Having a pre-paid debit card to hide food spending from my partner

[jadeyxox]

So DH and I have a joint account for all our money (he earns more than me, but money has never been an issue with us) so we can obviously see what's being spent on the account.

I'll be the first to admit that my relationship with food isn't the healthiest, and I've always had an issue with DH knowing exactly what/how much I eat etc. Things like getting breakfast from McDonalds most mornings after taking the kids to nursery/school, or takeaways in the evening when he's working or out, or at the bakery.

I always got around that by buying a lot of stuff with cash, but with takeaway apps, and the pandemic with places going card only, I got a prepaid debit card from the Post Office that you can top up with cash, and then use that to pay at places or on apps.

I mentioned in passing to a friend the other day that I do this, and she seemed to think it was a really strange thing to do, and it's really been playing on my mind!

Thanks xx

Thank you so much. And you are right about the DC, I know I need to be fitter and healthier for them.

I think it’s gone beyond food and it’s an addiction now- I completely understand. The more takeaways eat the more I want them until it’s honestly all I can think about. You need to break the cycle and don’t let it have that control on you. Start by swapping takeaways for stuff in the house- make your own McMuffins and put them in the freezer so they are easy to chuck in the microwave. Still have nice meals that you look forward to but with good quality ingredients, don’t calorie count or diet until you’re off the takeaways. And speak to your husband, remove the shame- he knows and he loves you.

Would you feel the same if he was using a pre paid card to hide gambling/drugs/alcohol?
Like food they are all addictions.

I would be worried about him if I knew, of course

*They’re 4 and 2 x(
Awh that is a cute age.

Would you consider an addiction centre.

Remember you're not alone so many people have become trapped in food addiction.

You can do this. 💗

Inpatient addiction centre if you can afford it.

Thank you :) and that’s not something I’d ever really thought about, I always think of that as drugs, alcohol etc

@jadeyxox everyone here is rooting for you to get support and to overcome this difficulty you have in your life.

Any comments spelling out the harsh health/financial realities are to emphasise the urgency. To soft soap the issue at this point is the enable you to continue.

See your GP and get the ball rolling ASAP. Once you’ve done that and discussed options/support you need to be honest with your husband and get rid of the prepaid cards.

Sincerely I wish you and your family the best of luck with this. There is a way through this.

Thank you :) and that’s not something I’d ever really thought about, I always think of that as drugs, alcohol etc
Yes it's sad people suffering from obesity believe it isn't an addiction its their fault for being weak willed, when that's not true.
I don't usually write this as I don't know you at all, you come across as a lovely calm person. I hope you find peace.

@jadeyxox I get it. I’m a recovering alcoholic. Same emotions. Same thoughts. The hardest part of food issues, (yes, been there too!) is that you cannot give up your drug of choice. Food. I can avoid alcohol a day at a time. You can’t do that with food.

OA will be very helpful. Speak to your GP. I’m not totally in control of my food, but I’m five stone lighter now. It had to come from within. No one else can help yourself but you with professional support. You can do this.

Don't keep secrets from your DP, talk to him and let him be your support system.
It'll be better for you to be open about your struggles with food with him as he is your partner. Sounds like he is a good man and won't blame you for it. Hiding expenses from him will only cause bitterness if he finds out another way.

It sounds like you have eating disorder symptoms (binge eating or compulsive eating are very common.) Secret eating is often part of it. I'm saying this as someone with an eating disorder myself.

This sort of eating (which I do myself half the time) is normalized but obviously not ideal.

My weight stays around the same (around the middle of the healthy range) now, but I probably do some unhealthy stuff to keep it that way sometimes.

I found My Fitness Pal app helped a little, to help me work out my nutrition and stick to it, and I manage it some days. Strength training has been helpful for some reason, maybe because I was trying to work on my body fat percentage. These things can make it into more of a fun game. Like in MFP you have to hit the targets. In strength training you're doing a challenge, competing with yourself in a good way.

I've also tried various therapies etc.
It's worth having a word with your GP- they could refer you to a diet club if you need it. They might prescribe Orlistat to help you create healthy habits. You can get a low dose in chemists, where it's called Alli. The effects of it are quite intense (many people get diarrhea etc) so it's not for everyone.

Just keep trying different (evidence based) approaches.

I'm also on a couple of support groups on facebook, and am finally in a CBT group through the NHS for my various ED symptoms. That sort of referral is like gold dust though and I'm lucky to have finally got it at 45, after 32 years of various ED phases. You could try and keep pushing to get it through your GP for your binge/compulsive eating. They should offer more for this really.

FlappyFish 🌹Congratulations.

I'm glad you mentioned OA. I hate to recommend it with the accusations of it being overly religious.
I'm not religious but attended NA years ago.
The support and reassurance was great.

This sounds like Binge Eating Disorder. I have it too. You know all the risks and continue to behave like this because it is a mental illness. You need professional help. NHS will be a very long wait so if you can afford it please go see a private BED therapist ASAP. Good luck x

awkward one, as you're effectively spending his money (if he earns more) on food.

It would be a different discussion if it was alcohol or gambling, wouldn't it.

Yes, at least if it was cocaine or gambling it’d be less likely to be fatal.

I think you need to get some help,you are not being honest with your husband (You should tell him how much your spending,he has a right to know)and it's obvious you are overweight (as you stated) I would go see the Dr!

Yes and I do get that - although we’re super fortunate that money has rarely been an issue for us.

Just in case you don't realise, you sound fucking horrible. Leave the op alone.

Thank you, I’m sure you know how hard it is x

Thank you, I appreciate you taking the time to write that x

Just to be clear I’m not suggesting for one second that I’m not overweight. I’m not in denial about that

I commend you for being so open about this on here. I secretly eat and know how shameful it feels. I could never admit it to anyone in the brave way you did in your opening post.

I hope you can harness that bravery and channel it to real life 😀

Good luck!

Oh piss off.

I’ve been a similar weight - I struggled to walk!!

She needs a massive wake up call to stop this and urgent help.

Flowery language is not going to help her. Everyone here myself included wants her to get better and not be so dangerously ill.

Thank you so much x