To have insisted DD be checked by a doctor (again)?

[anxiousmumagain]

As my NC suggests I'm quite an anxious mum and prone to worrying about every little thing so I don't know if I'm overreacting here or not. DP has made me feel like I am. Hence my posting.

DD (14 months) has had recurring viral infections for several months now, probably a new one every 4-5 weeks. When she gets unwell has a horrendous cough to the point of vomiting, streaming nose, temp of 38 or higher (39.5 at its highest), no appetite, and is generally sleepy and lethargic. She became unwell this time around just before the bank holiday weekend last week. On Friday evening I was concerned about her breathing which appeared shallow and fast, so I called 111 and they advised we take her to A&E. She was seen and we were told (again) "it's just viral" and that whilst her chest appeared to be "sucking in on one side" (paediatric doctor's words), they weren't concerned enough to keep her in. So she came home.

Fast forward to 5 days later and she is still no better. Obviously we have kept her home from childcare and DP and I have take days off work between us. Monday was my turn. On Monday her temp soared yet again and she was very sleepy and refusing any fluids. I rang the GP, they told me to take her to see them. GP examined her and said "just viral" and "not concerned". She said the fact she makes a full recovery between episodes of infection is reassuring. No treatment, just sent home.

Today DP looked after DD whilst I slept (supposed to be at work but I have come down with the same virus and feel dreadful myself so I've spent the entire day in bed pretty much). I woke up around 5pm and went downstairs to see how she was. DP said she had only just woken up after sleeping for "about 3 hours" (she never, ever sleeps for this length of time, it's typically 1.5-2 hrs max for her afternoon naps). She still looked sleepy and lethargic, eyes bright red and weeping, and again refusing any sips of water from her cup. She had also developed a rash across her upper chest and neck area, removed her vest and it's down onto her tummy as well. DP said he he noticed it earlier but wasn't concerned. He was equally unconcerned about her unusual length of sleep, and her refusal of water. I changed her nappy - there was the tiniest amount of wetness but nothing like what there should be for 3 hours later (DP said she took a small amount of milk before she slept).

Putting it all together I said to DP I'm really worried, I want her to be seen again. Especially with the rash and refusal fluids. DP said he didn't think this was necessary and that I was overreacting. I said I just keep thinking "what if?", especially when I've read about sepsis and how dangerous it can be. DP said "you need to stop reading stuff online". That was the extent of his support.

So I rang 111 regardless - a lovely nurse listened to my concerns and advised we take her again to a&e to be seen. DP grumpily and reluctantly said he would take her (I offered but he said no as I'm not well either so he would do it). He's currently at a&e with her waiting to be seen. So this will be the 3rd time she's been seen by a medic in 5 days.

AIBU? Am I a neurotic overreacting mother to be worried about something more serious being wrong? DP has made me feel like I am. I'm just so worried about my constantly poorly baby. 😢

@Herejustforthisone I take your point and see where you are coming from.
I have witnessed and experienced such awful treatment that I really struggle when people are blind fully accepting/deferent of medical advice or are being told to be. But that, of course, is not what you are saying. I was just triggered. Apologies

OP did your husband explain how little fluids she had before she was released?

I think you sound like a great mum. I think it's common that one parent is less assertive and not proactive enough with seeking help. It's right you be your DDs advocate as she needs you

Anyway, at no point have I advocated not seeing doctors. I’m saying when many of them have come to the same conclusion, that there’s probably merit in what they say.

I’m also saying that an admittedly (username and post acknowledgements) anxious mother is showing typical signs of Heath anxiety, such as not having faith in the conclusions of multiple doctors and catastrophising. None of this is criticism.

However, I am slightly surprised they haven’t just chucked ABX at the situation due to the length of illness, but as I said, they’ve seen her in person. I haven’t. And the trust may have a more robust approach to antibiotic resistance. I assume they’ve looked in her ears and throat and they didn’t feel the need to test her urine (it’s really hard to collect and dip tests almost never show anything anyway).

