I’m worried about this family.

[CrikeyMatron]

Since Covid started friends of ours who live very locally have been shielding.

One of their DC has CP and they have a few other DC too including a teenager.

The DC were taken out of school to protect the vulnerable child and have now not physically seen/been with their peers or any other people for nearly 2 and a half years.

We’ve tried to stay in touch and asked about a socially distanced meet up but the parents aren’t keen. They told us their original plan was to to isolate until vaccines became available for all their DC.

This has now happened but there’s no sign of any change.

We know that the family rarely leave the house and have managed to holiday in fairly isolated SC accommodation a few times. They make sure they avoid people when on holiday and get all shopping delivered when there.

We’re especially worried about the teen DD. She hasn’t seen any peers (she had a robust friendship group before Covid) for such a long time and her friends have reported that communication has petered out with her over this time.

The DD is quite a bit older than her siblings and we suspect her MH has taken a hit (her parents mentioned her anxiety in passing).

I really empathise with how frightening it must be worrying about their disabled DC but think they’ve got bunker mentality and don’t see an end to their isolation 🙁

Has anyone got any advice please?

Contact your local SS duty team today. You can remain anonymous. Something is not right here. SS can work out if they are all ok and well.

Speak to the nspcc

Contact your local SS duty team today

This

I wonder how many children are flying under the radar like this at the moment. It's worrying.

@CrikeyMatron other than this, have you ever had any doubts about the safety or wellbeing of anyone in the family?

This is so sad to read, I don't know the best way to report but if other are sure it's social services please do that to make sure she's OK

You understand that the current vaccines for kids with a two dose strategy don’t actually protect all that well from omicron varieties right? Plus the adults in the home most likely won’t be eligible for boosters so their immunity will have waned enormously since last winter? The governments roll out of vaccines has been very badly organised and no thought has apparently been given to coordinating vaccinations so that everyone in a household is protected (as this is how you protect the most vulnerable, you create a bubble of protected people around them to limit their exposure to covid/illness . This is why household members of CEV were eligible for vaccination ahead of their peers). Everyone in the household needs to have had a recent vaccination, as part of a course than confers sufficient protection (which the kids two dose strategy doesn’t) otherwise it just isn’t safe.

(That’s without going into how “freedom” for everyone else puts the vulnerable at massive risk; no masks, no isolation for the covid positive etc makes it very hard for the vulnerable. Even ffp3 masks are not 100% protection from covid. Schools are poorly ventilated and full of covid, they just aren’t safe for a vulnerable child).

I don’t doubt that the loss of contact with their peers is an issue for the teen, but going straight to SS when there is so little support for people shielding now that the gov have decided that covid is “over” is throwing a bomb into their family. Could you try reaching out, or getting your daughter to reach out, with video calls etc.

I say this as a fellow shielder, with two kids myself. We aren’t as isolated as the family you describe, but I can understand that to the outside world we probably look very isolated.

We have contact with other shielders, people that we didn’t know pre covid. There’s a growing network of people like us connecting online, providing friendships for the kids (and adults) through what is an incredibly trying time. Are you sure that the teen girl hasn’t got new friends online that share her difficult situation?

Please, talk to this family before you do something drastic.

I agree with pp regarding raising the welfare of the children as this will ease your own conscience and at least you have made people aware. I do highly doubt anything will come from it though as services are so stretched they probably won’t think the situation is “bad enough”. Even if they do and a SW comes round, if the family say their are no issues then they could very well simply close the case. I think the best thing to do is what you are already doing, maintain contact and keep inviting and encourage your DC to do the same xx

Speak to social services. Don't expect an update though and they may decide everything is fine.

Yes I am inclined to agree with @FoodSchmood here. That’s why I asked if there were any other indications you should be concerned about OP. If there are, you can probably disregard the following.

It’s great you are looking out for them and their children but social services should be an absolute last resort, even putting them on their radar without really good cause is a huge decision. Covid is still rampant, and the daily death toll is still relatively high. I am considerably less vulnerable than their child is but I’ve been extremely cautious since the start of the pandemic. People don’t understand, but It’s been a price I’ve been willing to pay for my situation, even though it has often meant no social contact at all outside the household.

It’s possible the other children are struggling with mental illness, it is it also possible that they’re fine and the isolation has just made them a bit more socially lazy hence the not keeping in touch much. If you are not close enough to have a conversation directly with the parents, I would be very wary about “reporting” them. The Gov guidelines have really not been based on what is optimal for the health of the population thus far, and has been pretty negligent of clinically vulnerable people. Families are doing what they can to compensate for that lack of support. There are worse things that can befall teens other than not seeing their friends, even if they are wrong about this- imagine if you had social services turn up at your door out of the blue, all because you are trying to protect your child’s life? I think if you did report them you might regret it terribly

I suspect there are reasonable numbers of children out there in this position and while some of them will be fine, others may not.

So I think you should make SS aware and then they can take it from there. You have no sight yourself on whether this situation is okay for the children.

I’d urge anyone to read this article before calling social services. It is a good few years old now, but I imagine much of the data presented still holds true. Inviting an SS investigation into a family’s life could be massively traumatising without much or any benefit. Rise in referrals to social services causing trauma to families, expert says

These children haven't been seen by anyone outside of their family for 2 and a half years. Of course the authorities should be made aware of that fact.

