If it turned out you’d been switched at birth, would you want to know?

[AlternativePerspective]

This week’s long lost family was about two women who had been switched at birth.

One had always suspected because of something her family had said when she was growing up, but the other one had no idea.

So the one who suspected wanted to know the details, so did DNA tests etc, and it turned out she was right.

However, the other one had no idea and her life and that of her family was essentially destroyed when she was approached and told that the family she thought she had weren’t actually her family at all and her brother for e.g. was told his sister wasn’t his sister etc.

Personally I think that the makers of the show were morally wrong for telling her, and all the other woman should have been told was that yes her family were not her biological family. But at that point she IMO lost the right to invade the lives of her biological family who hadn’t asked to be put in the situation and were completely unaware.

If I were told out of the blue that I had been switched at birth and my family weren’t my family, I would want nothing to do with those who were my biological family.

And if I were told that my sister had been switched at birth I would outright reject the biological sister I was given in her place. Because my family are my family and I wouldn’t want anything to do with anyone else wanting to be family.

So, would you want to know?

Strange that Rosemary's family all knew, it was talked about and her dm even said 'that could be your family down there' .

Yes I’d want to know. It would answer many questions actually!

The lady who suspected she wasn't in the right family had every right to find out who her 'real' family were. She couldn't do that without disturbing another person/family.
The great thing is that both women were in loving families already.

Yes I would want to know.
You can continue to love the family you were raised in and get to know the biological family too. It doesn't have to be one or the other, surely?

Interesting thread especially as there is currently another one regarding inheritance going on. I am sure most people think they would still class their siblings as family and so on, but every time inheritance rears its ugly head we get reminded of just how money grabbing a lot of people are. Its not difficult to imagine someone saying you aren't their child I am therefore I am entitled to the inheritance.

I would definitely want to know. I’m older but my DM has passed and I’m NC with DF so I’d definitely want to know if I had other family out there.

Just because you feel that way doesn't mean everyone does. At the end of the day I think everyone is entitled to know the truth especially about where they come from and it's up to them what they want to do with that information. Some people would welcome their biological family with open arms others wouldn't want to have a relationship. Everyone is different. Personally I would definitely want to know if I actually came from somewhere else. Doesn't mean I would stop loving my family that brought me up.

Nope, not particularly. I have a mother somewhere and 3 sisters I think. Meh.

Finding out later in life that I'm adopted did nothing except add more shit (and things to process) to an already full plate. Same thing about being swapped at birth.

I wonder how many times this actually happened!

I'd welcome the news, as it would explain why I've always thought my dad was a jerk.

It'll be of no comfort at all that it wasn't her fault, will it? What a ridiculous thing to say. Why cause massive heartache when someone is elderly and has nothing to gain and everything to lose?

I’m not sure I’d be thrilled by having my life upended on such a dramatic way. However, I’m also not sure I’d outright ‘reject’ my newfound blood relatives. Hopefully there would be a place for everyone in my life who wanted one.

@woolwinder i think it would explain a lot for me, too 🤐

The woman who didn't know must have been "invaded" when first told. How would they do it otherwise, someone must have approached her with the news and once told she couldn't be untold.

I think if you are younger there are probably positives but to have that sprung on you in your late 70s is different.

I felt sad for Jackie in this week's programme as she was obviously deeply upset by the situation and I hope she's having lots of support.
That said, it's interesting how most people saying that they wouldn't want to know, do actually know their bio family. The lady who started the search knew something wasn't right and wanted to know her biological background. As an adoptee, I can completely understand her need to know. I think it's very difficult to understand that urge unless you have been in a position of not knowing.
I never wanted a new family but I wanted to know where, and who, I came from. I don't have contact with my bio parents but I know who they are, I've met my bm and I've seen photos and know about my bf. This information was extremely important to me.

Surely you wouldn’t know unless it happened. I found out about 10 years ago that I had a sibling I had no idea about and I was delighted to meet them. They had made the approach and now we are good friends.

I fully agree with what you’ve said about people not understanding because they haven’t been through it.
My mum was adopted and although her parents were amazing, you can’t just wipe the question away of who you came from and if you look like them or share any personality quality’s.

At her age, I see no benefit from her telling the swapped woman. I’d say that it’s pointless and pretty selfish to disrupt someone’s life in that way. I’d be devastated to find out that kind of information.

I think that if the parents are dead what is the point? There is little to gain from that knowledge. At 70 ignorance is bliss, it was to late to do anything with the new info imo.

I don't think I'd want to know the truth.

Wouldn't be bothered either way, family are the people who love and care for you throughout your life.

This was my dream growing up.

I kept looking at the horrible bastards who were raising me and hoping that I wasn't genetically related them.

I still hope now at 48 that I'll get a knock on the door...

That’s not quite what happened. Her brother was approached, Richard. Richard chose to meet his biological sister. It’s at that point that Jacky was told.

Richard could have chosen not to know his biological sister but that was wrong. Jacky could choose to have nothing to do with her biological family. I don’t imagine Richard would love his sister any less. He will also have love for his new sister.

Because Richard was the one approached and he wanted to know his biological sister.

I'd say it is a lot more common than people think.

Wether it was done by mistake or vindictiveness we'll never know.

Looking at the case of 3 identical strangers who were separated at birth for an experiment.

Authority figures could be really mean back then particularly in mother and baby homes.

So Jacky didn't need to know, Richard could have just gone and quietly met his sister without causing upset. I suppose the TV programme makers wouldn't like that.

Once Jacky was told she had no option to not know, her world changed and that isn't always easy particularly if you are late 70s.

I don't know if Richard will have love for his new sister, that isn't a given.