To think this amount of exercise is too much for DS?

[MishMashofAllSorts]

DS is nearly 16, currently doing his GCSEs so on study leave. I am worried about the amount of exercise he is doing and think it’s bordering on an obsession. DH disagrees.

He exercises all day, everyday. There is no day off. It starts with him sneaking out of the house at 5am for a run. He then showers and if he doesn’t have any exams he then heads out to the gym/pool where he is currently spending at least 4-5 hrs a day in the gym, doing classes and swimming laps. He then meets up with friends and usually ends up doing something active there too. In the evenings he goes to various sports clubs/activities like football, boxing, swimming, rowing etc or he’ll go for another long run and another solo swim. He is walking/running miles and miles everyday.

He gets annoyed if his routine is interrupted. He refuses to be driven anywhere or get the bus even though we’ve paid for an annual bus pass for him as it “makes you lazy”. He will walk/ride his bike everywhere. If I ask him to have a day off he declines, which means our family time is affected. He also gets severe headaches sometimes with vomiting, which I think are because he sweats, drinks loads of water but doesn’t replace the salts he loses. I’ve tried giving him some of those lucozade sport drinks but he won’t use them because they’re full of sugar.

DH says I’m overreacting and it’s a good thing he’s so sporty and at least it means he’s not out getting into trouble or getting drunk etc. But AIBU to be a bit concerned that this is too much? If you have a sporty teen how much do they do?

(n/c for this)

I had a friend like this in my teens.

It ended very sadly.

Please get help for your DS. A good PT would be a good place to start.

This is good advice, OP. Perhaps your DS is more likely to listen to a young muscular PT.

My son (18) is starting out as a personal trainer and his own daily exercise regime is at least one hour at the gym before work (not at a gym yet) a run after, cycles everywhere plus gets at least 15-20,000 steps a day. He plays football once or twice a week. He eats clean too. But it's his profession and feels he has to do what he preaches!
I think your son does have an obsessive issue and he does need help. Unless an elite athlete working with a coach, 5 plus hours exercise a day is way too much.

Exactly @dizzydizzydizzy , someone he can relate to and look up to.

No one wants to listen to their DPs at that age.

I’d be concerned OP.

My friend became completely obsessed with diet and exercise when we were in our 20s. She went to the gym before work, at lunchtime, after work- all morning and/or afternoon at weekends. She limited her diet to about 10 safe foods. It was very worrying and I felt at a loss to know how to help her.

She did eventually listen to her mum who helped her see that this extreme exercise regime was not healthy. It coincided with a family holiday when she had no access to the gym and not responsible for her own food for a fortnight. I do think that helped break the cycle she was in. It took months for her to go back to a more measured diet/exercise but she got there in the end.

Sounds like typical male anorexic presentation. I think you're instinct to be coming concerned is 100% correct.

Would you rule out any secret relationships? Or anything more sinister like grooming, gangs, other unsafe activities he might feel he needs to conceal from you? That could also explain the obsessive behaviour.

Definetly discuss with son in a non-judgemental and appropriate way. Could also check in with school to see if they have any concerns of their own?

I am fully aware that I am not qualified to diagnose likely anorexia on the basis of a post on mumsnet. What I suggested is perfectly sensible and doesn't exclude medical intervention.

There isn't an existing coach, and athletes don't generally "hang around" with their coaches anyway, however many people benefit from more directed training with proper nutritional and training advice.

Orthorexia possibly?

Your first words were 'sounds brilliant!' @AchatAVendre. About a 15 year old boy who is exercising obsessively and controlling his diet rigidly.

Nothing about that sounds brilliant if you have any experience of eating disorders

It sounds like bigorexia/ orthorexia/ body dysmorphic disorder possibly. I’d speak to the school and GP and set up a family counselling appointment or just 1-1 for him. It’s not normal and he could be dooming things he might regret in the future. Your DH is in denial.

This is extremely worrying.
As a mum with a DC with anorexia, please get him to a GP for a thorough check up.

I wasn't aware there were word police going around banning certain inoffensive, encouraging words? I was trying to be encouraging. I do a lot of sport myself and I am aware that to non-sporty people it can come over as obsessive. I was trying to keep it in perspective and not be all doom and gloom.

Would you have preferred me to write "Sounds terrible! Get him assessed by a doctor and ban him doing sport asap because some random strangers on the internet have come over all horrified?"

The point is, I am not a doctor, you are not a doctor (because no doctor would diagnose anorexia from what has been described) and this boy has not been diagnosed, so I am not fixating on the potential diagnosis of anorexia as much as you and am looking at the whole picture and trying to suggest a healthy way of dealing with it.

