Can our wedding venue do this??? Any lawyers?!

[RedWineRage]

Posting here for traffic....and also some perspective/help/ideas!

Getting married this summer. Reception venue is stately home-type place which is open to the public but also does weddings, has done successfully for years. Top listed wedding venue in various magazines etc and very good reviews. So - not some shady outfit.

Email out of the blue this week - all rather breezy - due to several incidents at recent events, just to let you know we will no longer be serving red wine at all, with immediate effect.

But don't worry, we'll just swap that out for rosé in your drinks package.

What???

My mum only drinks red wine. Several family members prefer red wine. We planned to have beef as a main.

Totally unacceptable, right? They appear to be relying on some woolly clause in the contract around "it's a historic building, changes may need to be made to your wedding plan that are out of our control due to operational reasons" etc.

We're genuinely considering trying at short notice to get another venue, and trying to claim money back through small claims. Has anyone done this? Any ideas on how likely we are to be successful?

My mum can't not have an alcoholic drink at my wedding. Sorry I'm ranting and probably not being very rational.

Perspective and advice welcome!!

"I would also be annoyed about the blasé generic email"

I would be annoyed at the phrase 'swap it out'. Do they think that makes it sound better than 'substitute' it, which is what they are in fact doing? If they must say 'swap it' the addition of 'out' is irritatingly redundant.

This. Rose is horrid.

Well there is rose and there is rose. For years the shite served up in UK restaurants, pubs and supermarket shelves has been sickly sweet neon pink shite that stripes the enamel off your teeth. Thankfully, things are changing and actually you can pick up some lovely dry AOC Cote de Provence wines that are lovely on a hot day. Fine, if you don't like rose you don't like it but to assume it is all horrid is a bit narrow minded. Bit like me having a glass of blue nun before declaring white wine is 'horrid'.

Well personally I wouldn't have ever booked anywhere that wouldn't allow a full choice of drinks for such a celebration.
My issue wouldn't be that they didn't want to serve red wine, just that they have introduced this at the eleventh hour. One needs one's guests to be happy and that includes people who want to drink red wine being able to do exactly that.
I totally understand the point of view of the venue if there is danger of irreparable damage to an historic building but, by the same token, this should have been made clear at the time of booking. Getting married is (or should be) a once in a lifetime occasion and venues charging the earth should not be moving any goalposts at this stage.
In your position, I would be asking for a change of menu to accommodate only being able to serve white wine and a discount on the new main to reflect your reasonableness in adapting to their last minute rule changes!

Not acceptable! You could have chosen another venue had you known about this prior to booking. I would absolutely be expecting to be refunded or compensated in some way. Ignore the people saying it’s no big deal…It’s your special day and it should be everything you imagined…red wine included.

'My mum can't go without an alcoholic drink', pathetic.

My god, you're being very dramatic over alcohol! I'd understand if no alcohol was allowed but she can drink other wine or not drink. I prefer prosecco but I can live without drinking for one day or drink other wines. No bid deal.

The whole MN weirdness over alcohol makes it impossible to discuss the issues arising here sensibly.

It would be interesting to re-post but change the issue. I wonder what the response would be if the venue had contacted you to say that due to previous damage all high-heeled shoes are now banned from the venue, and it’s hard luck for the guests who have already gone to effort and expense to buy their outfits including high-heeled shoes as they will now need to wear flat pumps at all times indoors. Do you think we’d be harangued by MNers telling us all that it’s pathetic to want to wear heels and that you should be happy to wear Skechers on your wedding day?

Oh, FFS. Her mum’s not half-cut on a park bench at 10am with a can of special when she should be at work: she’s mother of the bride and might want a celebratory drink at an occasion that traditionally includes a party and a knee’s up, not that you’d think so from the “well, my wedding breakfast was twigs and puddle water as it should be” brigade. Honestly, this website.

My mum can't not have an alcoholic drink at my wedding

so not even champagne?

I thought most people got hammered on the champagne/prosecco stuff at weddings? Toasting the happy couple and all that.

i don’t drink though so don’t get this absolute “need” for alcohol as if it’s a complete disaster if there isn’t any.

Well as you don't drink. You're unlikely to understand? It's not a dependency, it's a social thing.

