Page 4 | To dislike people saying this about my son all the time?

CruCru · 08/06/2022 14:04

I think this is an old fashioned thing to say. It used to be okay but perhaps isn't any more (a bit like men commenting on the appearance of women whenever they see them).

DangerouslyBored · 08/06/2022 14:14

It’s just something to say. Really nothing to get offended over 🙄

Kanaloa · 08/06/2022 14:24

SurfBox · 08/06/2022 13:28

*My DS gets this, has done since a baby he's 7 now, seems people have upped the anti to also calling him "handsome boy" as a nickname at sporting clubs...the child's ego is going to explode 😂🤦🏻‍♀️

I also get "my god he's the most beautiful child" "he's an absolute stunner" "those gold curls and blue eyes could sink a ship of women"

I give up...😂🤷🏻‍♀️ I just smile and go "yeah". Adopt a shrug and a polite smile OP lol*

my point exactly in that inappropriate attitudes and comments by women against males are rarely taken as seriously if reverse gender.If men were making these comments about your daughter who was 7 you'd not be using a laughing emoji.

People always bring this up, and while I understand the sentiment, the reason there is a different reaction to a man’s comments is because the overwhelming majority (basically all) of paedophiles are men. Women don’t tend to sexually assault children. That’s why their comments are taken as jokey/with a pinch of salt while a man’s would be creepy/frightening. Obviously.

BellePeppa · 08/06/2022 14:24

Pinkypolkadot · 08/06/2022 11:02

“He’s going to be a heartbreaker when he’s older”

or

”He’ll break some hearts when he grows up”

I know they’re meant to be nice sentiments and compliments, but I really find it uncomfortable.

Why is it a good thing that he would break someone’s heart? I’m also autistic so I struggle with these kinds of phrases.

I got this all the time with my two as they’re both good looking boys. It’s meant to be a compliment so don’t take it too literally it’s just their way of saying he’s a good looking, likeable lad.

Cameleongirl · 08/06/2022 14:31

Hmm, I realize that if men said this about a teenage girl, for example, it would be inappropriate and creepy, so it's not really OK for women to say this about teenage boys either. You don't mention your son's age, OP - if he's a young child, it's not as creepy as if he's older.

My friend's son (16) has matured into a stunning-looking young man- people literally stare at him in the street. I've said to her that he's very good-looking and she's told me that girls have crushes on him. It depends how you phrase it, I suppose. I'm being factual about her son, he's good-looking, end of.

DrinkFeckArseBrick · 08/06/2022 14:37

Just because someone means something as a compliment, doesn't mean that it's been phrased in an appriate way or you have to feel happy about it.

If a random man came up and told me I had a beautiful whatever body part, even if he was being completely genuine and wasn't trying to hit on me, I'd feel uncomfortable. Not quite the same thing but you get the gist

ObjectionHearsay · 08/06/2022 14:41

Kanaloa · 08/06/2022 14:24

People always bring this up, and while I understand the sentiment, the reason there is a different reaction to a man’s comments is because the overwhelming majority (basically all) of paedophiles are men. Women don’t tend to sexually assault children. That’s why their comments are taken as jokey/with a pinch of salt while a man’s would be creepy/frightening. Obviously.

Show quote history

Oh gosh it tends to be the men that say it 😳 especially the rugby coaches.

There's no personal concern for safeguarding there, all the kids have "nicknames" , they are all decent men, but every time DS turns up for training they all go "come on handsome boy" 🤷🏻‍♀️

The female church parishners are the ones that do the heartbreaker, curls, beautiful boy comments.

It's a mixed bag.

But even my niece's who are younger, people say including myself "they are beautiful girls" or "my god, look at them! Such beauties!" "They are going to break some hearts" tends to be only women on this one, no man has ever said anything I think they know regardless how "safe" they are, people are going to look at them odd for calling small girls beautiful. Like it's just not done is it, they don't want to come across as a weirdo which society would say they are if they started commenting on little girls, it's just not the done thing.

I'm not sure of it's because they (all the cousins) are mixed race, and we live in a predominantly white area, so they catch people's eyes more. 🤷🏻‍♀️

Kanaloa · 08/06/2022 14:44

Having ‘handsome boy’ as a nickname is a bit different to gushing ‘god what a beautiful child’ and ‘bet you’re glad to have him in your class with his sexy eyes.’ If anyone (especially a man) in a position of authority regularly said those things to me I would be concerned.

