To object to my manager arriving at my house

[HerveLeger]

My line manager turned up at my house at 14:00 today. Rang the doorbell - I didn’t answer because I wasn’t expecting a delivery. I live in the middle of nowhere, I don’t get random callers. I don’t lock my back door. Next thing I know, my manager is in my house. “Just checking”. Apparently I sounded a bit weird in the team meeting this morning. Which is odd, as I didn’t actually speak in the team meeting. Am I BUR to find this completely inappropriate? She is a lovely person and I have had some mental health issues in the past. For which she has been very supportive. But this was one day - half a day, when I wasn’t present at work. She let herself in.. next thing I knew, she was in my sitting room. It was a bit scary :(

What????? She walked into your home uninvited. Intruder!!! Hell noooooo!

Do you work in the civil service OP? Line managers have a duty of care towards their staff and home visits are usually scheduled when the person doesn't call in sick and doesn't make contact within the first few hours of the working day. I remember my line manager feeling extremely frustrated on a very busy day when she HAD to drive 35mins to our colleague's house because he didn't answer the calls made to him until 10am. We all know he gets drunk on nights out, and he mentioned the day before that he's celebrating his girlfriend's birthday! LM went and eventually found out that he overslept after a hangover. I felt sorry for her as she had a packed day with a visit from the people high up and wasting 2 hours going to someone's house isn't what anyone on that day would wish for.

Please can people stop saying to call the police if concerned. Mental health services are fighting to get police to attend to help section someone the clinical team think is a danger to other people or at documented risk of self harm.

If police are struggling to help get someone admitted, the boss ringing because Jane's a bit off and not answering calls...

This is fully overstepping the mark. What the actual fuck.

So you have told her about your mental health issues

She thinks you are acting ‘abit off’ or ‘quiet’

She is so concerned she came round,
Rang your doorbell and you didnt answer , the door was unlocked, so she let herself in

She was worried about you and maybe thought you had hurt yourself

I personally think you are lucky to have a manger like that

If a member of staff at my work was uncontactable and there was genuine reason for concern then I would go round and check up on them, to the point of trying doors etc if there was signs of them being home and not responsive.

I'd much rather be slightly embarrassed about getting it wrong than somene needing help and not getting it, and I would expect that in the real world - away from the slightly crazy mumsnet types who refuse to answer the door or the phone if they don't have 2 weeks written notice - most people would do the same.

Your manager doesn't have the initials NP, does she? If she does, please PM me. Its weird and intrusive. I know others have said this, but it isn't weird in the slightest not to answer the door if you are not expecting anyone. Why would you?

Uncontactable for less than 8 hours and you'd go to their home and walk into said home uninvited and without permission? Really?

It is completely inappropriate and if you hadn't been on the teams meeting or not answered calls then fair enough, check in on the welfare of your staff. But seeing as you presented yourself in the meeting, if she had worries she should have checked in by facetime or phone. When I worked for the test and trace service in operations 2020-21, we were told to instruct our new starters that if they failed to keep up with goals or were late to shifts regularly that we could just 'drop by' as your office space is essentially ours whilst you work for us. I personally found that entirely inappropriate and it was one of many reasons why I left but companies really are doing that!

as someone who’s lost a family member to suicide, I can see why she decided to over step the mark here.
it seems like she had genuine concern for your safety albeit a weird experience for you, at least she was looking out for you.
perhaps she’s lost someone to suicide too, and decided it was worth it.
I would definitely speak with her, reassure her and be honest about how it made you feel.

Reading between the lines, this sounds to me like a welfare check because you appeared to be absent from work without explanation and you’ve had mental health issues in the past which I assume were significant enough for your manager to be concerned for your safety.

She shouldn’t have turned up and let herself in. There are other ways of doing a welfare check - via an HR rep who has access to your details, via an emergency contact such as next of kin, or in extreme cases via the police. (My DP had to get welfare checks on someone he used to manage - a number of times. They had a mental health condition and on more than one occasion those welfare checks resulted in them being taken to hospital.)

she was worried about you...sensed smething wrong....told you that....so unless she has done this before, is more than once seemingly over stepping her place....I would consider your mentioned mental health problem just might be affecting your thinking...If someone came over because they were worried about me...I'd be feeling blessed, lucky

For me it depends on your working relationship.

I've always worked in small businesses where everyone cared about their workmates. It wouldn't have been out of the ordinary for someone to check in on you like this if they were worried for some reason.

While it may feel really weird I do think it sounds like they were genuine so feel you are pretty lucky to have people around you who care enough to check in on you like this.

I’m sure my work have NOK details - wouldn’t the appropriate action be to contact them? That person who is likely to be an actual family member can then decide the next course of action.

I understand not everyone has NOK though.

I don’t understand why she didn’t call in the first instance to check if everything was Ok.

Going to - and then into - your house is probably going to exacerbate any mental health issues.

Need a bit more information about your past difficulties.

I remember reading about a Sky (I think) news presenter who was diabetic. Went to bed fine the night before his early morning shift, and awoke to an ambulance crew in his bedroom bringing him round. His blood sugar had crashed in the night, and he didn't wake for the alarm going off. When he didn't turn up at work and his employers couldn't reach him, they sent round the police to do a welfare check. Which was just as well for him, in the circumstances.

A bit different to what you describe. But it does sound like a welfare check/duty of care issue, albeit clumsily executed.

There is a lot more to this than OP is telling. She is looking to garner sympathy without giving full details.

I feel sorry for her manager as having to traipse off to the middle of nowhere to check on OP must have been bloody inconvenient. And OP, not answering a door bell/ checking who it is, especially if you live remotely is weird.

I know others have said this, but it isn't weird in the slightest not to answer the door if you are not expecting anyone. Why would you?

Because someone is knocking on your door for a reason? I don't live in the UK, and find this not answering the door very, very odd. I've answered mine twice recently - one was a neighbour looking for the owner of a dead cat on the footpath, the other a neighbour wanting to borrow and extension cord if I had one. Why on earth would I not answer the door?

My work does well-being checks but that's if you're uncontactable when you should be at work, it's security who go usually but I realise not every company has this

i changed my mind...we need to stop caring for others, heck don't even call just figure out how many hours or days before you just fire their ass.... in the hospital in a comma, not their problem....oh sorry extended health insurance was cancelled the day after you were late.........Just joking to make a point as you care, drop in to check and HR fires you because the employee is pissed....yea

7 pages and the OP hasn't been back.....

Maybe one of us should go and knock on her door 😂

It possibly sounds like she panicked and just came to see if you were OK. Good intentions. Is she an experienced line manager? Had she tried calling you first prior to letting herself in?

Personal question but had you attempted suicide in the past?

If someone didn't answer the front door to me and I was genuinely worried and the backdoor was open I'd have let myself in calling your name but I'd do that to my family and friends, not colleagues.

Did you she call your name when she opened the door? My DH works really long anti social shifts so I'm alone alot at home, after dark I don't answer the front door to anyone I don't know. I look out the window....

Don't be annoyed. Life's too short. Nice gesture but tell her you didn't appreciate it.

Which is more likely?

a. She was worried about you and took time out of her day and went out of her way to do a welfare check.

b. She decided that, in the middle of the day, she fancied going and having a nosey round your house.

She let herself in.. next thing I knew, she was in my sitting room. It was a bit scary :(

FGS Lock your door! You’re lucky that it was your boss.