Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To object to my manager arriving at my house

434 replies

HerveLeger · 06/06/2022 19:34

My line manager turned up at my house at 14:00 today. Rang the doorbell - I didn’t answer because I wasn’t expecting a delivery. I live in the middle of nowhere, I don’t get random callers. I don’t lock my back door. Next thing I know, my manager is in my house. “Just checking”. Apparently I sounded a bit weird in the team meeting this morning. Which is odd, as I didn’t actually speak in the team meeting. Am I BUR to find this completely inappropriate? She is a lovely person and I have had some mental health issues in the past. For which she has been very supportive. But this was one day - half a day, when I wasn’t present at work. She let herself in.. next thing I knew, she was in my sitting room. It was a bit scary :(

OP posts:
expat101 · 07/06/2022 06:03

I asked a work colleague of my DD's to go and check on her several months ago. While WC didn't enter her house, she was going to go back and I would have asked her to then or call the police.

I think yours had genuine concern for you. Answer the door next time.

carefullycourageous · 07/06/2022 06:13

onlythreenow · 07/06/2022 03:55

I know others have said this, but it isn't weird in the slightest not to answer the door if you are not expecting anyone. Why would you?

Because someone is knocking on your door for a reason? I don't live in the UK, and find this not answering the door very, very odd. I've answered mine twice recently - one was a neighbour looking for the owner of a dead cat on the footpath, the other a neighbour wanting to borrow and extension cord if I had one. Why on earth would I not answer the door?

Clearly, people don't answer the door if they don't want to answer the door. If you do want to answer the door, go right ahead.

Neither is 'very, very odd'.

My parents never answered the phone during dinner. It is the same principle - people are free agents.

Calling people odd when what you mean is 'someone does something a little different to me' is rude and narrowminded.

RampantIvy · 07/06/2022 06:42

I don't answer my door if I'm not expecting anyone/a delivery, either. Why should I?

Why wouldn't you?
Aren't you nosey enough to want to know why?
Not everyone with good intentions who rings your doorbell will have your phone number/be Facebook friends with you. Not all strangers who knock on your door have bad intentions/are Jehovah's Witnesses/want to sell you something.

GreekYoghurtPot · 07/06/2022 06:50

I'm a manager and had someone in my team a couple of years ago who I had concerns about, although I couldn't put my fingers on it. At times she was uncontactable, other times just sounded strange. I regret bitterly that I didn't jump in the car to check on her. She was found dead , suicide. I'm sure if I'd been able to at least sit down with her she might have not felt so completely alone.

Original poster
HerveLeger · 07/06/2022 06:58

I didn’t disappear, I went to bed! And I checked both my phones - work and personal - there had been no attempt to call me. I am not in the least suicidal, which she would know. We speak every other day, and have various email conversations. And you know, sometimes I just don’t want to speak to people. Mostly I answer the door. Yesterday I didn’t. And my ruddy dog was useless - part of the reason I am completely comfortable leaving the back door unlocked/open is I have a cocker spaniel - not a vicious attack dog but she’s very reactive to noise. And she loves a visitor. I cant believe she didn’t bark. Sleuth manager! And whilst I get her visit came from a place of care, I still think it inappropriate. Don’t hate her for it, it’s lovely that she did care. But just… wrong. Oh, and I work for the police. If there was need for a welfare check, they would have responded.

OP posts:
NiceTwin · 07/06/2022 07:00

I think your manager did a nice thing, she was obviously worried about you.

As for leaving your door unlocked, I live in the middle of nowhere and the front door is always unlocked except when we go to bed. I have previously found a farmer from further down the clough in my kitchen.....wouldn't have minded but I was in my pj's.
That said, in 7 years of living here, the door has been knocked 3 times. It is that rare an event, I always answer. Whoever has knocked has made quite an effort to get to the house and find the front door, it's the least I can do.

LIZS · 07/06/2022 07:01

Were you supposed to be working at the time though or had you finished for the day? Did the email exchange stop abruptly or raise concerns?