As for ‘those gold curls and blue eyes could sink a ship of women’ I’d presume they were a classics student very fond of poetic nonsense or they were a bit unhinged. I’ve genuinely never heard anyone say anything like that.

ObjectionHearsay · 08/06/2022 14:57

Kanaloa · 08/06/2022 14:44

Having ‘handsome boy’ as a nickname is a bit different to gushing ‘god what a beautiful child’ and ‘bet you’re glad to have him in your class with his sexy eyes.’ If anyone (especially a man) in a position of authority regularly said those things to me I would be concerned.

As for ‘those gold curls and blue eyes could sink a ship of women’ I’d presume they were a classics student very fond of poetic nonsense or they were a bit unhinged. I’ve genuinely never heard anyone say anything like that.

I agree with you, I'd be concerned also.

Yeah the sink a ship comment came from a lady who's a bit "eccentric" it stuck with me because it was not something I'd heard before or ever again thankfully. I just stood there and just smiled a polite smile. Didn't know what else to say.

LadyApplejack · 08/06/2022 15:05

It's a harmless expression. It's intended as a compliment. I'd be pleased!

HalfSiblingsMadeContact · 08/06/2022 15:09

DrinkFeckArseBrick · 08/06/2022 11:10

I don't like this either. He is a cute child. It just seems wrong to me to start talking about crushes / sexual relationships in the context of how a child looks. A simple 'ah he is cute!' would be much better in my opinion. It seems to be these type of people that also say things like 'you're going to have to lock her up when she is older' etc

Yes I'm with you on this one. Nearly had to have words with my mil on these sorts of comments when my children were small, but tended not to react quick enough. Was glad we lived in a different country so visits were spread out ....

Rosebel · 08/06/2022 15:13

I'm really surprised by the number of people who say it makes them uncomfortable. Quite a lot of people have said it about my DS but I just take it as a compliment
People are going to be scared to say anything soon for fear of offending the other person (even if it's a compliment).

pigsDOfly · 08/06/2022 15:18

SurfBox · 08/06/2022 11:12

It's usually women who say this about male children and teens. I see it on social media alot but considering it would be seen as inappropriate if a man said it about a girl they really shouldn't say it.

I used to work in a mostly female Maths department in a secondary school as a teaching assistant a few years ago and the women would always comment on the yr7-11 boys looks. ''He is gorgeous...you are so lucky he is in your class,I bewt you have up the front so you can see him....he has sexy eyes...he is such a physically beautiful boy, he will attract some girls...''

Note many of these boys were like 13-14. It made me feel so uncomfortable and if it was men doing it it be a safeguarding concern.

Extremely weird and unpleasant for grown women to say things like that about young boys.

If it were men saying it about 13-14 year old girls I would imagine they would be in danger of losing their jobs, and quite rightly so.

JellyMonger · 08/06/2022 15:19

SurfBox · 08/06/2022 11:23

They do but when it's multiple women doing it in high up positions what could I do?

Just look at the double standards on mn ffs, many people don't take these sorts of things as serious.

Take it anonymously to governors?

Sortilege · 08/06/2022 15:29

Josoliesmlaurdog · 08/06/2022 13:46

Crikey …what a batshit world we live in where we have to overthink and analyse everything that comes out of our mouth in case someone’s offended!!
Oh sorry…using the expression batshit will probably have offended someone!

Who claimed to be offended?

tootiredtoocare · 08/06/2022 15:31

As others have said, it's meant as a compliment, but I know why you're uncomfortable about it and I agree with you.

ZarquonsSandals · 08/06/2022 15:39

DrinkFeckArseBrick · 08/06/2022 11:10

I don't like this either. He is a cute child. It just seems wrong to me to start talking about crushes / sexual relationships in the context of how a child looks. A simple 'ah he is cute!' would be much better in my opinion. It seems to be these type of people that also say things like 'you're going to have to lock her up when she is older' etc

I quite agree.
Why not just say that it is a cute/good looking child and leave it at that? I'm not autistic, but have quite a few friends who are, and they all struggle to understand why people say things like this.

