I’m worried about this family.

[CrikeyMatron]

Since Covid started friends of ours who live very locally have been shielding.

One of their DC has CP and they have a few other DC too including a teenager.

The DC were taken out of school to protect the vulnerable child and have now not physically seen/been with their peers or any other people for nearly 2 and a half years.

We’ve tried to stay in touch and asked about a socially distanced meet up but the parents aren’t keen. They told us their original plan was to to isolate until vaccines became available for all their DC.

This has now happened but there’s no sign of any change.

We know that the family rarely leave the house and have managed to holiday in fairly isolated SC accommodation a few times. They make sure they avoid people when on holiday and get all shopping delivered when there.

We’re especially worried about the teen DD. She hasn’t seen any peers (she had a robust friendship group before Covid) for such a long time and her friends have reported that communication has petered out with her over this time.

The DD is quite a bit older than her siblings and we suspect her MH has taken a hit (her parents mentioned her anxiety in passing).

I really empathise with how frightening it must be worrying about their disabled DC but think they’ve got bunker mentality and don’t see an end to their isolation 🙁

Has anyone got any advice please?

What I find puzzling, shouldn't the schools be contacting SS by now? It is about time if not. They should be sending some over to assess each family that did not return and have fallen off the radar. Someone should be looking at this already.
It is a real worry, what has happened to all the missing children? And what if they are in terrible trouble. It worries me greatly.

Not to mention what a burden that puts on the children.

For the non vulnerable siblings: You must live an isolated life or your sibling will die

And even for the vulnerable child, the weight of their siblings living such an isolated life “because” of them, while also living like that.

Not normal at all. No idea how family units are still shielding and isolating themselves the way some posters are claiming.

"Your said they’ve got teenagers, so what happens when those teenagers want some independence, to go into town, go to a party, go to the library, study a course that isn’t online, move out or go to uni? Will they no longer be able to see their family?"

I assume when they're 18 they can either stay in the fold and do 100% online courses, socialising 100% online and get a 100% WFH job to stay in the bubble, or go on rumspringa with all the dirty people and then maybe come home for Christmas but self isolate in their room for 10 days with their food left on a tray outside the door, then rejoin the family in the kitchen on about the 4th January for a few days then go back to the dirty people.

I really worry for the damage that's been done to kids by their parents under the guise of protecting them from covid.

Its shocking really.

Poor kids.

I view covid extremists as being as bad as anti vaxxers

You absolutely need to contact social services. Ignore those on this thread who are fear mongering and speaking of 'harrowing' experiences. Healthy children have not seen or been seen by their peers for over two years. How long more is this going to go on?

This family has refused even sensible suggestions of socially distanced meetups for the oldest child. Clearly fear has taken the steering wheel.

Please pick up the phone and do the right thing.

For the non vulnerable siblings: You must live an isolated life or your sibling will die

I find this a bit horrifying. Those poor children.

"If mental health is your concern, please do consider the impact of a dead sibling from covid brought home by the teenager from school/ socialising. That is what you are asking them to risk by saying they need to get back out in the world/let the siblings out."

Holy crap 😮. Siblings of children with illnesses such as CP have always run the risk of bringing home an infection which might harm their brother or sister. It's called living. Putting that burden onto children is a wicked thing to do.

As with all of these threads. Let the professionals decide.
I have friends who work in social services, they’re decent, intelligent people who will make an assessment.
Talk to them, If there are no issues, great.

This is very concerning. The childrens' development will be harmed by not being able to socialise face to face. How will they cope with a future return to the outside world when they have had so little opportunity to develop social skills? Its a balancing of risk against welfare of children.

Its really sad to see people withdraw from society like this. I've known two, one before covid (covid didn't change her lifestyle at all) and one during covid. Both seem to be particularly poor decision makers and prone to being delusional/developing strange thoughts and being unable to see things in proportion. Little things develop great importance, while important things get neglected. Neither lead particularly healthy lifestyles now, cannot hold down a job and have no friends left.

attempting to make humans culpable for the spread of an infectious disease has been among the less edifying aspects of the covid response.

I thought all this kill you'll kill your granny/teacher/sibling stuff was long in the past.

Clearly not.

How can we be 2 years in, vastly reduced hospital admissions and deaths and folk are still peddling this shite?

The confident claim that the children will be known to their school is shockingly glib.

Just under a million children were flying completely under the radar when lockdown eased. Schools had simply lost contact.

In the last day or two the BBC ran a story about teens and school attendance, and the ££££ millions in fines being racked up due to terrible or no attendance in school.

That's putting it bloody mildly.

I look back in horror at those daily death shows, when they told us the number of people we had sadly killed that day with our carelessness and selfishness. Remember Matt Hancock standing at that podium and threatening to punish us with more restrictions if we didn't mend our ways? Bloody hell.

OP I am just going to come right out with it, if you were in my life right now you would be a former friend here too. I wouldn't want you or your dc anywhere near mine filling their head with that kind of ridiculous nonsense and making a tough time plenty tougher by snooping and gossiping.

