Aibu that you should say thank you when someone cooks you dinner?

[MarmaRell78]

Maybe I'm in the minority, but I always say thank you when someone cooks for me. I'm on maternity leave, so basically doing all of the cooking / cleaning/ washing / clearing up. DH can't even be arsed to put his stuff in the dishwasher, a classic pile it up the side of leave all over the house.

But the very least, surely, is when I've cooked him dinner he could at least look up from his phone and say thanks? I get that he's been at work, but am I asking too much?! Silently fuming and wondering whether to pick this fight.

YABU - You don't need to say thank you every single time someone cooks for you when you're off work anyway

YANBU - Doesn't take much to make me feel a little more appreciated and it's definitely good manners

Do you thank him for working all day to earn the money to keep you all?

To add, we always thank each other for different things like cleaning the house, doing the dishes, cooking etc., but if my husband told me off for not thanking him, while I stare at my phone all the time, I would probably just start saying thank you so he can bugger off. It doesn't mean I would appreciate his work. For me, it's the same case with your husband. If he respected you, he would like to talk to you, instead of scrolling facebook or whatever.

Yes, of course you should say thank you. I can't imagine just picking up a plate of food that was made for me without acknowledging the person who prepared it. It's just fucking rude.

I dont particularly enjoy cooking and it's something I cant afford to outsource. When I say thanks for cooking to DH I'm apprecting the effort he put in and that fact that I meant I didn't have to do it. If it's tinned soup or frozen pizza I'm less likely to say thanks as it really hasn't involved any effort (DH isn't into cooking either).
I grew up in a household with a SAHM who didn't enjoy cooking - Dad always appreciated Mum's efforts and would regularly thank her. DH's Mum loves cooking and as a typical farmer's daughter provides wholesome hearty meals from mainly locally sourced ingredients. When we eat at my inlaws I always say thank you, when they come here for take away they thank is for feeding them and saving them the washing up!
Swedes aren't known to be effusive but my friends always thanked their parents for the food at the start of a meal (tack för maten) - it would have been considered rude not to.
DH and I often thank eachother for putting the wash on, tidying the kitchen, not every time but when the other does a job we didn't want to do we recognise it. Not a big deal. When my Dad used to have a rough day at work my Mum would say things like "isn't your father wonderful working hard to provide for us when he'd rather be at home with you" - and I do the same with ny kids.

I would bring it up when you're feeling a bit calmer - it is definitely worth addressing but try to stop it from being a fight. My DH has a very stressful job, doesn't stop him from saying thanks and being a good partner and parent (though we do all have our off days).

'without acknowledging the person who prepared it'

Therein lies the problem - all of you wet blankets don't distinguish between the fact that this is your family. You seem to place the same social norms/etiquette on your nearest and dearest family that you live with and share a bed with as you do a random person off the street.

The fact that someone would consider their husband or children 'rude' for not thanking you them shows how little they actually respect them and the family construct.

Ah bless

"isn't your father wonderful working hard to provide for us when he'd rather be at home with you"

This is really lovely of your mum. Exactly how I want my marriage to be.

Oh so many responses, thank you. Some real anger too 😂
I wouldn't know how to thank him for doing any other job than cooking because he doesn't really do any!
I think the pp who said it's about the thought and effort that goes into it not being acknowledged has hit it on the head for me. I do the meal planning and the shopping, trying to think of meals the fussy little one will actually eat, prep and cook it with her hanging off of me and sometimes it's a big miss, but often they're pretty tasty dinners.
Yesterday I hoovered, cleaned the incredibly grim windows, weeded the patio and swept up outside, put all the shopping away, entertained the little one and then cooked a nice dinner. There is literally zero acknowledgement at all that I've done it, and that I don't actually enjoy doing it just because it's "women's work".

I asked because I wondered if I was crazy, so it's really interesting to hear that lots of happy, not-disgruntled families don't say thanks. But also good to know that I'm not completely off with thinking some kind of thanks is reasonable!

