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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To object to my manager arriving at my house

434 replies

HerveLeger · 06/06/2022 19:34

My line manager turned up at my house at 14:00 today. Rang the doorbell - I didn’t answer because I wasn’t expecting a delivery. I live in the middle of nowhere, I don’t get random callers. I don’t lock my back door. Next thing I know, my manager is in my house. “Just checking”. Apparently I sounded a bit weird in the team meeting this morning. Which is odd, as I didn’t actually speak in the team meeting. Am I BUR to find this completely inappropriate? She is a lovely person and I have had some mental health issues in the past. For which she has been very supportive. But this was one day - half a day, when I wasn’t present at work. She let herself in.. next thing I knew, she was in my sitting room. It was a bit scary :(

OP posts:
billy1966 · 07/06/2022 08:40

Based on your update, that no attempt was made to contact you by phone.

She just turned up on a hunch to your house and walked in your back door?

Unbelievable.

Completely inappropriate and if you wish to report it to HR, then go ahead.

At the very least email her that what she did was inappropriate and intrusive.

A complete intrusion of your privacy.

She does not have access to your address through her position to turn up at your home and let herself in.

She never even called you, so 100% wrong with no excuse of being concerned stacking up IMO.

A huge invasion of your privacy.

slowquickstep · 07/06/2022 08:40

dworky · 07/06/2022 08:35

You think it's ok that a manager from your workplace turns up in your home?
Capitalism gone mad!

Show quote history

I think it is normal for people to be concerned about some that has had MH problems.

Dishwashersaurous · 07/06/2022 08:42
  1. So you were at work, seemed odd to your colleague, and then suddenly logged off and couldn't be contacted. (Did you tell anyone that you were logging off and when you would be back?)
  1. Manager can't contact you and is worried about you.
  1. So decides to drive to your home to check on you.
  1. No answer at the door.
  1. She tries the back door, finds it open, therefore really really starts to panic that you've fallen and hurt yourself or similar.
  1. So she enters the property to check on you.

It may be unconventional, and perhaps over and beyond but seems from a place of kindness

Knittingchamp · 07/06/2022 08:58

I laughed at the idea that lots of posters said they thought it was fine and kind of your manager. I'd love to see their faces if they walked into their own front room and found their own manager just unexpectedly parked on the sofa. I think their heads might explode - mine would😂

Bootothegoose · 07/06/2022 09:10

Dishwashersaurous · 07/06/2022 08:42

  1. So you were at work, seemed odd to your colleague, and then suddenly logged off and couldn't be contacted. (Did you tell anyone that you were logging off and when you would be back?)
  1. Manager can't contact you and is worried about you.
  1. So decides to drive to your home to check on you.
  1. No answer at the door.
  1. She tries the back door, finds it open, therefore really really starts to panic that you've fallen and hurt yourself or similar.
  1. So she enters the property to check on you.

It may be unconventional, and perhaps over and beyond but seems from a place of kindness

She could have saved herself ALL THAT by picking up the phone... it's batshit fucking weird and intrusive. Why would you turn up and not call. If there was no answer instead of checking every door like a cat burglar why not whip out the mobile and call - 'hi, are you in?'

newnamethanks · 07/06/2022 09:15

That is NOT ON. And you sound like a pain. All of this avoided by one phone call. Or answering the door and asking her why are you here, it's my day off.

Phobiaphobic · 07/06/2022 09:15

You're both a bit bonkers. Why on earth wouldn't you answer your door? What if were someone who needed help, or wanted to warn you that your car was on fire? Or any other bloody reason.

But who the hell lets themselves into your house uninvited?

Greyskiesaregonnaclearup · 07/06/2022 09:15

Micromanaging under the guise of caring about mental health. That's a new one!

I would find it massively intrusive, but then I'm another of these weird posters who doesn't always answer the door. Too many cold callers trying to sell crap.

CapMarvel · 07/06/2022 09:22

"Uncontactable for less than 8 hours and you'd go to their home and walk into said home uninvited and without permission? Really?"

If I had a reason to be concerned about someone, absolutely I would.

LindaEllen · 07/06/2022 09:37

Octomore · 06/06/2022 19:38

I don't understand why you didn't answer the door?

Don't you? I work from home - I know if I'm due to have something delivered, and any family/friends who come round know a) that I don't like surprise guests and b) that I work during the day.. so anyone who knocks when I'm working is likely to be a salesperson, trying to convert my religion, or kids playing knock and run. So I don't answer during the day either.

Rosscameasdoody · 07/06/2022 09:45

Nidan2Sandan · 06/06/2022 19:43

Manager checking on her staff, okay a bit odd.

But not answering your own front door as you're not expecting a delivery?? That is frankly very odd behaviour.

Why is it odd ? The op has said she lives in the middle of nowhere and doesn't get random callers so I would have thought it was quite sensible - her MH issues may also have a bearing. Back door left unlocked is a concern though, for much the same reasons. But then i suppose it depends on where it’s located and what access is like. I am surprised her boss didn’t consider what effect just appearing in the op’s house would have though.

bigbird50 · 07/06/2022 09:58

My DS had to do a welfare check on his boss as they were worried about her. She had physical health issues and was sadly found dead in her bed.

