Aibu that you should say thank you when someone cooks you dinner?

[MarmaRell78]

Maybe I'm in the minority, but I always say thank you when someone cooks for me. I'm on maternity leave, so basically doing all of the cooking / cleaning/ washing / clearing up. DH can't even be arsed to put his stuff in the dishwasher, a classic pile it up the side of leave all over the house.

But the very least, surely, is when I've cooked him dinner he could at least look up from his phone and say thanks? I get that he's been at work, but am I asking too much?! Silently fuming and wondering whether to pick this fight.

YABU - You don't need to say thank you every single time someone cooks for you when you're off work anyway

YANBU - Doesn't take much to make me feel a little more appreciated and it's definitely good manners

@Vivi0 I get this with your kids , but what about from a partner? You don't have to cook for them so should they say thank you?

I don’t expect a thank you from my husband because he also contributes to our family by working, and I certainly don’t thank him for doing that. He’s got his job, I’ve got mine.

You’re right, I don’t have to cook for him. But nor nor did he have to be as supportive as he was about me wishing to become a SAHM. After discussion and compromise, I believe our responsibilities are distributed equally and when at home we do all contribute, the children included. Perhaps if that wasn’t the case, I might understand why a “thank you” feels so important to some people. But if you are feeling under appreciated, I think there is a conversation to be had with your husband. A “thank you” seems like a band aid and not an actual solution.

DH has gone for a haircut. I've noticed he's left a tissue he wrapped around a bleeding finger on the table that is half a metre away from the bin. I mean, come on!!!

Leave it there. And when you serve his dinner later pop his plate right next to his blood stained tissue.

@Vivi0 Old enough to know better, 16 & 14. In their defence we lead very busy lives and when they were younger we often had to rush tea before sports matches etc so I guess we never got in the habit of them laying the table and so on I do accept responsibility for that and to be fair they are so polite outside the house (which is often commented on) and I never have any behaviour issues with either of them so I haven't messed up completely lol. I guess my main gripe is with DH, it generally feels like double standards that he makes such a drama out of it.

I am extra sensitive as I remember XH not speaking to me one night as I didn't say thank you for him doing the hoovering 'for me'. I worked way more hours than him so not sure how it was default that it was a job he was helping me out with.

I'm assuming all the posters who don't feel it's necessary to say thank you also never say please or thank you to bartenders, waiting staff, anyone serving them because it's their job? There's nothing wrong with common courtesy.

No, no one thanks me for going to work, paying for everything, running the house, ensuring that we have heat/electric/water/etc nor do I expect it. But if I take the time and effort to cook a meal that I don't have to, rather than just grabbing something for myself, I sure as shit expect a thank you

My lovely Father said thank you for every meal he was served by my 'difficult' mother, for the whole time I knew them.

We all also said thank you at Christmas, Easter etc. She was a stay at home mum, and that maybe makes the difference - my dad's thank yous encompassed a thank you for her role in the partnership.

It also teaches a valuable lesson to every person who eats with the person doing the thanking.

Very sad that your husband, OP, is giving the message to your future child that your work is valueless.

I'm assuming all the posters who don't feel it's necessary to say thank you also never say please or thank you to bartenders, waiting staff, anyone serving them because it's their job? There's nothing wrong with common courtesy.

You would assume wrong.

No, no one thanks me for going to work, paying for everything, running the house, ensuring that we have heat/electric/water/etc nor do I expect it. But if I take the time and effort to cook a meal that I don't have to, rather than just grabbing something for myself, I sure as shit expect a thank you

But you do have to cook/provide food for your children, in the same way you have to dress them, bathe them and take them to school, no?

I really don't understand why people are placing loads of importance on saying "thanks" for dinner, yet they're happy for other, equally important tasks to just get ignored.

@coffeecupsandfairylights
Actually I don't have to cook or provide food for my children as I have none. So if I cook a meal for my partner it is nice for that effort to be appreciated. Because it is an effort

And as mentioned by you, the other equally (sometimes more) important tasks are ignored

Saying thank you as a sign of appreciation is really not that hard nor should it be seen as such

I do understand your point about how cooking is singled out though. Perhaps it's because most people I know who would happily pretend to not care about living in squalor (although I've not yet met anyone who loves it) as long as someone else does it, try this stuff but can see that "but you enjoy cooking for me" doesn't cut it in the same way as they think "but I don't mind a bit of mess" does

The reality is that the contribution that either party makes to a partnership should be appreciated. But rarely is.