Unfortunately, doctors do make mistakes with babies and toddlers because they cannot explain how they feel. The doctor then asks for the information from the parents, which is then assumed to be from an 'over anxious' parent and often not always given the credibility that it deserves. Thats why there are problems with diagnosis. A "Virus" is usually blamed for any childhood illness as well which doesnt help matters and usually is an excuse to send an undiagnosed child home.

I am currently lying next to my baby who is going through the exact same thing. Feel he will never get better and I haven't slept properly since last week. However the medical professional have assured me his vitals are fine. Seems never-ending when you are in the middle of it. I would definitely recommend the cosleeping for now, can get back into routine when all is better. I'm getting more sleep even though he wakes every 15 mins.....

Also doctors always blame a "virus" for everything that they cannot diagnose.

Health professionals would always rather double check an unwell child than take a chance. Kids can become severely I’ll very quickly and it’s terrifying when your baby is unwell and they can’t tell you what’s wrong. Always trust your gut, especially when it comes to your baby

It’s ok, I understand. I too have had many differing experiences of the NHS. Most positive. Some less so. I had a baby in the first lockdown and if you AS me you’ll find an account of an experience with his health.

@anxiousmumagain

Hi OP.
Fellow anxious mum here, just wanted to try and reassure you. Firstly, despite what you think your husbands instincts may actually be better here, if you truly are an anxious parent (like me.) I have to let my husband make the call sometimes because I know I always go to worse case scenario and can be irrational. So whilst he may not seem to support your worries, maybe he is just being a little more level headed.

Secondly, you do know your DD better than anyone. But you are not a doctor. You have to trust the medical professionals, trust me they know what they’re looking for. Yes they make mistakes but that is very very rare. Especially when she’s seen multiple medical professionals and they’re all saying the same thing. Viral infections can be absolutely horrible for little ones.

Thirdly, my DD (2) had the most horrendous illness last year, I was in the doctors multiple times, up the hospital etc. Convinced it was something awful and everyone was missing the signs. Her symptoms were worse than how you’re describing your dds & you know what? It was viral. & she got better. I was wrong. But you couldn’t of convinced me of that at the time.

The chance of your daughter having anything other than a viral infection (confirmed by medics) is extremely, extremely unlikely. You have it yourself now too! Try and relax.

You definitely did well to get her seen if you were worried. Dd was always getting ill at that age and I remember being so blasé in the end because it was just one virus after another and my boss was getting annoyed at all my time off work. Such a stressful time.

Did you mention to the doctors she's just had the MMR?
You didn't mention this in the OP. Everything you've described ticks every box for mmr reaction, including the time frame.

Hi OP

I can suggest perhaps you see a private gp for their opinion, if you are still worried.

@Strictlyfanoftenyears
I believe whipping an already anxious MNetter up into even more of a frenzy by telling her doctors are always wrong, telling her to trust her ‘mummy instinct’, is bordering on the immoral when multiple doctors, with actual medical qualifications, who don’t want to see a child come to any harm, have actually seen this child and are not concerned.

As a mother with health anxiety you are absolutely spot on strictly. I can see the signs just in OP’s original post. There is no judgment what so ever here, only empathy. But you need to believe what the doctors are telling you OP, as scary as it is I really think your DD is ok and will start to get better soon. ❤️‍🩹

Honestly trust your gut when it comes to your child, if your child is not taking fluids and has dry nappies the NHS would want you to get it checked out. My friends child went through something similar, it turned out to be low iron levels, she would catch something but never get fully over it, she was sick for around a year and my friend insisted on bloods taken. Once she had the diagnosis she was prescribed liquid iron and has not been poorly since.

Worry away OP. It’s what mums are for. You don’t sound overly anxious to me at all - just normally anxious. Don’t doubt yourself!

See how she is tomorrow after you’ve all had some rest. She may perk up and start to drink more. If not, she can always be seen again and it’ll be easier during the day. (But the little brats always seem to do this to us after hours, don’t they?)

Don't judge yourself so harshly. Her dad is with her and you are ill. You are a good mum. It is important to follow your instincts and it really is better to be safe than sorry. I will check back later and hope to read that she is improving.

