To have insisted DD be checked by a doctor (again)?

[anxiousmumagain]

As my NC suggests I'm quite an anxious mum and prone to worrying about every little thing so I don't know if I'm overreacting here or not. DP has made me feel like I am. Hence my posting.

DD (14 months) has had recurring viral infections for several months now, probably a new one every 4-5 weeks. When she gets unwell has a horrendous cough to the point of vomiting, streaming nose, temp of 38 or higher (39.5 at its highest), no appetite, and is generally sleepy and lethargic. She became unwell this time around just before the bank holiday weekend last week. On Friday evening I was concerned about her breathing which appeared shallow and fast, so I called 111 and they advised we take her to A&E. She was seen and we were told (again) "it's just viral" and that whilst her chest appeared to be "sucking in on one side" (paediatric doctor's words), they weren't concerned enough to keep her in. So she came home.

Fast forward to 5 days later and she is still no better. Obviously we have kept her home from childcare and DP and I have take days off work between us. Monday was my turn. On Monday her temp soared yet again and she was very sleepy and refusing any fluids. I rang the GP, they told me to take her to see them. GP examined her and said "just viral" and "not concerned". She said the fact she makes a full recovery between episodes of infection is reassuring. No treatment, just sent home.

Today DP looked after DD whilst I slept (supposed to be at work but I have come down with the same virus and feel dreadful myself so I've spent the entire day in bed pretty much). I woke up around 5pm and went downstairs to see how she was. DP said she had only just woken up after sleeping for "about 3 hours" (she never, ever sleeps for this length of time, it's typically 1.5-2 hrs max for her afternoon naps). She still looked sleepy and lethargic, eyes bright red and weeping, and again refusing any sips of water from her cup. She had also developed a rash across her upper chest and neck area, removed her vest and it's down onto her tummy as well. DP said he he noticed it earlier but wasn't concerned. He was equally unconcerned about her unusual length of sleep, and her refusal of water. I changed her nappy - there was the tiniest amount of wetness but nothing like what there should be for 3 hours later (DP said she took a small amount of milk before she slept).

Putting it all together I said to DP I'm really worried, I want her to be seen again. Especially with the rash and refusal fluids. DP said he didn't think this was necessary and that I was overreacting. I said I just keep thinking "what if?", especially when I've read about sepsis and how dangerous it can be. DP said "you need to stop reading stuff online". That was the extent of his support.

So I rang 111 regardless - a lovely nurse listened to my concerns and advised we take her again to a&e to be seen. DP grumpily and reluctantly said he would take her (I offered but he said no as I'm not well either so he would do it). He's currently at a&e with her waiting to be seen. So this will be the 3rd time she's been seen by a medic in 5 days.

AIBU? Am I a neurotic overreacting mother to be worried about something more serious being wrong? DP has made me feel like I am. I'm just so worried about my constantly poorly baby. 😢

I had to take DS to A and E a month ago when he went into respiratory distress (oxymeter at 90). It was very scary but we were seen instantly (I’m talking within 20 seconds of arriving to hospital) and we stayed overnight while he was getting massive doses of salbutamol every 20 minutes. Doctors were clearly taking it very seriously.

While we were there, there was an endless procession of sick toddlers with exactly the symptoms you describe. Many were at their second or third visit in a week. Some were passing dark brown urine, or no urine at all. In all cases the doctors were trying to reassure parents that this is viral, sent them home, suggested diluted squash or apple juice and told them to come back if things got worse.

My friend is a respiratory disease specialist. She says that there are lots of children having OTT reactions to common viruses (eg cold) at the moment. One theory is that their immune system has been depleted by lockdowns.

Please try not to worry. You are not alone. It’s a thing happening right now.

I'm in my fourth week of a rotten, weird, non-COVID virus which just goes on and on ...

I posted about it on here several weeks ago and lots of MNers said that both they and their LOs had it. Many agreed that it was worse for them than COVID. Any young child with this awful bug must feel utterly miserable and you have my deepest sympathy. I have had a horrendous sore throat with it, the GP gave me a high dose of ABX but I think it was viral, it died down then returned with a vengeance five days ago, just when I thought the whole thing was over. It has given me a high temp, swollen glands, screaming tinnitus, a cough, wheezing chest, muscle aches and a constant, never-ending headache.

