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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to ask if your appearance is deceiving.....

361 replies

thelastshadowpuppet · 08/06/2022 10:56

One of our customers came in last week and as he was waiting for his order we got chatting and it turns out he is an amazing opera singer. Looking at him you'd never think it. Think older gent, builder type.

Over the weekend I was somewhere that had a piano so I sat down and played something. Someone commented and said to me that they weren't surprised I could play the piano as I just looked like someone who could.

Is there something about your appearance that would give something away about you or not.

Not a judgy thread, please don't turn this into a bun fight.

Just a fun thread........hopefully.

OP posts:
Ilikenewbedding · 08/06/2022 17:22

Not now, but back in my late teens to early 20s I dressed very gothic/emo style. Black clothes, crazy hair, dark eyeliner and so many chains attached to everything.
A lot of people were surprised when they found out that I could play the piano and also loved reading classic novels with classical music in the background😄

HolibobsAreComing · 08/06/2022 17:30

Yep.

I'm a petite and well spoken woman, a respectable looking mother. My partner says I speak as though I've swallowed a dictionary.

People think I'm having them on when they find out I went to prison for robbery in my teens and have (had?) a criminal record as long as my arm.

That is most definitely not a brag. I'm bitterly ashamed and have worked hard to right my wrongs. I had a horrendous childhood and was very lost for quite some time.

maddiemookins16mum · 08/06/2022 17:37

Shannith · 08/06/2022 11:11

That I'm a recovering alcoholic who 3 years ago nearly died. You'd literally never guess - I've worked hard on my recovery.

Me too. I’m 4.5 years sober. I look fab.

Perplexed0522 · 08/06/2022 17:39

I’ve had the opposite…

When I told someone I had epilepsy they said to me, “No way! You look too normal to have that!”

I found that quite amusing….

Icantfindanewname · 08/06/2022 18:01

I'm a tall, fat and frumpy middle aged mother of 2 who in the last two years has had life saving cancer surgery, chemo and radio, and who also is hopefully about to try for her pre Dan at kickboxing. That's a three hour grading and at least 20 different ways to both kick and punch someone, together with arm bars, wrist locks, grappling, knife defences etc...

Nelia5 · 08/06/2022 18:15

Hotel Receptionist roles are not crappy !

KisstheTeapot14 · 08/06/2022 18:52

@Aoep So very sorry to hear that. Glad you survived and hope that you have managed to build a good life despite the horrible things you must have endured.

🌸

Tinkerbell1281 · 08/06/2022 19:05

I’m v girly, love my makeup, fashion and looking pretty. But one of my main hobbies is shooting. I’ve won a medal for rifle shooting in the past (live rounds) and I own a shotgun and regularly shoot clays (pretty well)!

Ithoughtsummerwascoming · 08/06/2022 19:27

r@stw@Sterline

That's hilarious!!

PurpleButterflyWings · 08/06/2022 19:40

People are often shocked I am in my late 40s with 2 adult children as I look more like 29, (so I have been told quite often.) And despite my 'ordinary person' vibe, I am actually a successful published author. Only a small handful of people around me know this. I don't have expensive tastes, and live a simple life, and most people think me and DH are very ordinary. They are clueless as to what I do. Grin

PurpleButterflyWings · 08/06/2022 19:41

People are clueless as to what DH does too. I would tell you but I'd have to kill you! Grin

Preeeettyprettygood · 08/06/2022 19:44

toucaninjapan · 08/06/2022 11:44

I have childish face and quiet voice, which overall give an impression of a naive romantic woman. These days I use this to my advantage, but back in the day I got upset when people's first impression of me was a "fragile obedient girl who does exactly as people tell her". My character couldn't be further from that.
I also felt more in danger on the streets because of my face and appearance (looking victim-y, which sometimes attracts dangerous people).
Oh well, at least when I skipped classes at the university (I was one of the worst skippers), nobody ever doubted me. Professors just presumed I was sick or had some other valid reason (tbh I just had zero interest in their subjects so didn't bother to go).
My friend, on the other hand, has this cool vibe and striking beauty with fierce look on her face. Almost everyone meeting her for the first time would say she seems kind of arrogant, distant and too cool to be around (some even say she's "scary"), while in fact she is the sweetest person ever, the type that would jump to your rescue at any time (whether you are her close friend or just an acquaintance), very kind & scared of any conflicts.
The looks can be so deceiving at times!

PLEASE tell me what it looks like to look "victim-y" ?! So women can be prepared in future on how not to look

JazzyBBG · 08/06/2022 19:44

Yes I'm a size 8 in my head.

