To think this amount of exercise is too much for DS?

[MishMashofAllSorts]

DS is nearly 16, currently doing his GCSEs so on study leave. I am worried about the amount of exercise he is doing and think it’s bordering on an obsession. DH disagrees.

He exercises all day, everyday. There is no day off. It starts with him sneaking out of the house at 5am for a run. He then showers and if he doesn’t have any exams he then heads out to the gym/pool where he is currently spending at least 4-5 hrs a day in the gym, doing classes and swimming laps. He then meets up with friends and usually ends up doing something active there too. In the evenings he goes to various sports clubs/activities like football, boxing, swimming, rowing etc or he’ll go for another long run and another solo swim. He is walking/running miles and miles everyday.

He gets annoyed if his routine is interrupted. He refuses to be driven anywhere or get the bus even though we’ve paid for an annual bus pass for him as it “makes you lazy”. He will walk/ride his bike everywhere. If I ask him to have a day off he declines, which means our family time is affected. He also gets severe headaches sometimes with vomiting, which I think are because he sweats, drinks loads of water but doesn’t replace the salts he loses. I’ve tried giving him some of those lucozade sport drinks but he won’t use them because they’re full of sugar.

DH says I’m overreacting and it’s a good thing he’s so sporty and at least it means he’s not out getting into trouble or getting drunk etc. But AIBU to be a bit concerned that this is too much? If you have a sporty teen how much do they do?

(n/c for this)

This sounds like too much and something is wrong. I have a 16 year old girl who competes at a national level and is trained by a private coach alongside national squad coaches. Her routine includes a 1-2 hour session of intense drills / gym work 5 days a week. 1 rest day and 1 recovery day (e.g non intensive bike ride). Heart rate is measured on all of these with the requirement on the recovery ride to keep the movement going but with the heart rate below a certain level.
Weights are restricted in the gym, she is capable of lifting more but coach restricts her to ensure she doesn't damage muscles while still young.
She also has theory lessons in nutrition, hydration etc so she understands what it takes to keep going at that level.

Basically it's highly monitored at that level. A lot depends on the intensity of the exercise for how much you should do though.
Hopefully this gives you an idea of what some one hoping to turn pro in a couple of years does at age 16

If he hasn't got a particular goal he's training towards I would be worried. If he is intending to join the Royal Marines or similar, less so. My husband certainly had to train at this intensity to be accepted initially and then to pass the commando course.

Thanks @Lovetoridemybicycle , that’s helpful. He’s not at elite level with any of his sports. He possibly could be if he concentrated on one of them rather than spreading himself so thinly amongst them all but he does compete in swim meets, football leagues, various tournaments etc. He also signs up for any cross country style running events that he’s allowed to.

I feel validated now that I’m not just being a hysterical mother. Will talk to DH and go from there. The PT ideas sound good so might see if we can start there. It will be virtually impossible to get him checked out at GP.

That' s far too much. I'm a distance runner so I know about this. Google 'overtraining syndrome'. Rest is an important part of athletic training. That is when your body adapts.

If you cannot get him to your GP, go yourself and talk to them. I am quite concerned, OP, both as a paed nurse with some experience in this area, and as a mother.

I would consider this a medical emergency. Don’t waste time. If he has anorexia then the more this takes hold then the worse the prognosis is

Definitely sounds like too much exercise to me, he needs to make sure he’s eating enough especially when he’s a healthy weight because it isn’t as if he has lots of excess fat to burn. He will get very sick quickly if he isn’t eating enough calories since he’s clearly burning thousands every day.

Does he ever have a rest day at all or does he literally do all of that seven days a week? It is extremely excessive. I run 5-6 days a week and do a HIIT or lift weights 6 days a week plus I tend to walk most places so generally get 20k+ steps in every day. I have a rest day where I’ll walk less steps and won’t do any intensive exercise because it’s important to give your body recovery time.

He should have recovery and rest days.

My ds is a swimmer at British level.

He trains 3-5 hours a day 5 days a week so that amount of exercise doesn't seem unusual to me.