Considering that an adult is capable of expressing themself and also dosing themself with painkillers, flu sachets, ABX etc. it is not so bad for them. For a baby, it must just be pure misery.

The reason I'm posting this is the long-running nature of your baby's issue, which is just like this damn virus I have had. I agree with others that you deserve to receive proper medical attention for her, and reassurance for yourself.

Thinking of you and your LO, NS xx

Nope you are not being neurotic. Its instinct and gut. Always go with your gut.

Whilst your husband was being silly making you feel like that, he has done what a partner does and taken over sorting stuff as you are unwell. Supportive in his own way.

I had the same thing with mine. Literally everyone for a week told me it was all in my head, nothing wrong with her, which I listened to at first as new to all this.

But then I came into wake her up in the afternoon and she just looked at me and I knew she was sick so got her ready and took her myself without calling anyone.

When she was seen she was given antibiotics via a needle, had a high temperature, breathing was funny, her chest wasn't clear plus ear infections. Was sent home with course of antibiotics etc.

I listened to everyone else at first when I knew myself she was sick. I'm with her everyday and i know her best. Go with your gut always. I was right all along.

Hope you're daughter is ok. My husband is the same. Have ignored his advice that everything will be grand and taken my daughters to a&e many times based on instinct, for pneumonia/uti/strep throat and bone infection. Trust your instinct! Hope you get some sleep and both feel better soon

Your OH is the reason babies sometimes get really ill - as a father (it is often blokes who do this), minimise mums' valid concern.

Hopefully she will be fine. Your OH needs to be more thoughtful... He (presumably) isn't a doctor, and yet he's assessing a tiny baby as having nothing much wrong... Despite all the symptoms..? He's an idiot.

Really hope it's something very minor! 💐

Good luck!

This isnt you being anxious the first time.this is an on going occurrence which warrants now investigation.noone should keep getting poorly onward of a few times.so I think you should keep being a pushing mum to find out why.why wouldn't any parent?
And for those saying trust a doctor or medical professionals.
They aren't all men in red capes you no.some tick boxes and move you on.some are just not funded to think or actvpassed the usual test/fine/sent home,or have time.some are actually asswholes that don't do the right thing by the patient.and the amount of times we've actually seen this where a child is pushed away every time,then more so when the medics look at occurant visit charts.they become lazy too often. And the parent pushes,goes on their gut and voila there is a cause.

It is quite normal to be worried when little ones are Ill but there is something that feels like your posts are typing into higher levels of anxiety.

Sometimes they do just seem to get constantly ill. We have had horrid winters with our second and a fair few A&E visits. When she got bronchiolitis she was vomiting every day for 2 weeks and that nearly broke us all and that followed a nasty kidney infection.

I think you were being unreasonable towards your husband re his attitude to the longer nap. Sick children tend to sleep. It can also be hard to accurately assess wees as nappies as so absorbent, if you’re worried, try and syringe water and/or diarolite every 5-10 mins. My eldest has been borderline for a drip a couple of times and if I hadn’t had a diary showing fluid intake by syringe she’d have been in. The difference was she wasn’t just sleepy, she was so weak she couldn’t physically stand, couldn’t really talk etc.

I hope you got some rest and your little one starts to perk up. Constant sickness really is one of the most draining and stressful things.

It's not unusual for a viral infection in a child to take 2-3 weeks to settle. Not sure where you get 5 days from.

I agree with this post.

My DS is younger than your DD and he keeps having very similar to as you described. All he does during those times is sleep and sleep. The one day he slept for 5/6 hours. In two stints. My mum has the theory that sleep is a healer.

My health visitor has said it’s due in part they think to lockdowns and not mixing that there are more bugs now and young children are picking them up one after the other.

Being worried when your little one is ill is normal but sometimes you sound overly anxious.

i think you should trust your instincts and continue pressing ahead even if others make you feel you are being overly cautious. You are a great mother.

