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Original poster

If it turned out you’d been switched at birth, would you want to know?

199 replies

AlternativePerspective · 08/06/2022 17:27

This week’s long lost family was about two women who had been switched at birth.

One had always suspected because of something her family had said when she was growing up, but the other one had no idea.

So the one who suspected wanted to know the details, so did DNA tests etc, and it turned out she was right.

However, the other one had no idea and her life and that of her family was essentially destroyed when she was approached and told that the family she thought she had weren’t actually her family at all and her brother for e.g. was told his sister wasn’t his sister etc.

Personally I think that the makers of the show were morally wrong for telling her, and all the other woman should have been told was that yes her family were not her biological family. But at that point she IMO lost the right to invade the lives of her biological family who hadn’t asked to be put in the situation and were completely unaware.

If I were told out of the blue that I had been switched at birth and my family weren’t my family, I would want nothing to do with those who were my biological family.

And if I were told that my sister had been switched at birth I would outright reject the biological sister I was given in her place. Because my family are my family and I wouldn’t want anything to do with anyone else wanting to be family.

So, would you want to know?

OP posts:
Highfivemum · 08/06/2022 19:20

very very sad and I hope very rare. I know for a fact if it was me I would go crazy and noone would ever take me away from my DB or sat I was no longer his DS. family are who you grow up with really. My DB was my world and still is. It would literally floor me but it would not change a thing.

ancientgran · 08/06/2022 19:24

I didn't see it but it sounds really hard on the woman who had no idea about it. I think it is different to finding out when you are a child or young adult, you could meet your parents and get to know your siblings but in your late 70s I can't see what you'd gain.

TheWildRumpyPumpus · 08/06/2022 19:25

bcdefghijklmnopqrstuvwxyza · 08/06/2022 19:19

I wouldn't want to know if I was switched at birth, same if I was adopted I wouldn't go looking for my birth parents.

You can’t possibly know this.

There’s a reason why adopted children these days are brought up knowing age appropriate information about their biological family - the impact of not having this information to inform your identity is enormous.

Sceptre86 · 08/06/2022 19:27

It's hard to know unless you are in that situation. I don't think I would want to know. If one of my children were I wouldn't want to know but dh would and thinks he would want to know our biological child but wouldn't give our child back. I would be fearful of meeting my biological child qnd wouldn't want to do anything to hurt the baby that I raised. I mentioned this as a hypothetical to my mum once and she said she'd want to keep both children so she'd rather not know.

ancientgran · 08/06/2022 19:31

I'm not quite as old as Jackie, 70 next year, I wouldn't want to know now. I think it is too late for me to adapt to that, I mean is my name my name, is my family my family it would just make me feel a bit lost.

bpirockin · 08/06/2022 19:34

I think you are being unreasonable to believe you know how you'd feel in such a situation. I agree that it must be extremely hard for the one who was approached and had no idea, but that might not have been the case. I don't understand how parents of a baby that was 3 days older could have had no idea they were not given back the same child - surely they must have suspected something. How could you know if she had also spent her life feeling 'different' without her knowing the truth? A very complex and sensitive situation indeed. The sad thing is that it wasn't cleared up sooner. The Italians were truly amazing, and what a wonderful situation they created for all concerned.

Darbs76 · 08/06/2022 19:34

Yes i’d want to know. I certainly wouldn’t just think my family I’ve known all my life aren’t my family anymore. It’s not like that information means feelings for them are turned off. I’d certainly want to know

Sparklybutold · 08/06/2022 19:35

Yes I would want to know. It would give me a second chance to have a bio family.

Catchingtrains · 08/06/2022 19:43

There are two cases I know of, both in America. In both cases I do feel ignorance would have been bliss … but hard to say.

bcdefghijklmnopqrstuvwxyza · 08/06/2022 19:43

bcdefghijklmnopqrstuvwxyza · 08/06/2022 19:19

I wouldn't want to know if I was switched at birth, same if I was adopted I wouldn't go looking for my birth parents.

If I was adopted I would want to know the info but I wouldn't go looking. They obviously gave me up for a reason. And my family would be the ones who raised me.

FiveNineFive · 08/06/2022 19:45

bcdefghijklmnopqrstuvwxyza · 08/06/2022 19:43

If I was adopted I would want to know the info but I wouldn't go looking. They obviously gave me up for a reason. And my family would be the ones who raised me.

