To be annoyed my friends are old before their time!

[Springchicken03]

37F here, and this is something that’s really getting my goat lately.

A few of my friends (some in particular) are moaning that they’re ‘old’ - for example ‘couldn’t wait to get home for a cuppa by 8pm, I’m so old!’ Or ‘Mum on the school run is 26, I’m so old!’ Etc etc. It is every time we speak and it’s wearing me down.

AIBU to think that the only thing that makes you old is when you start droaning on about it?

People should do what they want with their evenings it’s not like I’m out clubbing or pubbing either but we are in our thirties for
goodness sake, not eighties!

Sorry. I’m 10 years younger than you but I’m the same 🤣

I like to get home by 8 for a cuppa...but we day drink! We go out at least 6 times a month but watching Netflix by 8

It's not whether you're home by 6 with a cuppa in your pjs that bothers me as everyone should do what's right for them.

It's the constant stating that they are 'old' in every conversation. 'I'm so old. I did x but it was too loud because I'm so old...' that sort of thing?

There are certain times in your life that are a bit of a watershed moment where you decide (or at least temporarily think you do) that certain things are in the past for you and as a result feel 'old'. I'm 53 now and have had several of these. Starting a proper job, getting a house, having young children, having adult children, turning 50. Unless you're at the start of adulthood, you will always have a younger generation behind you, taking on the things you were doing 5 minutes ago and making you feel old. I think when people constantly comment on their age they're probably feeling this and it smarts a bit. Generally it's temporary. You adjust to 'moving up a year' and no longer feel the need to keep referring to it.

It's a phase. There's this moment, often when life is at its most full on - you're busy at work, young kids, money is probably tight etc - and you do just feel old.

And then, miraculously, it seems to go away. I remember boggling that DD's BF's mum could be my daughter (just) and it made me feel old. Now, I just see her as one of the mums and thoroughly enjoy a drink with her when we get the chance. I honestly haven't had a "I feel old" moment for ages. But then, I'm also a LOT less tired and a lot more settled now - I feel more in control of my life, my finances, my relationships etc. But there was a time there when my god, that wasn't true!

I think also, to add to what I said above, I think there's a period where you feel like you should be doing certain things, but you just don't want to. And that makes you feel old. And then one day you either realise you just don't need to do those things or that actually, you do want to do them again, and the feeling of being old retreats again. I wanted to want to go out and have a good time. But I was just so tired and a bit depressed and overwhelmed all the time that I didn't want to. And that made me feel old and pathetic. Now, I either go out and party if I want, or I am completely comfortable with choosing to stay home.

They're saying it to be humorous.
Do you always take things literally?

It's a case of being proportionate. 😉I'm 70, too old for some things eg clubbing. Most things I'm not too old for! I do think you have to look after yourself though. Keep control of your weight, don't smoke etc.

I have been a bit like this since my birthday in April, I think because I am now the age my mum was when she dies I am struggling with feeling old!

I went raving at the weekend to snap myself out of it :)

My partner and I are, in a perfect evening, tucked up in bed with a mint tea, nice book, and lights out with eye masks on and vitamins taken by 10pm. We look ridiculous, and laugh about our 'high rolling' life. We aren't old (mentally!) but we are comfy. I think something just clicks in your head in your 30s or 40s, when you realise that not only are you out of touch with the yoof, you're quite happy to be.

Going out in the evening to pubs is my idea of hell these days. The noise and shouting does my head in - not just 'young people', either. Maybe it's a post-pandemic British thing, but most of the pubs I've been to in the evening in the past few months have been rammed with loud, sweary arseholes who seem hell-bent on getting pissed as fast as possible. This includes 'nice' pubs in otherwise lovely villages.

Why is it wearing you down? Are you scared that there might be a grain of truth in it and you don't like it?

All that "Oh, I'm so old" actually strikes me as quite a young person thing to say, when staying in, not being the youngest etc is an exciting novelty.