The ignorance and judgement in your post and that of many others on this thread is astounding.

We are still shielding - outside visits only because DR's ORDERS!!!

The vaccine for under 12s only went into action at the very end of january and right around the time a second dose would be giving decent coverage, the government lifted restrictions and stopped testing.

Majority CEV are less adventurous as a result.

I don't know any other CEVs who have managed to get away on holiday - that's pretty adventurous compared to most over the last couple of years and you say your "friends" have been away several times!

As for the rest of the thread, please think people - just because someone you know happens to have a child with a disability who goes to school does not mean all disabled children not in school are being abused in the way implied here.

What is very relevant and not understood by parents not dealing with a child's illness or disability is how much constant communication and work there is liaising between all the different medical and social work departments to keep everything going and that has only increased during covid. A child with CP will likely have multifaceted complex needs care involving more professional input than you can possibly imagine (unless you have done that job) and the parent runs the show. If there was actually a risk concern it would have been acted on already.

As the parent in an equally tricky situation doing the best with the MEDICAL advice I am being given, you need to mind your own business and consider that you have been dropped for being hard work.

For the non vulnerable siblings: You must live an isolated life or your sibling will die

And entirely untrue in 99.9% of cases.

But those people will always see themselves as the outlier. It is the bunker victim mentality that it WILL happen to them.
They seem to gloss over the truth that we now have plenty of treatments for covid, and most take place at home now if needed, most people will never need any kind of treatment regardless of their health issues. The vaccines have worked well and everyone else - even the CEV are back to normal life. I find it absolutely tragic.

There is no talking to them though, because they can't see they are in the grip of a very severe mental health condition, and they think the rest of the world are idiots for taking stupid risks. You can talk until you are in the blue in the face and they won't listen.

She's 'hard work' because she's concerned about the welfare of ALL the children?

Because she's noticed the oldest daughter gradually stopped communicating with her friends and is worried about her?

The siege mentality has clearly brought out the worst in some. There's no need to insult the OP.

We are still shielding - outside visits only because DR's ORDERS!!!

Firstly, the family mentioned in the OP aren't even doing that.

Secondly, have you actually discussed with your doctors how long they feel this situation should go on for and what impact that has for the family as a whole? What needs to change before their advice changes? It's not obvious to me what that might be.

Personally I'd flag with the teens previous school place if you know it, they will have ways of contact and potential escalation. I'd love to think that they are content away from the world but there is a risk that the reason for it is not innocent, potential DA/control scenario.

There are lots of families like this who live in abject fear of catching covid. Some of them are led by anxiety who don’t really have an extreme vulnerability but many already had extreme clinical vulnerability to bugs and infections pre-covid and society’s disregard for covid post-protections (I won’t call them restrictions) puts them at even greater risk.

I don’t think reporting them to social services and forcing CEV kids out into society / mainstream schools will help anyone. Offering support and trying to understand would be far more beneficial.

if it was the parents who were CEV I’d maybe think differently about keeping the kids indoors and shielding and I say that as a CEV parent.

Does a doctor actually "ORDER" you to shield? Can they?

My cousin's child has a life limiting illness and she is so poorly she goes to a special school with nurses and doctors etc to help when she is well enough, they have an amazing set up for her. Every single child there is seriously ill with a terminal illnesses - they have all been back to school, every single one of them bar the few that are in hospital. Can I ask why you have been advised to keep your child at home? Even though I assume they have been fully vaccinated, and were one of the first?

I think it is extremely irresponsible of you to tell someone else not to contact social services, you have absolutely no idea that the children we are talking about are safe and well - none at all. Every family should be checked, if you are being advised by doctors and medics then you have nothing to worry about search

searchhashtagRealCarersWeek this is a genuine question, if your family are isolating how do you manage if one non vulnerable child/teenager doesn’t want to shield, if they want to see their friends indoors, go to the cinema, have a relationship etc? What will happen when they finish school and want to do vocational training they can’t learn from home, or go to uni aged 18, if the situation is still as it is now?

I haven’t seen anything to suggest Covid cases are going to get lower or Covid will vanish, just that this is the new reality.

For the non vulnerable siblings: You must live an isolated life or your sibling will die
That's not living. That's insanity.

I agree with this, if someone has valid concerns it's not like speaking with SS means the children will be instantly taken away. It might build up a picture, it might be something they want to look into, it might be something that on balance they don't think is an issue; but it's always best to report. They don't just punish people either, they can offer support which may not be welcomed but might be needed. It sounds horrendous for all of the children really- the guilt on the others and the burden on the poorly child.

Not everyone who is CEV is vaccinated yet, not all will get good coverage.

Being healthy during the pandemic and being CEV are two very different life situations.

As to how the OP knows so much given how little contact has supposedly been had, that doesn't make sense. It does make sense that someone passing judgement would be ditched for causing extra hassle.

I have reported the thread for disablism and am sad to see such an attacking post directed at carers during Carer's Week in AIBU - it is not appropriate.