Show quote history

People who are not adopted have no bloody idea what it would feel like

toastfairy · 08/06/2022 19:50

Yes I would want to know.

caringcarer · 08/06/2022 19:50

I love my family so would not want to know.

dudsville · 08/06/2022 19:55

I think truth is always best. If we generally erred towards keeping the truth from some people in some circumstances, then you'd have to ask who had the right to make that call. Dark waters. What this woman needed was for it to be private and not televised for entertainment.

Ncwinc · 08/06/2022 19:56

I don’t watch it but there have been similar programmes in the past. It’s intrusive and exploitative tv. So many emotions are stirred up when families are ‘reunited’ and expectations rarely meet reality. It’s not something that can be tied up neatly in a 60 minute episode.

It’s possible that my father donated sperm when he was younger and donor anonymity was guaranteed. I wouldn’t want any half siblings that might be out there getting in touch with my family.

doodleygirl · 08/06/2022 20:00

I think unless you are in this situation you dont know what you would do, you only think you know.

Burgoo · 08/06/2022 20:02

Only if my relatives were million/billionaires.

Onwards22 · 08/06/2022 20:04

I’m definitely going to watch that as it sounds really interesting!

I do think it’s unfair to put it in TV for our entertainment when their entire world has been turned upside down (I’m still going to watch it though) and I hope they get some money and counselling out of it.

I would absolutely want to know!
Mine would be purely curiosity and I couldn’t rest without knowing everything about them.

Since I was young I’ve always had a feeling I was adopted because I look and act so different to my siblings and parents, so it’s something I’ve thought about.

Rainbowgrey · 08/06/2022 20:05

I recently found out that my dad was raised by a man who wasn't his biological father. My dad doesn't know, my sisters wanted to tell him but I said no because I don't believe it will cause my dad anything but heartache. My dad is almost 70 and loves his family, his parents are both dead. If he was 21 it'd be a different story but I have no idea of where to start looking for his real father (most likely dead anyway) or any other living relatives.
When I found out I was devastated for my dad, his life is based on a lie, his older sisters aren't his full sisters, he might have other siblings. He loved his dad, he also had a step dad who he classed as his dad so to him family is the people who brought you up.
I couldn't take that away from him and I believe he wouldn't want to know. My sisters think he has a right to know, I'm the oldest and put my foot down to protect my dad (He has heart problems, I'm not going to cause him stress unnecessarily).

PrisonerofZeroCovid · 08/06/2022 20:05

I'd rather not know now (aged early 40's). My family I grew up with is my family as far as I'm concerned and I don't have the emotional bandwidth for another family tbh.

PrisonerofZeroCovid · 08/06/2022 20:06

@Rainbowgrey FWIW I think you're right. I'd do the same.

SteakExpectations · 08/06/2022 20:06

I saw a program a few months ago where two boys living in Eastern Europe (Romania perhaps?) had been mixed up at the hospital. They had very different lives as a result, one very poor with family breakdown the other growing up quite privileged. I can’t remember what triggered them finding out but when they did the one who had grown up poor wanted to have a relationship with his bio mum but the other boy didn’t connect with his bio mum so she was left to be on her own which was incredibly sad.

I imagine that it must be very difficult to reconcile in your mind finding out so late in life as the two ladies your describing, and is difficult for many of us who so obviously belong to our families to contemplate really.

Staryflight445 · 08/06/2022 20:10

None of them were invaded. The social worker deals with everything respectfully and slowly and everyone who participates get to choose what they would like to do with no pressure.

it’s heartbreaking but they both had a right to know.

Staryflight445 · 08/06/2022 20:11

Onwards22 · 08/06/2022 20:04

I’m definitely going to watch that as it sounds really interesting!

I do think it’s unfair to put it in TV for our entertainment when their entire world has been turned upside down (I’m still going to watch it though) and I hope they get some money and counselling out of it.

I would absolutely want to know!
Mine would be purely curiosity and I couldn’t rest without knowing everything about them.

Since I was young I’ve always had a feeling I was adopted because I look and act so different to my siblings and parents, so it’s something I’ve thought about.

They can and mostly do choose to remain anonymous and not be on camera.
They always give sensitive information off camera too.

anything filmed is consented.

Ffoxx · 08/06/2022 20:11

You wonder how many other times this happened if nursing homes had such a crap system regarding identification babies during bomb raids.

Felt so sorry for Jackie she seemed vulnerable and obviously very close to her brother. I usually enjoy these Long Lost Family programmes bit I agree op, this seemed wrong and if Rosemary's parents had doubts why on earth didn't they pursue it at the time.