My DD went through something similar and there’s a couple of things that worked for me to get fluids into her. Firstly have you tried ice chips? At that age they tend to like the crunch and sometimes even swallow them unintentionally. They’re a bit different and count as fluids. Also, have you tried ice lollies? Not the healthiest, but they’ll help if her throat hurts from the coughing and vomiting. Another thing that works for us is a calpol syringe of water. Every 10-15 minutes, stick it in the side of her mouth and don’t make a big deal out of it. It takes a lot, but gets the fluids into them!
I’m not sure if it’s a good idea if you’re anxious, but have you got a pulse ox? They’re great for checking if they’re getting enough oxygen in, but they’re hard to get an accurate reading on a child so it might make you more worried?

@WibblyWobblyJane

Thank you.

DD woke properly at 5am after a restless night of tossing, turning and coughing. She had milk and went back to sleep and is still sleeping beside me in bed. I have almost completely lost my own voice, too, and my throat is agony. Very, very fed up of viral infections now 😢

@DontYouLeaveMe

Thanks, I am going to try the calpol syringe today to get fluids into her. I don't have a pulse ox, no. I do think it would probably make my anxiety worse! 🙈

@kateandme

Exactly. You have summed up where my thinking is at with it all.

I know you are concerned there is something more going on here with this illness - but you have it to, so it really is clearly 'just' a virus. I would also cut your dp some slack for letting her sleep - remember you slept all day too due to this virus, you can see why he also thought it best to let the little one sleep. Most parents let their DC sleep when unwell. Hopefully she is on the mend now.

It’s on the NHS website guidance for when to see a GP if your child has a high temperature. I’m not suggesting that anything that lasts over 5 days is definitely bacterial rather viral, but from my experience with the GP it was enough to consider antibiotics.

@NorthernStruggler

Sorry to hear you're feeling unwell too. The throat pain I have is honestly like no other, it's absolute agony when I swallow and my voice is a hoarse whisper. I feel dreadful. If this is how DD feels it's heartbreaking. 😢

Hope you feel better soon x

I remember DS being this ill at the same age. We used home made frozen lollies (or shop bought) to get fluids into him, also helped with his sore throat. Might this work?

I meant to add, don't be afraid of seeking further medical attention if you feel it is needed, keep going with your instinct

@anxiousmumagain little and often is what my mum used to say. I’d love to tell you mine grew out of it, but she’s on inhalers now and still regularly gets the cough. Shes much better with the drinking now though, I’ve explained if she doesn’t drink the hospital will have to put in an IV and she would rather drink than that again!

I've been in this situation many times. I think instinct sometimes tells you they are really sick before it becomes obvious. I've learned to hold fire for a couple of days until it is obvious as sometimes it can take a while for eg pus to appear on tonsils/discharge from ears and then medical staff can clearly see the issue. Saves going backwards and forwards. And, in fairness, sometimes they do fight things off without intervention, and this is preferable from an immune system perspective.

My dd when tiny was really I’ll for a long time. She was just laying in my arms, not moving for hours on end, but because her eyes were moving and following stuff, she was deemed alert enough for it not to be a worry!

They are such a worry aren’t they? But my mantra is I’d rather be safe than sorry. I don’t mind making a nuicense of myself if I need to.

She's had another off day. Temp has been OK but she's had little fluids and minimal food - refused pretty much everything I've tried her with apart from a few bites of banana and a bit of toast. She's currently sleeping (again). I've given her ice lollies to try and hydrate her - she's taken to those a bit better than juice or water from her cup. Nappies haven't been great - some of them diarrhoea and others bone dry, so I can't actually tell if she's weeing or not.

Such a worry. I HATE illnesses with a passion. Can't wait for her to be better.

I remember this with my little ones.
My older dd would cough and cough. I didn't realise at the time it was probably considered breathing difficulties. I wish I'd got help sooner for her (antibiotics, antihistamines, inhaler). Been to a&e with her several times and fluid challenge etc.
I was a bit more ready to seek help with my second. She was quite a poorly child. Been to A&e with her even more times. Rigors once were terrifying as she was refusing calpol. She once had sepsis signs and the out of hours service called me every hour.
We were always treated with kindness and told to come back if anything changes. She ended up on a drip once.
No doctor wants to take a risk with a baby. Even if you take her back tonight op, do it if she's worse.

Ice lollies are definitely a good thing, also wet food- custard, yogurt... we used to give frozen frubes.

They don't need to eat or drink much, they are so tiny.