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Original poster

Can our wedding venue do this??? Any lawyers?!

508 replies

RedWineRage · 09/06/2022 18:17

Posting here for traffic....and also some perspective/help/ideas!

Getting married this summer. Reception venue is stately home-type place which is open to the public but also does weddings, has done successfully for years. Top listed wedding venue in various magazines etc and very good reviews. So - not some shady outfit.

Email out of the blue this week - all rather breezy - due to several incidents at recent events, just to let you know we will no longer be serving red wine at all, with immediate effect.

But don't worry, we'll just swap that out for rosé in your drinks package.

What???

My mum only drinks red wine. Several family members prefer red wine. We planned to have beef as a main.

Totally unacceptable, right? They appear to be relying on some woolly clause in the contract around "it's a historic building, changes may need to be made to your wedding plan that are out of our control due to operational reasons" etc.

We're genuinely considering trying at short notice to get another venue, and trying to claim money back through small claims. Has anyone done this? Any ideas on how likely we are to be successful?

My mum can't not have an alcoholic drink at my wedding. Sorry I'm ranting and probably not being very rational.

Perspective and advice welcome!!

OP posts:
Pyri · 11/06/2022 08:56

Moosake · 11/06/2022 08:50

Would you really have chosen another venue if you'd known this at the start? For the sake of 1 glass of red wine?

If so maybe explain this and ask if one small glass of red wine could be provided for your mum and she can drink it outside the building in the smokers area.

If so maybe explain this and ask if one small glass of red wine could be provided for your mum and she can drink it outside the building in the smokers area.

how offensively patronising Hmm

Lottapianos · 11/06/2022 09:15

Some MNers are just plain weird when it comes to alcohol. It's like a competition to see who cares less about it. Suggesting that the bride's mum can make do with tea instead of red wine? 🙄 There is nothing wrong with having a drink, especially at a special occasion. The venue are being extremely unreasonable but I honestly don't know what you can do about it OP. It's really crap, I'm sorry

ZoyaTheDestroyer · 11/06/2022 09:18

Moosake · 11/06/2022 08:50

Would you really have chosen another venue if you'd known this at the start? For the sake of 1 glass of red wine?

If so maybe explain this and ask if one small glass of red wine could be provided for your mum and she can drink it outside the building in the smokers area.

It's not one glass of red wine. It's making provision for the enjoyment of one of the most important guests on what is (hopefully) a once-in-a-lifetime event. Don't be so disingenuous.

SamphirethePogoingStickerist · 11/06/2022 09:27

This is what you sometimes get when you book into stately homes etc. They have to balance making enough money to keep the house collection together and not wrecking the stuff that attracts both visitors and the heritage stamp.

If you want red wine that much book your day in a less fragile environment. But this is always the risk you take when you book such places. Your wedding isn't as important to them as the heritage they are custodians of.

SmartCarDriver · 11/06/2022 09:34

Moosake · 11/06/2022 08:50

Would you really have chosen another venue if you'd known this at the start? For the sake of 1 glass of red wine?

If so maybe explain this and ask if one small glass of red wine could be provided for your mum and she can drink it outside the building in the smokers area.

Why do so nasty? What are you getting out of it?

MrsMummy500 · 11/06/2022 09:39

YANBU. It’s your big day. You want to be able to serve red wine with your wedding meal.

its unlikely this will be your abiding memory of the day, but I would be pissed off. Could you suggest red wine is served outside or solely with the meal (not during dancing etc) (if it’s a concern about damage / spillages to the place).

i would renegotiate price and explain in an email to your guests before. If people know before they’re less likely to be irritated (and I bet none of them would show any irritation to you anyway). People will understand.

GrinAndVomit · 11/06/2022 09:58

Would you be happy if, when you arrive at the venue, the carpets, walls etc. had red wine stains all over them?

Antarcticant · 11/06/2022 10:06

There must be ways of managing this. Every single venue that serves red wine does not have wall-to-wall wine stains.

GabriellaMontez · 11/06/2022 10:10

If this was so critical to their precious stately home, it should have been discussed before they took a deposit and booking.

It's heavy handed to drop this on you after you've booked.

A glass of red wine at a wedding with a meal is the most normal thing in the world. Only mumsnet would deem it some how unreasonable to have this expectation at wedding.

GabriellaMontez · 11/06/2022 10:11

GrinAndVomit · 11/06/2022 09:58

Would you be happy if, when you arrive at the venue, the carpets, walls etc. had red wine stains all over them?

Weirdly this has never happened and I've been to dozens of weddings.

Burgoo · 11/06/2022 10:20

@RedWineRage

You Mum CAN not have an alcoholic drink at the wedding. She just chooses not to. If someone has that much of a need to drink alcohol I think that's more of a problem.

I always tell people to rate the problem to see if you should act on the urge to do something...

  Place settings &lt;<span class="line-through">-</span><span class="line-through">-</span><span class="line-through">-</span><span class="line-through">-</span><span class="line-through">-</span><span class="line-through">-</span><span class="line-through">-</span><span class="line-through">-</span><span class="line-through">-</span><span class="line-through">-</span><span class="line-through">-</span>--&gt; The staff all dressing
  "wrong" colour,                                                                       in clown gear and

not having right serving beef to a vegan

font on the service (1) wedding (10)

Where does this sit on the scale?