I think I'm going to leave him to do dinner and the baby by himself over the weekend and see how he gets on 😂

No. We have our own set of jobs and just get on with it.

I would only say thank you is if I was unwell and he was taking over my share, otherwise he's a grown adult, he doesn't need to be thanked for cleaning his own house!

I can't imagine not saying thank you to someone who prepared me a dinner. Its so deeply ingrained that its basically automatic, no matter what the meal is. And I've taught my DC the same. Its simple respect for someone spending time and effort doing something for you.
Totally different to normal everyday cleaning, which everyone pitches in with and is just for the smooth running of the household, benfitting everyone.

On a side note, I do get annoyed when DP occasionally doesn't say thank you. He was brought up to just think it was his fundamental right to have a dinner cooked for him I think. That attitude was swiftly changed when he got with me!
And when he cooks, Oh my god, he spends the entire meal making yummy noises and saying how great it is and expects everyone to do the same. He'll even still be talking about it the next day. He made the gravy for a meal I cooked the other day and still hasn't shut up about it!

"And when he cooks, Oh my god, he spends the entire meal making yummy noises and saying how great it is and expects everyone to do the same. He'll even still be talking about it the next day. He made the gravy for a meal I cooked the other day and still hasn't shut up about it!"

Tell him like Monica Geller to Chandler about his Thanksgiving Chanberries "a monkey could have made them"😂

Totally different to normal everyday cleaning, which everyone pitches in with and is just for the smooth running of the household, benfitting everyone.

But cooking meals should also be something everyone pitches in with - as it's also for the benefit of everyone, surely?

So basically 95% of the comments on this thread are partners, mums and wives glorifying the act of cooking to make it seem more special than it is, packaged up with 'manners' so it's something our partners and kids must be eternally grateful for and on top of that, allows us women to justify our position in the family and reach our for some semblance of 'equality' in a relationship. Go us!

There is no point reasoning with these people - it's clearly the only way they get some form of satisfaction or gratitude from their families so they desperately claw at reasons for why cooking is on some separate level to other household chores. As you said before, if DP steps in to cook when you were meant to do it, then a thanks is fair because they've taken on something you were meant to do.

Good grief 🙄

Well, seeing as you fall into the majority that love to showcase manners in all situations, the correct thing to do would be to perhaps say why you disagree. 🙄

No, no need. I'm just enjoying your desperate kitchen table faux-Marxist assault on everyday manners. You stick it to the man Mam, knock yourself out.

Eh? My male partner does 50% of the cooking. My dad did 100% of the family cooking. Saying thank you to your family to express your love and gratitude isn’t anything like the weird feminist hill you’re dying on.

No you're right - it's just embarrassing.

Ah i see - you don't actually have an opinion you feel is validly supported - got ya.

Eh? My husband does most the cooking tbh. I thank him. He thanks me when it's my turn.

My original point was that thanking either the mum/dad, husband/wife for cooking feels a bit pathetic when you are a family unit. My other points aren't rooted in feminism - I was simply responding to those women who say 'I do all the cooking' but laugh off comments others have made saying why do you not ask for thanks for other chores or do you thank DH when he comes home from work.

I just think it's a pretty crap dynamic where love/gratitude is shown through saying thanks and particularly when many people seem to expect it. It's an opinion, you disagree fine. I'm not trying to convince you otherwise.

All the more important in a family dynamic imo. Why treat family less graciously than you would someone outside the family? It’s like people being lovely to their colleagues all day at work then coming home and grunting at each other because they’ve used their best energy outside the home. Or OP’s husband staring at his phone and saving nothing positive for her. Weird way to show love and affection, but you do you.

Ah I see yes I get you now sorry.

I don't think you're being unreasonable, but if he showed his appreciation in other ways, it would matter less. However it doesn't look as though he does that.