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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to ask if your appearance is deceiving.....

361 replies

thelastshadowpuppet · 08/06/2022 10:56

One of our customers came in last week and as he was waiting for his order we got chatting and it turns out he is an amazing opera singer. Looking at him you'd never think it. Think older gent, builder type.

Over the weekend I was somewhere that had a piano so I sat down and played something. Someone commented and said to me that they weren't surprised I could play the piano as I just looked like someone who could.

Is there something about your appearance that would give something away about you or not.

Not a judgy thread, please don't turn this into a bun fight.

Just a fun thread........hopefully.

OP posts:
Comedycook · 08/06/2022 11:46

I'm overweight, have a London twang to my accent and wear a lot of make up. I know I look common. Most people are very surprised to find out I'm privately educated, have a degree and come from a middle class background. I know this is true because I remember a girl at uni asking what school I had been to....when I told her, she said "YOU went to private school?"

Maisa45 · 08/06/2022 11:48

I am small and (apparently) young looking and people always think I look innocent and sensible/not like a drinker. I used to be really wild in my 20s with drinking/drugs/casual sex and still drink far too much now (although I want to stop) so I am always amused that people think this.

Laska2Meryls · 08/06/2022 11:48

My Bil is like that Sterline looks like Phil Mitchell on a really bad day and definitely someone you wouldn't want to meet down an alley at night .. he's the most gentle lovely thoughtful bloke..

Sadly I have the most downturned mouth and my natural resting look is sad and really serious .. but I am really lively, love a laugh and a party, .. people just assume that I dont ..

Maisa45 · 08/06/2022 11:50

Comedycook · 08/06/2022 11:46

I'm overweight, have a London twang to my accent and wear a lot of make up. I know I look common. Most people are very surprised to find out I'm privately educated, have a degree and come from a middle class background. I know this is true because I remember a girl at uni asking what school I had been to....when I told her, she said "YOU went to private school?"

Urgh I can't stand shit like this. People are so rude. I was one of two Geordies at my uni and I was constantly spoken down to ("Oh but you probably won't have heard of this author/poet") even though I got the grades to get on the course just like they did.

MaskingQueeN · 08/06/2022 11:52

im severely autistic but people are always suprised at this.

what they don’t realise is if they see me there’s a good chance it’s the only time I’ve been out all week as I get so overwhelmed and that I’m using all my energy to mask

CornishPorsche · 08/06/2022 11:54

I'm fat, female and 40. The arseholes in my local pub had a fright last year after they started a punch up on a Sunday afternoon and promptly found themselves on their arses outside.

They had no idea I'm an ex copper or that I worked the doors for several years before I joined the Job. Nor did the landlady who was serving the carvery.

Apparently I've still got it
😁😁😁

Comedycook · 08/06/2022 11:54

@Maisa45 it's awful really isn't it? I remember when I was at uni I wanted a summer job when I came home in the holidays. I went to a very high end local shop and asked if they were looking for staff. The woman gave me an awful look and told me they weren't. I handed her a copy of my CV and asked if she could keep it in case something came up. She glanced at it and said "oh, you went to such and such school did you?". I said yes and left. She called me the next day to offer me a job. I didn't take it.

Musicalmistress · 08/06/2022 11:55

@Sterline My other half looks similar - he previously taught in early years and is now teaching in primary ASN. He's the least aggressive person you could ever meet!

Original poster
thelastshadowpuppet · 08/06/2022 11:56

@Sterline my partner also looks rough as fuck. Shaved head, arms covered in tats, even has one on his neck. He's the nicest person you could meet!
We went to our local Tesco one night at 11:30 and no one else really in the store. We went to get a birthday cake and the bread section was in the farthest corner from the entrance where we had passed the security guard when entering.

Picked the cake, turned around and the security guard was there. He couldn't take his eyes of my boyfriend. When we were leaving I said to him that I had noticed he couldn't take his eyes of my boyfriend and would he like me to set up a date, gave him a little wink as I said it.

OP posts:
MessedOfTimes · 08/06/2022 11:57

Not quite the same, but my Dad just told me this story, and I think it kind of fits!
He works in a group home for people with disabilities. Every week they do karaoke, but one of the residents doesn’t sing…so instead, when it’s his turn, they bring horse race videos up on YouTube, and he commentates them! Apparently he’s mind-blowingly good at it!

MrsWidgerysLodger · 08/06/2022 11:59

My DH looks amazingly "normal" and is very mild mannered and softly spoken. He's the drummer in a progressive metal band and does one of the best metal "growls" I've ever heard! Completely flummoxes folk when they see/hear him.