If you believe that, you are the one that needs help. You know nothing of my family, our health conditions or the risk that covid poses to us. Let alone anything at all about the well-being of my kids. I’ll stick to following the scientists and experts thanks, not some random on mumsnet who thinks they know better than the experts.

I agree with all of this.

People are acting like COVID has vanished but there’s still over 100 people dying every day from it. If you’ve got a very vulnerable family member it’s understandable to still be concerned.

Home educators have a very hard time from officials especially in some parts of the country. The scrutiny the a social services referral could put them under could be enough to force them back to school. Some LAs are barely acting within the confines of the law and make it very very hard for home educators. I could show you pages of cases, even though this might sound unbelievable. The Tories are on a mission to get kids back to school and reduce home Ed.

Do the children have a doctor? Optician appts? Dental appointments? If they were previously in school they won’t just drop out of the system as an unknown. The local authority will have requested proof of the education they are receiving, and part of this includes socialisation.

I’m not saying don’t make a SS referral if you have genuine concerns about her well being. But a family making different lifestyle choices to you isn’t a safeguarding issue.

@Overthewine with respect, I think you have been misinformed about the current risk of Covid and how it compares to other viruses. I don’t think @FoodSchmood has provided enough information about their situation for even a child development expert to make a call on the impact shielding may be having on their children.

I see where you’re coming from, but that may not be the full picture, OP may be assuming they are not socialising with anyone at all but it sounds like they are not that close with the family. I really think there’s a risk that OP is over worrying in the absence of information, social services don’t just pop round usually- there tends to have to be a thorough investigation, it could take months before this is even carried out. Meanwhile that poor family would have it hanging over their heads on top of the stress of trying to shield a child in a non-Covid safe world.

Imo this is health anxiety on the part of the parents that borders on or is actually an mh issue. Social services should certainly be checking on the children involved.

Absolutely this - the upcoming schools bill is an absolute nightmare. I’m lucky to live in an area where home educators are well supported (both my kids are known to the EOTAS team and I report annually on their progress, with total honesty about the ongoing shielding we are having to do - the council have no concerns at all about my children) but in other areas we would not be so lucky I fear. Forcing vulnerable kids back to school (or those with vulnerable household members) could end very badly, but the gov really don’t care about CEV folk. We have been left to make awful choices to keep our loved ones safe. The saddest things is it doesn’t need to be this way; ventilate the schools with HEPA, isolate people who are covid positive, offer virtual education for those too vulnerable to take the risk of coming in/those isolating so they don’t miss out on learning. You’d reduce infections across the school, including teachers, making it safer and easier for everyone at the school to work/ get a good education.

I have a CV child and there are many, many families still living like this. Assuming there were no safeguarding concerns pre COVID I wouldn't be overly concerned. You are saying no one outside family has seen them, but how do you know? They are going on holiday and although it's isolated it's not the case that they are locking the dc up.
Covid has been a very difficult time for many, but especially for those with additional health problems. Perhaps you can put a letter through their door asking if you can help in any way, rather than reporting them to SS?

This is disproportionate, even given their specific circumstances. I don’t know if SS would even do anything but it does seem like a situation some kind of authorities should know about, for the sake of the DC.

@FoodSchmood it's about finding the balance of risk for the majority of the population. I've recently had COVID, I am a scientist and can put the letters after my name. I had the vaccine to contribute to herd immunity as I had already had COVID prior to vaccines being available. Having had it post vaccination it was a 48hour illness which if I had isolated for the full 10 days would have cost a fortune to the economy when you multiply it on a population scale.

The boosters make me feel horrible for a week so although I will do it yearly I won't be doing it anymore than that!

It's about risk assessing and finding your balance, in the family cases is it really fair to keep a teenager isolated to save a sibling when it will have to be forever. We don't do this more the multitude of others viruses that can kill.

I have a condition that means when I get Noro I often end up in A&E. DS still goes to school and I still work in a hospital.

We are here for a fun time not a long time if how we live it noro or COVID gets me tomorrow I know DS will have many happy memories which the DD in this OP will be lacking for the last 2.5yrs.

I would contact SS they can speak to the DD and see how she is coping. The last thing you want is to learn she has suffered mentally or heaven forbid something worse

What kind of a scientist @Grumpybutfunny ?

I see where you’re coming from, but that may not be the full picture, OP may be assuming they are not socialising with anyone at all but it sounds like they are not that close with the family.

Given that they're not visible to school bodies or similar, I personally feel that the OP should err on the side of caution here. There is a danger of children like this to suffering harm while firmly out of sight/mind, unfortunately. I think SS should be the ones making that call, the OP doesn't have enough information to decide they're definitely ok.

True but if the alarm is raised social services will likely do some initial, but relatively thorough investigation so that they are covered legally.

This could be truly harrowing for the family. What might be better is to try to get more information, or to alert someone closer to the family about their concerns. There doesn’t sound like there is an immediate safeguarding issue here, at worst is sounds like sub-optimal parenting. It could be fine and no harm to check, but it could equally take on a life if it’s own. It’s great that OP is looking out for the family, but unless there is a lot more detail indicating risk of harm to the children that OP is just not sharing I think very slow and steady approach to escalation is the appropriate way to go.
Being reported to the authorities is massively stigmatising. If someone is brave enough to report a family to social services they need to be brave enough to reasonably address the issues directly with the parents, unless they genuinely fear for their safety or the safety of the family involved.