Your boss sounded like she popped round out of concern not to pry. You said yourself you have mental health issues and she is supportive.

watchingrnfire · 07/06/2022 10:05

Why is ignoring the front door weird? If I'm
Not expecting anyone or any parcels, I ignore the door especially if am busy doing something. It's my house and I am under no obligation to open the door for anyone. Sometimes I'll check the camera and if it's someone I don't recognise, I won't bother tending to the door.
The bigger picture here is why on Earth did op manager thought it's ok to
Let herself in to someone else house? The polite thing to do is wait for an answer, if there is no answer then you leave. You don't let yourself in!!

Honestly there are absolute weirdos on mm!! Unbelievable

riesenrad · 07/06/2022 10:12

I don't answer my door to unknown visitors either. Unless it's someone bringing a delivery.

Otherwise they are cold callers wanting to hassle me/sell me something. Always.

It's an odd MN world where everyone who knocks on your door needs help or wants to tell you that your car is on fire. Last week someone did actually knock on my door because they were looking for somewhere. That was the first time in nearly 20 years of living in this house that someone knocked because they wanted help! And luckily my car has never been on fire.

Original poster
HerveLeger · 07/06/2022 10:15

I live outside a village in rural Devon. Single track road, with moss growing up the middle. For all those saying “why didn’t I answer the door” because no-one can bloody park there. No-one can just pull up. I don’t think people who live in towns have any idea how things are for the rest of us. I love my house. I love living where I do. It’s about five miles from the nearest town. That is fine. The only people who ring my front doorbell are delivery drivers. Generally for next door. Hence not answering it.

OP posts:
Adamantspants · 07/06/2022 10:20

I wouldn't answer the door either!! How dare she just arrive at your house like that.

Fromwaleswithlurv · 07/06/2022 10:21

I chose ' YANBU' but with every update I can tell you are probably extremely high maintenance as an employee, and the manager felt justified in paying a home visit without the officialness of a ' Welfare Check'.

I would imagine your managers version of events and justification for their actions would also be entirely different to yours.

I doubt that she would have enjoyed having to stop work and travel to a remote location to check on the wellbeing of a member of staff that displayed concerning behaviour in a team meeting ( you may think being ' odd' is charming, for others it's worrying and uncomfortable) .

youlightupmyday · 07/06/2022 10:30

The more you post the more I think she was right to do so.

You have also avoided answering why she would be concerned, both historic issues and on the day in question, which i think would have a significant bearing on the context.

And those agreeing with you are also ignoring the PPs who have reported finding ill people and worse.

youlightupmyday · 07/06/2022 10:31

And perhaps she didn't 'go the police' because you work there and that had a potential embassament factor.

RedWingBoots · 07/06/2022 10:32

Your up dates clearly explained why she let herself in.

Next time make it explicitly clear to her when you are taking time off and when you be back in.

Yes I know you are an adult but your very rural location, your health issues and the fact you live alone will cause people who actually care for you to worry about you.

ChristinaXYZ · 07/06/2022 10:42

If you've had mental health problems letting herself when you didn't answer is not unreasonable. I'd have gone in halloo-ing away to make sure I was heard. Like others I cannot understand why you didn't answer the door.*

Having said that why the manager did not just ring you from work if she was worried I don't know - that's a discussion to have with her definitely. Maybe others raised concerns. Maybe you not talking in meeting or you looked unwell. If so thank her very much but just say you'd prefer family to deal with that sort of thing and straight -up ask her not to visit.

*I have a neighbour who does this. I once need to speak to her urgently about her son and could not get her to come to the door. Like you she was apparently 'not expecting' anyone so just didn't bother. Soooo annoying and rude. It is like just walking off if someone calls your name.

SmartCarDriver · 07/06/2022 10:43

watchingrnfire · 07/06/2022 10:05

Why is ignoring the front door weird? If I'm
Not expecting anyone or any parcels, I ignore the door especially if am busy doing something. It's my house and I am under no obligation to open the door for anyone. Sometimes I'll check the camera and if it's someone I don't recognise, I won't bother tending to the door.
The bigger picture here is why on Earth did op manager thought it's ok to
Let herself in to someone else house? The polite thing to do is wait for an answer, if there is no answer then you leave. You don't let yourself in!!

Honestly there are absolute weirdos on mm!! Unbelievable

Certainly are some weirdos, ones that think that doing a welfare check and getting no answer so just leaving is a good idea.

Why did you visit this person? Because I was concerned for their welfare. What happened when you got there, I got no answer, so I just left.

What would have been the point of the visit in the first place?

Original poster
HerveLeger · 07/06/2022 10:44

I am not high maintenance. I was employed as I am pragmatic and extremely successful at managing an operational team. All of whom are entirely high maintenance. It’s a National policing team. I got the job without an interview, because they wanted me, based on previous performance. I am the very opposite of high maintenance. Your comment was based on nothing, and if could be bothered, I would be offended. Luckily I’m not.

OP posts:
CharlieLo · 07/06/2022 10:45

Another one here who won't answer the door when I'm not expecting anything. This was especially when I lived alone! I'm amazed people think this is 'weird' and 'bizarre.'

DrDinosaur · 07/06/2022 10:47

I’ve done this as a manager. The employee was then sectioned and admitted to psychiatric hospital.
She must have had reason to be concerned.