For me its 1 out of 10, not ideal but fine no problem. We still have an array of different wines (non-red) plus vodka, gin, beers etc. People can suck it up for a day and drink something different or shock horror not drink alcohol at all (for the record I didn't drink at mine).

Yes they agreed to something then changed their minds. That's what I call life. Things change and unless its something ultra important I tend to just go with the flow. Is there any point in getting worked up about it? It seems a lot of stress for something relatively inconsequential.

Small claims will ask you what you are actually claiming for. It really needs to be quantifiable. For example, if they didn't provide ANY wine with the food then you may have a case. If they didn't provide a service you had expected. But if they have given you an alternative then you can't claim just because you were "a little sad" at not getting what you want or if your Mum can't tolerate a day without drinking.

Apologies for the bluntness.

PaddingtonBearStareAgain · 11/06/2022 10:21

Has OP other options other than beef too. I know a lot of people that don't eat red meat 😉

Burgoo · 11/06/2022 10:21

Oh no that didn't work!

  1. wrong place settings and font wrong on the service card
  2. clown gear wearing, beef serving staff at a vegan wedding!
Lottapianos · 11/06/2022 10:29

'Apologies for the bluntness.'

And the smugness 🙄

Moosake · 11/06/2022 10:31

Pyri · 11/06/2022 08:56

If so maybe explain this and ask if one small glass of red wine could be provided for your mum and she can drink it outside the building in the smokers area.

how offensively patronising Hmm

Show quote history

It wasn't meant to be but presumably the smokers area is in a safe place away from any historical artifacts so its going to be the safest place for red wine.

Moosake · 11/06/2022 10:35

SmartCarDriver · 11/06/2022 09:34

Why do so nasty? What are you getting out of it?

Show quote history

I genuinely wasn't being nasty! They must have a space where people can smoke away from the historical artifacts! I'm just trying to think of a way mum can have her wine and the historical house can keep things safe. It doesn't have to be outside, maybe they've got like a room that's a cloak room or something that they don't mind about? I know it's shit not to be able to have it with the meal but I'm just trying to think of what might be acceptable to the venue.

Antarcticant · 11/06/2022 10:36

It wasn't meant to be but presumably the smokers area is in a safe place away from any historical artifacts so its going to be the safest place for red wine

Does OP's mum smoke? If not, she may not want to go and stand in smokers' corner; and this hardly works well if the wine is to be served with the meal anyway.

Moosake · 11/06/2022 10:37

Ooh! Or you could offer to put some kind of protective flooring under mum's table?

Moosake · 11/06/2022 10:38

Antarcticant · 11/06/2022 10:36

It wasn't meant to be but presumably the smokers area is in a safe place away from any historical artifacts so its going to be the safest place for red wine

Does OP's mum smoke? If not, she may not want to go and stand in smokers' corner; and this hardly works well if the wine is to be served with the meal anyway.

Yeah I didn't think about that mum might not smoke sorry. I think offering to pay for a protective floor covering and maybe one of those under table cloth protectors might be a better way to go about it.

JennieLee · 11/06/2022 10:44

I would regard this as practice for marriage. Which requires the ability to compromise if it is to last.

ThanksItHasPockets · 11/06/2022 10:44

These sorts of threads inevitably bring out a joyless, puritanical streak in certain MNers, who mutter darkly about people having A Problem With Alcohol.

Folk are allowed to like what they like. They are further allowed to make expensive decisions about important events based on what they like. They are even further allowed to be disappointed if the thing that they like is taken away from them and to examine the alternatives.

Bumpsadaisie · 11/06/2022 10:45

It is annoying to be told you can't have red wine.

But ultimately they can make what rules they like.

The contract probably has a clause in it wide enough to cover this situation.

And even if it doesn't, a contract is just a piece of paper, that gives people rights to claim for breach of the contract is broken.

A contract can't force the venue to do something they choose not to do.

Only a court order ultimately enforced by police could do that (no, you wouldn't get one of those for a failure to serve red wine).

So your choice is -

  • to accept that red wine isn't the be all and end all in the interest of the bigger picture of the day (this is the easiest thing to do!)
  • to change venue
  • or talk to them and see what could be worked out. If they won't change perhaps they can offer some comp.
  • If that doesn't work you could seek legal advice on what the contact says and maybe they are in breach. In which case a snotty letter from a solicitor might encourage them to change their minds.

But taking a step back, it would not be nice to be having your wedding at a place you are in huge dispute with.

Lottapianos · 11/06/2022 10:47

'I would regard this as practice for marriage. Which requires the ability to compromise if it is to last.'

This is the smuggest, most pious, most sanctimonious thread I have read on MN for some time, and that's really saying something. Some of you really need to have a word with yourselves

Bumpsadaisie · 11/06/2022 10:47

JennieLee · 11/06/2022 10:44

I would regard this as practice for marriage. Which requires the ability to compromise if it is to last.

This ⬆️. Very true.

Antarcticant · 11/06/2022 10:47

I think offering to pay for a protective floor covering and maybe one of those under table cloth protectors might be a better way to go about it.

Yes, although if they go down this route I think the venue should be paying, not the OP. For future bookings, sure, they can say red wine is not on the menu or they can ask for an extra fee to cover protective measures but the OP booked and paid in good faith for a package including red wine, and this should be honoured.