Daft comparison. This would entail the OP having to contact all the guests individually to make the rules clear to them and the guests having to arrange or re-arrange their clothing accordingly.

No red wine causes the guests no real issue, cost or inconvenience beyond possibly having to swap their first drink of choice for the evening.

well, my wedding breakfast was twigs and puddle water as it should be

…. and everyone always tells me it was the best wedding they’d ever been to!

Well as you don't drink. You're unlikely to understand? It's not a dependency, it's a social thing

i get that. Why if no red can she not drink though? Every wedding I’ve been to I’ve not seen anyone toasting the bride and groom with a glass of red, it’s always white champagne type stuff.

is o/p’s mum really going to refuse any and all other alcohol because there’s no red wine?

is o/p’s mum really going to refuse any and all other alcohol because there’s no red wine?

Both my DM and my MIL will only drink red wine. My mum would drink half a glass of fizz if there was nothing else, but my MIL wouldn’t.

Same with me. With alcohol I drink only gin and certain varieties of wine. So if the only alcohol on offer was lager, Bacardi, vodka, whisky etc or say Pinot Grigio, most Chardonnays and some Merlots I would choose water. Chilled tap water would do - I don't like sparkling water and don't like any soft drinks like Coke or those fancy elderflower or lemongrass things marketed as posh soft drinks. I think they taste like perfume but other people like them.

I don't think that's unusual or fussy. Neither do I think anything bad about people who have a wider taste than me. What I do find odd are people who on the one hand say it's terrible to want an alcoholic drink or people who say that you shouldn't mind any alcoholic drink.

I don't think it's at all odd for the OP's mum to want her favourite drink at celebratory meal. Of course it wouldn't be the end of the world if she couldn't have it but it would be a shame.

So do you go and check everyone's glasses to ensure that when toasting, they then driven the champagne?

Of course you don't!

That's ceremonial and not necessarily actually drunk or just a sip taken.

I'd would drink that glass and no more as it gives me heartburn.

Changing the goalposts so close to your event is bound to get your back up OP. Is there any possibility of changing your main course to better suit white wine or rose?

I haven’t read the whole thread but it sounds like some previous guests have caused damage with red wine and they are trying to protect the building from further damage.

I can understand that you want your wedding to exactly match your idea of what you want it to be, but if you liked this building enough to book it for your big day you should understand they need to protect it for future generations.

And, honestly, I'm sure your guests can manage to have beef on one occasion without accompanying it with red wine. I've managed for 38 years in this respect, so I can promise its not life threatening or anything 😊

Exactly for the sake of one bloody drink, what a drama. Seems like the point of the day is being lost because red wine is so important.

'Seems like the point of the day is being lost because red wine is so important.'

I bet the bride insisted on a fancy new dress and everything, the hussy. Why can't brides be happy with sackcloth and ashes, and focus on the REAL meaning of the day? 🙄

Exactly for the sake of one bloody drink, what a drama. Seems like the point of the day is being lost because red wine is so important.

So sanctimonious!

YABU, it's just wine!

Ask them if you can bring your own bottles of red wine and you'll pay them corkage.

What a fabulous idea!! If only in nearly 500 posts, someone had thought of that! Thank goodness you've come along and suggested it!

I mean if they won't serve red wine because of an issue with spillages, it makes perfect sense that bringing your own and paying corkage would solve that issue.

*covered mouth laughing emoji

This thread got a bit angry so I didn't come back to update, but inspired by another thread and a few people mentioning they remembered this one, I thought I'd update...

Thanks to some very good advice on this thread, I arranged a phone call with our planner to discuss, which quickly got escalated to the management who could negotiate around it. In the end, they agreed we could have red wine with the meal, which was our main concern. We can't have red wine at the bar but they've agreed to upgrade our drinks package as a result.

So my mum will be ok for the dinner but has been warned she will have to manage with an alternative for the after-party, the absolute lush that she is!

Thanks to everyone who gave advice on this thread, really appreciated even those saying I was being ridiculous kind of helped with perspective.

Oh and we didn't find out any major details of what had happened to cause the ban - just several very drunken "first wedding in a friendship group" situations apparently...red wine up the walls/down the stairs etc. I think (hope) our guests are a bit long in the tooth for that now...fingers crossed!