tonight, that he actually wants to come back with the second group and therefore will be missing my birthday, and has suggested I take someone else on the spa and hotel break. Understandably, I am upset, not only because I feel let down and not prioritised, but also because I booked the spa break and hotel with a romantic getaway in mind. I am left in the position of finding someone to come to a spa break in a few weeks time. All of my friends are mums to young children or babies, so it is doubtful I will find anyone.

I honestly feel like - at 18 months in - is this as good as it gets? I had dreams of us spending our future together (he said he wants that to), but I feel his actions to be very selfish, inconsiderate and off putting.

AIBU?

This bit of your OP stands out to me:

...so far, our relationship has been pretty flawless. We haven't had so much as a cross word.

You two have missed out on a lot of learning to communicate with each other by avoiding any confrontation until now. Not having a cross word does not necessarily mean the relationship is totally wonderful, it means things get swept under the carpet and you haven't figured out how to discuss or argue with each other when there is a conflict. And now that an issue has arisen, it is catastrophic and potentially the end of the relationship.

If you don't want to continue being with him that's obviously totally fine, but to leave someone you love and have a good thing going with over one bump in the road seems like a knee jerk.

You say yourself part of this reaction is because of past hurts. Try to stick to reacting to the here and now situation for what it is.

Speak to him; listen to him - then figure out what's the next step.

If you don't want to continue being with him that's obviously totally fine, but to leave someone you love and have a good thing going with over one bump in the road seems like a knee jerk.

It's not 'one bump in the road' though is it? That sounds like an unavoidable accident, a miscommunication, or some other cock up.

This isn't what this is. This is the OP's boyfriend arranging a holiday with her, getting her to book it and then pulling out because his mates are more important. On her birthday.

To trot out the tired MN line - when someone shows you who they are, believe them.

I was expecting unreasonable princess behaviour from you when I opened the thread, but you’re being totally reasonable here. I’d take this as a terrible sign at 18 months. I do think you need to speak to him before ending the relationship, but I’d take it as a sign he’s not that bothered.

I haven't RTFT but my exh used to do this to me all the time. I was constantly booking things we agreed on then he would let me down last minute, I was rushing around trying to find someone to come with me and I was also left out of pocket - he never paid for his half and invariably I couldn't ask friends to pay to come as they were basically just doing me a favour so late in the day. It just shows you that they don't value you and your time/ money and don't care about your feelings - you are not a priority for them. I basically went along with it for years and all it taught my exh was he could let me down and treat me as a low priority and I would accept it. His behaviour got worse and worse until we divorced.

I don't think it's acceptable for him to let you down like that after you've already booked something for you both.

It seems odd that he’s changed from 7 days to 10 days , I think he booked for 10 days all along , sorry

That is really, really shit of him.

What he is basically saying is that he'd rather be with his mates for 3 more days than spend the planned weekend with you. I'd listen to that and sack him off.
Its like those 'friends' that you plan stuff with and then they cancel because they had 'a better offer'. Shows you exactly what sort of person he is OP. I'm sorry.

The fact its your birthday only adds to his shittiness. If it was a normal weekend that you'd planned something together that would be bad enough.

If I were you, I'd take a friend if you can to the spa. If not, go by yourself with a good book and enjoy it anyway. Especially if he has paid for it.