HelloNorthernStar · 07/06/2022 07:02

HerveLeger · 07/06/2022 06:58

I didn’t disappear, I went to bed! And I checked both my phones - work and personal - there had been no attempt to call me. I am not in the least suicidal, which she would know. We speak every other day, and have various email conversations. And you know, sometimes I just don’t want to speak to people. Mostly I answer the door. Yesterday I didn’t. And my ruddy dog was useless - part of the reason I am completely comfortable leaving the back door unlocked/open is I have a cocker spaniel - not a vicious attack dog but she’s very reactive to noise. And she loves a visitor. I cant believe she didn’t bark. Sleuth manager! And whilst I get her visit came from a place of care, I still think it inappropriate. Don’t hate her for it, it’s lovely that she did care. But just… wrong. Oh, and I work for the police. If there was need for a welfare check, they would have responded.

Went to bed whilst you were on shift or had you finished work?

Do the police regularly check on colleagues when there are concerns? By that I mean, patrol car, emergency response.

Strawberries86 · 07/06/2022 07:04

You went to bed whilst you should have been working. Your manager was worried about you and trying to keep you out of trouble.

Robinni · 07/06/2022 07:12

HerveLeger · 07/06/2022 06:58

I didn’t disappear, I went to bed! And I checked both my phones - work and personal - there had been no attempt to call me. I am not in the least suicidal, which she would know. We speak every other day, and have various email conversations. And you know, sometimes I just don’t want to speak to people. Mostly I answer the door. Yesterday I didn’t. And my ruddy dog was useless - part of the reason I am completely comfortable leaving the back door unlocked/open is I have a cocker spaniel - not a vicious attack dog but she’s very reactive to noise. And she loves a visitor. I cant believe she didn’t bark. Sleuth manager! And whilst I get her visit came from a place of care, I still think it inappropriate. Don’t hate her for it, it’s lovely that she did care. But just… wrong. Oh, and I work for the police. If there was need for a welfare check, they would have responded.

@HerveLeger

Again, what has happened previously with mental health to prompt her to be so worried? If she is privy to your personal issues and they have been significant that could give grounds for this level of concern.

It’s not safe to leave your door unlocked - as you have now found out!

What’s a cocker spaniel going to do to a burglar?!? 😂 🐶

ihatethefuckingmuffin · 07/06/2022 07:25

I would and have gone ape shit at someone letting themselves in.
It was a few years ago and I was home alone, someone knocked on the door and I was on the loo. Finished as quick as possible as they continued to knock.
I was at the top of the stairs just as my front door started to open. I gave them a mouth full about entering my place without my permission and they were trespassing. My language was as blue as their uniform.
The officer even admitted that she was wrong to try and just walk in.

my door is normally locked. Only at the time it was faulty and would click like it was locked when the key turned.

And even when I was off work for mh my manager couldn’t just pop by to check on me. Employment rules exist for a reason.

Dalekjastninerels · 07/06/2022 07:47

Your manager was being highly inappropriate.

NippyWoowoo · 07/06/2022 07:55

Oh, and I work for the police. If there was need for a welfare check, they would have responded.

Well they did didn't they, in the form of your manager

NippyWoowoo · 07/06/2022 07:56

Strawberries86 · 07/06/2022 07:04

You went to bed whilst you should have been working. Your manager was worried about you and trying to keep you out of trouble.

I think OP means she went to bed at night, and didn't disappear from the thread

Dalekjastninerels · 07/06/2022 07:58

Your manager has weak boundaries.

AgentJohnson · 07/06/2022 08:07

Wait what, you work for the Police but your back door is unlocked? Where do you live? Balamory!

On face value, your manager was being over zealous but then again it’s difficult to gauge how over zealous she was, without being privy to your relationship history with her and your mh disclosures to her.

