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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I’m worried about this family.

128 replies

CrikeyMatron · 08/06/2022 13:13

Since Covid started friends of ours who live very locally have been shielding.

One of their DC has CP and they have a few other DC too including a teenager.

The DC were taken out of school to protect the vulnerable child and have now not physically seen/been with their peers or any other people for nearly 2 and a half years.

We’ve tried to stay in touch and asked about a socially distanced meet up but the parents aren’t keen. They told us their original plan was to to isolate until vaccines became available for all their DC.

This has now happened but there’s no sign of any change.

We know that the family rarely leave the house and have managed to holiday in fairly isolated SC accommodation a few times. They make sure they avoid people when on holiday and get all shopping delivered when there.

We’re especially worried about the teen DD. She hasn’t seen any peers (she had a robust friendship group before Covid) for such a long time and her friends have reported that communication has petered out with her over this time.

The DD is quite a bit older than her siblings and we suspect her MH has taken a hit (her parents mentioned her anxiety in passing).

I really empathise with how frightening it must be worrying about their disabled DC but think they’ve got bunker mentality and don’t see an end to their isolation 🙁

Has anyone got any advice please?

OP posts:
Original poster
CrikeyMatron · 11/06/2022 12:40

SafferUpNorth · 09/06/2022 09:12

PS @CrikeyMatron Thank you for caring. Flowers

Thanks.

People and relationships are complex things. I do care about all of them even if I don’t understand or agree with some of the adults behaviours and decisions.

In my old age I’ve come to realise that until one has been in the EXACT situation with the EXACT vectors, influences, personal background that you cannot say for certain how you’d behave.

OP posts:
goodcall101 · 11/06/2022 13:31

CrikeyMatron · 11/06/2022 12:10

Thanks for all the replies and sorry for seeming to post and run!

To add some more information:

The parents are very loving and want the best for their DC. Both used to work but Covid/redundancy/caring responsibilities have meant that they’re both at home full time now.

We (as in people close to them) have realised that they can be quite ‘insular’ in their views and I’m afraid that now they’re in their own very small echo chamber it’s got worse.

The DM seems to have a ‘them and us’ attitude and we realised exaggerated stories and (we think unknowingly) told tall tales about the kids’ schools which we found out were not the whole truth and always portrayed the schools in a very bad light.

Things like “
DC was left to be pushed around in his wheelchair by other pupils all lunchtime and neglected. Another sibling was ‘bullied’ and the staff did nothing about it. The SENCO said xy and z to us in front of other adults’

I’ve since discovered that these stories are so far from the truth. Various unbiased witnesses with no agenda have stated that these events did not happen as the DM said.

We’ve also been in a situation where the DM has totally twisted, exaggerated and rewritten what actually happened.
Eg. Walking together and a car waits for us and DC to move then the driver can park gets twisted into ‘that man opened his window and was going to grab the wheelchair handle and nearly hit us whilst mounting the kerb and swore at us’

Think she sometimes forgets that these ‘events’ have witnesses or totally convinces herself that it actually happened 🙁

Sorry for the derail there. Things are just bubbling up as I type.

Parents of friends of her teen have said they’re concerned. One is a medical professional who is well versed in safeguarding and they have approached me to see if we’ve seen the girl.

The family aren’t engaging with any local homeschooling groups. The girl does online work (not from school as she’s been de registered) and seems to be in her room most of the day whilst the DP are with the younger 3.

I’m afraid without having any ‘normal’ outside influences their world will become scarily smaller to the extent it could really damage the DC.

I know how vital it is to have peers you can confide in and ‘safe’ adults you can go to when you’re growing up and, from what we know, the teen doesn’t have this.

I think the plan of action for us will be to get our DC to contact the teen again (after sporadic replies during lockdown the teen stopped communication) and try and arrange video calls or even see if they’ll have a socially distanced walk with us? Don’t think SS would be interested and it could totally fuck things up with the family.

Another local family with an equally vulnerable disabled DC tried to speak to them quite a while ago. Their DC and siblings have been going to school and no longer shielding but because, I believe, this did not mirror or support the shielding family’s choices they didn’t engage.

They must be so bloody scared.

Seems like a very reasonable approach, agreed that SS wouldn’t necessarily help in that situation. They are lucky to have you looking out for them, it does sound that they are more or less a very loving family. Hopefully the older child friends making more of an effort to stay in touch will help make sure she’s not too isolated.

JingsMahBucket · 11/06/2022 14:05

@Stath you've had a name change fail.

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