And because he's at a gym for all those hours it doesn't mean he's intensively training.

I think I'd be concerned more with him not resting than I would with training hours a day and clean eating.

If he swims meets I'm assuming he's part of a club? Could you have a word with his swim coach for advice? Swim England have a massive push on recognising eating disorders in swimmers currently and he may have some insight.

There's been a huge body focus change for young men in the last years. There is as much focus on them being fit and looking a certain way as there is on girls. Add in all the clean eating etc stuff on instagram and it's easy to see why some teenages get obsessed.

I would probably take him to the GP. It does sound concerning if it is making him unwell. That said, I know a PT who said she spent her whole life feeling like she had too much energy that she didn't know what to do with, untill she found exercise. She really struggled as a teenager always feeling restless. She exercises hours a day, both for leisure and for her job (obviously), I don't think she has any issues with over-exercising, just loves it and feels like it makes her good.

Only you can really tell if it's too much, and obsessive, or not.

A PP has mentioned overtraining syndrome and it is very real. I’m a competitive swimmer and if you overtrain, you perform worse, making you want to train more and so on so on. Could this be an issue? It’s great that your son is into sport but this must be carefully managed by a coach. 4/5 hours per day is a huge amount of exercise for someone who is not an elite athlete and is also attending school.

Orthorexia was my first thought. Much more common that anorexia in boys.

Agree it sounds very much like an exercise/clean eating addiction.

Have been through cycles of this myself in my 20s and early 30s. First involved becoming so obsessed with what I put in my mouth, anything processed in any way felt almost dirty.. Would also make sure I went to the gym every day though this was almost secondary to the clean eating. Was more orthorexia than anorexia, though my weight dropped down to just over 7 stone.

Second cycle it wasn't as much about the eating, but I became utterly obsessed with running, would be distraught if I couldn't go when I 'should' and don't get me started on injuries...

For me, it was probably almost less about what the obsession was than the obsession itself, having something for me and that I could control.

Has he had other obsessions in the past?

Also, I would be worried about the headaches/vomiting if you think it's to do with lack of salt. This could be hypnotraemia, which can be very dangerous. I actually experienced this once myself after a half-marathon.. Can he make himself his own electrolyte replacement drink? Maybe not recommended, but after my experience, I used to always have a few mouthfuls of salt water after a race, which prevented it from happening again.

He does not have any rest days. I suggest it/ask him to all the time but he doesn’t listen. He says he doesn’t want to, exercise is good for you, you’re supposed to do exercise everyday, it’s good for your mental health, he needs to train/practice etc etc. I can’t really insist on it unless DH backs me up with it.

He is definitely a perfectionist. He wants to be good at everything and will just keep on and on and on until he considers himself good enough, which is never, so it just keeps going. Mostly this is about sports/activities but has also crossed over into schoolwork and other non-sporting activities previously. He is relentlessly hard on himself.

Im going to try and ring the GP today and see if I get lucky at speaking to one. Will speak to DH tonight. Thanks all.

@Pixies74 Yes, I do think the headaches/vomiting are because of electrolyte loss and I think he makes it worse by guzzling so much water as he’s just diluting himself further. It only ever happens after he exercises and has been sweating a lot. I will look into some homemade drinks. Thanks.

Does sound worrying. I mean, I get annoyed when I have to miss a workout but I only do about an hour a day and I have a rest day.

He's right about cars making you lazy though, I also walk everywhere and it's just part of my lifestyle.