AbsolutelyLoveIy · 08/06/2022 11:59

Comedycook · 08/06/2022 11:46

I'm overweight, have a London twang to my accent and wear a lot of make up. I know I look common. Most people are very surprised to find out I'm privately educated, have a degree and come from a middle class background. I know this is true because I remember a girl at uni asking what school I had been to....when I told her, she said "YOU went to private school?"

Ha - I could have written this

The only giveaway is rock solid sense of confidence which prob comes across as entitlement …. But…. I don’t really care 😂

Clymene · 08/06/2022 12:00

I know a massive man - we'll over 6 ft, rugby player build - who is a rural vet and works with a lot of big livestock.

He also does exquisite embroidery

Purplecatshopaholic · 08/06/2022 12:01

I have a motorbike licence and until recently a motorbike (in between bikes at the moment as I WFH now). As I am generally in heels, dresses and make up a lot of the time, for some reason people find the fact I am a biker quite strange, lol

Horriblewoman · 08/06/2022 12:01

I probably don't look like a drummer (whatever that would be) but it's the only instrument I play! I'm blond, work in banking and generally wear dresses and skirts.

Laska2Meryls · 08/06/2022 12:02

As well as looking naturally serious and a bit glum , When I was working ( civil service) I was employed in a policy and statistics role .. Because of this, ( being statty) some people in the department assumed that I was quite obviously 'on the spectrum'.. (it started as a 'joke' but in the end people believed it) In their view I was 'not quite like them' I was once actually told in a personal review that I had Aspergers by my boss and that was why 'I was good at stats' .

They shut up when I suggested that I get HR involved for discriminatory language , but I think they always believed it still and I am pretty sure that it definitely affected my chances of promotion

Notclosenow · 08/06/2022 12:02

@TheVanguardSix what a lovely story. I'm sure you made his day as much as he made yours. I hope your kindness has some karma and good luck for you

Carryonmarion · 08/06/2022 12:05

I'm a medical researcher/ academic and a (creepy) estate agent who came to value my house 8 years ago told me I looked more like a air hostess, hairdresser or beautician. He thought it was a compliment. I'm from the type of working class background where we wear a bit of make up and do our hair daily so people don't think we are scroaty but I am no glamour puss, just presentable. I'm in my 50s now now and mostly wear brogues and very little make up and but I still think there are class signifiers I cant get right that make people misjudge me.

I didn't go with that estate agent, needless to say.

Adventurine · 08/06/2022 12:05

My DH was a weapons specialist for years in a former role. People find that incredibly hard to believe, and it's not like he can just start stripping guns in front of them to prove it either

ComtesseDeSpair · 08/06/2022 12:07

I waft around in a lot of jewellery and elegant ballgown-style maxi dresses all summer (yes, even to the office.) People are always surprised that in my spare time I race motorbikes, that I can build an engine from scratch, and if somebody has a car issue at work I’ll be first in the car park getting under the bonnet to help out. I suppose they assume I’m more of a crochet and cocktails kinda girl.

brookstar · 08/06/2022 12:09

I dye my hair platinum blonde, love make up, fake tan, high heels and going out drinking and dancing....people are ALWAYS surprised to find out i'm a senior academic with a PhD. I've been told i'm lying on multiple occasions!

MassiveSalad22 · 08/06/2022 12:10

I have a very young face, and looked about 16 until a few years ago (not a good thing). I got married at 22 and so people are shocked to learn I’ve been married 10 years and have 3 kids 😄 I am often mistaken for the nanny or a ‘young mum’ and so it has been quite hard to make mum friends and get people to engage in that annoying baby group small talk in the first place in order to ultimately move past it into friendship 😄 luckily DC3 seems to have aged my face, ha. Plus of course I’m older than I ever was, so hopefully these issues will fade away.

I also am a bit chubby and not glamorous but have done some very cool glitzy gigs in my time although I don’t bring it up often. But if I do people seem surprised.

Jaxhog · 08/06/2022 12:11

I've overweight and in my 60s. I'm also a black belt in Karate!

FinallyFluid · 08/06/2022 12:12

What you see, I am 5' 3 I am eight and half stone, I have funky grey very well cut short hair and I have a funky vibe, I can turn heads on a good day. DS 20 was mortified last week, we were out and he said Mum that guy over there just checked you out. TWICE, I nearly died laughing at his indignation......Grin I bit back the urge to say Jesus son, it never happened to me in my youth, I don't mind.

What lies beneath however, is a five stone weight loss due to cancer, ( first cancer) seven years ago and in retreat, short grey funky hair due to chemo (second cancer) two years ago, and yes some days I am rocking it, and others I go back to bed and just sleep.

I am over all well thank God , and thankfully retired and can roll with the punches.

So lights out and I will catch some Zzzzs for an hour or so. Grin

Swayingpalmtrees · 08/06/2022 12:12

This thread is so cool to read, thanks op.