And you are really getting wound up about someone suggesting that? I'm actually quite upset by the suggestions you are making here, about some really quite inoffensive word use. If you have a particular concern, then perhaps don't use it to berate a poster who is only trying to be helpful and positive rather than all doom, gloom and condemning?

Does sound a lot. Unfortunately if he does well enough in GCSE's then you don't have much of a leg to stand on in saying .... you have it cut down because your schoolwork is suffering.

Yes I would be very concerned about this. The fact that he gets annoyed if his routine is interrupted especially sets off the alarm bells for me. It sounds like an addiction/obsession and I’m wondering what, if anything, might have set it off.

I'm not trying to police anyone's words @AchatAVendre. I just know how rapidly eating disorders can take hold.

The OP needs to speak to her GP in the first instance. Just because exercise is healthy for most people, it doesn't mean it always is. I watched my sibling nearly die from anorexia so while I'm not medically trained, I'm pretty good at spotting the warning signs.

Nobody is saying it IS anorexia, just that it sounds like anorexia. And we know what the warning signs are, just as we’d know the warning signs for meningitis, or strokes.

and if someone was showing the warning signs of meningitis or a stroke, you presumably wouldn’t be saying ‘let’s just encourage him to continue, ignore people who are all doom and gloom it’s brilliant!’

and it is equally not ok to say this about someone showing the warning signs of anorexia

Could be an eating disorder, anorexia athletics. My 15 year old son also doing GCSE ATM likes his exercise but not excessive. Monday 2 hours cricket training, Tuesday 2 hours karate, Wednesday a run, Thursday Swim Squad training, Friday cricket 2 hours, Saturday morning 1 hour 1-1 cricket training then playing cricket match 12.30-6 and Sunday playing cricket match 1.30-7. He also bowls in a net in garden for a hour most days. He is made to go into school still. All study leave refused.

That's excessive.

@caringcarer that’s very excessive, how Tf does he manage to study? I’d be dying of stress

He needs to be aware of the danger of water toxaemia. He may think drinking lots of water must be super healthy, but the reality is it can be quite dangerous. en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Water_intoxication

PT here, he definitely needs rest days 2 days on, 1 day off at least. By that I don’t mean staying at home doing anything, by all means still walk to meet up with friends/go out/etc. But no over exerting exercise. He’s doing more damage than good doing that. However I believe this needs to be treated carefully, speaking from experience he may have some form of mental health issue given it’s GCSE time. He may be over-focusing on the things he CAN control because there is so much he can’t control right now, hence the exercising and the clean eating.

And just to add… he DEFINITELY needs to aid his recovery by adding electrolytes back into his system, that is almost certainly causing the headaches.

Hi OP. My son who was 12 at the time, began something like this at the start of Covid. He was runnung 14 k every morning in record time. He would go for crazy long cycles in the afternoon and trampoline the rest of the time. He would become excessively grumpy and teary if /when we tried to stop him .
Ended up in hospital for 2 months , was diagnosed with an exercise addiction ! He went down to 4 stone, heart rate went down to the high twenties , blood pressure very low, electrolytes all over the place. He was at constant risk of a heart attack .Nearly ended up in ICU numerous times.
It happened VERY quickly - over a month/6 weeks . So please watch your son . Your husband is wrong and you are correct to be concerned .

How far is he running, is he doing it daily as he definitely needs rest days?

Not surprised he doesn't want the lucozade sport things but you can buy a tube of rehydration tablets he can put in his water bottle. Dh and ds use them.

Just because he's at the gym every day doesn't mean he's training hard, there's an awful lot of chat and socialising that goes on especially among the young ones. Our local gym doesn't allow full time members if they're 15, they have strict time limits on how long they can train.

Ds got a but like this but it soon petered out, I wouldn't be overly concerned just now ,but keep a close eye. Definitely needs some rehydration tablets though!

Heard DS leave for a run just before 5. He’ll be gone at least an hour and a half. Can’t get back to sleep now. He is training most of the time when at the gym as he doesn’t go with friends, he goes on his own. He goes in the gym, then a class or two, depending on what’s on, then swimming laps. At 15 they’re allowed unlimited access without supervision if they’ve completed the teen programme, which he has.

When I finally got through to GP surgery the receptionist suggested doing an e-consult and the GP will then decide if he needs to speak to or see us. 🙄

Spoke to DH again, who still thinks I’m overreacting, but is on board with the PT idea, so I am going to look into recommendations etc to find a good one. Will try and find some electrolyte tablets - can you just get them at the supermarket? Any particular ones to try?