Original poster
HerveLeger · 07/06/2022 08:07

I am not a police officer. I don’t have “shifts” I work flexitime. From home. I am contracted to work 37 hours a week. Given that generally I exceed this by a massive amount, if I need to take some hours off, I can. I have about a week of hours banked. My original point was, I attended the team meeting (on Teams) from 9 - 10.30 , I was working after that time. Apparently my team leader said I sounded odd. So it’s about 3.5 hours that I was absent. I always sound odd. It’s part of my charm.

OP posts:
PoleFairy · 07/06/2022 08:11

This is very odd unless there is detail about your mental health problems you're not giving.

Have you ever mentioned feeling suicidal? Had time off due to serious mental health problems? Been sectioned? Perhaps she just had a feeling you weren't okay and wanted to check on you and feels a bit silly now.

sonsmum · 07/06/2022 08:20

I think this shows that your Manager was very genuine and caring, which is preferable to not giving you a 2nd thought.
She obviously is aware of you and your past history and also thought you didn't seem your usual self on your call for whatever reason.
You didn't answer the door, which gives her more cause for concern, so she walks in. No doubt she left fairly quickly once establishing you were fine.
Similar happened to someone I know, though the Manager called next of kin as opposed to going to the house themself. Turns out the person had died in their home alone. So it was very good that the Manager acted. It is a position of responsibility!
If you don't want this happening again, maybe inform your Manager to contact you in the first instance by phone and then if no answer, your next of kin instead.
But do not give that Manager a hard time, she went above and beyond.

abyssofwoah · 07/06/2022 08:24

I’m surprised there are people saying this is ok. It’s not like OP was uncontactable for an extended period of time. If manager was concerned the reasonable thing to do is to call, not immediately show up at the house and let themself in to her living room.

JenniferAlisonPhilipaSue · 07/06/2022 08:29

ok now that you have provided more information, you need to complain to HR.

You should make it clear in your complaint that if your manager has concerns for your welfare, or your performance, she should speak to you about this in a work setting such as a Teams meeting or face to face environment. She should give you prior notice of any such visit. She should never turn up unexpectedly and if she cannot get a hold of you, she should contact your next of kin. Your email of complaint should state that visiting your home without warning and entering said home was a gross invasion of privacy and potentially a breach of [insert relevant code of conduct / gdpr policy etc which they will likely have]

BUT you should not be sleeping when expected to be working.

slowquickstep · 07/06/2022 08:30

So out of concern for you, your manager makes a journey out to your home, you cant be arsed to answer the door, i assume she could see your car, she is worried sick because you have had MH issues in the past and you had seemed out of sorts that morning on a zoom call, she is that concerned for your wellbeing she goes and tries the back door which she found unlocked, that makes her worry more because she think you won't have gone out and left it unlocked, she enters your home because she is no convinced something is seriously wrong and finds you sat there ignoring the doorbell ! It is your manager that should be pissed off. One day you might just need someone to check on you and nobody will bother because you are mardy and can't be bothered to get off your arse and answer your door.

dworky · 07/06/2022 08:33

Octomore · 06/06/2022 19:38

I don't understand why you didn't answer the door?

Lots of people don't answer the door if they're not expecting someone. It's allowed.

WimbyAce · 07/06/2022 08:35

I find it v strange that this would happen, particularly if they hadn't even phoned you 1st if concerned! Did you ask your manager what they were doing in your house?! I understand the not answering the door thing as I do it a lot although I generally have a peek out the window to see who it is.

dworky · 07/06/2022 08:35

slowquickstep · 07/06/2022 08:30

So out of concern for you, your manager makes a journey out to your home, you cant be arsed to answer the door, i assume she could see your car, she is worried sick because you have had MH issues in the past and you had seemed out of sorts that morning on a zoom call, she is that concerned for your wellbeing she goes and tries the back door which she found unlocked, that makes her worry more because she think you won't have gone out and left it unlocked, she enters your home because she is no convinced something is seriously wrong and finds you sat there ignoring the doorbell ! It is your manager that should be pissed off. One day you might just need someone to check on you and nobody will bother because you are mardy and can't be bothered to get off your arse and answer your door.

You think it's ok that a manager from your workplace turns up in your home?
Capitalism gone mad!