I think the point about pushing for bloods was- if you think you know better than a medical professional enough to push for bloods that they don't feel is necessary, you ought to know what it is your asking for.
Otherwise they might say 'ok then' and send off a glucose when it's totally irrelevant, you'll call for the results and be told 'bloods are normal' but fbc/crp/renal AKA the relevant stuff haven't been checked. Ok that's a crude example but it illustrates the point. You can't demand what you don't understand.

I’m a GP, and you are doing the absolute right thing. Always listen to your gut. Us medics don’t dismiss when parents are worried. She does sound like she needed another check up even if it’s just to say she’s still ok and it’s viral.

Circumstances can change very quickly in children and we rely on parents to pick up on it and bring them back if necessary. Hope she’s ok xxx sending love xx

@Summercally

Your friend's experience is exactly why I want further tests. I'm convinced there's something more underlying.

@ladydimitrescu The a&e doc didn't think it was related to the MMR as the timescales apparently don't fit - she said MMR would have made her poorly for 2-3 days max not almost a week.

@NoGoodUsernamee thank you. I can relate to a lot of what you said.

@Ellen2

Thank you, you sound like such a lovely doctor (and person) x

I think it is quite a difficult balance. On the one hand we are told to judge our instinct, but, if you are overly health anxious your instinct may be skewed. You have called yourself anxiousmumagain which makes me curious - do you think you are overly anxious or do others?

On the whole I think better safe than sorry but it depends a bit on if someone is overly anxious to an extreme.

Last post before I try to sleep, @grouchymu I don't agree that you can't ask for something you don't understand. I think asking for further investigations without needing to know the ins and outs and specific medical jargon is absolutely something a parent should feel able to do.

Take @Summercally's friend, for example - I'm certain she didn't use accurate medical terminology when she asked for blood tests for her child? But it got her the answers she needed in the end, and her instinct was correct as there was a problem underlying. I'm not saying that's definitely the case for my DD, but I feel very strongly that she needs to be tested further.

I'm going to try and sleep now. DD is tucked up in her cot (wouldn't settle beside me as I'm coughing a lot and waking her). Not sure how much sleep I'll get but here's hoping.

Thanks again to those who've reassured and supported me on here tonight.

There's a difference between asking and discussing, and demanding. People on this thread are talking about demanding.

Havent read it all but honestly I have had so many viruses with my ds. Always a temp of 40 ish, rashes, coughs, cold struggling breathing etc and been where you are, hospital and told viral etc. It was and still is scary- under 1 is especially scary I find, but you will adapt and unfortunately get use to it- try any and all fluids for your toddler- ice pops etc, jelly too. Let her sleep and sleep in between bits of fluids. Get the rehydration sachets for kids too- make ice pops with them if that works. Obviously calpol and ibuprofen alternate as needed too. I always sleep with my dc when they're that ill but be reassured virus can last ages but will pass, unless her condition suddenly worsens- hard to wake, struggling too much breathing then just ride it out. Dose yourself up too!

Hope your baby is on the up soon. Quite right to get her checked out. When my DS was small I took him and my other two little ones to the doctors as they were all ill but I was especially worried about him as he seemed to be struggling. A young locum gave out yards to me actually sneering and asking me if I was I going to run to the doctor every time the kids had a bit of snot. (We were hardly ever at the docs)Then when his clothes came off her attitude changed as she could she see he was very mottled and was breathing abdominally ( I was telling her this) I was sent to A and E and he was kept in hospital for 2 nights She was totally out of line treating me as overanxious parent.

The toddler years are hard with viruses. I felt like mine were always sick. Three close in age so they used to pass everything around. I found Apr to May June was always the worst. My lovely GP told me that toddlers could have 13 viruses a year. If each virus takes 1-2 weeks to get over that’s a lot of sick time. In a wierd way I found this comforting as my kids then seemed healthy enough.Mine are 6- 8 now and have just had chickenpox - that was fun!.My eldest had a much worse dose.