To be upset at the reason for not being asked to be Godmother?

[wildchild88]

My best friend of 14 years is the godson to my eldest. She would've been bridesmaid at my wedding etc. She had a baby last year and hasn't asked me to be godmother. At that I could've been a bit hurt but got over it.
I had a baby myself a few months before her.
She said the reason she didn't ask me was because "her partners parents take it seriously and I've got enough on my plate"
I left my abusive ex 6 months ago and took our children with me. She's chosen someone who has no children but is married. I mean I'm sure she's a lovely woman and has done a lot for her little boy since he was born but it just feels like a kick in the teeth of "we would've chose you but your life is too chaotic to think you're responsible enough to leave our son to"
I haven't said anything and I won't cos I don't want to cause any arguments or not worth it, but.. AIBU to be upset? Had a little cry to myself about it.

If the friends PILs are religious and take the godparent role seriously, it's likely they would have asked that only religious people be considered for the role.

Yes. I declined an offer to become a godmother as I did not consider myself to be sufficiently religious and I think my friend had the impression that I was more religious at that time than I was. Fortunately my friend and I were sufficiently good friends and adult about it not to get into a cycle of being offended at one another and I did attend the ceremony but not as a godparent.

It's not up to the PIL but it is up to the friend and her partner together to make the decisions that work for them as a family and sometimes that is placating the PIL over some things.

Things I think of when deciding who I'd like to look after my children if we both died include really practical things. I would consider who has the resources (time & money& accommodation) as well as considering things like mental health.

I don't want one of my sisters because she gets upset easily and struggles with her mental health and taking on lots of small children would only add additional pressure. I don't want another of my sisters because they live miles away in another country and I don't want my children having to move/ live there. They also don't have the money/space. This isn't a reflection on them - they are great parents but I have other options that are a better fit for my kids.
We'd ideally like my bro in law who lives locally, happily married, lots of resources (time & money) and the children could stay in their current schools etc.

I wouldn't choose someone who had recently come out of an abusive relationship unless they were extremely stable emotionally and had the time/resources it takes to take on more children. Your feelings just wouldn't factor in my decision making as they aren't more important than making the best decision for the children.
I also accept that there's things about me that might not make me the ideal substitute parent if the worse should happen to someone else - I'm ok with that!

@towelsa but godparents do not take on dc on the death of parents UNLESS they are also named legal guardians. Op has never stated this is about legal guardianship - it's the friend who is confusing the two issues and making op feel rubbish about herself.

@towelsa
The OP’s post is about being a godparent, not being a guardian. They are not the same thing.

@towelsa your post is irrelevant. This question is about godparents.