To dislike people saying this about my son all the time?

[Pinkypolkadot]

“He’s going to be a heartbreaker when he’s older”

or

”He’ll break some hearts when he grows up”

I know they’re meant to be nice sentiments and compliments, but I really find it uncomfortable.

Why is it a good thing that he would break someone’s heart? I’m also autistic so I struggle with these kinds of phrases.

They mean he is good looking and will not inertially break hearts but will have lots of people with crushes on him and he obviously cant have relationships with them all.

I agree, it just something people say that means he's cute/good looking. No one is judging his personality, so they don't mean he might actually hurt someone emotionally.

They think he's good looking, nothing bad about it.

Yeah it’s a bit gross if you think too deeply about it but I tend not to, I think it’s nice when people go out of their way to comment on my baby. They don’t mean any harm. People are so precious about babies these days. I gave mine to an elderly lady to hold on the train last week as I needed the loo, made her day and I got to have a wee 🤣

They just mean he’s good looking. Implying the girls will be chasing him when he’s older and he won’t be able to go with all of them so some will be disappointed (hence heartbroken). It is a bit of a daft expression but it’s meant as a compliment, take it as one.

I don't like this either. He is a cute child. It just seems wrong to me to start talking about crushes / sexual relationships in the context of how a child looks. A simple 'ah he is cute!' would be much better in my opinion. It seems to be these type of people that also say things like 'you're going to have to lock her up when she is older' etc

It just means he's a good looking baby. No harm meant at all, it's a compliment

It's usually women who say this about male children and teens. I see it on social media alot but considering it would be seen as inappropriate if a man said it about a girl they really shouldn't say it.

I used to work in a mostly female Maths department in a secondary school as a teaching assistant a few years ago and the women would always comment on the yr7-11 boys looks. ''He is gorgeous...you are so lucky he is in your class,I bewt you have up the front so you can see him....he has sexy eyes...he is such a physically beautiful boy, he will attract some girls...''

Note many of these boys were like 13-14. It made me feel so uncomfortable and if it was men doing it it be a safeguarding concern.

Oh I hate this too, why do people say this about children?! It's kind of a throwaway comment and meant to be a compliment I suppose, but what's wrong with saying a child is gorgeous or beautiful if a comment on appearance has to be made (which does it, really?). They're kids, why does some judgement on future relationships have to come with it? I don't think people that say this have any ill intent, they mean it as a nice thing, it gives me the ick though.

Is this a stealth boast? :p

But yeah, it's a figure of speech, it's not that deep

They think he's good looking, nothing bad about it

yes but it's often frowned upon on mn in that we should stop focusing on looks for girls and women so it shouldn't be done to boys also as it is teaching them the wrong thing.

And I know somebody will say ''but females are pressured more to look good'' which was true at a time but I think that today the pressure is very much there for both genders.

I’d hope you’d report a comment like that, to be honest.

I think people are really weird and old fashioned when it comes to pregnant mums and babies and things that can be said around them, to them and about them that just wouldn’t be acceptable in any other situation.
i am ND and I know I sometimes feel pressure to say those phrases that lots of people regurgitate because it’s the done thing and there’s not much else to say about a baby. It’s like there’s a pressure to make observations, that you don’t make about other people.
I wonder if other people just feel the need to say something too.

One of my boys has had this since he was about 6 months old. He's now 9 and gets a bit exasperated by it. Try not to be annoyed though, people mean well when they say it.

I’d hope you’d report a comment like that, to be honest

When it's 2 of my direct bosses who are besties with the slt who's 'investigate' it? Not a hope, I'd be forced out.

It’s a safe guarding concern if women do it, how can you not know this? Grown adults saying that about kids? It’s a safeguarding concern in every bloody job. Gender is not relevant.

don’t they teach staff safeguarding?

They do but when it's multiple women doing it in high up positions what could I do?

Just look at the double standards on mn ffs, many people don't take these sorts of things as serious.

It's just something say to be polite OP, even if they don't mean it.

If you overthink it (as you are doing) it doesn't make much sense anyway, as it takes far more than just looks to break people's hearts.

It’s a fairly standard phrase that people use about babies. It’s meant to be complimentary. Wouldn’t think about it too deeply.

Using the phrase "im kind of autistic" could be seen as offensive too.

Are you autistic?

Eh? She says ‘I’m also autistic’ not ‘I’m kind of autistic’?

Are you kind of bad at reading comprehension?

I work with secondary age children and I'd be reporting anyone I heard say some of those things. Everyone I work with knows it would be inappropriate.

@BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz The OP didn't use the words 'kind of autistic'. Her post says "I’m also autistic so I struggle with these kinds of phrases."

This.

Totally normal thing to say about a cute child.

I totally get where you’re coming from.

One phrase I that I really can’t get my head around is Glass ceiling. Just makes no sense to me. I’ve had several people explain the concept to me but the imagery just doesn’t make sense.