To think this amount of exercise is too much for DS?

[MishMashofAllSorts]

DS is nearly 16, currently doing his GCSEs so on study leave. I am worried about the amount of exercise he is doing and think it’s bordering on an obsession. DH disagrees.

He exercises all day, everyday. There is no day off. It starts with him sneaking out of the house at 5am for a run. He then showers and if he doesn’t have any exams he then heads out to the gym/pool where he is currently spending at least 4-5 hrs a day in the gym, doing classes and swimming laps. He then meets up with friends and usually ends up doing something active there too. In the evenings he goes to various sports clubs/activities like football, boxing, swimming, rowing etc or he’ll go for another long run and another solo swim. He is walking/running miles and miles everyday.

He gets annoyed if his routine is interrupted. He refuses to be driven anywhere or get the bus even though we’ve paid for an annual bus pass for him as it “makes you lazy”. He will walk/ride his bike everywhere. If I ask him to have a day off he declines, which means our family time is affected. He also gets severe headaches sometimes with vomiting, which I think are because he sweats, drinks loads of water but doesn’t replace the salts he loses. I’ve tried giving him some of those lucozade sport drinks but he won’t use them because they’re full of sugar.

DH says I’m overreacting and it’s a good thing he’s so sporty and at least it means he’s not out getting into trouble or getting drunk etc. But AIBU to be a bit concerned that this is too much? If you have a sporty teen how much do they do?

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I'd be thinking he's got a girlfriend at that gym

Or boyfriend- more likely to be more secretive in that case

Wow that’s a lot. I have a 15 and 16 year old and know how headstrong they can be. You’re not over reacting though, that’s not normal behaviour.

That sounds obsessive and worrying. What’s his weight like and is his diet good? He needs to eat a hell of a lot if he’s exercising that much.

I'd be worried too OP. It does sound like he's obsessed. I mean, there are worse things to be obsessed with, but the vomiting, headaches and linterruption of normal family life/upset if routine is broken, would definitely have me concerned.

That does sound like a problem actually. Did something happen before this, for instance did someone say he was overweight?

Is he eating properly?

Sounds like anorexia.

Has he been doing any revision in amongst all that exercise?

What is his diet and approach to food like?

Eating disorders in teenage boys are more common than many people think but can present differently from girls

YANBU. That was me. I had a severe eating disorder. Exactly the same, would sneak out for a run or long walk around the park, gym every single day without fail and would be verging on tears if I couldn't go. If I didn't go I wouldn't eat. Please do keep a close eye on him, your DH is wrong.

Yes he is overdoing it, and YANBU to be concerned; but rather than you trying to get him to cut down try to work with him to establish a set training regime, an end aim, and a path to achieving it, maybe get him a few sessions with a PT who can explain the dangers as well as the benefits, there's been quite a few documentaries and studies into 'fitness addiction' if you google it there's loads of links.
I used to teach in quite a niche sport which attracted a lot of young people, we were forever having to run sessions specifically about training/working within expectations and reality, the danger of injury when they are still growing is very real and can be lifelong.

It is concerning, OP. It is worth talking to a GP/psych about. Body dysmorphia occurs also in boys, and there is a lot of pressure on both boys and girls teens to have a certain figure.

How is his weight? Is he eating OK? I'd be worried too, that sounds very unhealthy!

This.

That's classic anorexic behaviour in boys. How's his weight?

Yes it's too much. Can you get him a personal trainer at the gym? My nephew was heading the way your son is and six weekly check ins with the PT who talks about the importance of rest days and nutrition has really helped.

This sounds like a lot. Exercise addiction is a thing. Or it could be like PP said and related to eating disorder. He's clearly not fueling himself right if having such bad headaches and vomiting. There's hundreds of you tube videos and podcasts where athletes talk about the importance of looking after themselves, their training plans etc if you think he might listen to those and take it in from them better than from you? If he refuses, I'd say it's more a medical issue and you need to suggest he talks to the GP about the headaches. You can let the GP know your concerns beforehand in case he doesn't mention the volume of exercise

I would be insisting he sees the GP to be honest.

It does sound excessive, you can get addicted to working out is he doing it as a distraction maybe, is he anxious re his exams ?
I know people can feel they have some sort of control over their life by exercising intently, this is quite a challenging time for your son. l would be careful how you approach this so you are not seen to be criticising him.

I would work with him here. As you are so focused on the gym and such I think we should get you to a sports dietitian to ensure you are getting all the right nutrient etc. Basically get outsiders involved who will say all the stuff that he needs to know and hear to balance this.

It does sound unhealthy and I think you're right to be concerned. It might be worth trying to help him learn about healthier approaches to fitness - a good PT or sports nutrition specialist would point out that rest time is an important part of building strength and endurance, and carbs including sugar are an important part of an athlete's diet and fuelling strategy. (You can get zero sugar sports drinks that replenish electrolytes which might be worth trying). It's possible that he's trying to be healthy but has picked up some mistaken ideas about what that looks like, so increasing his knowledge might be enough to change the behaviour. But I would also be thinking about Relative Energy Deficiency in Sport, fitness addiction and orthorexia and how to get proper professional support if education doesn't shift these behaviours.

Thanks for the replies.

I think he’s lost a little bit of weight, but he has also had a bit of a growth spurt too. DH says he’s just leaned out a bit because he’s grown taller. He’s not overly skinny, but is definitely slimmer as far as I can tell.

He does eat but has become very fussy and very into the whole clean eating thing. DH and I both work so he gets his breakfast and lunch himself, then generally eats dinner with us. I don’t think he’s skipping anything, just changed what he eats.

To the pp that asked about revision. He has made revision recordings, which he listens to whilst running, and he claims he and his friends revise together when they meet up though not sure how true that is.

As far as I’m aware nothing seems to have happened to trigger it, no insults or bullying or anything of that nature, but he’s not very forthcoming or talkative at the best of times so it’s like getting blood from a stone.

Looks like the consensus is I’m not BU so I need to have another conversation with DH.

If he has become obsessed with clean eating then it sounds like orthorexia.

I was addicted to the gym. Would organise my life around it, refuse to go out in the evenings, because I wanted to go to the gym in the morning. Get really anxious and irritated if I missed a session. I even had one of the trainers at the gym come up to me, as she was concerned by how often she saw me in there. I ignored it all, as I thought I was being healthy. It was only when my period stopped that I realised I was overdoing it. It’s such a hard one to address, as you genuinely think that people are just jealous, as they wished they could be that motivated. The more you push, the more he will push back. I would definitely look into getting some outside advice.