I would be concerned about this. Exercise is good of course, but you can have too much of a good thing and this* *doesn't sound healthy to me. My son is also in year 11 doing GCSEs currently and he is pretty serious about sport but does nowhere near this amount of exercise.
DS has had a personal coach since he was 14, which is the youngest that the sport's national governing body allows, and he logs all his training including activity not directly related to his sport, such as school PE, in an app, which alerts him if he is doing too much as well as if he's under his "prescribed" exercise. He is allowed a certain number of weeks that are "over" (there's a technical name for them, I can't remember) but if he was consistently doing too much or too intense exercise he would be pulled up by his coach and I'd be informed. There are several rest days per week in his programme and his coach really stresses the importance of rest, getting enough sleep etc. When they have catch up calls I listen in and the first few questions the coach asks are always around how school is going, DS's general well being etc before he gets into anything technical. In fact DS isn't training at all to speak of until the exams are over, he's just doing a bit of exercise as relaxation, but no serious efforts.
I was concerned when DS asked for a coach as I had visions of him being driven too hard but if anything he does less than quite a lot of his peers but it is more productive and he is being taught healthy habits. Obviously you need to be careful who you pick, as there are definitely less good coaches/personal trainers out there, but it might be an avenue worth exploring. He may be more inclined to listen to someone different, especially someone with that he perceives as an expert in the area. A good coach should take a holistic view and insist on adequate rest.
I think with teens in general, the harder you try to stop something the more likely they are to do it, so rather than trying to restrict what he is doing, if you can facilitate it but in a healthier way, it might be more effective. We are, after all, just their parents and therefore in their eyes, know nothing. But another trusted adult saying the same things can be quite different. I 've had one or two lively discussions about diet with my son and got nowhere, but when his coach advises the same thing, all of a sudden that's exactly what he wants to eat.
Of course there may be underlying psychological issues which you're not yet aware of, in which case obviously its important to seek medical advice, but if he is just keen on fitness but going about things the wrong way then I would say an effective personal trainer would be a good start.

Well this is one thread I'll never have to start about my daughters

Anorexia and OCD. I hope you can both get some support.

Sounds brilliant! Try to encourage him towards a dedicated sports club where he will be amongst his peers who will encourage him to develop a healthy attitude towards nutrition. He would then also receive proper coaching which would emphasise the importance of rest and building up training periodically. I suspect he is mainly hanging around at the cafe of the gym with friends as he can't literally be training all those hours but the gym and unstructured training isn't really a sport as such. If he is so keen on running, then a proper athletics club would be better and make him more performance orientated so he will realise the rest is unnecessary except in moderation.

Lucozade sport is a bit of a shit sports drink. There are plenty of recipes available on google where he can make his own isotonic drink without all the added sugar but dehydration headaches after hard exercise are relatively common, hard to avoid and generally not problematic if refuelling takes place.

Like @Pixies74 i sometimes had problems with really bad headaches after exercise. I now use High 5 electrolyte tabs; I just drop one into my water bottle before a session. It’s helped and it’s ridiculously easy. Perhaps get him a tube to try, they’re not very expensive and there’s loads of flavours.

I think it sounds like anorexia, too. In the short term, to avoid the vomiting, you could buy some www.hollandandbarrett.com/shop/product/high5-zero-citrus-60098125?skuid=098125

Zero sugar, zero calories, but have the electrolytes.

I do think he will need professional help though.

you really need to take this very much more seriously than this poster is suggesting.

if he has anorexia, that is a terrible, life threatening, all encompassing medical emergency. It cannot be treated by encouragement to concentrate on one sport, or hanging round with a different coach.

he needs an urgent medical assessment right now

I agree this amount of exercise sounds excessive and obsessive. I thought my DS had become a bit obsessive about his exercise and eating habits at 15 but his exercise was nowhere near this much. Eating used to worry me as he seemed to be getting in far too few calories for the amount of exercise he was doing - and as I say it was nowhere near as much as your DS.

In our case the issue sorted itself after GCSEs when DS discovered house parties and alcohol. Not saying this is necessarily a good thing (!) but it did make him more relaxed over his eating habits and exercise regime.

I do think you need to speak again with your DH and follow advice where posters have suggested further help .

If he minds having days off or won't eat treats without paying back the calories or feels guilty if he misses a day he has got a ve problem.
He might struggle to recognise it as the exercising is the way that he is gaining control over his life so the thought of reducing it will be very scary to him.Speak to your doctor and love ok at websites such as BEAT .

Apols for typos, I'm in a hospital bed!