JustAnotherViper · 08/06/2022 19:49

I’m another one who, apparently, looks tall. I think it’s a posture thing

Maireas · 08/06/2022 19:54

dunpaying · 08/06/2022 12:36

I'm quite a senior nurse , people are always shocked on meeting me to find I have a broad Scots accent and swear like a trooper

Apparently in emails .. I don't sound Scottish and I never write " well that was shit wasn't it"

Scottish people can be senior nurses, surely?.

Maireas · 08/06/2022 19:57

Rory1234 · 08/06/2022 16:06

DH is 6’2’’, broad shouldered, big guy - his job is a very niche, delicate, highly skilled artistic job.

People always look very surprised when he tells them what he does!

What does he do?

JasmineAndSalt · 08/06/2022 20:35

My extremely blond haired blue eyed husband is a lawyer and was once accused of being anti-Semitic as part of a court case. He was very happy to be able to tell them that in fact he's Jewish.

Apparently he also looks like he's a misogynist, homophobic and possibly a racist because people fairly often make comments around him like they think he'll be sympathetic to those views. He's the opposite and will happily report them to HR.

Maireas · 08/06/2022 20:37

PurpleButterflyWings · 08/06/2022 19:40

People are often shocked I am in my late 40s with 2 adult children as I look more like 29, (so I have been told quite often.) And despite my 'ordinary person' vibe, I am actually a successful published author. Only a small handful of people around me know this. I don't have expensive tastes, and live a simple life, and most people think me and DH are very ordinary. They are clueless as to what I do. Grin

29 seems very precise?

Maireas · 08/06/2022 20:38

warofthemonstertrucks · 08/06/2022 16:42

Dd1 (16) is 6ft, very beautiful, very fashionable, popular etc etc -on the outside she looks pretty cool. Her secret (and very secret because literally only her family know on pain of death), hobby is church bell ringing. And she is absolutely great at it! I drop her off every Tuesday at the church and in she goes for an hour an half. She says it's a great work out.She is the youngest person there by about 60 years. On Saturdays she sometimes does weddings for which she gets paid £30 but before she agrees to it she checks it's no one she even vaguely knows because she doesn't want to be found out Grin

Good for her! Church bell ringing is an excellent skill - and much harder than it looks!

Maireas · 08/06/2022 20:39

InChocolateWeTrust · 08/06/2022 15:14

I'd love to think I don't look like an accountant but DS assures me I do.

Hmm
Grin
Fink · 08/06/2022 20:42

Nein9 · 08/06/2022 17:04

I was asked to go to the job centre to sort something out (it shouldn't actually have been done there, but different story, it was sorted in the end). The advisor seemed to refuse to believe I wasn't there to claim anything, wouldn't let me explain, talked down to me, over me, sighed and treated me like mud on her shoe. It was only when she asked about my education (PhD), that she began to be nicer, then when she found out how much money I have and why I wouldn't qualify for any help, after I ended up snapping just a little (I don't care about designer/fancy clothes and shoes so don't particularly stand out), she was falling over herself to be nice to me.
It made me sad that she wouldn't have found me worth talking to if I had been there to ask for financial help, her attitude really shocked me. I hope she isn't typical of people in that role and that they're usually nicer.

I had to sign on once, for real, when I was between jobs. It was the most depressing experience ever. My two Oxbridge degrees, teaching qualification, and Masters counted for nothing. There was a massive list of vocational and technical qualifications which the advisor went through painstakingly one by one, pages and pages of them: typing, plumbing, electrician, mechanic, retail, hospitality ... and I said no to each of them. Eventually, exasperated, he asked whether I had any qualifications of any other kind, and I was able to mention the degrees and that I was a qualified teacher. He noted them down in a tiny box at the bottom and said that it was unlikely I'd find any work because I didn't have any specialist qualifications and there was no use for a humanities degree without a vocational qualification.

Echobelly · 08/06/2022 20:49

I'm a small, mousey-looking woman - sometimes people assume I'll be easy to intimidate, but they'll be in for a surprise. I'm not shouty or aggressive, but I will totally stand my ground if someone thinks they can scare me off, and that usually scares them! I'm not that assertive in general, but it really pisses me off when someone clearly thinks they can intimidate me. It's also a sign they're full of shit, fortunately!

Stuckandinamess · 08/06/2022 20:58

I work in the same industry as my DH. Following a meeting one day, another colleague came over to tell me she hadn't realised I was married to DH, she said she was really surprised as I looked like I would be married to a Barrister.

What does a Barristers wife look like??? I still haven't worked it out

ThinkingaboutLangClegosaurus · 08/06/2022 21:01

Up till late middle age I was always being taken for an employee of whatever place I happened to be in.Asked for the menu in restaurants, asked about merchandise in shops etc. Someone once said apologetically “you look like someone who knows what she’s doing”. That pleased me!

newfriend05 · 08/06/2022 22:52

I'm have a very London accent, and have a visual disability, but went to a top London school and have a degree .. I can't tell you how many people are shocked by this