Thefoxsays · 08/06/2022 15:43

SurfBox · 08/06/2022 11:12

It's usually women who say this about male children and teens. I see it on social media alot but considering it would be seen as inappropriate if a man said it about a girl they really shouldn't say it.

I used to work in a mostly female Maths department in a secondary school as a teaching assistant a few years ago and the women would always comment on the yr7-11 boys looks. ''He is gorgeous...you are so lucky he is in your class,I bewt you have up the front so you can see him....he has sexy eyes...he is such a physically beautiful boy, he will attract some girls...''

Note many of these boys were like 13-14. It made me feel so uncomfortable and if it was men doing it it be a safeguarding concern.

This is absurd. I also work with children and have never heard any of my colleagues refer to the children in this way. If a colleague said to me I was lucky to have a child in my group and I probably wanted to look at him I would say there and then I am not attracted to children. I fail to see what other response you could give!? I always tell people their babies are beautiful- I see a lot of newborns and families in the first few weeks after birth. If the child is older I will say kind/smart/strong as I try to use non appearance related compliments, as I find some parents don't like you to comment on their childrens appearance which is fair enough. Some children are exceptionally beautiful and people do comment on it. My own DD was described as a 'heartbreaker' when she was younger so it's not a phrase that's exclusive to boys.

Livpool · 08/06/2022 16:00

My DS gets this - I have never paid any heed to it to be honest. It just bypasses me as an innocuous comment

SurfBox · 08/06/2022 16:00

My own DD was described as a 'heartbreaker' when she was younger so it's not a phrase that's exclusive to boys

I think people are more saying that men can't say it so women shouldn't either not necessarily what gender the baby is.

This is absurd. I also work with children and have never heard any of my colleagues refer to the children in this way

not really , I heard as teacher on mn say the exact same thing some years back who worked in an all boys secondary school. She said the same thing as me in that her card would be marked if she raised it and the head of safeguarding was often joining in on the convos openly in the staffroom. See that's the problem;women generally aren't seen as a threat so can get away with much more.

I was working in another school in January briefly and it was an all female English staff. I was in the English staffroom one day and there were pics of celebrity males up on the notice board-young and attractive ones obvs. This was a Catholic school too who ran a tight ship.

I know the pics aren't quite the same but my point being that if it was an all male department with pics of female celebs up on their noticeboard the mgmt would have said something.

Also in my last school I was in the female staff used to make sexual jokes openly in the staffroom directly mainly at the male PE teacher who was young and athlethic. One would openly say ''you must bend over today to get rid of my Monday blues'' and the teachers would laugh along. Again be a very different reaction and outcome if it was reverse genders.

TheVolturi · 08/06/2022 16:04

Really strange to read this because last week someone approached me and said of my autistic ds (9) that he was going to be a heartbreaker. He was adamant that he would not do that and why did she say it!

SurfBox · 08/06/2022 16:05

it's not really OK for women to say this about teenage boys either. You don't mention your son's age, OP - if he's a young child, it's not as creepy as if he's older

but this often happens on my fb, a mum will stick up a picture of her 14-15 year old son and there will be a load of comments from middle aged women commenting on how handsome and gorgeous he is with hearts etc.

bluesky45 · 08/06/2022 16:10

My family say this about my youngest, they mean he's good looking/cute but also totally unaware/doesn't care about what people think of him so people will have a crush and he won't care! I think they are probably right tbh, he's very cute and very unbothered by others!

thecatsthecats · 08/06/2022 16:35

I have no filter, so when people say things like that to me, I just say, "ew, I can't believe people say things like that these days". The last recipient was the HR woman at my work who asked if I was having children.

They probably call me all sorts behind my back, but I don't care, they stop saying dumb shit to my face, and maybe other people's too.

CruCru · 08/06/2022 16:54

DrinkFeckArseBrick · 08/06/2022 14:37

Just because someone means something as a compliment, doesn't mean that it's been phrased in an appriate way or you have to feel happy about it.

If a random man came up and told me I had a beautiful whatever body part, even if he was being completely genuine and wasn't trying to hit on me, I'd feel uncomfortable. Not quite the same thing but you get the gist

I agree. I remember once I had changed into some going out clothes at work (I was in my early twenties) Nice, ordinary boss said “You look smart, are you going somewhere nice?” Slightly creepy boss said something about how lovely I looked in my dress.

Both meant to be nice but the first compliment was far more appreciated.