Agree it’s more often than not just a throwaway ‘bonding’ kind of chit chat, and usually indicative of someone’s life stage/energy levels rather than their physical age.

I came out with stuff like this all the time when I was in my 30s bc I was juggling work, kids and epic levels of sleep deprivation, and felt constantly exhausted. But in my mid-40s it all calmed down, I got super fit, partied all the time and felt like a bloody Viking. Numbers have little to do with it unless you have age-related health issues.

You’re lucky to feel fit and well, but if other people’s self perceptions get on your wick just say, ‘blimey, poor you, I don’t feel old at all’ every single time they mention it. They’ll soon get the message.

Surely it's just because when you were a teen/20 year old ou assumed that's what "old" people were doing.

I'm 31, love to crochet and do other hobbies so.e might consider "old", some of my friends have commented on what an "old lady" I am. I don't consider myself old

And yes, 100% agree with this! You hear a lot less of it when your friends are in their 50s and 60s - age is a rarely mentioned subject, certainly in terms of it being incapacitating in any way.

I did think about this but no it isn't that. I'm not in my 20's anymore and that's ok, but it's every conversation. It just comes across as miserable and a downer, it's a bit boring I guess. I just think you're a long time dead and to go on from your thirties how you're past it is a bit much!

Why does it bother you so much? Not being arsey, a genuine question.

They're expressing that they're doing something that makes them feel old before their time (maybe because they're raising children and it's exhausting, maybe because the last couple of years has absolutely drained their ability to socialise like they did before, whatever), and they're not super happy about it/are aware it's maybe not what is 'expected' of them.

They're not saying you're old, they're not asking you to do anything, they're either making conversation or they're perhaps looking for reassurance that it's normal/okay to be knackered and not be up for socialising and not feel youthful anymore.

Seems odd to me that that would bother you so much!

I think it's funny once, not every conversation, but maybe I have a crap SOH! 😂

Yes, I hate it when people start going on about being "old" from being in their 20s or even younger. No, you aren't old, you are just an adult and there is a huge swathe of time when you are in the middle without either being young or old. You don't just go from young to old overnight.

It's the repetitiveness of it. Thinking about it now I think I just find it a bit boring and miserable!

I felt old in my thirties and early forties. The years with teens were hard. They were perfectly normal teens but the constant eating everything in sight, wanting lifts everywhere, slamming doors ,GCSEs, A levels , Uni angst were very draining. I started to feel young again when my youngest left for Uni. They are late 20s now and I feel reborn really. We can go where we want, when we want. I can unpack the food shopping without it being raided as I do it.We have far more disposable income and privacy to be a couple rather than parents. They invite us to stay and we get to do lots of things with our new grandson who is 10 minutes away. I didn't ever want to do clubbing but other things ( cinema, meals , things with friends, going to London) have all come back now the chdren are happily settled in their own lives. It's a phase Op. Your time of feeling old will come and then pass ,before you really are old.

It'll pass, it's an age thing. When they are really old, they'll stop.

Yanbu op! I know exactly what you mean.
My sister can be a little like this for example if I mention I've been on a night out and she's all 'oh I couldn't think of anything worse' she's happiest with her jigsaws, a hot chocolate and rom com.

Makes me want to jump on the table and do shots of flaming sambucas in defiance.

Nothing wrong about liking cosy nights in but I've noticed people as we get older can be quite derisive about others still enjoying nights out/pubs/festivals now we're in our late 30s and parents.
I'm going on a city night out with friends in 2 weeks time and I've booked a spray tan, bought a mini dress, getting my make up done and booked cocktails for happy hour and I can't wait

I know exactly how you feel OP! I'm in my early 40s, don't look or feel particularly old and I'm dying to go out out now the kids are a little bit older and sleep through. But when I go with my friends they are all moaning on about the menopause and how bars are too noisy, and want to go home at about 10pm.