Can our wedding venue do this??? Any lawyers?!

[RedWineRage]

Posting here for traffic....and also some perspective/help/ideas!

Getting married this summer. Reception venue is stately home-type place which is open to the public but also does weddings, has done successfully for years. Top listed wedding venue in various magazines etc and very good reviews. So - not some shady outfit.

Email out of the blue this week - all rather breezy - due to several incidents at recent events, just to let you know we will no longer be serving red wine at all, with immediate effect.

But don't worry, we'll just swap that out for rosé in your drinks package.

What???

My mum only drinks red wine. Several family members prefer red wine. We planned to have beef as a main.

Totally unacceptable, right? They appear to be relying on some woolly clause in the contract around "it's a historic building, changes may need to be made to your wedding plan that are out of our control due to operational reasons" etc.

We're genuinely considering trying at short notice to get another venue, and trying to claim money back through small claims. Has anyone done this? Any ideas on how likely we are to be successful?

My mum can't not have an alcoholic drink at my wedding. Sorry I'm ranting and probably not being very rational.

Perspective and advice welcome!!

I suggest booking a wine tasting at the venue with your mum to get them to find something she likes that you can have some bottles of. -- Go along the lines of how disappointed your family will be, how many of them prefer red, how you had chosen the main course specifically.......but.....you understand their issue. If they can help you keep your mum happy the the rest of the family will fall in line....etc etc. .....who knows, Maybe your mum will find a new favourite wine. Please don't let this spoil what will otherwise be a very special day.

(Really I want to know what their actual issue is.....are they also banning coke, gravy, coffee etc etc My guess is that there was lots of red wine sick everywhere left to dry into carpet, walls, beds etc)

Seems fair enough tbh. But yes ask to swap meals if it's a problem there.

Floor damage not flood!

I'm trying very hard to maintain perspective but I'm so annoyed. The most important thing is our guests have a great time and have a good party - couldn't give a stuff about flowers, cake, decorations etc.

PP is probably right that we need to weigh up the stress of doing something else vs the disappointment of sticking with what we have. I will have to calm down before we do that!

I won't name the venue (at this point anyway....)

Just BYO

Massive overreaction. It’s clear that there have been accidents with red wine and if it is a stately home type place there has probably been damage that is irreversible

Not exactly the same as it is not alcohol but being Scottish I have went to a lot of weddings where Irn Bru is not allowed for similar reasons as it stains badly

I don't think it's a case of them not providing it, it's about people spilling it and damaging/staining things by the sounds of it. Their building their rules. It's one drink on one day, no biggy

@Mumdiva99 this is a really nice idea, thank you

It's annoying, but honestly I'd live with it; I certainly wouldn't be considering a venue change over it. I'm sure you're mum would rather you have the wedding you planned for and not go through the massive stress of organising another venue then go through all that so she can have a drink. As others have said, I'm sure she could smuggle in a bottle if she feels she needs a drink that much, or maybe one of those tinned wines from M&S would be more subtle.

Don’t be so ridiculous 🙄

Ignore all the people who don’t understand why you want your mum to be able to enjoy a drink at your wedding. It’s mumsnet anti—alcohol madness and they’ll be implying this post was a subtle attempt to seek help for your mums alcoholism next.

In all seriousness though, I completely get how annoying this is but doubt you’ll get anywhere with small claims etc. If it was me, I’d offer to up my security deposit. If you know your guests will be responsible (and opt to maybe reserve red for just the meal and maybe a bottle for your mum only behind the bar) that might convince them? Best of luck with the wedding!!

I would never choose Rose over Red, I can't abide the stuff but love a good Red wine.

You need to speak to the event manager/team and explain that you're not happy with the Rose, what else can they replace it with or will they be refunding you the difference in the drinks package.

You don't have to be arsey, but do be firm.

Of course they can do it. It's a historic venue that has clearly suffered damage by spilled red wine staining fabrics and floors. Nor cheap to remedy or replace, especially on hardwood floors.
If the lack of red wine is going to ruin your day and your mum honestly can't get through the day without one (!) then speak to the venue and see if you can cancel. I do think it's a bit bonkers though. They are not being unreasonable, but neither are you if it bothers you to this extent.

Each to their own but not having red wine would not have spoilt the day at my wedding.

I mean I'm sure most people dont go to a wedding having a beef dinner on the understanding they have red wine to accompany.

The majority of people would just drink an alternative.

It’s one day & your wedding day. If people can’t go without a glass of red wine to support you then honestly, I’d tell them get over it. Huge overreaction & such a first world problem.

In a recent science fair project my DC did (on colour affecting flavour) we found some research that said in blindfold taste testing many people could not tell the difference between white and red wine. Also when they coloured white wine red and asked tasters to describe the flavour they used the 'red' adjectives.

So I say blindfold you guests 😉

Don’t be so ridiculous. She wants her mum to enjoy the day.

Im going to get shot down in flames here but after covid, and whole weddings being cancelled, is the lack of red wine really the worst thing that could happen?

Can I ask was it a generic email? If it was I would contact them and ask about and see if compromise could be made. Red wine just served at the meal and not served when people are miggling or at the meal etc. Worth a shot.

😂 OK this made me smile so that's something, thanks @KyaClark

You have lost some perspective imo, but probably because you’ve spent so much time and energy on this day so far.

It goes with the territory with these sorts of venues. Historic houses are difficult to live in and maintain. You want the look and feel of it? You have to deal with the reality of it. Red wine can cause permanent damage to soft furnishings. They’re not doing anything wrong.

Find a workaround (and I don’t think sneaking red wine in is the answer 🙄). What would you do if a works Christmas party venue did this when you are in charge of organising everything? You’d prob roll your eyes a bit, roll with it and remember that the main thing is that everyone has a nice time. Same goes for your wedding. The absence of red wine will not mean you don’t get wed, or people won’t have fun.

Let it go. It’s not worth it, on top of everything else you have to deal with.

I wouldn't say it's a woolly clause either. Living in a 300 year old house myself, historic properties are sometimes an arse to maintain, especially listed ones. Red wine staining a historic hardwood floor for example would be an absolute nightmare. Having to make changes that maintain the longevity, charm and original features is totally understandable. They haven't done it to piss you off, put it that way.
It's a shame it will ruin your wedding. I'm sure if you speak to the venue you can find a compromise or perhaps they will agree to refund your deposit on this occasion.
I hope you have a beautiful day wherever you end up! Congratulations!

I fully get the frustration but cancelling would be a massive overreaction I think x

If this is such a well established venue surely having accidents can't be a new thing? They will be insured to cover problems, they seem to be being a bit exreme in banning it.