If it turned out you’d been switched at birth, would you want to know?

[AlternativePerspective]

This week’s long lost family was about two women who had been switched at birth.

One had always suspected because of something her family had said when she was growing up, but the other one had no idea.

So the one who suspected wanted to know the details, so did DNA tests etc, and it turned out she was right.

However, the other one had no idea and her life and that of her family was essentially destroyed when she was approached and told that the family she thought she had weren’t actually her family at all and her brother for e.g. was told his sister wasn’t his sister etc.

Personally I think that the makers of the show were morally wrong for telling her, and all the other woman should have been told was that yes her family were not her biological family. But at that point she IMO lost the right to invade the lives of her biological family who hadn’t asked to be put in the situation and were completely unaware.

If I were told out of the blue that I had been switched at birth and my family weren’t my family, I would want nothing to do with those who were my biological family.

And if I were told that my sister had been switched at birth I would outright reject the biological sister I was given in her place. Because my family are my family and I wouldn’t want anything to do with anyone else wanting to be family.

So, would you want to know?

I would want to know, but I would always consider the parents who brought me up to be my parents.

I find @Switchin’s response to you really weird. It’s not ‘nasty’ to want nothing to do with someone just because in a cruel twist of fate they turned out to be family.

I’d feel about the same as you @AlternativePerspective.

You know when you’re a kid and have to play with the kids that belong to your mum’s best friend even if you don’t like them? This is what this feels like. It’s hard enough playing nice with people I’m actually related to - but to be presented with a whole new family who I don’t know from Adam and be expected to just get along for the sake of being nice just doesn’t feel right to me at all. I mean - as painful as it might be, I’d have no relationship with these people at all.

I think you're unreasonable to frame it as 'either or'. I'm more inclined to see it as gaining another family rather than switching families and losing the one I knew.

Out of interest, how did the switch happen?

No

I would want to know but I felt so sorry for Jacky on that show. She seemed so traumatised. The other lady had had her whole life to come to terms with it and knew from the get go, Jacky found out in her 70s. She seemed frail and devastated and it was uncomfortable viewing.

It was all a very tough watch. Watching the Italian children was hard too. I couldn’t imagine having to give back any of my my dcs, even for my biological child. I love them so much, I’ve nurtured them and bonded with them. They made it work very well but you could still see the pain on one of the mother’s faces.

I'd see it as gaining a family and enjoy having two families. I don't know why someone would reject newly found relatives - unless they were unpleasant or nasty!

A woman knocked on my door and told me she was my sister years ago. We are really close now. I really did gain a sister that day. I'm so grateful she reached out.

The original parents of each switched child did not bring said child up, naturally the child would love the parents that brought them up- not the parents that they hadn't seen since early infancy- that they don't remember at all.

I'd want to know. And if it was my sibling who had been switched I'd want to get to know my biological sibling too. Doesn't mean I'd love my non-bio family any less.

What series and episode is this please? Is it on ITV player?

I agree OP, it was quite uncomfortable to watch and I felt for Jackie. Even Richard looked quite uncomfortable I thought.

I wouldn’t want to know if I was in their position

Even though it’s slightly different I could never understand how the big finale story on Surprise Surprise was always thought to be heartwarming. More often than not it was “welcome to the stage the person who abandoned you”

Strange one, I'm so like my brother that I know it's not the case but if I really didn't feel like I was like my family I think I'd like to know as it may answer questions and me questioning my life

Absolutely I’d want to know. I like to think it wouldn’t change my feelings towards my family, but I’d want to know where I really came from, and who my kids are descended from. I may or may not want to have a relationship with my birth family, but that would depend what they were like I think.
Who we are and where we came from is very important. It wouldn’t erase my existing heritage because that is social, but it would add an extra strand.

family are the people who raise you. Once you get over the shock they’re still your family.

its useful to know the truth for genetic/ medical reasons.

If you were switched at birth, you were completely innocent and didn't have a choice. If as an adult, you find out that this is in fact the case, you have every right to tell your family that they have raised the wrong child. If the other "child" is rejected, it is still not your fault even as an adult. Any thing alse is wrong on so many levels. Most mothers know there is something wrong, but too often were told to "put up and shut up"!! When I it is put right, yes it us traumatic, but on TV, they are given a choice whether or not they want to take part. If they say yes, then it is on the adults... Have sympathy but they know what they are involved in. Informed choice...

I’ve recorded it and have not seen it yet so to answer your question if it was me @AlternativePerspective

Absolutely, I’m presuming you have been blessed with a half decent and kind family.

I wasn’t and the chance to actually have a parent who might care would be too much of an opportunity not to explore.

My siblings were adopted out and their parents did everything possibly to discourage us from contacting each other, as a result we have no relationship.

I don’t know really, the people who contributed to my birth were abusive twats, so I wouldn’t want to inflict them on anyone else, but then there is the whole upset at missing out on the chance of not being raised by them. Biology doesn’t really mean anything to me, so even if I’d been raised by loving parents, I wouldn’t be interested in meeting birth parents.

I can understand totally the first lady's need to know. I think I would want to know myself.

I did feel very sorry for Jacky. It was clearly a terrible shock to her, though she did agree to appear, and she was under no obligation to do that.

I hope she is OK and continuing to get the support she clearly needs now.

So by your logic, if you were accidentally sent home from the hospital with the wrong baby you’d have no interest in even meeting your biological child?

It’s only ever people who have had the luxury of growing up with their birth family who think biology isn’t important.

I would want to know definitely.
my initial thoughts are that I’d consider the family I grew up with my “real” family but would want to meet and possibly maintain a link with the new/birth family.

Precisely

I agree with you op , I wouldn't want to know .
I feel like even though I know my family loves me it would definitely feel like something has changed to find out my parents, siblings, grandparents where not biologically related to me I would be devastated.
I thought it was uncomfortable viewing watching that poor lady have her whole life turned upside down.

I'm a great fan of ignorance is bliss, OP. I know several people who've discovered unexpected things — a secret sister their mother had had in her teens and kept quiet about, the fact that they were adopted or their mum wasn't who they thought she was, horrible information about people long-dead and so on. Only one of them is unequivocally pleased with the outcome. Another is having to deal with the knowledge that her birth mother, whom she tracked down after several years of looking, has learning and MH difficulties. It's looking more and more likely that my friend was conceived after a rape. It's been very upsetting for her.

I've had enough drama and emotional upset in my life to just want what remains to be calm and contented.

Long lost family-switched at birth
Should be on itv player

Have you heard of adoption OP? It’s possible to love the family who brought you up but still want to meet your biological relatives and even get to know and love them too.

Of course Blueberry but shouldn’t it be the adoptee’s choice? That’s the OP’s point, that this discovery was not the second woman’s choice, it was effectively forced on her.